B2 Chapter 32: Sacrifice

1.21

Shiver stood before Marta and Pov in the very same room she had abandoned them.

The decision she made on the day she had reunited with them in the Dreadwood. Leaving them in the night while they slept, to descend through Trepidation.

Shiver’s neck craned downwards, and her gaze drilled into her feet, avoiding their eyes. Afraid of the judgement that would be written on their faces.

Disappointment, sadness, frustration – any combination of emotions entirely warranted by her actions.

There were times when she wished her Fear shade would appear before her, condemning her for her decisions with the harsh words it so often bore. She would welcome the wounds wrought by her doppelganger’s words, comforted by the truth that they echoed that others would dance around.

Shiver had been posed with a decision.

To save Icey, and to forsake her family by continuing her descent, or to reunite with them at her guide’s expense.

She was well aware of the dangers that her descent would invite. Even as a Fearshaper in Trepidation, the middling second realm of Fear, she noticed how her touches brought with them the biting cold. She remembered the way Marta, Pov and Blaze had shivered when she slept close to them. The way Caledon and Vale recoiled at the slightest contact, despite their resolve to conceal it from her.

Her thoughts returned to the day in the Archcity of Fear when she had mistaken Vale for a Fearshade after being torn away in the academy’s Terror’s frost-ridden grip. How she had lunged for Vale’s her neck, thinking her to be a foe to be felled.

Were she to descend further, she could only imagine the dangers her mere existence would bring. The promise inherent in the very first invocation she had gained when she descended, which she had not uttered since.

She had already caught a glimpse of the horrors lurking just beyond her consciousness, in the ice glades.

“I’m sorry.”

Finally, Shiver found the courage to meet their gaze.

Dread began to build at the emotion that filled their expressions.

She saw hurt present in their eyes.

How could it not be?

They had offered her their home, which she had repudiated. It was plain to see, in the tightness of their smiles. In the slight shifting of their feet, uncertain at how to respond to her. The way they took care to ensure that she didn’t notice. But, in trying to conceal it to the extent they did, they revealed their true feelings

Shiver closed her eyes, and let out a sigh as she fell deeper into her despair.

Then her breath caught as she met their gaze once more. This time, discerning something further in their expression, just beyond her grasp. 

Then Shiver watched in confusion as the tension contained in their shoulders eased, and Marta and Pov let out sighs of relief, followed by incredulous laughter.

Finally revealing what their hurt had been tempered with.

Pride.

Marta let out a vast sigh.

“You’re a piece of work, you know that, Shiv? What are we to do with you.”

Shiver stumbled back, as if her words had inflicted a physical blow.

“I’m sorr-“

“No, you silly girl. A bit of communication would have gone a long way, eh?”

Marta crossed her massive forearms and raised an eyebrow at her.

“What did you take us for? Of all the bloody elves that suffer on this Feardamned world, who do you think would know you better? You’re many things, but you are the last person who would abandon someone, Shiv.’

Shiver tore her gaze away from Marta’s, feeling the prickle of tears accumulating in her eyes. Marta’s voice lowered as the woman tightened her grip around Shiver’s shoulders.

“Especially someone who has sacrificed so much for you.”

Pov gave her a frustratingly glib smirk as he crossed his arms, covered in familiar merchant robes of dull purple.

“Come now, don’t praise her too much. You don’t seem to have a problem abandoning your responsibilities though. Could use some work in that regard.”

Marta continued onwards, heedless of Shiver’s wordless shock.

“We’re pissed at you, but not for the reason you think. Why didn’t you talk to us, Shiv?”

Shiver stumbled inelegantly over her words, struggling to justify her actions. She thought it had been the kinder choice to say nothing.

What was she to do?

Tell them, that she was choosing to abandon them the very same day she reunited with them?

“The choice speaks for itself. I didn’t… choose you. That’s all that mattered.”

She watched as Marta gently shook her head, then enveloped her into a hug. Shiver fought down a sob unsuccessfully, and desperately tried to push Marta away from her. All too aware that the lady had encircled her in her grip for a long enough duration for the cold to have sunk into her skin. She frowned as Marta brushed off her efforts to ward her away with a casual push.

Which was when Shiver noticed something strange.

Her eyes traced over Marta’s forearms, and she made out-

Scars? Had Marta been harmed?

Then Marta summoned a Phobia.

The sawblade in Marta’s grip extended down to her feet, equivalent to the length of her own elegant blade. It was a crude, surgeon’s sawblade, and its rusted surface dripped in dark blood. Its edge was chipped and jagged, in a state of utter disrepair. The perfect implement to bring forth what it so defined, with a casual caress over soft skin. The metallic scent it provoked made her recoil.

Shiver was introduced to the shape of Marta’s Fear of blood.

A Fear which had had not been present when she had last encountered her in Brimstone. She was one of the blessed few elves that had avoided awaken a Fear.

There was a name for them.

Fearless.

“Marta but… you… you were Fearless.”

Shiver stumbled backwards in a haze. She blinked repeatedly, trying to pierce through what was clearly a delirious vision. Perhaps her hallucinations were finally breaking through.

Only to watch helplessly, as Pov followed suit.

He produced a black orb that fit within his palm. It was cast from glass that lacked any imperfection, its colour obscuring everything beneath its surface. The air that surrounded it distorted, as if the orb dragged in the light around it.

She stared helplessly at them, her body beginning to shake.

“No… No you’re Fearshapers. The risk-“

“Just as you decided for yourself, we made our own decision.”

Shiver stared helplessly at them, as despair began to creep into her.

Then rage.

“This… was the Highlady’s doin-“

“No, Shiver.”

The steel in Marta’s voice put an abrupt end to her protests. In her shock, Shiver watched as Marta effortlessly retained her grip on her, betraying not the slightest pain at the effort.

“We asked the Highlady what we would need to do so that you would never be a threat to us. So that if you chose, you would be able to live with us without having anything to Fear.”

Marta’s eyes hardened, as tears ran from Shiver’s eyes. Born of a mixture of frustration and sadness, for she of all people knew the risks of the descent.

“You aren’t the only one that gets to make decisions about what to sacrifice, Shiv. The sooner you understand that, the better.”

Shiver’s words escaped in a whisper.

“You triggered a Fear for my sake.”

Marta snorted, and exchanged a smug look with Pov, even as Shiver fell further into her despair.

“She’s a little self-obsessed, eh? Does she think she’s the only one that gets to disappoint others?”

“I’d have to agree.”

Marta’s tone was harsh but kind, brooking no opposition. The same as it always was, despite all that had changed. 

“I asked the Highlady which Fear would be the most beneficial to resisting your own. She helped me awaken a Fear of blood. The power to control my own, and that of others to guard them from the effects of your Fear, Shiv.”

Pov grinned at her.

“You should have seen the look on her face when I told her about mine. A Fear of destitution is apparently, pretty terrifying for what it stands for. I’ll have no problem withstanding a bit of cold once I descend a little further.”

“But-“

Marta cut her off with a wave of her hand.

“No buts. You aren’t the only one allowed to sacrifice for us. We know what the risks are. You can self-mutilate yourself all you want, Shiver, this was our choice. Just as your choices were your own, eh?”

Shiver heard a slight gasp in the direction of the room’s entrance. They turned in unison towards it, where a pale-faced Vale was standing. Marta and Pov dismissed their Phobias. 

“The sooner you come to terms with it, the better. Come speak to us when you’re ready, I won’t stand for any arguing, eh? What say you, husband.”

Pov grinned, shooting her a wink.

“You aren’t the only Fearshaper in the family Shiver. Best get it past you that you aren’t that special anymore.”

They headed towards the entrance, pausing to regard Vale. Shiver heard a yelp as Marta pulled her into a tight embrace. Marta’s voice fell, but Shiver made them out all the same. She suspected that Marta had every intention that she did. 

“Vale. We’re so grateful that you’re well. Thank you for taking care of her. Without you… Who knows what would have happened. She can be a menace sometimes. You will always have a place with us, should you wish.”

Vale stuttered, and when Marta eventually released her from her grip, all she could do was bow in response. She spoke, when she had finally collected herself.

“You’re too kind, Miss Trobid.”

Marta let out a raucous laugh. A mischievous glint entered her eyes.

“It’s ‘Miss Trobid’ now is it? Who knew that abandoned Archcities were even more effective at building character than the dreaded trial of crabs.”

Vale coloured at her words. She pushed on, undeterred. Seemingly emboldened by what she had just witnessed. 

“If I’ve learned anything about our favourite crazy orphan-“

She paused to meet Shiver’s gaze.

“She certainly takes after her family. You’re all equally as Insane.”

Raucous laughter erupted from Marta and Pov at her words. Pov gave her a wink.

“She had to get it from somewhere. Now, don’t let us interrupt you. We’ll speak with you soon, we want to hear all about the Archcity.”

Vale and Shiver stared in unison at their retreating backs.

A single thought rang through Shiver’s mind.

They awakened as Fearshapers, embracing the perils of the descent… so they could stay with me.

Shiver sat heavily on the bed, followed shortly by Vale. The silence continued to draw on between them, until Vale finally mustered the will to break it.

“You don’t look too good.” 

“Speak for yourself, princess.”

---

Vale stared wordlessly at her friend as Shiver confirmed what she had witnessed, the sight of which had beggared belief.

Marta and Pov had awakened as Fearshapers to negate the threat that Shiver’s own Fearshaping posed. Marta had triggered a new, terrifying Fear, when she had been Fearless.

Vale watched as Shiver’s hands rubbed at her temples.

“That’s like trying to protect yourself against the cold by setting a fire inside your own house. I don’t know whether to be angry, sad or impressed.”

One of Vale’s shapely eyebrows twitched at Shiver’s sentiment.

“Finally. Now you know what it feels like. They’re just as frustrating as you. I’d say that’s pretty impressive in itself. I finally see where you get it from.”

Shiver rolled her eyes with a snort. Mirth finally entered her friend’s tone, and Vale couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief.

“I suppose it could be worse. At least neither of them awakened a Fear of Vales.”

Vale’s eyebrow twitched, and she glowered at her.

“A what now?”

“Oh you know, a Fear of stuck up ladies with luscious dark blonde hair and entrancing lavender eyes that have all the lordlings swooning. I can’t imagine anything more terrifying.”

“Shiver, I’ll instill a Fear of Vale in you if you don’t shut up.”

“Take that, you frosty delinquent! You show her Vale!”

Shiver shot a glare at Quietus, who whirled his ivory walking stick with all the petulance of a vindicated lord. She stuck a tongue out at him. As the silence returned, Vale let out a sigh.

“Shiver, it’s unfair to be upset at them. Or to blame yourself for their own decision.”

Vale leaned back, collapsing onto the bed and staring at the roof of the room, high above them and encased in small glowing flowers sprouting from vines.

“How do you think they felt, when they heard about your descent and the dangers that you put yourself through for the sake of your revenge?”

“But that was my own stupid decision. Now they’re putting themselves at risk because of me.”

“Then its their own stupid decision. Especially when they did it for you of all people. You can all be stupid together.”

Vale smiled, a look of utter contentment beaming from her expression. Only to be interrupted by a shower of frost that made her erupt into sputtering coughs.

“You made your decision, and so did they. Don’t apologise to them, Shiver.”

Then her gaze softened.

“Thank them. Then go get our favourite Popsicle back.”

A comfortable silence washed over them.

Shiver discretely wiped away the tears that threatened to run down her face.

“I saw that.”

Shiver ignored her.

“So my lady, what has you looking like you’ve seen a ghost? You seemed to be in a pretty poor state even before seeing Marta and Pov’s Feardamned Phobias.”

Shiver watched as her friend’s expression darkened, the levity on her face vanishing. She watched as Vale cast a glance towards the doorway, fear in her eyes.

“Oh you know. Just two things, really.”

“Do tell.”

“The first, was that I spoke with a Knight of the Dreadwood.”

Shiver let out a low whistle, her eyebrows raised appreciatively.

“Which one? I met three.”

Vale arched a shapely brow in exasperation.

“Is everything a competition with you?”

“So? Which one did you meet?”

Vale nodded, and her eyes flashed.

“The most terrifying one of them all.”

“I KNEW IT! The old lady was powerful. And the second thing?”

Vale winked at her friend.

Then the mirth left her expression, and her face fell. 

“One thing at a time.”