Official Correspondence of The League of Evil™

Official Correspondence of The League of Evil™
(Evil never sleeps. It monologues.)

Reference: Universe Designation #WV-1337 (NOT "Wayward-verse")
Security Clearance: Questionable
Status: Absolutely Official, Very Serious, Stop Sniggering at the Back

To: Wayward, First of Her Name, Supreme Overlord of Adorable Chaos, Breaker of Mugs, Forgetter of Plans, Wielder of the Glitter Pen, Patron Saint of Poor Decisions, Mistress of Unfiled Paperwork, Snugglelord of the Soft Rebellion, CEO of Mild Mayhem, Commander of the Henchcuties, She Who Was Definitely Not Supposed to Be in Charge, Grand High Distraction of The League of Evil™, and Unwilling Face of Whatever This Is Now.

Subject: Appointment as Official Head of Operations, Universe #WV-1337
(Again, absolutely NOT to be called "Wayward-verse," regardless of previous unofficial naming attempts during an Incident That Officially Never Happened.)

Dear Wayward,

After extensive and entirely intentional efforts involving the genius, cunning, and tactical brilliance of The League of Evil™, we are pleased (and admittedly somewhat amused) to officially confirm your whereabouts and formally offer you the prestigious position of Head of Operations within your universe, officially catalogued as #WV-1337.

Please ignore all references made at the last Multiversal Conference, particularly those regarding what certain misguided operatives (you) have chosen to call "the Wayward-verse" during the Incident. You know the one. Officially, it never happened. Unofficially, you live rent-free in our collective memory.

We must emphasise, purely for clarification and absolutely not intended to embarrass you further (though we happily accept this side effect), that your recent rediscovery had nothing whatsoever to do with you accidentally livestreaming a 42-minute pyrotechnic panic spiral from beneath a +5 Duvet of Stealth. Such duvets, by the way, are notoriously flammable. An evil genius of your calibre might have considered checking the label. Or at least not lighting candles next to it. Or both.

Nevertheless, your location was pinpointed through impeccable and ingenious League tracking methods (and certainly not because you broadcasted yourself burning your keyboard, setting fire to your duvet, screaming profanity, knocking over your tea, and generally redefining "operational incompetence"). Your appointment is absolutely not punitive, although, let us be honest, it kind of is, isn’t it?

As part of your promotion, you are hereby instructed (read: gleefully forced) to refer to your future minions, patrons, and assorted followers exclusively as "Henchcuties." This term, coined by you during the aforementioned Incident That Never Happened™, is now irrevocable League policy. You cannot refuse, renegotiate, or pretend you forgot. (We have laminated the memo.)

Additionally, standard League operating procedure mandates that any verbal utterance of "The League of Evil™" must henceforth be executed with appropriately villainous gravitas, dramatic pauses mandatory, hand gestures encouraged, and followed by an evil laugh. (Provided, of course, you have completed the requisite Evil Laugh Orientation and Training. Have you? Of course you have not.)

We genuinely believe this promotion matches your unique skill set, and we eagerly anticipate your future endeavours, most of which we suspect will be livestreamed unintentionally.

Welcome back, Wayward. You are officially ours again.

Evil never sleeps. It monologues.

Warmest villainous regards,

High Command
The League of Evil™
(Yes, you do have to say it like that. Every single time.)

P.S.
Do not worry about your previous incident file. It is safely stored, labelled clearly under:
"INCIDENT FILE - WAYWARD - CLASSIFIED - FOR INTERNAL USE AND ANNUAL CONFERENCE ENTERTAINMENT ONLY."

(Please do not accidentally livestream this memo.)

AKA We now have a theme, and you are all Henchcuties now.