A Message From Eugene

One of the things for me is that I am agender but I present myself as pretty femme, and it's a bit irritating that non-binary characters in fiction tend to have a certain kind of skinny, masculine-leaning appearance and fashion sense. And many "gender-neutral" and non-binary clothing lines and adverts are both blandly unappealing, and inspired by the same kind of skinny, masc-leaning style. Body and size positivity are really lacking in media portrayals and commercial fashion for non-binary folks.

Tessara Dudley

I am agender, and I am comfortable answering to any pronouns except 'it.' This has been a confusing concept for some, who experience a weird kind of indecision and discomfort having to decide what pronouns to use for me, which is a kind of a bummer, but I'm used to it. I am afab, and I felt profoundly uncomfortable in my body until I was able to access HRT. I no longer take injections, but there were permanent physical changes that resulted from it, and I felt infinitely happier and more settled in my agender/non-binary identity after those changes happened.

Tessara Dudley

i’m genderfluid (she/they) and would love if you could talk about people who use multiple pronouns!! a lot of times, people don’t know what it means when i say i use she/they pronouns and are too afraid to ask. another thing that’s worth bringing up, pronouns in bios on social media. lots of cis people have been doing this lately which is great, but sometimes trans and nb/gnc people can’t put their pronouns in their bios for safety reasons. they might be out in their social lives, but not at work or at home. not having my pronouns in my bio doesn’t make me any less genderfluid!! last thing, i’ll just explain what being genderfluid means to me!! i don’t “feel” like i relate to any one gender. there are times my lived experience aligns with those of other women, there are times my lived experience aligns with those of trans people. most of the time, gender feels like a social performance that i’m putting on, it’s not an authentic representation of my ~inner self~. i put on my gender mask in certain situations to fit in, keep myself safe, or relate to others socially, but when i’m by myself it doesn’t feel like a part of who i am. thanks for your thoughtful approaches to these complex topics, y’all! 💙❤️💚💜

Hello! I am an East Asian non binary person (Afab, propounds he/they) and though I lean towards a more masculine vibe I do still enjoy wearing makeup and I will sometimes wear more feminine aligned clothing. Because of the I guess lack of knowledge of non binary in my culture when I do wear more feminine things my family assumes that I am back to “being a woman” and I feel a bit of imposter syndrome. Do you have any tips or insight in navigating your own fashion identity when it clashes with your culture? (Also unrelated but isn’t it weird how people say that neo pronouns/different pronouns are not valid because people “don’t get their own nouns” but like. people already have their own nouns which are their names?)

I (she/her) have always had a weird relationship with gender as a black afab lesbian. I feel like Lesbian is the best way I can describe my gender. Its as if gender only exists to me in the context of other women. If I existed alone in a room I don’t think gender would be something I knew existed. Furthermore, my lived experience as a black woman feels like I exist in a space even more separate from traditional gender binary. If I’m with other queer people of color and they call me a woman, I think to myself “yes you understand, we are all on the same page” but when I’m out and about and straight people call me a woman or girl, I don’t think we are talking about the same thing. So much of gender is based on this binary of man/woman, but in my little lesbian brain, men kind of don’t exist? Like I have men in my life who I love, but its like I don’t see them as “Men” unless I remind myself. In my mind they are my friends, flatmates, colleagues, family, teachers. I think maybe “Men” just don’t come naturally to me. My internal ideas of gender feel so skewed, it’s hard to understand myself. Ever since I was little I’ve thought to myself “My god i wish i was a girl!” Because I never felt like I was doing “girl” properly and I couldn’t figure out what I was doing, thinking, or being, that seemed to make me so different. I’m curious, mainly about Eugene but honestly all of you, how you understand/feel/live gender as a concept, and Eugene as a gay man how your understandings of gender might be different? Excited for the video! -Hannah (If you’d like to talk or get in touch my insta is h_ayodele) ((not to get sappy but Eugene, I’ve watched your coming out video a billion times. You make me feel brave <3))

I (she/her) moved in with a friend from study abroad and some of their buddies from college who I'd gone to visit. In college all were cis, though out as bisexual (as am I), but now identify as non-binary. When I first moved in I would goof up their pronouns occasionally, and I felt bad. At first I'd make a big deal about messing it up, and they kept telling me it's nbd. Obviously respecting someone's gender identity is very important, but I understood a low-key vibe would be better for the situation. What I landed on was any time I would goof pronouns, I would give them a dollar. Keep the conversation going, just find my wallet and hand them a dollar. A small gesture to show I am sorry without harshing the vibe. About a month later there were no more goofs and they all started to miss the dollars :) Excited to hear what you all discuss!

Olivia Bryce

What does gender feel like? If anything? (I'm an afab, agender person who wants to hear from more people about their inner experience with gender; not just association with what we assign gender to. I'm explaining myself because I realize that this is a weird question.)

My daughter is bi sexual and my mother is so very old fashioned… my daughter is shy and scared and says she will never tell her and will always hide it but I hate that my mother doesn’t truly know her youngest grandchild who she loves so much. Guys please give me your insight on how to approach my daughter to encourage her to tell my mother. I’ve raised my kids to love all and be themselves and i don’t want my daughter feeling shame over who she is. I am so proud of her.

I’ve just moved to a very conservative country, what can I do for my mental health when people don’t use my pronouns?

Lauren M

I'm an AFAB non-binary person (came out at 34, but have known since high school). I know I'm repeating, but I desperately would love to have the Ru Paul controversy addressed for our community. I'm not trying to be ugly I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH but you did segments on JK Rowling and did fundraisers for what she said, pulled a guest from a video because of his controversial views (ice bath challenge), but we still glorify Ru Paul on this channel. Please please please can we talk about why?

Shea Dye

Okay. I am an AFAB enby person who has a little known gender identity and I go by they/them pronouns, but I'll accept he/him as well. I very often just say I accept he/hims because people just don't understand the singular they (I live in an EXTREMELY conservative town) and I'm sorta at the point where I feel like I'm getting too old to spend all my time correcting people of my pronouns. Like when I was 20, 21, I was super corrective, but now I feel like there's no point, and I feel like there are bigger fish to fry so to speak; so I guess my question is how do you recommend standing up for yourself in regards to your pronouns in a way that serves it with a little bit of honey?

Alex Wood

In celebration of pride I’m writing this here instead of sending it to imdrunk@tryguys.com Question recently on my mind while adulting as genderfluid: I just transferred with my job to a new location, new state, never met any of my new coworkers before. I introduced myself as genderfluid/non-binary and that I go by any pronouns. At my last location, different people used she, they, or he when referring to me. Here, /everyone/ is using she. All the time. I’ve recently found myself vibing more towards using they/them for myself, and at the same time not /really/ caring enough to crave any coming out party with these new co-workers lol. Being genderfluid, I know (about myself) I might use different pronouns for myself in a year. I know, my life experience under the non binary umbrella makes me use gender neutral pronouns more often, especially when describing people I don’t know well or haven’t been introduced to. And I know that’s different for everyone. TL;DR: how much should I care about how other people are experiencing my identity as a non-binary person? ps: weirdly enough, I just moved from a very conservative part of the county to a very liberal part of the country.