DD 302 Ch 5

“Five minute warning, everyone!” a woman with some serious attitude and a clipboard to match shouted as she walked around on ridiculously tall pumps.

I stared at the shoes, wondering why she was wearing such uncomfortable shoes for a job where she clearly walked around quite a bit. I was fairly sure they were called pumps, but my knowledge of high-heel terminology was not its best. And candidly, I really did not care very much.

“Don’t screw this up, alright, Ken?” Helen leaned back from her own spot where someone had been pampering her face and covering her with makeup. Honestly, having her done up like they were doing made her look a lot like her mother. But I kept that thought to myself, deciding not to enrage her before going on national television with her.

“You’ll do fine, Ken,” Bellaire said coolly as she came walking over. “And besides, you seem to be significantly calmer than when I last left you.” She smirked and strode away, knowing exactly why I had grown calmer.

Des, sitting next to me, had the smirk of a lifetime.

“If you’re going to be like that, then maybe next time I’ll have to tell you no.” I playfully scolded Des.

Des’ eyes grew wide as saucers as she put a hand against her chest, exaggerating the horror of my statement. “You’d never. You like this smile far too much to deprive me of another.”

I chuckled and shook my head. “Remind me not to gamble with you. I think you’ll call my bluff every time.”

Des winked as the lady who had done my makeup whipped the bib away and gestured at my face as if it were her work of art. “What do you think?”

“I think it looks like me, just a little smoother,” I said with a squint as I stared into the mirror.

The makeup artist scoffed and marched away.

Des looked at her makeup, turning her face to the left and right. “Thank you, darling, and tell her my apologies. Ken here’s still a little resistant to makeup, even before a show.”

Des’s makeup artist winked at me. “You look good, handsome. Don’t feel self-conscious about the makeup. No one will even notice.”

I nodded at that, personally hoping that would be the case as well.

“We’re on in sixty. Everyone to your places!” Clipboard woman click-clacked her heels back into the area.

Everything was suddenly in a flurry of motion, people running back and forth in a hurry to get everything set for the shot.

Hopping off my chair, I made my way out from backstage over to the plush blue sofa that had been laid out for us in front of the large stately desk. Behind the desk, the host of the show was having his makeup done on the spot while checking himself out in a mirror and throwing a few comments and compliments to the makeup artist as she worked.

Clipboard woman came out and glared at him before he waved his makeup artist away. Apparently, even he was no match for the woman’s intensity. “Please, everyone, places!” she shouted, turning to the rest of us with the kind of glare I reserved for a particularly troublesome dungeon boss.

“Everyone else, come on—thirty seconds.” She called.

The host leaned over. “Don’t worry, guys, we’ve got this. This will be an easy wrap. And Ken, don’t worry, you’re just the eye candy for the ladies here with me.” He chuckled at his own joke before snapping to the camera at the last second with a big smile. Someone held up a board that said APPLAUSE, and the crowd roared to life, clapping as finally an army of cameramen started counting down with their fingers.

The second they hit one, we were all chuckling at nothing.

“Welcome back, everyone, for another late-night show with Larry Kernel!” He finger-gunned at the camera.

The crowd was already clapping, and several of the cameramen spun around to get a view of the audience before quickly pivoting to scroll past us, all laughing at nothing on the couches.

“While I’m just here with four wonderful guests, everyone here please give it up for Desmonda Renard!” He called out.

When prompted, Des gave the crowd a short wave.

“You may recognize the last name of this famous adventurer. Of course, we have none other than Helen Braveheart, the daughter of the Harem Queen, but I didn’t need to tell any of you that. The resemblance is uncanny.” He shook his head and gave Helen a wink, and I had to really work to compose myself. It was amusing to watch Helen swallow any response, while she probably wanted to smite this guy right on the spot.

The host continued, completely unaware and bobbed his brows. “If you weren’t in an all-girl school, I’m sure you’d have your own harem started by now.”

Helen kept a smile pasted on her face as she responded. “If the boys know what’s good for them, they’ll wait until I’m good and ready.” She winked, and the host ate the move up, as did the crowd who was instantly cheering her on.

I had to keep from my jaw hitting the floor.

“Next to Helen we have Candice, a daughter of the Arcana Guild. And last but not least…” He barely gave Candice a chance to wave—apparently her fame was not enough for him to go into much detail.

“We have the one, the only, Ken Nagato! Protégé of Mistress Crimson and guildmaster of the quickly rising Silverfangs. Everyone give it up!” He continued to pump up the crowd despite their ongoing cheering and clapping. 

“Now, I hear all of you are part of the same guild. Is that right, Ken?” He shot me a salacious look. “You must tell me your secrets.”

I chuckled. “Really, all I do is train most days.”

“Training, is it?” The host winked again, trying to get more of a reaction out of me.

“Oh, trust me, he and I do wonderful private training,” Des purred, and there were a few shouts from the crowd.

The host pivoted to Des, a big smile as he sought out more statements from her. I knew who he was going to be paying attention to now.

“Well, now that we’ve gotten the saucy details out of the way, I am just so excited to have you all here so we can hear straight from the horse’s mouth on everything going on deep in the dungeon because rumors and mysteries are percolating to the surface here.” He wiggled his fingers and bobbed his head back and forth.

“There’s nothing that exciting,” Des chuckled. “I know that we may have discovered new sentient races, But I mean, NASA has been hoping for aliens forever, its just that we finally found them.” Des held her hands out, weighing each hand and eating up the attention.

“Do the four of you all dive the dungeon together in one of those polycules?” He bounced his eyebrows, apparently this topic was better for ratings.

Helen, contrary to my expectation, just laughed. “Nothing like that. We are in the same class, but it would be ridiculous for all of us to share Ken’s attention.”

The host shifted to me. “What do you think about that?”

“I think it’s a man’s dream to have that much attention. I can’t blame you for hoping,” I chuckled with my non-answer.

Des put a hand gently on my arm and stared into my eyes for a moment that I was sure was going to do the rounds tomorrow, especially based on the way the host was leaning over his desk and biting his lip exaggeratedly.

“Helen, it seems you missed out a few key details,” he teased.

“Yes, well, what people do in their personal lives isn’t always my business.” She dodged the question.

“And Candice?” He locked onto her.

“Diving the dungeon absolutely has priority. But there are more than a few ladies in our class that wouldn’t mind some company while they do it.” She shifted her gaze to Des and I, though quickly added, “Leave that to those involved to discuss. I’m more interested in what Des said about new sentient races. She made a good point. Those looking at NASA probably had their life’s dream stripped from them several times over by the dungeon.”

“They could very well be life in space.” Larry chuckled. “After all, we have no idea where the dungeon leads.”

Candice bit back a very large string of comments that nearly spawned. Probably some theory about how the dungeon worked metaphysically.

“Now, I hear these are dangerous entities.” Larry over exaggerated his words as he looked over the audience, then back to us. “Have you been in actual combat, you know… killing them?”

“There’s combat every day in the dungeon,” I waved off the concept of any elevated risk. “Heck, it’s not talked about, but people attack people in the dungeon every day. It’s high risk, high reward. But the fighting never spills out of the dungeon. The dungeon’s where we have anonymity. You know what they always say—” I teed it up for Larry, and he jumped on the opportunity eagerly.

“What happens in the dungeon stays in the dungeon,” he said with a big, overly white smile on his face. “Though personally, I prefer Vegas. It’s a lot less dangerous in Vegas.”

“To each their own,” Des jumped in. “You can choose Vegas. I can choose the dungeon, and it doesn’t really affect each other.”

The way he smirked, he knew what we were doing but didn’t bother trying to change the trajectory of the conversation.

“All right, so if you met them, tell us a little bit about these other races. I personally hear there are cat girls. I know there’s definitely a section of humanity eager to hear more about them.” He prompted.

I chuckled. “One of them even runs in our group. The technical term is Nekorian. That’s what they call themselves. But they are very similar to what you probably expect, at least physically. In actuality, there are definitely moments that Felin reminds me more of cat than girl.”

Larry had an over-the-top reaction. “Oh, hopefully Felin isn’t watching. That was a harsh one!”

“Oh no, she would admit that,” Des said with a chuckle. “If anyone out there wants to meet a Nekorian, male or female, I suggest you introduce them to cream. Or if you’re feeling a little bold, maybe introduce them to Irish cream. I swear Felin has single-handedly shifted the market.” Des chuckled, and Larry leaned forward.

“So she’s been here to Earth and no one freaked out?” He asked.

“No, it was fine. She’s been here. So have a couple elves that participated with Haylon. And soon one of the Whaleryn might even come to visit.” Des shrugged, doing her best to make the concept perfectly normal. “We’ve made friends in the dungeon.”

Larry leaned forward, nodding. “It sounds like you have all had quite the adventure. What advice do you have for all the young adventurers out there tuning in, watching you, and wondering if they should make the dive tomorrow? I hear more than a few colleges are sounding the alarm that admissions for next year have tanked.”

“Well, if you don’t want to go, don’t go,” I said with a shrug. “It’s not a decision I can make or anyone can make for you.” I turned to look at the camera and then nearly cursed, remembering I wasn’t supposed to look at the camera. That momentary hesitation was enough for Helen to jump in.

“Yeah, though I don’t agree with Ken on a lot of things, I do agree it’s an individual decision. Not something for you, me, heck, even your student advisor isn’t really in the best place to give you advice on this. This is a personal decision. They can get to know you and tell you what they think you might enjoy, but it comes down to you. Not to mention, the next generation to enter the dungeon is likely to jump into levels that have never been seen before.”

Helen gestured at the four of us. “If you don’t know, we are, level-wise, already competing with the very top adventurers. And that’s not just due to a stroke of luck—that’s due to Haylon and all of the work the faculty put in every single day with us.” Helen pumped our college, and I was sure that would make the headmistress cream herself with excitement.

“Exactly what Helen said,” I jumped back in, not wanting to seem like I had frozen. “Not to mention, each and every day we’re learning new methods for diving the dungeon courtesy of the new wealth of knowledge that’s coming into play. Heck, if your real desire is physics, head on down and I’m sure you could find an Orcai that would run circles around some of the best minds in our world. The cutting edge for quite literally everything is going to be found deep within the dungeon.”

Larry nodded along. “The Orcai, yes I’ve heard about them. Big, green, powerful. But at the same time they’re also smart, so they’re not big dumb orcs.”

I winced, and so did several ladies on camera. “Calling them an orc is like calling a human a Neanderthal. One piece of advice for those diving the dungeon is: don’t call them orcs.” I gave Larry a reproachful look. “At least, don’t do it if you don’t want one of them to smash your face in. Though they might be kind enough to revive you after. Overall, our interaction with the Orcai has been nothing but positive. They put a high importance on justice and fairness. Their most powerful organization is known as the Arbiters, and they are paragons of justice.”

Larry laughed. “Oh great. Big Green Lawyers. I feel like that’s a failed TV show.” He spoke to the camera, with a frown on his face, only to get a laugh from the audience. “Oh right, it was. Well, good thing ratings don’t cancel Diving the dungeon, because they certainly got the show.” That one didn’t land as well, but he rolled off of it.

“On a personal level, what makes you dive the dungeon Ken?” He seemed to focus back on me.

“It’s in my blood,” I joked. “But seriously, my grandparents dove. My father was Uzamaki Nagato, who was among the first raid that broke through level thirty. Now, to me, I beat it sophomore year, but back then it was a big step for humanity.”

Larry nodded. “But I hear your parents died in the dungeon. I’m shocked to see that you followed after them, even with that.”

I froze at the mention of my dead parents. I had been prepared for a lot of hard topics, but not quite ready for it to get personal.

Of all people, Helen saved me. “Now, Larry, if I didn’t know any better, I would say you were more enthralled with Ken than the rest of us.” She leaned forward in a way that pushed her bust up toward his face, and I could have sworn I heard the cameras all hummed as they zoomed in, completely removing me from the shot. Helen had to know what she was doing, and I owed her a thank you later.

“Now, you’re all old news. Ken is the new one on the scene,” Larry juggled the conversation threads. “But don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about you. Rumor is your mother had slowed down at one point, but now she is back in the dungeon in full force.”

Helen nodded along, sitting back, and I had the chance to recompose myself.

This was far more a battle than I had even anticipated.

“Well, that’s no secret,” Helen said, dismissing the news as if it was years old. “My mother has gone through more than a few boom-and-bust cycles in the dungeon. And of course, she must be feeling old as she sees me catch up to her. Who knows, if she doesn’t hurry up, I might just surpass her.”

Larry laughed like he had just gotten a scoop. “Shots fired!” He turned to the camera. “Hear that, Harem Queen, your daughter is gunning for your spot! But seriously—” he turned back, “can you really catch up to the Harem Queen? She’s been a paragon, standing at the peak of humanity for so long. It seems unreal that someone so young could say something like what you just stated.”

“Well, it’s a wild world in the dungeon, and we’ve taken all of the learnings from her generation, applied them, and we’ve done it better. Now that we know the pitfalls before us.” Helen shrugged again, as if it were plain as day.

Larry chuckled. “I still want to get back to what made you dive into the dungeon. Ken?”

“It’s to show that my parents’ death didn’t scare me from something that has been a family business for years,” I told him, feeling more confident about touching on the topic of my parents after getting through the initial shock of his earlier question. “And I’m not going to lie and say there hasn’t been a close call here or there. If anyone goes into the dungeon, it’s at their own risk, but it’s precisely that: a risk you take. I understand what my parents were doing. I understand the calling that they felt.”

I shook my head. “There’s nothing quite like diving deep into the dungeon. Perhaps we were always meant to be a little more combative than we’ve become in today’s society.” I punched the air for a comical effect. “There’s just something in me that loves the dungeon, and the danger that comes with it is only another part to enjoy.”

Larry chuckled and bounced his eyebrows. “Hear that, everyone? This one’s in it for the danger.”

I looked to the side, noting the others on the stage with me were nodding along.

“If you’re afraid of a little danger, the dungeon is certainly not the place for you,” Candice laughed. “Though statistically speaking, less than ten percent of those who go in the dungeon every year die.”

Larry’s eyebrows shot up. “Ten might seem like a small number, but in percentage of the total, that is a huge number of deaths in the dungeon every year,” he urged.

“Well, it’s not that big of a deal. Even those that die are almost entirely independent divers. They have never been formally trained at a dungeon college like Haylon.” Candice said.

I felt like she was practically reading from a script that the headmistress had prepared.

“That may be so,” Larry said, “but not everyone can go through a dungeon college. Heck, what are the acceptance numbers at Haylon? Less than two percent get in. You guys are the elite of the elite, so of course your rates are low. But why take that risk?”

Candice retorted, “If you go to a dungeon college, you’re far more likely to walk out with riches rather than buried in the dungeon. And there are plenty of riches.” She glanced my way as if I were supposed to start throwing out numbers and bump the topic for the Headmistress.

I chuckled. “I won’t be worrying about rent anytime soon, that’s for sure.”

Larry laughed. “Don’t you need quite a bit of investment before you go in? After all, gear is a huge part of survival.”

Des hooked a thumb at me. “This guy went in with nothing more than a basic dagger. And he even had Crimson putting him through the wringer, and he came out just fine.”

Larry gave me an impressed expression and nodded along. “So if we have you guys comparing each other, then can I ask? Who amongst you four is the best? If we put the four of you in a series of challenges, some just killing monsters, others maybe fighting other adventurers, who’s going to come out on top?”

All three ladies looked towards me, and I had the wherewithal to look embarrassed.

“I don’t want to toot my own horn, but training with Crimson this whole time has given me a pretty good edge,” I admitted. “Though any of these three could go up against your average adventurer and I bet they’d come out on top. It’s just the way the dungeon colleges roll. They produce adventurers like us that are pushing the boundaries of what humanity can accomplish each and every day.”

Larry winked at me. “Sign up for Haylon College today.” He chuckled at his little sales mini-spiel, though I thought it was far too on the nose. “Well, good luck everyone with that.”

Des laughed. “If you’re my junior next year, make sure to swing by and say hi. Well, if you can. Our class spends most of its time down in Star City.”

Larry leaned forward, the topic switch catching his attention. “We’ve seen the pictures. It looks like a slice of heaven. Tell me, how cute are the angels?” He wiggled his eyebrows.

“Pretty darn cute,” Des couldn’t help but say. “There’s one that Crimson hires pretty often though, and she’s got a gothic chic. Don’t let the pictures fool you. They’re not all good little boys and girls.”

Larry nodded along. “I’ll have to go down there and find out for myself. Star City looks incredible. Do the Orcai—damn, am I saying that right?”

“You got it,” I confirmed.

“Do they train differently? Do they eat anything differently that makes them better? Any new diet workout tips?” He asked.

I chuckled and shook my head. “I don’t think we’re that worried about diet at all. I imagine Orcai are the same. With everything we’re doing, we’re just trying to keep enough food in us that we have the energy to go another round.”

“Really, it’s an unfair comparison to your average viewer,” Helen shook her head. “This body comes from working out no less than a dozen hours a day.”

Larry let out a whistle. “Well, if I’ve ever heard one big negative of adventuring, that certainly strikes a point. A dozen hours a day, I can’t even imagine.” He shook his head. “I don’t even think professional athletes work that hard.”

“Well, you could go slower, but then it’ll slow down how quickly you progress in the dungeon,” I said with a shrug. “We’re ultimately all down there racing ourselves more than anyone else.”

“I love it.” He clapped. “And for all of you watching at home, we’ll be back after the break.”

He chuckled, and the people with the cameras did another finger countdown before swiping and turning the cameras away, as all the little recording red lights stopped.

“That was good, but I need a little more from you guys.” He looked back at us.

The laughing, happy man was gone; in his place was a stern businessman. “You know, give us a little more.” He raised his hands up to his chest for emphasis. “And ladies, if you wouldn’t mind, a small wardrobe adjustment.” He pulled on his shirt.

“I would mind. Thank you very much,” Helen said sharply, and I had to fight the urge to chuckle at the bristly Helen I was used to emerging once again. It was good to know she was still in there. 

Larry held his hands up and leaned back in his chair as if he’d been offended. “Well now, never mind. We’ll just have to get buried in the dust with all of the has-beens. If you want people to see this, you gotta give them something to watch. This is showbiz, ladies and gentlemen.”

I shook my head, suddenly glad that my job usually took me away from this type of nonsense. The dungeon was looking so good at the moment.