Cat Core, Chapter 18.

Chapter 18.

Life took on a predictable pattern for Florence and Doug. The two adventuring parties continued to explore her home and some days they did really well, while on other days, her kitties forced them to leave before they had made it too far. It looked like them adventurer folks were only good for one run through per day, each run seemed to really tucker them right out. Shara and her group continued to be cautious in their delves, that there “delve” being a fancy word that Doug taught her that meant exploring a dungeon. Their gear slowly improved over time; Florence found it entertaining to watch them improve with each run. Sometimes it was a piece of armor, other times it was an improved weapon. At times, the upgrades were from her dungeon rewards, others, it was gear bought from the town slowly growing nearby.

One strange occurrence continued to happen each time Shara entered the living room. She was a polite young lady and seemed taken with Midnight, greeting her every time they entered. Eventually, Midnight would meow in greeting before engaging the party in combat. As they progressed on their most recent run, her babies were really getting the best of them in the living room fight. Bhargath charged from under the sofa, where she had made him a new hiding place, and knocked over Shara. After knocking over the healer, he pounced on that big lug Ox. While Shara was down, Midnight leaped onto her chest, teeth poised to tear out her throat. Having dropped her hammer, and not being able to cast spells while a big old kitty was on top of her, Shara was surely in a pickle. Instead of finishing off her opponent, Midnight gave a cute little meow and rubbed her cheek on Shara before leaping off to join the others in the fight.

“Hey, that’s not fair, my kitties aren’t supposed to play favorites with the adventurers!” Florence complained. Shara had regained her feet and was able to heal the rest of party, turning the tide of the encounter. Midnight was the last cat standing, sort of, she was hobbling a bit from the myriad of wounds the party had inflicted on her.

“Hold up guys,” Shara ordered, stepping between Midnight and the party. “I think Midnight will leave us alone if we leave her alone, won’t you girl?” Shara asked. Midnight chirped out a pained meow before backing away, no longer arching her back and spitting like Florence’s babies liked to do during a fight.

“No way, it has to be some kind of trap. The dungeon knows you like this cat and it’s just trying to get us to put our guard down,” Roland warned.

“I don’t think so, Midnight had me dead to rights, but held off from hurting me,” Shara said.

“I saw it, Ox tried to help Shara, but would have been too late if the kitty didn’t attack me instead,” Ox offered.

“Okay, this is a dungeon and there are rules for the way they operate, but I think we can all agree that this place is pretty strange compared to any other dungeon that I’ve ever heard of. Let’s do what Shara asks, everyone lower your weapons, but keep an eye out for an ambush,” Vanderman said. The party reluctantly followed his command, Nala almost causing poor Midnight to have a heart attack when she became visible behind her, making a show of sheathing her weapons and moving to join the others.

“Are you hurt little kitty? Let me try to help you,” Shara offered. Florence watched in shock as the adventurer tried to heal her kitty. It didn’t work, the magic washing over Midnight without any effect.

“It won’t work Shara, dungeon creatures are typically only affected by harmful spells and abilities. Don’t worry too much, it’ll heal really quick inside the dungeon,” Vanderman told her. The all took a step back and readied their weapons as the cat trotted over to Shara, gave her a kitty hug, and then jumped up on the sofa. Midnight ignored the party, making a show of licking her wounds, which were already showing signs of healing.

“Doug, I want to talk to that girl. How do I do it?” Florence asked.

“No, that’s just not done. Sure, the occasional dungeon likes to taunt adventurers and give ominous warnings and what not, but never do they speak directly to adventurers, that would be deemed unseemly,” Doug said.

“I don’t care what other dungeons do, just show me how to talk though my kitties and stuff,” Florence ordered.

“Sadly, I find myself forced to obey your request. Oh, if only the centuries would pass and I could go back to my old job,” Doug said, highlighting the submenus in her interface that enabled speaking through a defender.

“Quit yer whining Doug. If you went back to your old job, you’d lose your body and wouldn’t be able to play with yarn. The little kitten looked thoughtful for a moment before shaking his head in disgust. Florence connected with Midnight and tried out the talking defender thingy.

“Hey kid, can you hear me?” She asked.

“Woah, did that cat just talk with an old lady’s voice?” Roland asked.

“Yes, I talked, and I ain’t the cat, you simpleton, I’m the homeowner,” Florence said.

“So, the dungeon is just a grumpy old lady cat?” Roland mumbled.

“I heard that, you hooligan, I can hear everything in my home,” Florence warned.

“Quiet Roland, I think this is the dungeon core speaking through its creature,” Vanderman said, a shocked look on his face.

“Bingo, Vanderman, though I’m not some stupid dungeon, no siree, I’m a lady and this is my home, not some weird prison. My name is Florence Valentine, I’ll have you know,”

“Uhh, pleased to meet you Miss Florence Valentine, Vanderman Kline at your service,” Vanderman said with a flourish. At least this one had some manners on him.

“Pleased to meet you as well, the reason I’m talking at you is because I want to know what Shara here did to my little kitty,” Florence told them.

“Uh, I didn’t do anything ma’am, I just thought she was adorable, so I like to say hi each time I explore your dungeon,” Shara replied.

“Don’t call me a dungeon. You didn’t know no better, so I’m a gonna let it slide this time. Please remember this isn’t no dungeon, this is my home,” Florence advised.

“My apologies, you have a lovely home,” Shara said. Florence was confident that the young woman could see the understated class and elegance in her design.

“Thank you, dear. Your group seem like nice enough folk, with a few exceptions,” Florence replied, having Midnight turn to indicate Roland.

“Hey, I didn’t do anything,” Roland said.

“Keep your yap shut kid, I’m talking to Shara. Now, where was I? Oh yeah, y’all have been nice and respectful for the most part while exploring my home. Given that Midnight seems taken with you, I’d like to invite you all for tea tomorrow afternoon,” Florence said. While she generally didn’t like people, she had come to crave more interaction with other human beings, especially when one that was kind to her kitties.

“We would love to; can we bring anything? Shara asked, the rest of the party just stood there with stupid expressions on their faces.

“No dear, I’ll have a fine spread for you all to share. Now run along, you can feel free to keep going with your adventuring, Remember that I’m not going to pull any punches just because I’ve asked you to tea. Consider Midnight here to be the exception to the rule,” She offered.

“I think we’ve had enough for the day, thank you for taking the time to speak with us,” Shara said. The party slowly backed out of the dungeon, watching for an ambush. Florence Valentine would never do something so horrible as to stab someone in the back that she had just invited over. Midnight followed the party to the front lawn, meowing a farewell as they left.

“You’re trying to kill us again, aren’t you?” Doug asked. He was being all sarcastic and melodramatic again.

“No, what gives you that idea?” Florence asked.

“We’re not supposed to interact with the adventurers, it’s in our dungeon charter. If the administration finds out, they’ll levy a judgment against us. The penalty for this kind of thing can be harsh, sometimes even deadly,” Doug complained. She didn’t buy it one bit; how can someone say you can’t have guests over for tea?

“Mark my words, this will end badly,” Doug said before trotting off to find another ball of yarn.

Not expecting any other adventurers to show up, Florence went ahead and created a new room to entertain her guests in. Between the kitchen and the champion room, she created a large rectangular space. Inside she had a long oval table that fit a dozen chairs around it. A fancy candelabra was in the middle of the table and oversized versions of her famous doilies served as place mats for each guest. On the table she created several pots of tea with various flavor combinations. In addition to the tea she had more of the cookies and those little cucumber and cream cheese sandwiches with the crust cut off them. She gave the food and drink the same buffs she gave to the ones in the kitchen. To finish out the spread, she created a few cakes and pies. Sure, pies weren’t fancy enough for tea, but she liked them, so she was going to serve them, especially Dutch apple pie, that was her favorite.

On the walls she hung portraits of her champions doing battle and vanquishing various adventuring parties. She made a point in one painting to have Chubs standing in front of a dead Roland, that should get the annoying kid’s goat. To finish things on a more classy note, the final portrait showed Chubbs and Zork sitting at the dining table, looking all fancy and stuff. She even had them keep napkins tucked into their collars. For now, she didn’t place any mobs in the room, that would have to come later, probably when they leveled up again.

She did create a couple of extra features to help her kitties once they did populate the room. Under the table a secret compartment could hide a pair of her babies. Even if the adventurers looked under the tablecloth to check for critters, they would probably miss the secret compartment, allowing the cats to ambush them. Ramps around the ceiling would allow leaping attacks, and she made a note to see about a trap for this room once they had the funds to spare, it would be a good place for Doug to try something new that the adventurers wouldn’t expect.

Florence thought about what Doug had said. Why would there be some penalty for talking with folks inside her home? It weren’t logical to think she would just sit here at watch, never to speak to a person, save for Doug. Now, she could good and well see where they would be up and angry if she was giving preferential treatment to this group, spawning treasure and the like for them. Florence Valentine was a fair woman, not like Lance Parsons at the bank, everyone knew he was giving loans to family and friends that didn’t deserve them. His cousin Mack never had two plug nickels to rub together, but somehow, he got a loan for that trailer he lives in, not that he ever made a payment on time.

“Uh, Florence, you zoning out on me again? It looks like we have more visitors incoming,” Doug said. Florence turned her view out to toward the entrance, seeing a pair of heavily armored warriors tying up their horses to the sign outside.

“Those ponies better not leave horse flop all over my lawn!” Florence complained. Her power was thin outside her home entrance, she was able to decorate a bit, but cleaning up something major took focused effort, and she ain’t never met nobody who wanted to focus on cleaning up horse flop, no siree.

“Worry less about the horses and more about the riders. These are very likely guild representatives that have been sent to categorize us,” Doug advised.

“You sure? You thought that with the skeleton fellow that lives down below,” Florence asked.

“Of course, I’m sure, just be quiet and listen, one looks like he is about to address us.

“Attention dungeon core, we are representative of the adventurer’s guild, here to categorize and rate your dungeon. Turn your traps off, set your defenders to passive, and open any hidden passages. Any attempts to attack or hinder our examination will be met with deadly force,” one of the men said, reading from a scroll and sounding bored and weary after his journey.

“Do as he says, Florence, just looking at their gear, I think any one of them could wipe out the entire dungeon on his own,” Doug said. Florence agreed, hastily working her interface to set everything to passive. The men respectfully waited for a full two minutes before they entered, giving her time to do things properly. If these were official visitors coming to rate her, she wanted her home and her babies looking their best. In each room they were assigned to, her kitties sat proudly in plain view, looking cute and not presenting any threat to the guild folks.

“Entry area has unusual décor of a design not typically seen,” one of the men said. She couldn’t get a good look at either of them, with the steel helmets on that covered their whole head, how did they even breathe or see through the tiny slits in those things?

“Initial entry, two defenders and one trap, all of power level two,” one of the men called out, the other noting things into a large book he had brought with him.

“First room is surprisingly decorated as a strange home. Three defenders, one trap, all level two. Hmm, it appears the dungeon has placed paintings depicting the defenders in the dungeon, which exhibits an artistic, if not very intelligent flair,” the man continued.

“Hey, where does he got off saying I’m not intelligent,” Florence bristled.

“Well, the fact we advertise everything a party is going to face inside our home does give them an advantage,” Doug said. Florence was angry but found she couldn’t disagree with him. She weren’t going to take her babies pictures down, but maybe she could think of a few ways to confound anyone trying to get an unfair advantage.

“Branching path in hall, leads to a single room with two defenders. Hallway has three defenders using modification in the room to gain advantage. So far, all defenders and traps are level two, make note that I will advise if anything appears to be higher or lower level,” the main said to the note taker.

They continued with their task, noting her defenses with an air of disinterest. She was a bit worried about what would happen when they reached the goblin room, they somehow sensed the passage from the hall had a single optional path. She tried to warn Chuck to keep his goblins in line, but they were far too squirrely to do anything but yip, shout and rush for their weapons when the two armored men walked in, took a quick look, and then left, likely wanting to be out of the stink as quick as they could manage.

“And here we have the core. Gem is modest in size, level two in color and clarity. Giving off a clean and clear red glow, the dungeon core does not show any indices of madness or uncontorolled aggression. Current kill count stands at one with less than twenty delves. All delvers have been below level three,” the man said, the one notating things finished, pausing as he waited for his companion. The one that had been blathering on the whole time took a deep breath, tapping his chin with an armored glove which gave off an annoying metallic ticking sound each time he did it.

“May I interject, sir?” The man with the book asked.

“Aye,” the one who must have been the manager answered, neither of them had seen fit to have common courtesy of giving their names.

“This is the first dungeon we’ve seen in years with a single mob type, and named mobs, at that. Doesn’t that indicate some form of mental disorder on the part of the core, even if it’s not a threatening one?” The scribe asked.

“Why how dare he!” Florence sputtered, raising her cane in anger.

“Hold dungeon, we mean no offense and are only doing our jobs. Striking one of us would prove fatal to both you and your companion. I also ask that your companion reveal himself,” the boss demanded. Doug trotted out from behind the rocker, looking very elegant, Florence thought.

“Now that’s just downright cute, isn’t it? I had a kitten like that once as a child,” the scribe said, shutting up after getting what Florence thought was a glare from his boss. At least she thought it was a glare, it was hard to tell with the whole metal helmet thing.

“Thank you for your cooperation, we will leave shortly after I give my final findings,” the boss added as Florence dropped her cane back down to its ready position. The man once again began tapping his finger as he gathered his thoughts.

“My final estimate is that this dungeon represents a level A+ threat. The dungeon is a beast type with a feline subtype, making the threat suitable for new and low-level adventurers. While the placement of mobs and traps are well thought out and the core has already attracted outside inhabitants, the lack of mob variety will reduce the overall threat. Nothing indicates any aberrant behavior on the part of the core, other than those behaviors common to all dungeons. Of note, is the peculiar nature of this dungeon’s décor, a feature that many will find a most welcome change over normal lower level dungeon archetypes. This completes your initial rating, thank you for your time and patience during this survey,” the boss said, giving a tip of his head before leaving with the scribe, thankfully their horses didn’t leave a mess while they had been inside.

“That went surprisingly well, Florence, we’re now official with the guild, which should attract more parties to explore our home.

“Easy enough, and even though I didn’t appreciate some of the things he said, the man obviously knows a quality dungeon when he sees it. How many new dungeons can say they got an A+ the first time they were rated?” Florence said, feeling smug that she was rated so high.

“Oh, sorry to burst your bubble, but an A+ is a rating on a scale from A to Z with Z being the most challenging. An A+ is actually quite common and is only two steps from the weakest dungeon rating of A-,” Doug advised. Florence hadn’t realized how the ratings worked.

“I don’t care how the other weirdo dungeons are rated; my home is most definitely not two steps form the gutter. I was always glad to see an A+ on my report cards, so I’m just going to take it as the complement that it is, Florence replied smugly.