ok now to gather my thoughts.....
i had to make 91 polygon groups. one for each bone except for the bones in her face (57) and the ones to control her vagina (16)
after that i needed to fill each group with a 100% influence map so it should, in theory, be easier to blend the maps together so that they bend right.
now here is the most important step after saving often.
restart the program
not sure why but if you work too long on one section of building a figure, for example naming groups, then move on to the next step, such as filling groups with weights, the program does some funny things.
thus i have restarted the program just before i started blending and i am being very careful with my progress. when i finish working on a section i come back to it often to see if it changes in a way that does not make sense.
so far so good though i don't hold my breath because i have had things mess up before