Mother of Upgrades - TG Caption

Your mother is an absolute witch! Why do you put up with her?

Keep your voice down! What is wrong with you? She might hear! You don't know what she's capable of…

So what? Let her hear! I'm sick and tired of walking around on eggshells because of that woman! Seriously, I know she’s your mother, but I don't understand what power that woman has over you. What makes her so great? It's not like she does anything worthwhile! She doesn't even have a real job unless you count lording over the homeowner's association. I mean… I… I know she has a lot going on as a socialite and, of course, you always have to keep up appearances. That is a job in itself.

I...guess? I'm surprised you even know all that.

But that's no excuse to be so cruel to you! And what about the way she treats me?! I swear she sneers every time I enter the room. I know I’ve been out of work for a while. It's not like I haven’t been looking. My computer graphics skills just aren't in high demand right now... If only I'd done something useful with my life like gotten a business degree, then I wouldn't be such a worthless husband to you.

Honey? Are you feeling alright? You don’t sound like yourself, and you look…I think...I think something's happening. We need to speak with my mother.

Your mother? Why would we talk to that...that… No. You're right. Maybe that's a good idea. She is a knowledgeable and sophisticated lady. She always knows just what to say. I wish you could be a little more like her, honestly. Maybe then you wouldn't have married such an idiot. You should have someone more like your father. Now there's a good man.

Honey?! You're changing! You look kind of like...me!? But the things you're saying are so...mean! That's not like you at all! You sound like…like my mother! Whatever this is, you have to fight it!

I...I'm...sorry. It's..hard to...to... Oh god! Are those? Those are tits! Why do I have tits? How is this happening!? You said I look like you? Am I turning into you!?

I don't think so, baby. I don't know how to say this but, you're looking older. Your face, your eyes... You look like her! That WITCH!

How is she doing this?! WHY is she doing this? What does she want, a clone? Is she so fucking in love with the idea of herself that she thinks the world would be better off with two of her? And what about your father? Are we supposed to share him, double-team the old silver-fox? I bet he'd love that, wouldn't he? Mmm…Actually, it doesn't sound so bad. Your old mom was quite the swinger back in the day, And my God that man can Fuck!

Stop it! What's happening to you? We have to-

What you have to do is stop worrying about your sniveling simp of an EX-husband. I am so much better this way, so much more than he could ever be!

No...this isn’t you! You can't do this!

Oh, I assure you, dear, I can. And I haven't forgotten a single minute of that fool's life. That's how I know how much better off I am this way. I accept this. I want it!

Give him back you bitch!

What was that!? How dare you address me that way! You’d better start treating me with the proper respect, unless you want to end up the same! Although now that I think about it… Imagine how much better the world would be with three of us. I mean, it really is wonderful to be me, and you always were a disappointment. It would be an upgrade for you! Hmm...

Sweetie? Come here a moment. I have something to share with you!