Extended Preview: IRONHEART

Greetings, Traxians!

We know you love riffs on martial arts movies. We love 'em, too - especially when the movie contains copious amounts of driving scenes.

But we noticed, among all these movies we've riffed where the main characters drive endlessly, we noticed that there's a startling lack of showing where these characters park their previously-driven automobiles. "Just how did they end up here???" we ask (more times than we're comfortable admitting).

The makers of Ironheart – or Iron Heart depending on which marketing material you're looking at – apparently heard our pleas, and have given us the Holy Trifecta of bad movie secret sauce: ridiculous martial arts scenes, interminable driving scenes, and, finally... oh yes... parking scenes. It stars Richard Norton and Bolo Yeung, two guys famous for NOT driving OR parking, but rather fighting, in movies like Rage and Honor, China O'Brien, Mr. Nice Guy, Cyber Tracker, Bloodsport, Enter the Dragon, and Double Impact. Here's some of our synopsis, just in case you weren't already sold by the first paragraph of this post:

If you thought iron lungs were a good time, wait ‘til you get a load of Ironheart! Also if you watch the movie and can tell who or what the title is referring to, please let us know, because we’re not sure!

It’s the story of an L.A. cop who’s very skilled in martial arts but not very skilled in charisma, delivering dialogue, or having more than one facial expression. He does, however, have a cool red convertible. And if you enjoy looking at cool red convertibles, this is the movie for you, because he spends an extraordinary amount of the movie’s runtime in the car, usually parking it. Yes folks, we’ve got parking scenes. And he’s not the only one parking in this movie, it’s a total parkfest!

The hero cop uncovers some kind of human trafficking / drugs operation down at the docks. Because if there’s one thing we’ve learned, nothing good ever happens down at the docks. It’s up to him and a dance instructor he meets to bring down the crime ring, which is fronted by an Australian man with a very Australian mullet. But that’s not at all: the real star of the show, when he bothers to show up, is the bad guy’s henchman, played by the always beefy Bolo Yeung. You may recognize Bolo Yeung as the bad guy in Bloodsport and a bunch of other action films. He’s also the guy they put on the poster for this movie, as if he were the main character. He is very much not!

Please enjoy the first five minutes of Ironheart (not to be confused with Richard the Lionheart from 2013, although we'd pay to see some horse-parking scenes), purchase the riff here, and/or download this preview video here. Whatever you do, make sure you park yourself right in your favorite comfy spot to enjoy this hunk of cheese.

P.S. To make it worth your while, please use the coupon code BOLO to take 5% off your next purchase on rifftrax.com (through Friday, May 5th).

Enjoy!

P.P.S. Here's the winner of this month's TraxBox Challenge Caption Contest, courtesy of Jack Beckman:

"I am placing me under arrest. I have the right to remain silent; anything I say or think may be used against me."

Updated 1:38pm Pacific Time April 28. Fixed a video issue where the video showed as "Not found" on Vimeo for iOS app users.