The Nun (TWDM Chap 31)

Floor 47

“Why did you want to meet, old man?” A masculine, teenage-sounding voice spoke, and the provider of that voice certainly fit the image. He looked like a late-teens human, with short black hair, a rounded jaw, and an… overly ugly face. Ugly in a supernatural sense - his nose was huge, his eyes were uneven and far too big for his face, he had no jawline to speak of, and his mouth was upside down in what looked like a cartoonish frown. Besides that, the rest of his body looked pretty normal, as he was tall with a muscular frame, and large biceps on each of his five arms.

“Stop taking that form! You look ridiculous every time I see you!” A second voice, which sounded much lighter and snake-like, scolded as he looked at the ‘human’ form of the man across from him, “That’s not how humans look!”

By comparison to the poorly constructed human, the other man didn’t look humanoid at all, as he was instead in the form of- sike, he looked exactly like the first man. Literally. It was as if someone had taken a 1-to-1 replica of him - a clone, an identical twin, a doppelganger. The last description was more accurate than the rest, as that’s literally what the creature was.

“It’s not my fault you copy whatever you see,” The first ‘human’ giggled, his form shifting as his face suddenly changed. His nose seemed to move on his face, slowly spinning upside down as his eyes adjusted, and his upside-down mouth flipped back upward. Then, in a split second, all his features disappeared, being sucked back into his face. His body morphed, squishing down in a wet ‘splotch!’ sound as there was suddenly a small slime sitting in front of the doppelganger.

The doppelganger changed as well, squishing down into a slime as the two slimes were now facing each other. They were both pitch-black, looking closer to sludge than slime as they blended in with the dark tunnel around them. Despite that, they were round and smooth, and overall looked more cute than deadly.

“Now, what do you want, Gramps?” The original slime asked with a slightly bored tone in their voice.

“I’m not old, you annoying sludge,” The doppelganger answered with a hiss, “You’re just way too young! Have you even reached a century yet?!”

“My birthday was the other day, actually,” The slime answered casually, a slightly teasing tone in its voice, “I noticed you didn’t send me a gift?”

“As if I could’ve sent it somewhere,” The doppelganger bit back, “Even tracking you down today was hard enough when you- Whatever! I’ll just get to the point! My Master wants an alliance.”

“An alliance?” The slime raised its non-existent eyebrow, instead just shifting the slime towards the top of its head a bit, “Where’s that coming from? We’re sworn enemies, even if I do let his lapdog run around.”

“I’m not a lapdog!” The doppelganger grunted back, but pushed past the insult, “There’s an annoying bastard who just took over the tenth floor. He hasn’t been here more than a couple of months, but he’s already conquered all the other dungeons there.”

“S-Seriously? That’s what you’re concerned about?” The slime didn’t react how the doppelganger wanted them to, as they just broke out into full-blown laughter, the sound being squishy, “The tenth floor?! You’re scared of someone on the tenth floor?!”

“H-He’s not some weakling! He took over the whole floor in only a few months!” The doppelganger hissed in annoyance, “Most floors take hundreds of thousands, if not millions of years for a ruler to be distinguished!”

“Yeah, most deep floors!” The slime snickered again, “Not the tenth one! I’m sure even you could do that in a few days, lapdog!”

“Stop calling me that!” The doppelganger hissed again, “It doesn’t matter if it’s the tenth floor - conquering a floor in just a few months is unheard of! Not to mention, he has a Phoenix and a Servant!”

“Oh?” The slime's non-existent eyebrow rose again, “Now you’re talkin’! If you know that much, I take it he kicked someones ass?”

“The Master of Lancer,” The doppelganger started, and the slime’s front half shifted to form two comically wide eyes as it gave an exaggerated gasp. “He sent Lancer to put down the runt early, and he came running with his tail tucked between his legs.”

“The Master of Lancer?” The slime muttered, its front mouth area, which was just a blob of slime, vibrating as it did, “That bastard is no pushover. He must’ve upgraded his Servant a lot by now, so for him to lose to a rookie…”

“Do you understand why my Master wants an alliance now?” The doppelganger pressed, “The Master of Lancer was the first to request one, and my Master agreed. Neither my Master nor Lancer’s can leave their dungeon and head to such a high floor carelessly, nor send any units up, but if it’s you…”

“I could do it easily,” The slime nodded, its cute body bouncing a bit from the action, “But! I won’t!”

“Y-You won’t?”

“I won’t!”

“I meant, why won’t you?!” The doppelganger shouted a bit this time, “You have a Servant as well! You’ll need to kill him anyway eventually!”

“Nuh-uh!” The slime's mouth shifted, a small pink tongue forming on its front to stick out at the doppelganger, “You have to kill him eventually! I don’t care about this whole ‘holy grail’ war thing!”

“W-What do you mean you don’t care?! It’s the holy grail!” The doppelganger huffed back incredulously, “It’s a top-rarity artifact! Even a Master on the bottom ten floors or the surface would kill for one!”

“Yup! It’s awesome!” The slime’s body bounced as it nodded sagely, “I’d love to have one!”

“T-Then why won’t you…” The doppelganger trailed off confusedly.

“Because I have no chance of winning!” The slime said cheerfully - far too cheerfully for their words, “None of us do!”

“Watch your mouth, slime! My Master will win and get that grail no matter what!” The doppelganger growled, his tone slightly threatening.

“Yeah, yeah, and I’m going to head up to the surface,” The slime mocked him, sticking out its tongue at him again, “We can all dream! Did you forget that the King of Nightmares also has a Servant?”

“So? My Master’s dungeon isn’t many floors above his!” The doppelganger countered, a slightly smug tone in his voice, “We wouldn’t even need an alliance to take him down!”

“If he came to you, then maybe,” The slime replied dryly, “The King never leaves his dungeon, and attacking it is a death trap. Did you forget that even the Master of the 95th floor wouldn’t enter it alone?”

“Whatever! The King of Nightmares doesn’t matter right now!” The doppelganger huffed, knowing the slime was right, “Just go take care of the Master on the tenth floor! My Master will give you one hundred million points in return!”

“No thanks.”

“ARGH! You annoying bastard!” The doppelganger huffed as the slime looked at him smugly, “Fine! I’ll even tell you this - the Dungeon Master on the tenth floor is a human!”

The slime stopped for a moment, becoming deathly still as it stared at the doppelganger.

“A… human?”

“Yes! A human! You’ll get to see a real one without entering one of the bottom floors, so just- damn it! You better kill him!” The doppelganger cut himself off at the end as the slime seemingly disappeared into thin air, disappearing faster than his eyes could even track.

“Annoying prick…” He just sighed, his form shifting back to a sheen of pure darkness as the slime was gone, “She better not do something stupid. Damn it! It’s that woman, so of course she will…”

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Keep it moving! A bit more! A bit more! A bit more! STOP!” Azuma shouted abruptly, shoving forward with his hands as if he were using the force to stop a massive block of concrete. It worked, too, as the block froze in the air.

In reality, there was a large, stone [Golem] carrying the huge block of concrete. The monster looked as if it were made of hundreds of smaller stone slabs stacked together poorly, making it look as if a toddler had made it. Considering Azuma had made this one personally with his [Golem Creation] skill, that observation wasn’t far off.

“It’s a nice-ass statue, ain’t it?” Azuma called back to no one, grinning up as the final concrete block was put into place. 

Azuma, or more specifically his golem, was in the process of putting the finishing touches on a large concrete statue of Azuma. It was inside the dungeon right now, having to be put in a room with a very high roof to fit the roughly 50-foot-tall statue, but it would be moved to the front of the resort soon. This was the beginning of what Azuma called the ‘become the world's most famous man’ plan - which was a very blunt and self-explanatory plan name. 

I’m gonna rule this world!

Azuma didn’t mean that in a literal ‘conquer the world and make everyone his subordinates’ type of way, but instead in a ‘have so many points I can buy enough units to take over the world for me’ type of way.

After his duel with Riser, Azuma had quickly found himself even richer than before - which was without a doubt surprising, as he didn’t know it was possible to become so wealthy.

I really am a billionaire now. I have way more money than I’ll ever need, but I’ll keep making more, because why not?

Azuma was exaggerating with the ‘billionaire’ part, as he definitely hadn’t reached a billion points yet, but he was very casually in the tens of millions now. The duel had only increased the resort's popularity, and along with his territory expanding outward further into Kuoh, he was raking in a ton of cash.

Now, I just need to somehow convince the world that my Dungeon is super chill and not dangerous and not something they should blow up!

The side effect of so many supernatural beings flooding to Kuoh meant that his dungeon was now under more scrutiny. Its entrance was still just a small cave in the forest neighboring the resort - which was literally right next to it, as part of the forest had been cut down to build the actual resort - and wasn’t really that hidden. As a result, as many more intelligent and less uncaring supernatural creatures visited, they were taking note of the various monsters Azuma was employing - many of which were apparently ‘not real’ or ‘extinct.’

Which is fuckin’ stupid! If there are devils, fallen angels, dragons, and even talking boobs in this world, then there can be a goblin dripped out in Gucci!

So far, the usual powerful guests at Azuma’s resort, that being Serafall and Ajuka, didn’t really care about the various mythical creatures or Azuma’s strange powers. Ajuka was more interested than concerned about it, taking a ‘I’ll watch from afar (but not that far) as you grow’ approach, and Serafall extra-didn’t care, as she had just said Gobby would look good in a Magical Girl outfit upon seeing him for the first time - something Azuma never wanted to imagine.

If the Maou don’t care, why do those magic pricks have to?

The concerns about his dungeon had stemmed from more mages starting to visit Azuma’s resort, which had led not only to concerns about the extinct and unheard of creatures existing, but also somehow protests being held outside the resort for ‘worker rights.’

They’re units! All the pay they need is an upgrade here and there!

In Azuma’s eyes, randomly becoming stronger, faster, and overall more powerful every month or two was more than enough payment, but unfortunately, the protestors didn’t know that - and definitely wouldn’t agree with him. For that purpose, Azuma was now starting to use Golem labor to build an actual front to his dungeon to prevent any supernatural beings from just walking in.

“Make sure that doesn’t break. I’m heading out,” Azuma said bluntly to the golem, turning as he started heading to his dungeon entrance.

If the core gets broken, I’m fucked.

It wasn’t like Azuma didn’t have any protections set up within his dungeon, but those protections were… goblins.

Who won’t do shit! They might as well be those shitty stray exorcists!

As a result, Azuma would need to make a genuine entrance to his dungeon so no one wandered in. He stepped out in front of the dungeon, glancing over at the singular golem working as he started constructing the official entrance to the dungeon, which was rather grand. It was still a work in progress, but giant marble pillars were already stretching upward as the ground was being changed from dirt to concrete.

Announcing the existence of my dungeon and a whole other world on the other side is going to be annoying. I might need to call in a few favors.

But that was better than leaving stray-exorcist-levels of defense for his dungeon.

“Um… excuse me? Are you… Azuma Kaito?” Speaking of stray exorcists, Azuma groaned as someone called out behind him.

“Look, the monsters like working, okay? Have you ever seen a goblin with that much drip? I know you haven’t, because there hasn’t ever been one, and I’m the reason he’s like that!” Azuma called over his shoulder without even turning around, assuming it was one of the many protestors that had been hanging out in the area.

“G-Goblin? Drip? What does that mean?” However, Azuma should’ve realized from the overly-cute voice, which sounded so cute that the person speaking couldn’t have possibly been human, that it wasn’t a protester.

“Oh, you’re not here to complain? My bad, what can I do for-” Azuma paused, stopping mid-sentence as he was assaulted by possibly the cutest thing he had ever seen.

The woman behind him seemed to be glowing, and Azuma wasn’t sure if it was because she was standing at the perfect angle where the sunlight was streaming around her, or if it was because she naturally emitted such a glow. She had two big green eyes, an impossibly adorable face, and long blonde hair that flowed down to her rear.

The woman was wearing a long, loose-fitting robe that looked fit for a nun, but that couldn’t hide her sexy body. Azuma was decidedly not a good person and had partaken in sins far worse than leering at a woman, but even he felt his stomach churn with guilt as his eyes trailed down the cute woman. She had decent-sized breasts, which couldn’t compare in any universe to Rias, Akeno’s, or Aphrodite's, but that still had a certain appeal to them. By comparison, the back of her robe seemed to stick out slightly as the woman’s rear didn’t fit her half-petite frame, as her juicy ass seemed nearly as round and perky as Rias’ huge behind.

“Asia Argento,” Azuma breathed out, his whole vision being blinded by the bright light shining into his eyes, and he almost raised a hand to block his vision.

She’s way too fuckin’ cute!

“A-Ah, you know me?” Asia blushed lightly as Azuma stared at her very intensely with wide eyes, “T-Then that means I’m in the right place, right? It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Kaito!”

Shit, did I say her name outloud?

Azuma usually wouldn’t make such a rookie mistake, well, maybe he would, but the womans beauty and pure adoreableness had blinded him for a moment, and his normally dark brain, which could only be described as the very definition of ‘shitter,’ had been flooded with sunshine, rainbows, flowers, and cute bunnies.

“Uh… yeah, for sure,” Azuma nodded sagely, quickly composing himself, “I definitely know you, and why you’re here. But, you see this golem here?”

Azuma casually gestured to the huge rock golem, who didn’t actually have any thoughts as he was just a construction of stone and not too different from a robot.

“This is my best friend, Golemmy, so you need to introduce yourself to him.” Azuma finished, nodding proudly at his ‘genius’ diversion, “Tell him all about why you're here!”

He won’t understand any of it, as he just follows orders from me, but I’ll definitely listen.

“Aww, Golemmy! That’s such a cute name!” Asia gushed, smiling brightly as she looked at the huge golem, “And you’re so cute!”

Azuma glanced up at the massive rock structure, which was poorly constructed, as he had also been the one to make it. The rocks were uneven, mashed together, and the ‘face’ on the golem's front was just drawn with a marker, as Azuma was too lazy to try and sculpt a genuine face.

“You’re cute. He is definitely not cute,” Azuma deadpanned, causing Asia to blush lightly at his words, “Now, explain it to him quickly so he can go back to doing unpaid labor.”

“R-Right! My name is Asia Argento, Golemmy.” Asia bowed her head lightly at the golem, who didn’t even acknowledge her words. “I’m a nun from Europe, but, um… I was excommunicated…”

Asia’s face dropped as she continued to explain, looking down sadly, and Azuma felt like someone was squeezing his heart. The phrase ‘pulling on your heart strings’ was personified, as Azuma felt like he was having a heart attack watching the adorable woman look sad, and a spike of rage coursed through him.

That’s it! I’m gonna burn that whole faction to the ground! I’m gonna charge into Heaven! I’m even gonna burn Europe to ash-

Azuma shook his head quickly, pulling himself out of the cuteness-induced rage as his sensible side took over.

She’s scary. Very scary.

“B-But, now I came to live with Mr. Kaito, so that’s okay!” Asia smiled brightly again, beaming up at Golemmy, whose marker-drawn mouth… twitched up into a smile?

How the hell is that possible?! This girl is terrifying!

It seemed that even rocks couldn’t resist Asia’s cuteness.

“Right, but why are you coming here to live with me?” Azuma asked blankly, raising an eyebrow at her, “That’s what Golemmy asked, as we’re really close friends, so I know shit like that.”

“Oh! Of course!” Asia nodded as Azuma gave no explanation at all, just saying ‘I know shit like that,’ “I was told to come here!”

She was told to come here?

Azuma just stared at her blankly. In canon, Asia had come here after being excommunicated to join Raynare’s group, who would then promptly murder her by ripping her sacred gear out of her body. Raynare had made a deal with Diodora Astaroth to get her sacred gear, and then give her body to Diodora to revive so he could then add her to his harem of brainwashed nuns. But, in this instance, Raynare couldn’t have made that deal with Diodora, because Raynare was locked up- ahem, living a very normal and free life inside of Azuma’s dungeon. That meant that Asia had to have come for a different reason, which probably came from whoever told her to come to Kuoh.

“By who?” Azuma raised an eyebrow at her, dropping the ‘tell Golemmy’ charade as he looked straight at her.

“Um… I don’t know?” Asia said, sounding more like a question than an answer as she tilted her head cutely, “I forgot to get his name! That’s so rude of me!”

Azuma stared at her blankly, nodding slowly as it all made sense.

Of course. If she were this cute and also smart, then she’d be overpowered. She had to be balanced somehow.

“So, a random guy just told you to come meet me in Kuoh, and you did it?” Azuma asked her incredulously, and Asia blushed as she realized how it sounded.

“N-Not some random guy! He was very nice!” She huffed defensively as she held up a finger, though she looked more like a cute chipmunk than an intimidating presence as she puffed her cheeks out at Azuma. 

“So, a ‘very nice’ random guy told you to come meet me in Kuoh, and you did it?” Azuma reiterated, modifying his original statement only slightly, “That’s how you get kidnapped, y’know?”

I can see how Raynare captured her so easily in the series. This girl is way too trusting!

“No way! He was so nice!” Asia countered, her cheeks puffing out even more as she really looked like an adorable chipmunk now, “He kept saying how pretty I was, and that I had a nice smile! He wouldn’t trick me!”

“That sounds exactly like a pervert trying to kidnap you,” Azuma deadpanned again, “Do you at least remember what he looked like?”

Why the hell is some random pervert sending her to my dungeon? Do I gotta kick this guys ass?

“Oh, yes! Um… he had blonde hair, but also dark hair! And he was tall! But, um, everyone is tall to me, so maybe he wasn’t…” Asia’s face squished cutely as she thought hard about it. “He was wearing a red shirt! And black pants! And… I think that’s about it!”

Azuma stared at the cute girl blankly.

That could be literally anyone. She’s lucky she’s fuckin’ adorable, because she’s definitely not the brightest.

“Oh! And he had twelve black wings!” Asia’s face brightened as she added the extra detail, and Azuma had to resist deadpanning again.

She should’ve started with that! It was obviously Azazel!

“Yeah, that’s Azazel,” Azuma hummed, nodding at her with a sigh, “Alright, you can stay.”

“Yay!”

As Azuma looked at the cute girl, he knew he had two paths to go here.

She’s adorable. No one in their right mind would take advantage of her.

Asia was the pinnacle of cuteness - the very definition of it! Azuma knew that she deserved to be protected. To be cared for. To be treated like an absolute princess, and to be spoiled rotten. She should never be sad, never cry, and never have to work a day in her life. Her cuteness alone could cure even the most depressed man, and she could even count as a national treasure. For someone to take advantage of her and manipulate her, they’d have to be an absolute scumbag. The worst of the worst. A complete dickhead. An arrogant prick. The scum of the Earth. They’d have to be-

Me! This is how I can solve my problem!

Azuma’s mouth twitched up into a grin as Asia beamed up at him.

“Yeah, you can definitely stay. In fact, I even have a job for you.”

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Alright, this is the one. This annoying bastard won’t go away,” Azuma said, lifting up Asia as he was holding her by her waist, “Tell him to fuck off.”

“I-I can’t do that, Mr. Kaito!”

“Just call me Azuma. I’m just a few years older than you, not an old man!”

“W-Well, that doesn’t change anything! I can’t do that, A-Azuma!” Asia protested, her face beet-red as Azuma held her in front of him like a shield, “I know that word is bad!”

“...I don’t understand what you’re doing, Azuma Kaito.” The man Asia was being held in front of was a pretty intimidating sight, and Asia was shaking slightly as he towered over her, “I just want a duel! You defeated Riser Phenex easily, so now I want my turn in the arena!”

The man was tall and muscular, with lean muscles covering his whole body and being visible through his tight training shirt. He had a rather handsome face, medium-length brown hair that shaped his eyes, and an overall friendly vibe.

“And I keep saying I don’t want to, so stop annoying me!” Azuma hissed back, glancing around Asia as he glared at Sairaorg Bael, “Asia, tell him to piss off!”

“T-That’s so mean! I can’t do that!”

“Trying to use this small girl to answer me, Azuma Kaito?! Are you too cowardly to say it to my face?!”

“I’ve said it to your face a hundred times already, dumbass! You just keep coming back!” Azuma shot back, then leaned close to Asia’s ear as he spoke quietly, “Here, tell him this. It’s a traditional Japanese phrase that means ‘blessings upon you and your family.’”

Azuma whispered the next part into her ear, and Asia flushed even deeper.

“D-Does it really mean that?”

“I’m a nice guy, right? I wouldn’t lie to you!”

“I-I guess that’s true,” Asia nodded, turning back to Sairaorg even as Azuma continued to hold her face-to-face with the tall man. Then, Asia smilied, her face literally radiating light as if she was an angel, “Please go suck a dick and eat shit, Sairaorg Bael-san!”

Alright, she might not actually be stupid, but she’s definitely way too naive.

Sairaorg blinked at her words, pausing for a second, “...Usually, I only get more fired up when you turn me down, but when she says it, I can’t get mad. You win today, Azuma Kaito, but I will be back.”

“Please don’t. You’ve already been banned from the resort for a month, and my duel with Riser was only a week ago,” Azuma deadpanned as Sairaorg turned around, walking away in defeat, and he finally placed Asia down.

“Good work, Asia,” He grinned, patting her head, and the adorable girl blushed and preened under his touch.

“I’m glad you and that man could work out your differences, Azuma! That was a nice thing you said to him,” Asia smiled up brightly at him, still not understanding that she had very clearly not been saying a traditionally nice Japanese phrase, “You were definitely the bigger person!”

You know that word of phrase, but not what a ‘dick’ is?

Granted, the woman was a literal nun who’d grown up in a church, so Azuma was surprised she even knew what ‘fuck’ meant.

“But, that was just the warm up,” Azuma nodded sagely, “I know for sure that you’re ready for this job now. Head to the desk I showed you earlier, and I’ll send in the first ‘guest.’”

“Oh, yes! I won’t let you down, Azuma,” Asia nodded determinedly, “I’ll help all these people!”

Asia promptly speed-walked over to a desk in the corner of the resort’s lobby, which had a large ‘HELP’ sign on the front. Azuma then turned away, walking out of the entrance and to the front of the resort.

“Alright, you annoying fuckers, if you wanna complain, you can complain!” Azuma shouted as he walked to the front of the resort, where various visitors were holding up signs protesting against his ‘worker abuse.’ They were mostly mages, but the movement had spread quickly, and there were even devils, fallen, youkai, and various other species mixed in. There were even some normal humans, which was surprising considering there was a barrier around the resort that made non-supernatural humans think the monsters were normal humans.

“There’s a help desk in there now, alright? Go complain your hearts out!” Azuma finished his statement by turning around, promptly closing the entrance door behind him as the stampede started.

“About time, you abuser!” The first man who entered was clearly a mage, as he was wearing a long robe, though he didn’t look like it as his body was tall and bulging with so many muscles that he must’ve been on steroids, “Shoving this onto your employees is something an abuser like you would do, but that won’t stop me! I’m gonna tear the fucker at this desk to shreds so you have to-”

The man paused abruptly as he stomped to the desk, looking down at the glowing form of Asia - who was literally radiating light, as Aphrodite had cast the ‘glowing’ buff on her before she met with Sairaorg - and freezing.

“Please don’t use such vulgar language,” Asia frowned, scolding him lightly, and the man crumbled instantly.

“A-Ah, I didn’t mean, um, ah, I meant- I’ll just go!” In an instant, the raging and passionate man had been defeated by Asia’s cuteness as he turned around and rushed out the door.

She really is overpowered, but this is the real test!

The next protester that walked up was different from the first, as she was instead a rather cute woman with long blonde hair and holding a mage-staff. She’d been a frequent protestor, and one of the starters of the movement.

“The treatment of the monsters here is unacceptable,” She said bluntly, narrowing her eyes at Asia as she wouldn’t budge. “How do you respond to the accusations that the monsters here don’t get paid? Even if they’re creatures, they have rights too!”

“Um, Azuma is a nice person, so I don’t think he’d treat them badly!” Asia countered shyly, glancing down at her hands at the woman's intense gaze, “And, I saw a goblin with some very nice shoes-”

“S-Sorry! I didn’t mean to yell! I-I was just, um, whatever you say!” The mage promptly crumbled before Asia could even finish, unable to bear the sight of the nervous girl looking down shyly. She turned around and literally ran out of the resort.

“Congratulations, Asia,” Azuma hummed, watching the exchange from the side as he nodded approvingly, “You got the job.”

“Yay!”

As the Dungeon resort found its new Crisis Manager, the number of problems suddenly decreased rapidly. 

It wasn’t that they stopped happening, but simply that anyone who reported one was faced with the impossible task of complaining to Asia.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AN: Sorry for the gap between chapters, this one is a bit longer to make up for it. I’ll try to have the next one out sooner!