XaiJu
1900HOTDOG
1900HOTDOG

patreon


The Best Hot Dogs of 2022: Tom Reimann Day 🌭

Forged by the '90s to be a man of delight and joke density, Gamefully Unemployed's Tom is the star of Tom Day, which is the day today. It's Maximum Tom for a full 24 Toms, which is how you measure time and length on Tom Day.

Best of 2022 Tom Day #1: Wilford Brimley's Hard Target

Do you have any idea how hard it is to be the best part of a John Woo movie where Lance Henriksen hunts a snake-punching Jean-Claude Van Damme with an elephant pistol? A drunk Wilford Brimley achieved it with only a hunting bow and a few Cajun sounds. And Tom rightfully celebrated this achievement.

Best of 2022 Tom Day #2: The Hidden Mustache in Predator

Sometimes a new discovery makes you rethink everything you know about film. The cinematography of The Shining takes on a new meaning when you hear how Stanley Kubrick personally strangled the best boy each morning. Beverly Hills Cop III becomes a deeper experience when you turn on subtitles and every single line says "John Landis killed me." A no less shocking revelation happened here, the time Tom noticed an extra mustache in Predator.

Best of 2022 Tom Day #3: Carnosaur 2

It was right in front of our face all these years, but only Tom saw it. Carnosaur 2 is Aliens! No, fuck you, listen! CARNOSAUR 2 IS ALIENS!!!

Best of 2022 Tom Day #4: The Horny Christian Doom Novelization

It would be ludicrous to read the novelization of the Doom video game. And yet that's what Tom did. And what he discovered was far more horny and religious than anyone could have expected.

Best of 2022 Tom Day #5: Doom - Hell on Earth, A Novel

To read a second novelization of the Doom video game would be unthinkable. A cursed thought. It's something Stanley Kubrick would make an actor do for a movie about finding spiders. And yet that's what Tom did again. And even with you now expecting it to be weirdly horny and religious, it's again far more horny and religious than anyone could have expected.

...

If these images are borked, you can read this article and every other one on the much better in every way 1900HOTDOG.COM.

Comments

DIE. UH. BEAT. US.

CHAUGGLE

Tom Reimann gave me an enjoyment of the 90's Warhammer 40k knockoff RPG The Mutant Chronicles. Thanks Tom.

Flippant Sausage

And Tom all a good Reimann!

Matt Edwards

Merry Tommas! ...wait

FancyShark

A Tom Reimann article make de jackrabbit slap de bear.

Matt Edwards

Truly the most dismaying of circumstances.

Jeff Orasky

I don't wish any harm to come to Tom, but I also want another Doom novel article... how shall I best use my Christmas wish?

Jeff Orasky

yes i liked all these eccept i did start sayin Sweet Mormon Jesus! alot and then a-course trayton picked up the habit and came home with a note pinned to his shirt from the teacher (who is a latter-day gal) sayin: tell him dont say it at school please so i had to ecsplain to him that these are fierceful words we only say em in times of great dismay like if you lawnmower over that croc you misplaced

sissyneck

According to prophecy the only thing that can kill Tom Reimann's love of the '90s is a time-traveling Tom Reimann from the 2090s. I think that says a lot about our own lives. Thanks for giving us that to reflect on, Tom.

Brendan McGinley


More Creators