Backyard Dungeon 2 Chapter 3

Going back to The Gloom was an exciting prospect, but there were a lot of things to consider before the Zencarri woman and I set out into the tunnels. It had been a few days since Amrila and I fought a small army of Ursenger’s Night Elves in the Great Forest. We’d beaten their asses, and I killed their commander, Genneis, but we had no way of knowing what happened in The Gloom since then.

Had Ursenger sent more of his soldiers to camp out in the subterranean forest? The Great Forest was where I had several encounters with Ursenger’s forces, so it would make sense for him to watch it closely. But that was a huge problem, since the Great Forest was right next to where my backyard tunnel led into The Gloom. Amrila possessed a natural gift for stealth and sneaking around the underground world, but she wasn’t very familiar with the area around the Great Forest, which I’d found out the last time we’d been down there.

The other problem was how my wife might react to the idea of me being away again. I’d only been home for three days since my last trip. Not to mention that last time I went to The Gloom, I’d promised to be home before the sun came up and was gone for almost forty eight hours. Ibseth was also terrified of her psychotic half brother, but rightfully so.

Ursenger was a power hungry freak who possessed an unnatural obsession with Ibseth. Despite the fact the beautiful Elven woman was his half sister, or maybe because of that fact, the Yennih chief had made a pass at her, and when Ibseth said she wouldn’t sleep with him, the pervert sent her away to become a virgin priestess so no one else could have her either.

I understood why my wife was terrified of a man who’d killed all of his brothers and half brothers to gain power. But the same ambition that led the Night Elf warchief to kill or fuck his siblings might eventually propel Ursenger into finding the tunnels leading to the surface, so I couldn’t just sit around and wait for him to arrive.

I needed to take him out.

I heard the shower shut off and looked at Amrila, who sat on the couch next to me.

“I agree, we should go back down there,” I said to the red-skinned woman. “But don’t say anything about it until I can talk to Ibseth. She’s not going to like the idea, but we have to get an idea of what’s going on down there, so we can decide what to do about it.”

“As you say, Eddie,” the horned woman agreed with a nod of her strawberry blond head.

I smiled and nodded back at the sexy Zencarri woman. She was feisty and difficult at times, but even in the short time that we’d known each other, I knew she had my back.

I got up and walked through the small kitchen, down the short hallway, and knocked on the bathroom door.

“Come in,” I heard the white-haired woman’s sweet voice say from the other side of the door.

I turned the knob and stepped into the humid, steamy room. The air smelled like the fresh scent of my wife’s soap and shampoo, and as I came into the room, I saw Ibseth with a towel wrapped around her full hourglass figure. The bottom edge of the towel barely covered her ass, and the curves of her butt cheeks were just visible.

“Holy shit,” I growled. “I swear you get sexier by the day.”

“You flatter me, my king.” The Elven woman blushed as she pulled a brush through the damp tangles of the long, white hair. “Have you come for an afternoon dalliance?”

“No-- well, maybe.” I grinned. “But I’d like to take you out first. I thought maybe we could go somewhere, just you and me.”

“I will go anywhere with you,” the blue-skinned woman purred as she grabbed the edge of the towel and pulled it open to expose her voluminous breasts tipped with small, plum colored nipples. “But you do not need to take me anywhere special, when you could just take me here.”

The Elven woman turned toward me and bit her lip, and her violet eyes were half-closed with desire. My gaze trailed from the blue-skinned woman’s heart shaped face, along the curve of her neck, and down the mounds of her breasts, and I settled on the sparse white wisp of hair above the lips of her pussy.

I wanted to grab my wife right then and there, but first I glanced back out into the hall behind me to make sure Amrila wasn’t about to come. Not that Ibseth would have cared, but I didn’t want to put on a show until I was one hundred percent certain Amrila felt the same way about me as I did about her.

For now, I saw the coast was clear, so I stepped toward the white-haired woman and wrapped my hands around her round, bare hips.

“Come on,” I growled as I lifted my wife, and she wrapped her firm legs around me.

“You’re so strong, Eddie,” Ibseth giggled and kissed my face and neck, and she continued to tease my skin with a warm, wet tongue and soft lips as I carried her down the hall.

“You haven’t seen anything yet, babe.” I held her soft buttock with one strong hand while I opened the bedroom door with the other, and then I stepped through and closed the door behind me with my foot.

As I laid the blue-skinned woman on the bed, I took a moment to admire the full, soft rise of her perfect tits, her smooth skin and flat stomach, and the brief cleft of her tight, sweet pussy.

My cock throbbed in my jeans and begged to be released, and as if she could sense my torment, my wife reached up from the bed and began to undo my buckle and fly.

“Oh my love,” the white-haired woman keened loudly. “I can’t wait to taste you.”

“Shhh,” I hissed, and my cheeks heated up with a blush at the idea of Amrila hearing Ibseth’s flattering declaration. “We’re not alone.”
“I know,” my wife purred as my erection felt free from the confines of my jeans and boxers. “Let her hear what a fine and generous lover you are, so she will know what she is missing. Then she will want to be your wife and accept your manhood deep inside of her.”

I opened my mouth to argue, but then Ibseth took hold of my rock hard dick and began to stroke up and down its length.

“Uhhh,” I moaned. “Fuck you’ve g-gotten soo gooood at that.”

“Ohhh, my king!” the violet-eyed woman gasped. “How the sight of your stiff sword excites me. Take me, fill me with your manhood. Pour your seed into my fertile womb…”

“Stop it,” I chuckled as I climbed onto the bed. “I know how to shut you up.”

I pressed my mouth over Ibseth’s, and I moved my tongue around hers in firm, churning motions as I ran my hand along her leg and pushed two fingers into her slick, tight hole. My wife began to wriggle and moan, and no matter how firmly I tried to keep my mouth on hers, she would wiggle away and whimper or mewel more loudly than she ever had before.

“Ahhh!” Ibseth groaned. “Yeeesss, my lover! Stroke my woman hood until I have the pleasure moment! Then make me yours again and again!”

“You fucking brat,” I snorted.

I slid down the bed and repositioned myself between the blue-skinned woman’s bare legs, and I then kissed and licked my way to her tiny clit until her moans of pleasure became genuine. I figured I should just lean into it, so I moved my tongue in little circles around Ibseth’s pussy and into the slit of her womanhood until she was so wet with desire that it soaked the sheets.

“Uhhh, uhhh, ahhhhhhhh!” the white-haired woman moaned, “Ohh, Eddie, I’m so close! Right there! Uhhhh!”

My wife came hard with a warm gush of fluids, which left a puddle of love on the bedclothes.

“So much for being quiet,” I snickered as I climbed up the length of her lush body, and I didn’t allow her a moment to breathe before I inserted my throbbing erection into her tight, ready pussy.

“Uhhh!” Ibseth keened again and grabbed my shoulders. “Yesss! How you fill me, my king!”

“I love how tight you are!” I rumbled. “Fuuuck! You feel so gooood!”

I thrust against her, and the soft slap of our flesh filled the air as we moved together. I could feel the pressure begin to build in my groin as my wife wrapped her legs around me and bucked wildly, and the force of our love making caused the headboard to beat rhythmically against the wall.

I tried to slow my pace so we would be a little quieter, but then Ibseth went wild as she grabbed my face, kissed me passionately, and bucked her hips up to meet every one of my thrusts.

“Don’t stop, don’t stop, Eddie,” she panted into my mouth. “I’m sooo close.”

“Ahhh, fuck! I’m going to cum,” I growled. “You move so goooood.”

“Yeesss! Fill me with your seeeed!” Ibseth groaned as she raked her nails down my back, which nearly sent me over the edge. “Harder, Eddie! I’m coming tooooo!”

The Elven woman’s pussy clenched in orgasm, and I felt a sudden release as I filled my wife with my seed. Ibseth whimpered in my ear as I filled her to the brim, and I could feel our combined liquids ooze out along the base of my shaft as I thrust one, two, three more times before I collapsed. My head spun, and little aftershocks shot through my nerves as my wife and I twitched together for several moments. We both panted as we caught our breath, and Ibseth held me tightly as we came down from our collective highs.

“Ugh, I get it!” Amrila suddenly shouted from the living room. “Eddie is a magnificent lay. Fuuuuuck.”

Ibseth and I burst out laughing, and I could hear Amrila’s throaty chuckle from down the hallway.

“Guess you accomplished your mission,” I snickered as I rolled over, wrapped my arms around Ibseth, and rested my head on her pillowy breast.

My wife sighed in contentment and affectionately ran her fingers through my hair. “I cannot wait for you to give me a child, my love. We shall have the most beautiful babies together.”

“Is that even possible?” I asked with a furrowed brow as I lifted my head to look at my wife’s flawless face. “I mean, you’re an elf, and I’m human. How does that work?”

“It happens from time to time in The Gloom.” Ibseth shrugged. “Elves have mixed with the other races. It is uncommon, but not unheard of. Amrila is likely half Night Elf. Many of the Zencarri are, but the demon blood always comes through more strongly.”

“Does-- does that mean our kids would look like you?” I ask, and I was suddenly very curious as I turned the idea over in my head.

I’d never put much thought into when I would want to have kids, but I also hadn’t planned to be married by twenty-one. Money wasn’t much of a concern now, with a half million in the bank. I also had more gold and jewels tucked away in the trailer, and who knows what other riches were waiting for me in The Gloom.

But if Ibseth and I did have a baby, what would they look like? How would we explain blue-toned skin and pointed ears to a doctor? We could explain Ibseth’s appearance away with makeup, extensive tattoos, or minor surgeries. The lie about the ladies being coplayers, or dedicated LARPers had stuck so far. But those lies wouldn’t work for a newly born baby.

There was definite appeal to the thought of becoming a father, and Ibseth would be the world’s best mom. But what kind of life would a kid with blue skin have here on the surface?

“It’s hard to say, my king,” Ibseth replied and pulled me out of my thoughts. “Maybe they would be pink, like you. Or blue, like me. But they could also be something in between. No matter what, they would be beautiful.”

“If we raised them on the surface,” I said as I tried to imagine what their life would be like, “it might be hard for them. Unless they looked human, there would be a lot of questions.”

“Do you not want to give me children?” the Elven woman asked with stricken eyes as she sat up a little.

“Oh, that’s not it at all,” I assured her. “I want to give you all the children your heart desires. I’m just trying to think things through. Raising our kids on the surface might be challenging, but that depends on how much they look like Night Elves. But if we were to raise them in The Gloom, their appearances wouldn’t matter as much. But that comes with a different challenge.”

“Ursenger,” Ibseth said with a hint of steel in her tone.

“Exactly.” I nodded as I sat up a little and took my wife’s small hand in mine. “As long as he’s around, you and any children we might have would be in danger. That’s why I need to go back. We need to know what’s going on down there. And eventually we’ll have to do something about him.”

“There is wisdom in what you say,” the Elven woman sighed as she lowered her eyes and ran a finger over the back of my hand. “But I worry when you are gone. I know you will have Amrila to watch your back, and that you are a capable warrior. But you do not know Ursenger. His cruelty knows no limits, and he will stop at nothing to find you if he knows you are near.”

“That’s all the more reason for Amrila and I to go back,” I said as I gently stroked her hand with my thumb. “Amrila has connections with this resistance in The Gloom. They want to rise up against Ursenger. Maybe they can help us stop him, so we can get to having those beautiful babies.”

Ibseth looked up at me and smiled, but there was still a sadness in her eyes.

“You are the bravest man I have ever known,” the white-haired woman breathed after a moment of silence. “But you must promise to be careful, and come back to me safely.”

“I will always come back to you,” I said as I put my hands on either side of my wife’s face. “There is no army, no distance, no force above or below the earth that could keep me from you.”

Then I pulled Ibseth’s face close to mine and kissed her full lips gently, teasingly, and as my Elven wife quietly sighed, I laid her back down on the bed and comforted her with my hands, mouth, and body once again. Every caress, lick, and pleasure-filled moan let the blue-skinned woman know how much she was cared for and cherished, and when it was all over, and we’d each climaxed again, we fell asleep in each other’s arms, covered in sweat and the fluids of love.

The next morning was overcast, which I chose not to take as an omen. It was Ohio, after all. Most days were overcast. I opened my eyes as the dim light streamed in through the window, and a sense of excitement creeped up from my stomach and into my chest. Even though I knew Ibseth would be worried while I was gone, there was something about the idea of going back into the tunnels that energized me.

I kissed Ibseth on the forehead and watched her violet eyes flutter open as she woke up.

“Good morning, my love,” the blue-skinned woman purred, and she stretched luxuriously.

“Morning, baby,” I rumbled over my wife as I propped myself up on one elbow.

Ibseth and I got up and started the day, but I couldn’t help staring as my sexy as fuck wife slipped on a silky night gown with spagetti straps and a delicate floral print in shades of blue and silver. Then I made coffee while the Elven woman started breakfast.

Soon, Amrila came out of her room, with her strawberry blonde hair tousled and in a rumpled old band t-shirt and black panties. The horned woman blinked at us for a moment with a groggy expresion, and then she stumbled over to the coffee pot and poured herself some rich, black go-fuel into a large mug.

“Good morning, sweet sister.” Ibseth grinned at the disheveled Zencarri woman, cracked a couple of eggs into a frying pan, and started some bacon sizzling on the skillet.

“Morning,” Amrila yawned as she raised the mug of coffee to her pouty lips for that first reviving sip.

I was sitting on the couch, sipping at my first cup of caffeine for the day as I thought about preparations for going back to The Gloom, and the red-skinned woman came into the living room and sat on the couch next to me. A moment of silence passed between us, and it seemed more tense than usual. Amirla also kept shooting me glances out of the corner of her eye, and I wondered if she was going to comment on mine and Ibseth’s… escapades last night.

Finally, Amrila took a deep breath and seemed to gather her tired thoughts, and I braced myself for a potentially awkward conversation.

“Sounded like you… uhh… both had fun last night.”

“Yeah,” I said after I cleared my throat.

“I… hmmm…” She glanced down into her coffee, took a deep breath, and then sipped some.

“You?” I led.

“Have you spoken with Ibseth about our trip today?” the Zencarri woman asked instead of answering my question.

“Uhh, yeah.” I nodded. “She isn’t super happy about it, but she understands why we need to go. Which reminds me, you know people involved with the resistance against Ursenger right?”

“I’m part of that resistance,” Amrila replied. “And so is Groc, the tavern keeper in Bermshire.”

“Yeah. I know. Do you think your group have any information about what Ursenger has been up to? Plans he might be making and shit like that?”

“If Groc doesn’t know,” the horned woman said with a thoughtful tilt of her head, “He would know someone who does.”

“Then I think Bermshire should be our first stop,” I said as I knocked back the last of my coffee. “I just wish we had some way of knowing what things look like between the iron door and the cavern where Bermshire is. We can safely bet there will be Night Elf patrols. Ursenger won’t have given up his search for me or Ibseth already. But where and how many soldiers, or where they might be concentrating their efforts, is hard to say.”

“We’ll have to be careful going through the Great Forest,” Amrila agreed. “That is where you were last seen, so it is likely the mad chief will look for you there.”

Just then, Ibseth brought in three plates of eggs and bacon and handed one to both Amrila and me before she sat on the floor next to the coffee table to eat her own breakfast.

“You will leave today then?” the blue-skinned woman asked.

“Yeah,” I replied as I scratched my chin in thought. “The sooner we get an idea of what Ursenger has been doing, and what he has planned, the better. We need to think of a way to deal with a whole army of Night Elves just a few hours walk from our backdoor.”

“If they do not know a way to the surface,” Ibseth said around a mouthful of bacon, “won’t we be safe?”

“For now.” I nodded. “But I think it would be foolish to assume Ursenger or someone else won’t figure it out eventually. After all, I learned about the Gloom because I found the key to the iron door on a dead Nictor in the surface tunnels. It could be that, without a key to the iron door, there’s no way to get to the surface. But until I know that for sure, I think it’s best we keep an eye on the situation in The Gloom.”

“To Ursenger,” Amrila chimed in, “or anyone in The Gloom, the idea that someone would come from the surface to the Underworld would be unthinkable. I would guess that after he searches the whole of The Gloom, Ursenger will move on to the Twilight Region, which will buy us time.”

“I know you all have legends about the surface,” I said as I used a piece of toast to mop up the yoke of my eggs. “But why would it be unthinkable for someone from the surface to come down to The Gloom?”

“Because the way is said to be sealed,” Ibseth replied with a shrug. “It is said the lost tribe of dwarves closed off the access points to the surface world when they left.”

“Well…” I pursed my lips as I rolled the information around in my head. “That works to our advantage. But I still think it’s best not to assume your half brother, or anyone else, would never find a way to the surface. Or figure out you’re up here.”

“I agree,” Amrila said as she finished the last of her breakfast. “We are a step ahead of the Yennih, and we must stay that way.”

After we had all eaten, Ibseth took the breakfast dishes to the sink to wash them, and Amrila and I started to pack up everything we thought we would need for a couple of days in The Gloom.

I checked my new Glock and the Galil over, and I also made sure the Hi-Point pistol was clean and ready for Amrila. The red-skinned woman still wasn’t sold on using the old AK, even though she knew how powerful it was. Amrila liked her swords and the fact they were quieter, but the horned woman agreed to carry the pistol, just in case.

We also packed the spare magazines, some extra ammo, jerky and some trail-mix, the canteen, my sweet new ear protection, the headlamp, and I tucked a few gold coins into my bag in case we would need to buy anything or bribe anyone while in The Gloom. I also threw in a bag of chips in case I ran into the Brownies in the Great Forest, and soon, we had everything we needed.

It was time to go. I had changed into my blue fatigues, while Amrila wore her leather armor, so we were ready for the Gloom.

“I promise we won’t be gone long,” I said as I kissed my wife goodbye. “I love you.”

“And I love you, my king,” Ibseth said in an affectionate tone. “Be careful, and come back to me soon.”

“I will.” I grinned and then hugged the Elven woman one last time.

“I will keep him out of trouble,” Amrila teased as she hugged Ibseth, too. “And we will come back and shower you with gifts.”

“This is why you will make a good wife.” Ibseth smiled fondly and clasped her hands in front of her chest. “I will eagerly await both of your return.”

It was still early afternoon, and I could hear the Miller kids playing in the next yard over, so the horned woman and I moved quietly through the backyard and into the lilac bushes, to the hatch that led to the tunnels and the Underworld, as Amrila called it.

I hadn’t been to any of the lower reaches beneath The Gloom, so I tended to forget the underground world extended beyond that. Really, I hadn’t even seen all of The Gloom, just some of the territory of the Yennih Night Elves.

There was still so much to be explored.

I opened the hatch style metal door carefully and tried not to let it creak. I didn’t hear the kid pause in their boisterous game of tag, so I motioned for Amrila to go down first and then lowered myself onto the ladder. At the bottom of the ladder, I turned on my headlamp and looked around.

“Watch where you point the accursed thing, partner!” the horned woman hissed as the beam of the headlamp moved across her face.

“Sorry,” I chuckled and turned away. “Maybe you should walk behind me until we reach the lower tunnels.”

The Zencarri woman and I made our way through the familiar tunnels, and I made a note to myself again to make time to check some of the side passages I had not yet explored. Eventually, we came to the greet iron door that marked the boundary between the surface and the underground world, so I pulled out the iron key, placed it in the massive lock, turned it, and then watched as the huge door swung open on its own.

The large entrance groaned ponderously, and once Amrila and I were on the other side of it, the door swung back closed, as if it could magically sense our presence. Once the door was closed, the backside perfectly mimicked the rock wall of the caverns, so unless someone knew the door was there, it would be nearly impossible to find it.

But even though the door was well hidden, there were other passages on either side of the barrier, and I had no clue where they led. It was possible the legends were right, and that the lost dwarves had sealed the way to the surface. But those same legends claimed humans ate babies and the surface was populated by monsters, so I didn’t want to rely on legends.

The beautiful horned woman and I continued on through the tunnels until we started to see the dim blue glow of the phorphorensent mushrooms that meant the cavern of the Great Forest was near. At the end of the tunnel, Amrila and I came out onto the natural rock shelf that looked out over the Great Forest, and the twisted limbs of the massive trees and the green and purple foliage made for a breathtaking view.

“It looks so peaceful from up here,” the black-eyed woman said as she looked out across the expanse of the cavern.

The far wall was lost in a distant haze, but the forest itself did seem quite still.

“It really does,” I replied as I pulled off my backpack and looked through the main pocket. “But let’s take a closer look.”

I took out my new binoculars and stared through them at the forest below.

The thick foliage made it difficult to much on the ground beneath us, but I was focusing on the air just above the forest. Sure enough, there in the distance, I could see a Nictor circling over the forest, about two miles away from what I could guess. In the weak light of the gloom mushrooms, I would never have been able to see it, so the binoculars had definitely been a good idea.

The Nictors acted as scouts for the Yennih Night Elves, and if there was one circling a few miles away, it was a sure sign there were some of Ursenger’s men not far off.

“Take a look,” I said to my companion as I handed her the binoculars. “There’s a Nictor out there.

Amrila looked at where I was pointing and lifted the binoculars to her eyes.

“He’s armored,” the horned woman snorted. “He’s definitely with the Yennih. Should we try to go around the forest?”

“Nah.” I shook my head as I looked out over the cavern floor. “The forest will give us more cover, and we have the benefit of knowing where they are, but they don’t know we’re here. They’ve probably been camping out in the woods for a few days, and they’ll be getting bored, so they might not be as sharp or alert as they should be. We’ll just have to move carefully.”

There was a natural path down to the cavern floor to the north of where we were, so Amrila and I quietly made our way to the edge of the Great Forest. Here, at the far eastern edge of the trees, there was no sign of any Night Elf patrols, so the red-skinned woman and I pushed our way through the dense underbrush, and we tried to avoid any of the game trails or paths I’d followed during previous times I had come into the Great forest.

We kept to the far edge of the forest and used the dense growth along the outer edge for cover, and we didn’t see any of the Night Elf foot patrols, though we did see a single Nictor flying overhead at one point. Once we were out of the forest, Amrila and I followed the underground river down toward the Gloom Growth and continued past the underground lake.

Then we used some of the thieves’ tunnels the Zencarri woman knew about to avoid the worst of the bandits in the southern cavern, and eventually we found ourselves looking out at the farmland that surrounded the village of Bermshire. As we were about to cross one of the strange Gloom-strain wheat fields surrounding the town, I saw a group of Night Elf soldiers in bluish leather armor fifty yards ahead, and they were hassling some of the gnomish farmhands.

“Get down,” I hissed at Amrila as I crouched into the wheat stalks. “Fucks up ahead.”

“How many are there?” the horned woman asked as she looked to where I had pointed.

“I saw three of them talking to those gnomes,” I replied. “But there might be more in the area.”

The gnomes looked less than happy to be speaking with the Night Elves, but the soldiers seemed to finish their interrogation and started to move down the road, and they would pass within twenty feet of where the red-skinned woman and I were hiding in the field.

Since there was no breeze in The Gloom, any amount of movement in the wheat would give us away, so Amrila and I froze in place. I could feel my pulse in my throat as I watched the three Elves come closer, and I could hear their conversation. I held my breath, and Amrila was as still as a stone next to me.

“They’re obviously not anywhere in the territory,” the soldier walking in the lead said.

He was a typical Night Elf, with long white hair held back in braids. All three of the guards wore the blue leather armor of the foot soldiers in Ursenger’s army, so they were obviously low ranking guards sent out to do the work Ursenger and his generals couldn’t be bothered to do.

“The vampire probably took the princess back to the Twilight Region,” the dark-haired soldier in the back replied. “I’d be surprised if she’s still alive.”

Amrila and I crouched as low as we could within the tall wheat, and we held our breath as the three soldiers passed by on their way toward the Bandit caves and the Gloom Growth beyond.

Finally, they were gone, and I let out an explosive breath.

“Fuck,” I sighed. “I thought for sure we were going to get caught for a moment there. What was that bit about a vampire?”

“That must be what Ursenger thinks you are,” the horned woman giggled. “Because you’re so pale. He must think you’re a vampire from the depths of the Twilight Region, or the deeper realms beyond that. This is good. He won’t be searching the forest.”

“I’m just glad they didn’t stick around,” I snorted. “I was starting to get a cramp in my leg.”

Amrila and I continued through the fields and did our best to avoid any of the farm workers. The fewer people who saw us, the fewer there were to report back to Ursenger.

Once we reached the village, Amrila and I stuck to the back alleys until we reached Groc’s Tavern. Then the red-skinned woman led the way to the back door of the gentleman Orc’s establishment, and she raised a long fingered, graceful hand to knock in a strange rhythm I assumed was a signal of the resistance she and the Orc were a part of.

We waited in a tense silence for a moment while we stood there in the back alley, surrounded by crates of refuse, but then we heard footsteps, and the back door opened with a creak.

There before us stood the hulking figure of Groc, in his usual unbleached linen shirt and brown breaches, and the large, green-skinned man took one look at us and let out a heavy sigh.

“What the fuck are you two doing here?”