The Slime (TWDM Chap 32)

“So, if they come through here, the arrows shoot out of the wall! Pretty genius, right?”

“Yeah, yeah. Super genius.”

“Oh! And right here I had the ‘lava pit’ put in! If they don’t step on exactly this spot, then the ground will open up under them, and they’ll fall into a pit of lava!”

“Lava?” Azuma blinked rapidly, finally paying attention from where he’d been staring at Nami, just nodding as she explained the traps she set up for the dungeon, “Where the hell did you even get lava?”

The duo was standing in the long tunnel immediately outside Azuma’s dungeon in the Monster Realm, where Nami had been tasked with setting up the traps to defend the dungeon. The woman had done a pretty good job, as there were various traps laid within the tunnel now, and it’d be difficult for someone without a high level of intelligence or trap-detecting skills to get through unscathed.

But, seriously, a pit of lava? Badass, but that might be a bit much.

“Well, I just had the idea, and then Ravel got the lava for me,” Nami answered bluntly, and Azuma just nodded as it made sense.

The Phenex’s would just randomly have access to a pit of lava, wouldn’t they?

“So, I did good, right?” Nami smirked, looking up in the air as her nose pointed up smugly, “I bet you’re really glad you brought me back here now!”

“...Well, I think this is going to kill more of my units than any intruders, but you did set up traps,” Azuma nodded, glancing at the floor of the small cave, where Nami had pointed to a roughly one-foot spot where the rock floor was slightly darker to indicate where someone had to step to avoid the trap, “Good work.”

“What? How would they fall into it?” Nami asked, looking at him strangely, “It’s very clearly marked, and as long as you warn them in advance, they’d have to be complete idiots to fall into it!”

“GBLEH! GBLEH! GRAHLOUGH GBLEH GARLOUR-” (INTRUDER! INTRUDER! MASTER, AN INTRUDER IS-)

As if on cue, a small goblin scout came running towards the duo, covered in blood and stumbling down the tunnel. He was waving his hands frantically, pointing behind him with wide eyes and a fearful look on his face. Then, just as he was roughly twenty feet from Azuma, the floor under him gave away.

“GBLEHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” (INTRUDERRRRRRRRRR!) The goblin screamed as he suddenly fell down, promptly being burned alive as he fell into a pit of lava.

“Well, at least we know it works,” Azuma said dryly, and Nami just stared at the trap blankly.

“...Was he on our side?” 

“Yes, yes he was,” Azuma deadpanned, staring at the spot where the goblin had fallen into a pit of burning lava, which was lighting up the entire tunnel now.

Though it’s not her fault. She made this trap with humans in mind - not dumbass goblins.

“...I’ll find a new trap,” Nami sighed, looking dryly at the pit of lava, “That’s annoying. Do you know how hard it was to get the lava down here?”

“Don’t feel too bad. You’re bringing up the average sexiness of the units in the dungeon by a fair bit, so you don’t actually have to be useful,” Azuma said bluntly, ‘comforting’ the woman, “That’s why we keep Aph around when she doesn’t do shit.”

“A-Average sexiness? Where are you looking?!” Nami huffed, glaring lightly at Azuma, though her cheeks were flushed red, “A-Anyway, I’ll talk to Ravel about getting the lava removed, and then I’ll set up more-”

Azuma zoned out again, just nodding his head lazily as Nami continued to explain her new plans for the traps.

Hopefully that goblin wasn’t trying to say something important.

…

Nah, it’s a fuckin’ goblin. Couldn’t have been that important.

…

…

…

Why do I have an ominous feeling again?!

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Azzzzzzuuummmmaaaa! What are we doing today?” Aphrodite called as she floated in front of Azuma’s face, her massive breasts blocking Azuma’s view of the television he was watching, “Ooooo! Can we go out to the human world?!”

“Why would we do that?” Azuma deadpanned at her, trying to peer around her to watch the television, but it was impossible with how big and floppy her breasts were, “Today’s my day off!”

“You say that every day, Master,” Ravel said dryly from beside him, as the devil heiress was cuddled up into his side, “Though today is actually my day off, so I’d prefer if we stay like this!”

“See? Even Ravel agrees,” Azuma said lazily to Aphrodite, reaching forward as he casually placed his hand on her waist and started to nudge her out of the way of the television, “You can join too, but you gotta move! Or at least turn around!”

Azuma usually didn’t mind when Aphrodite blocked the TV, which she did a lot, as she usually at least gave him a different type of show as she did. The goddess would get far too invested in the show she was watching, even if it was something as simple as Spongebob, and start bouncing around and moving as she watched it. That in turn caused her massive rear to bounce, shake, and jiggle with each movement, so Azuma couldn’t complain too much.

I’ll never tell her, but that show is better than anything you can find on television.

“B-But I wanna go see the human world! Let’s go see the human world!” Aphrodite whined, waving her hands in front of his face frantically.

“You mean the DxD world? You’ve been there a hundred times by now,” Azuma deadpanned, “It’s not my fault that your head is too empty to remember any of it.”

“I-I do remember it! I just wanna see it again!” Aphrodite whined, and Azuma just looked at her dryly.

“Then go out there yourself,” He waved her off dismissively, “You don’t need me to babysit you. You’re a million-year-old goddess, y’know?”

“I-I am?” Aphrodite asked, her eyes widening in surprise as she glanced down at herself with a look of surprise, and… slight fear?

“You even forgot that? You’re extra dumb today,” Azuma just ignored her look, racking it up to Aphrodite not being the brightest. “Just go out by yourself. Just don’t go outside the resort’s barrier, or people will start questioning why you have wings.”

“B-But I need a guide! You need to come with me, Azuma!” Aphrodite huffed, smirking mischievously as she reached down, wrapping her arms under her breasts as she pushed them up, “If you come with me, I’ll let you take a peek…”

“I see them every night,” Azuma deadpanned, raising an eyebrow as Aphrodite suddenly looked a bit surprised at his words again, “Are you alright? Did you bump your head in one of the tunnels again?”

“N-No, I just, um-”

“Azzzzuuuuummmmmaaaa! What are we watching today?!” Aphrodite was cut off as Azuma’s bedroom door swung open, and in floated… Aphrodite?

“Huh? Whose this?” Aphrodite asked blankly as she stepped in, looking at… herself? “W-Wait, are you trying to replace me, Azuma?! I’m way sexier than this flatty!”

You look exactly the same!

“Ravel?” Azuma asked blankly, glancing down at Ravel.

“Yes, Master?”

“I’m not going crazy, right? There are two Aphs?”

“It would appear so, Master,” Ravel nodded in confirmation.

Azuma slowly reached up, his hand landing on his forehead as he leaned forward, shadows covering his eyes, “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Shit. Fuck shit. Fucking shit. FUCK! This is the worst thing that could’ve happened! We’re finished!”

“W-Wait, you’re right, Master!” Ravel nodded quickly, shooting up to her feet as she looked cautiously between the two Aphrodites, “If this is some type of mimicking monster, then that means the dungeon has been compromised! If Aph is still alive, then the Dungeon Core is safe, but we need to move quickly, Master!”

Wait, was this what that goblin was warning me about?

…

Nah, couldn’t be. A goblin isn’t smart enough to know about shit like this.

Azuma had no way of knowing that Nami’s lava pit had accidentally killed the most competent goblin ever born, who had dreams of attending a high-ranking university in the human world. Now, he was a burnt corpse.

“Oh, yeah, right. That’s a concern too,” Azuma nodded, but didn’t even glance up at Ravel, “But, more importantly… two Aphs?! I’ve become a hundred times stupider just from being around one!”

“Hey! I’m not stupid!”

“Hey! I’m not stupid!”

Aphrodite paused, glaring over at Aphrodite as she repeated what she said.

“Stop saying what I’m saying, you fake!”

“I’m not fake, you’re fake!”

“No! These are all natural!” Aphrodite smirked, crossing her arms under her breasts as she pushed them up smugly, “Unlike you, I’m the Goddess of Love! I don’t need implants like you, fake!”

“Who are you calling fake?! My ass was made in the gym! You’re the fake one, fake tits!” The other Aphrodite countered, turning around and sticking out her round and juicy ass.

“See?! It’s already happening!” Azuma groaned, leaning forward as he stared at the ground, “Aph doesn’t even realize that she meant a fake Aph, not fake tits! And then other Aph thought she was talking about her ass! It’s twice as stupid as usual!”

“Y-You’re not wrong, Master,” Ravel stuttered, looking a bit confused as the two Aphrodites argued, “B-But, one of them isn’t real, so you’re not permanently stuck with two! We just need to find the fake one!”

“You’re right! If we can just distinguish between them, then-” Azuma paused as he glanced from the Aphrodite shoving out her breasts to the one shoving out her rear, “Actually, on second thought, let’s just let her stay.”

“W-What?” Ravel stuttered, looking over at Azuma confusedly as he did a complete turn around in his attitude, “Why?! One of them is a fake monster, and a threat to the dungeon, Master!”

“But, she’s a threat that looks like Aph,” Azuma countered, nodding sagely as he put his finger on his chin as if he were an old wise man, “There are some things that are worth risking your life for, young Ravel. A threesome with two Aphs is one of those things.”

“Don’t call me that! You’re not an old man!” Ravel huffed, glaring at him cutely as she puffed out her cheeks, “It’s already hard enough to compete with one Aph, we’re not keeping two! We need to find the real one!”

“Fine, fine, you’re right,” Azuma sighed, knowing that risking his dungeon’s safety to have a threesome with two Aphrodites wasn’t a good idea, “Alright, let’s just do the cliche thing of asking them something only the real Aph would know- wait, never mind, that won’t work.”

“Why not? That sounds like a great idea, Master,” Ravel frowned as he changed his mind, but brightened as she thought about it, “Oh! You mean because the two Aphs are so similar, it means the fake one must’ve copied her memories or something!”

“No, it’s because Aph doesn’t know anything,” Azuma deadpanned at her, “How can we ask her something only the real one would know when she doesn’t know anything?”

“I-I know lots of things!” Tits-Aphrodite argued, glaring at Azuma with puffed-out cheeks, “Ask me anything! I’ll know the answer!”

“What’s the capital of Switzerland?”

“N-Not a geography question! I’m bad at those!” Ass-Aphrodite answered for her, blushing as she clearly didn’t know the answer.

“Yeah! Just ask me something about the dungeon!” Tits-Aphrodite agreed.

“What’s my last name?” Azuma asked, looking dryly at both of them.

“...Kazuma?”

“...Kanto?”

“See, they’re both equally stupid, so it doesn’t work,” Azuma deadpanned to Ravel, whose face was squished in concentration as she tried to think of a good question.

“Well, if they don’t even know that, then I don’t know what to ask them either…”

“Wait! I have a good one!” Azuma grinned as he thought of a question only the real Aphrodite would know, “What’s my favorite sex position?”

“Ooooh! That’s easy!” Ass-Aphrodite smirked, pointing dramatically at Azuma as she answered, “All of them!”

“She’s right! You do love every position, Master,” Ravel muttered, nodding at Ass-Aphrodite, “So she’s the real one!”

“No! She’s wrong!” Tits-Aphrodite countered, looking over at the other one smugly, “With someone like Ravel, Azuma doesn’t have a favorite, but with me, it’s cowgirl! Both normal and reverse, because I’m so stacked on both sides, and he likes to watch me bounce!”

Bingo.

“She’s the real one,” Azuma said bluntly, pointing at Tits-Aphrodite, then deadpanned, “But, you can remember that, but not my last name?”

“W-Well, I remembered that so I can make you feel good,” Aphrodite blushed, glancing away, “I don’t have a last name, so I don’t see why those are important anyway! B-But, if we got married, would I get one…?”

“There are more important things to focus on right now! What do we do with the fake one, Master?” Ravel asked, raising her hands as flames coated them, and looked wearily at the other floating Aphrodite.

“Put her in a box,” Azuma nodded sagely, and Ravel stumbled in place slightly at his words.

“A-A box?!”

“Yeah,” Azuma just said as if it was obvious, “I don’t wanna kill Aph, even if it’s fake Aph, so let’s just put her in a box. She can be a decoration for the dungeon.”

“Y-You can’t just put me in a box!” Aphrodite huffed, puffing her cheeks out cutely.

“Not you, Aph, the fake you,” Azuma deadpanned as the real one had spoken again.

“Oh! Yay!”

“Do I get a say in this? I’d rather not be put in a box,” The fake Aphrodite hummed, her Aphrodite-esque mannerisms dropping.

“Nope. I take identity theft pretty seriously in my dungeon,” Azuma shook his head easily, narrowing his eyes slightly at her as his body tensed, “Now, will you go in the box willingly, or do I have to make you?”

“There’s no need for violence. I didn’t come here for that,” Fake-Aphrodite countered, and her body suddenly shifted. Her facial features squished a bit, her head becoming smaller as her long, golden-blonde hair turned a bit darker, and her cute-yet-sexy face became simply very cute. Her massive breasts pulsated, then shrank, squeezing inward as they went from massive cannons to just decent, roughly average-sized. Her insane curves vanished, his waist and hips both narrowing as her overall body became shorter, and her arms and legs became thinner.

Where Aphrodite had been floating, there was now another Ravel standing in front of Azuma.

“So… what are you?” Azuma asked dryly, raising an eyebrow at ‘Ravel,’ “A mimic? Not a very smart one if you think the trick would work twice. I’ll still put Ravel in a box.”

“W-Well, if Master wanted to put me somewhere, I wouldn’t complain…” Real Ravel trailed off to his side, blushing lightly.

“Not you! The fake Ravel!”

“R-Right! Of course!” Ravel nodded, her blush dropping as she locked in, glaring at the fake version of her, “Who are you?!”

“There’s no need to get so worked up, or lock anyone in anything,” The fake Ravel just giggled, sticking out her tongue teasingly at the real Ravel, who flushed in annoyance at her action, “Fine, fine, I’ll show you the real me!”

The fake Ravel then promptly… squished? Her body shrank downward, her top half literally pressing into her body’s lower half and squishing down into a blob in only a second. Her beautiful body, cute face, and gorgeous hair vanished, instead being replaced by a pitch-black, smooth, round, and cute blob of slime.

“A slime?” Azuma deadpanned, staring down at the small creature, “I thought you were something cool, but it’s one of the starter shitter mobs? Lame.”

“D-Don’t look down on me just because I’m a slime!” The slime huffed, its front side morphing to form two glaring eyes, “I’m already annoyed that I spent so long watching that idiot to perfectly match her body, only to be found out immediately! How can someone stare at a screen for so long without blinking?! Is there even a brain in there?!”

“Hey! Don’t call me stupid after taking my body,” Aphrodite huffed, glaring lightly at the slime, “If I’m so ‘stupid,’ then why’d you wanna be me, huh?”

“Because you're hot, and the human likes hot women,” The slime deadpanned, a small slime-hand forming on its side to point at Azuma.

“I-I provide much more to the dungeon than just being hot! Right, Azuma?!” Aphrodite puffed out her cheeks, turning to Azuma for confirmation.

“Yeah, you’re not just hot, Aph,” Azuma nodded sagely, causing Aphrodite to brighten, “You’re really hot, which makes up for you being really dumb.”

“Thanks!” Aphrodite puffed out her chest proudly, then paused as she glanced down, thinking about his words, “Wait…”

“Don’t think about it too hard,” Azuma hummed, waving his hand dismissively at her as he turned back to the slime. “Alright, let’s put the slime in a box.”

“W-What?! I showed you the real me! Don’t try putting me in a box!” The slime huffed back, glaring at Azuma, “And, I have a name, y’know?”

“Didn’t ask,” Azuma replied bluntly, causing the slime to do a mini-facefault as its frontside squished into the ground, “But, could you at least change into a different color before we put you in a box? You look kind of like sludge right now.”

“Oooo, become pink! A pink slime would be so cute!” Aphrodite cheered, and the slime just sighed.

“I’m not changing my color, and you’re not putting me in a box!” The slime huffed, two eyes forming to glare at Azuma and Aphrodite.

“You don’t have a choice, shitter slime,” Azuma said bluntly, looking down dryly at the small squishy creature, “Identity theft is a crime in my dungeon, and the punishment is death. 

“D-Death for something that tame?!” The slime asked incredulously, its eyes widening comically.

“Yup. I make the rules, and being a sludge slime that impersonates Aph constitutes death,” Azuma nodded sagely, “You’re lucky I’m being generous and only putting you in a box. Come on, either come willingly or I’ll use force.”

“U-Um, Master, I don’t know if we can do that…” Ravel suddenly stuttered slightly, pointing at the slime -  or, more specifically, just above the slime.

“Huh? We can do whatever we want,” Azuma said bluntly, “It’s the slime’s fault for breaking in here anyway. If you’re worried about being mean, we can make it a nice box. I’ll cut some air holes, put a couple of flowers in there, and maybe a TV?”

“I-It’s not because of any moral obligation, Master! It’s because of that!” Ravel said again, jutting her finger at the air above the slime’s head, “T-They were hiding it somehow before, but look!”

“What could possibly have you so-” Azuma paused, blinking rapidly as there was now a floating text box above the slime's head.

[B-Rank Slime Dungeon Master - SSSSSSS]

“Is it because its name is so stupid?” Azuma deadpanned, looking at the line of ‘s’ where the slime's name should be, “Seriously, I thought ‘I Give Up You Worthless Orc, Figure This Out On Your Own’ was bad, but this might be worse.”

“S-Shut up! The slime god asked me what I wanted my name to be, but I didn’t know how to talk yet!” SSSSSSS huffed defensively, “I had to learn how to create vocal cords! Being a slime is hard, y’know?!”

“I’m more concerned about the rank than the name, Master,” Ravel clarified, tensing a bit as she looked at the title above SSSSSSS’s head, “I know none of the dungeon masters we’ve met so far have been very threatening, but they were all F-Rank. The only B-Rank we’ve seen was the spear-wielding man!”

Lancer. She’s not wrong.

Azuma tensed lightly, finally deciding to take the situation seriously as a B-Rank Dungeon Master was in his bedroom. 

I’m stronger than I was when we fought Lancer, but he was a unit. This is a Dungeon Master.

Azuma knew from his own experience as a Dungeon Master that the unit ranks tended to be higher than the Dungeon’s rank itself. It was much more difficult and costly to upgrade your dungeon to the next rank than it was to spam upgrade a unit. As a result, despite Azuma’s dungeon still being E-Rank - though that limit was because he hadn’t conquered enough dungeons, and not because he was lacking points - he was able to have Artoria, who was C-Rank already.

Overall, this meant that despite the slime in front of him being the master of a B-Rank dungeon, they could be far stronger than Lancer was, and have units that were A or S-Rank.

And, it’s conquered a shit-ton of dungeons to upgrade to B-Rank. All of us together could barely take on Lancer, and this slime might actually be way stronger than him. This might be a problem.

“Hey, hey! Don’t get all serious now! I hate being serious!” The slime huffed, glaring over at Azuma as he tensed, his sarcastic and relaxed air disappearing, “If you’re gonna get serious, then I will too!”

The slime's body suddenly shifted, pulsing and expanding outward in an instant. The once roughly foot-tall blob of sludge shot upward, reaching far above Gray’s head and hitting the roof of his bedroom roughly 15 feet above him.

“W-Watch out, Master!” Ravel shouted, taking a step in front of him as Aphrodite quickly floated to his side, also tensing as she stared up shakily at the massive growing blob of slime.

Then, abruptly, the slime stopped growing, and its stomach shifted. Slowly, it expanded outward, bulging out and opening up as its stomach looked like it burst open. Then, from the inside, a figure stepped out.

“I’ve got a whole dungeon inside of me, so…”

He was tall, looking to be easily over ten feet tall, and had muscles bulging all over his body. His face was square, with a thick jaw, and he had long, wild black hair flowing out behind him. His body was almost completely bare, with his dark skin being visible except for a skirt-like covering wrapped around his waist. In his hand was a massive axe-sword combination, looking thick with a handle and a smooth edge. The weapon was nearly as tall as him, being thick enough to look like an entire door in his hand. However, the most concerning part of the man was his eyes, which looked wild, untamed, and animalistic. Azuma felt like a wild beast had just stepped into his bedroom.

Azuma stared up at the towering figure, who’d just stepped out from inside the slime, blankly.

Oh, hey, Berserker. Whatcha’ doing in there?

The slime giggled as Azuma stared up at the animalistic man blankly, a smile forming at the top of the massive slime blob.

“Let’s be friends, Azuma Kaito!”

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