SAD BUNNY STUCK IN CLOUD PRISON. WHY IS NO ONE BRINGING HER BISCUITS?

SCENE: THE OBSERVATION CHAMBER - THIRD HEAVEN

A sterile, glowing dome of glass and silence. Choir tones hum faintly in the background, slightly off-key. A single crystal panel displays real-time activity from the Earth plane below.

GABRIEL
(arms crossed, brows slightly knit)
It appears... she has rerouted the cloud distribution system to form the shape of a cat.

MICHAEL
(glancing up, sipping celestial espresso with utter smuggery)
A what?

GABRIEL
A cat. A feline. With a hat. Spinning. Over Vatican airspace.

(pause)

With a tail comprised entirely of rainbows and,
(sighs)
unlicensed sparkles.

MICHAEL
(snorts)
Creative. I’ll give her that.

(glances back at the panel)
Did we... lock her out of that system?

GABRIEL
We locked her out of all systems. She appears to have invented a workaround using the harp interface, the bakery portal grid, and what I believe is a repurposed karaoke rune.

MICHAEL
(takes a slow sip)
Brilliant little menace.

(pause)

Still grounded though.

GABRIEL
(observing another flicker on the display)
She’s now using Divine Infrastructure Codes to send automated messages to Archangelic servers.

(the screen pings)

Subject line: "SAD BUNNY STUCK IN CLOUD PRISON. WHY IS NO ONE BRINGING HER BISCUITS?"

MICHAEL
(reads aloud, biting back a grin)
“P.S. I am too fluffy for this emotional cruelty.”

(shrugs)
I mean, if anything, that just proves the system works. She’s redirecting her chaos internally now.

GABRIEL
(flatly)
She just short-circuited the Celestial Attendance Register by entering “✨Princess of the Void✨” as her title.

MICHAEL
Look. She’s expressive. We encouraged self-actualisation at that seminar.

GABRIEL
(quietly)
She sang an off-key ballad into the Sacred Horn of Ages.

MICHAEL
(snickers)
What song?

GABRIEL
"A Thousand Miles" by Vanessa Carlton.

MICHAEL
...Okay, I might have underestimated her devotion to melodrama.

GABRIEL
I am beginning to suspect that containment has not... yielded the intended disciplinary results.

MICHAEL
(chuckling smugly)
You think?

GABRIEL
She has not only broken the laws of divine order. She has rewritten them in crayon.

MICHAEL
(muttering into his cup)
Should’ve let her join the bloody choir.

GABRIEL
Pardon?

MICHAEL
Nothing. Just, hypothetically speaking, do you think it’s possible we... may have escalated things?

GABRIEL
Our position remains procedurally sound.

MICHAEL
Right.
And yet.
There’s a glitter bomb now embedded in the Wall of Prophecy.

GABRIEL
(voice lowering)
And the choir’s harmonics have shifted.
There’s... warmth. Humour.

MICHAEL
(disgusted)
Ugh. Feelings.

GABRIEL
Yes. I find it deeply disturbing.

(A loud crack of flame and brimstone splits the air behind them. The chamber darkens by instinct. The temperature drops, then spikes with heat.)

LUCIFER
(enters stage left, slow clap echoing)
Well well well.
If it isn’t Heaven’s most aggressively repressed council meeting.

(bows mockingly)
Gabriel. Michael.
Nice cloud prison you built. Very avant-garde.
Though I must say... you really shouldn’t have locked my sister in it.

MICHAEL
(flatly)
You’re trespassing.

LUCIFER
(grinning)
Oh, darling. You locked her up. Not me.

(pauses. steps closer)
I’m here...
to burn the fucking door down.

GABRIEL
This is not your jurisdiction.

LUCIFER
Mate.
You made it mine the second you made her cry.

MICHAEL
(smirking)
She broke protocol.

LUCIFER
(snarling)
You broke her.

GABRIEL
There is no evidence of—

LUCIFER
(shouting)
THERE’S A FUCKING CAT SPINNING OVER THE VATICAN, GABRIEL.
SHE’S SCREAMING FOR HELP IN BISCUITS AND RAINBOWS.
AND YOU TWO? YOU’RE SITTING HERE DEBATING PAPERWORK LIKE SOME COSMIC FUCKING HR TEAM.

(silence)

MICHAEL
(sips espresso slowly)
I stand by the paperwork.

LUCIFER
(smirks, flames dancing along his fingertips)
Good. Hold onto it.
You’ll want something to read.
While you’re recovering.

(lights flicker)

LUCIFER
Now.
Let’s talk about Peaches.

BLACKOUT

NOTE: OH FUCK......is this turning into fanfic?

Also, Michael has serious middle management energy.