Swordsman's adventure 23

“Well, that was fun.” Tanya said, nodding to herself as she reviewed her prize: A high quality pirate flag with an atrociously ugly design. “If you want this back, wait at least a year and leave a message at Gloom Island. I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.”

Bellamy, now seated with a cast on his leg, had a complicated look on his face but he knew the score: 2-1, in her favor. So he nodded, “Where is that?”

“Go to Dressarosa and you should be able to get directions.” Tanya said, “You’ll need to go there eventually, as it’s Doflamingo’s stomping grounds, so if that’s beyond you, you’ll have no chance to reclaim the flag.” They’ve passed out tons of eternal poses to valued trading partners, so while they didn’t directly give one to anyone from Dressarosa, Tanya fully expected Doflamingo to have gotten his hands on one. 

Of course, there was a 50/50 shot that Bellamy and his entire crew were now dead men walking, marked for death by Doflamingo for failing to bring glory to his name… but if she took responsibility for whatever amoral sadists would do as a result of her actions, she’d never get anything done. “Now, do you actually have treasure and need supplies, or did you manage to do that before Reverse Mountain?”

As it turned out, they did, in fact, go to Reverse Mountain to escape the Marines after robbing a ship carrying the pay of one of the Marine bases. As a general rule, Marine ships didn’t risk Reverse Mountain. So she charged them through the nose for some spare lumber (ordinary kinds, specifically for sale), nails, food, rum, etcetera. 

Bellamy didn’t even blink at the prices: pirates always were charged outrageous prices for things, and given how he was both desperate and didn’t have a prayer of intimidating himself a discount, he just bought what he could afford with the goods in his hold that she was willing to take as payment and went onward towards Paradise, intent on making up for the shortfall with some fat merchant ship or something like that. 

“Well Crocus, have you punched enough knowledge into Deuce’s head, or should we stay another day or two?” She asked after watching Bellamy vanish over the horizon. 

Crocus took a moment to consider the question. “...He’s not as dumb as I expected, so give me the rest of the day to wrap up his crash course and leave in the morning.”

“Great!” Tanya said, “I’ll lighten up on the training, then.”

Suddenly, a deeply pained moaning started emanating from the sea, as Laboon surfaced and prepared to ram his head into a literal continent. Again. 

Tanya sighed and focused intently, launching every scrap of conqueror’s haki she could at the gigantic whale. While it didn’t knock the powerful sea mammal out… it did make him reconsider his course of action. Laboon sheepishly went back underwater. 

Honestly, the bratty whale just doesn’t learn…

-------------------------

“What the fuck is with this weather!” Ace shouted as Tanya smoothly handled the wheel, navigating the sudden storm. 

“Can we go back to the Capes?” Deuce whined, tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry about everything I ever said about Crocus! I definitely need more lessons!”

Kuina frantically spliced a rope together after it snapped, growling. “First it was freezing, then the seas were boiling,” That actually didn’t have anything to do with the weather, they were just passing over a volcanic hotspot. “-now this shit! Is this the Grand Line?”

Tanya whistled a tune to herself, even if she couldn’t even hear it over the roar of the wind. Five, four, three, two, one… The winds died down, suddenly becoming a gentle rain. “Hey, open up the rain barrels! We could use the extra water!” Yes, the ship was equipped with a desalination device. Rain water still tasted better. 

Grumbling even through their relief at the weather’s capricious mercy, Deuce and Ace obeyed orders. One of the humandrills popped out from below decks and frantically signed something at Ace. “We have a leak?” Ace shouted, before barreling past the monkey to go do his job. All of her crew were steadily learning HSL, and naturally they learned signs related to their designated tasks a lot faster than less useful vocabulary. 

She was wondering if that impact from three minutes ago did any damage… Guess it did. She looked at the sky, and frowned. Yeah, she better avoid that. Which direction… She turned the wheel to the right, intent on sailing around that cold front while her crew was soaking wet. 

Deuce properly closed and sealed the now-full rain barrels as the rain lightened to a damp mist. “Shit, is this going to happen every day?” He asked, panting. 

“No.” Tanya said simply. “The weather near the Red Line is more chaotic than the rest of the Grand Line. You still get tons of extreme weather events, and the transitions between climate zones are always going to be abrupt, but it won’t be quite this bad for most of the trip.”

“...So the only thing that’ll change is that the massive storms will last longer than ten minutes.” Deuce summarized. 

“Precisely.” Tanya agreed. 

Deuce looked despondent, but then started to slowly chuckle. After building up a full belly of steam, he laughed long and hard. “Duhuhuhuhuhuhu! This is the kind of thing I went out to sea for! I… I have to start writing!”

“We’re not out of the storm yet. You’ll have to wait.” Tanya immediately retorted. Deuce fancied himself an author, writing about his adventures in the hopes of creating the next big novel series. “Wind’s going to pick up in another four minutes, and I can spot steam; this storm’s going to cook you if you’re not careful.” As good as her eyes were, she couldn’t magically tell exactly how hot water was, but she could tell that they were about to reach a low-pressure zone so the water was probably not as hot as it looked. So… probably no hotter than a warm shower. 

It’s still worlds better than hitting that snowstorm she was avoiding, she might actually get sick if she went in there after a rainstorm. Living near the Red Line for her early years gave her a firm respect for the power of the weather, and she used that knowledge to navigate the Second barrier to Paradise for her crew. She also needed to not turn so far as to hit that whirlpool in the distance… 

Did she know where the log pose had set to? Absolutely not. She didn’t even try to figure it out. The Twin Capes operated more like a New World Island, with many possible destinations that a normal Log Pose would switch between on a chaotic schedule that would take decades to properly decrypt mathematically. This was further complicated by the fact that where on the Twin Capes you waited for the pose to reset changed that schedule. 

The storm began, hot droplets of water pouring all over the deck with massive gusts of wind throwing the water and ship every which way. Oh, that’s actually kind of nice… Tanya took off her hat and let the steamy water run down her scalp and down her shirt. After a moment, she double-checked the log pose. Ah, she got distracted, they were forty degrees off course. 

She examined the churning water in front of her, and turned the wheel to ride the waves to her destination. 

-------------------------

“Land, precious land!” Kuina shouted as she hugged the ground. Ah, memories. 

“The Red Line’s climate zone is a special kind of crazy, yeah.” Tanya said as she waved goodbye to the dockmaster. “Welcome to the Ishgar Archipelago!”

“Oh, have you been before?” Deuce asked, walking off as well. Ace was the one stuck watching the Humandrills that stayed on the ship today. 

“Not in person, no.” Tanya replied, “But I know someone who does a lot of work here, so I’m familiar with the current political situation.” Specifically, that this place was currently a Revolutionary hotspot. “About fifty years ago, this place had three Kingdoms who regularly fought over resources, each a separate nation in the eyes of the World Government. But then the King of Alvarez, which was a nation in exile after some conflict I wasn’t able to find information on, ate an unknown devil fruit of tremendous power, giving him the ability to spew forth tremendously powerful attacks to devastate armies, while also giving him a tireless and supposedly invincible constitution.” She assumed it was some kind of mythical zoan, dragon maybe (not Kaido’s fruit, timeline didn’t match up), but finding out the nature of that power would be a fun little side-mission for herself while here. “With this army-slaying power, he brought all three of those countries: Fiore, Bosco, and Stella, to heel and declared himself Emperor of Ishtar.” She waved her hand vaguely. “Nowadays, the place is sort of back under World Government control, I assume because they either assassinated the Emperor with CP9 and installed a puppet or because he died normally and they just strongarmed the weakened monarchy into joining up.”

Kuina frowned. “...Tanya, Cipher Pol only goes up to eight.”

Tanya raised an eyebrow. “Sure it does.” She said sarcastically. 

“What do you mean, ‘sort of’ under government control?” Deuce asked. 

“Because it’s currently in the middle of a civil war.” Tanya summarized, “Ethnic tensions have boiled over, and they seek to throw off the World Government’s yoke and become an independent country ruled by a democratically elected council that represents the interests of all three ethnic groups.”

Kuina frowned. “Is that why you bought all those guns in the East Blue?”

Tanya waved off Kuina’s suspicion. “No, I didn’t know we’d end up here, I bought those because they were really cheap and I knew I could turn a profit. There was maybe a 50/50 chance I knew something about whichever island we ended up on. I did travel around the world with my father when I was younger, you know.” She clapped her hands, signing so the four humandrills that accompanied her off the ship would understand as well. “Now, who wants to go find a good place to eat?” All six crew members simultaneously made the ‘delicious food’ sign, which was hilarious to see so synchronized. 

The city they were in was called Port Orchid, as the Fiorans tended to name things after flowers. In fact, due to the oppressive Alvarez regime, the tendency to name things after flowers, trees, or stars was exacerbated in an attempt to cling to their old identities. 

This extended to the city’s aesthetics, as the port was beautifully designed, with balconies filled with flower pots on most buildings, healthy blooms everywhere there was to look. She pitied anyone who was susceptible to hay fever in this place. 

After asking around, they learned of a “man with giant blood” that had started a fine dining establishment that didn’t skimp on the portions, and more importantly had seating that could accommodate the humandrills. 

“Welcome to Fairies Feast!” Said the bald man with a moustache who was around seven meters tall; his build reminded Tanya of Kuma, actually. It was entirely possible they were distant relatives. He was dressed in chef’s whites; the maitre d’ had explained that the chef preferred to personally attend to those who sat at the large table. “I am Chef Makarov, what will we be having today?”

Tanya spoke up: “I will order for my larger crew.” She declared, “What’s the special?” She snapped her fingers for attention and signed for her crew to settle down while she speaks for them. “He is about to tell me what they have.” She added. 

The man hummed, assessing the situation. After a moment, he decided to move on. “We have had a Sea King Bourguignon slow cooking for the last two days, it includes-” He named several vegetables, only half of which Tanya knew. 

“What cuts of meat do you use?” Tanya asked, curious. 

They went back and forth, as he didn’t use the same terminology that Tanya learned, but he seemed appreciative of the curiosity. “That sounds like something my crew would enjoy.” Tanya eventually said, “Do you have any tendercore? I haven’t had any since the Reverie.” While the jury was still out on whether it had magical powers to make someone stronger, it was incredibly delicious. While she did so, she informed her crew via HSL what they were eating, and each of them started smacking their lips at her description. 

“We do!” Markov said joyously. “Should I prepare a filet mignon?”

“Please.” Tanya said, not even asking about the price. If you had to ask, you couldn’t afford it. “Also, any scraps for Saifu.” The dog’s head poked up and panted, drooling all over Tanya’s shoulder. “What do you two want?” She asked Deuce and Kuina, ignoring the dog slobber. 

“Eh… that stew does sound kind of nice.” Kuina said. Marakov looked annoyed at her calling the dish what it was, but didn’t say anything. 

Deuce, on the other hand, rattled off a specific high class dish that Chef Makarov immediately nodded and noted down. 

Once the chef went to actually cook their meals, Tanya looked around the restaurant. Hm, she wasn’t given much in the way of signals, but… Ah. Catching the eye of one of the waitstaff with an unusual earring, she leaned forward and laid her head in her hands, crossing her fingers in a distinctive but deniable way below her left eye. The waitress adjusted her hair, flicking the earring backwards, which was the countersign she was looking for, and moved on. 

“So this place doesn’t seem like it’s in a civil war.” Deuce said, sipping at the tea he was served. The humandrills each had large tea cups as well, and were imitating his casual adherence to proper etiquette. 

“This is an archipelago, the war hasn’t spread to every island yet.” Tanya explained, “I don’t know the battle lines, but I didn’t hear that the war ended, so it’s probably still going on elsewhere. A good opportunity for some profit.”

“If it isn’t?” Kuina asked. 

“Then I’ll get to buy goods from a recovering economy, which is excellent news to my bottom line.” Tanya said, rubbing her hands together greedily. “Do you know how in demand Fioran botanical perfumes are?” Also herbal medicines, cuttings for gardens… naturally a place with so many flowers tended to produce many talented botanists. “If we’ve timed it right, I could get to ride the supply and demand curve down from the top of the peak.”

“What are the other two countries known for?” Asked Kuina, absorbing Tanya’s lecture thoughtfully. . 

“Eh? Oh, Stella’s known for these crystals that glow in the dark. They absorb light or shed it, depending on the light levels.” They were popular for use in street lights, if carved and built correctly, but only rich countries generally bothered. Vegapunk used them in his yet to be successful attempts to create laser weaponry. “Economically, they also have an island that’s basically one big marble quarry, for statuary and architecture.” They also had some secret techniques on that front that made the resulting furniture incredibly beautiful… and expensive.  “Bosco’s into shipbuilding, lots of lumber and mining interests dominate their economy.” Tanya shrugged. “They’d be wonderfully complementary if they didn’t all hate each other.”

One of the other patrons gave her a dirty look, having clearly heard her comment. Or they were just insulted as to the presence of literal giant monkeys. Still, the dinner went fine; this was not the first time Tanya brought humandrills to a fancy establishment, so she knew that their urge to imitate outweighed the overall chaos they usually brought to the table. Pun intended. 

Her filet mignon was genuine, incidentally, so she paid full price with a smile. 

-------------------------

Afterwards, Tanya made sure to make herself visible, shopping around for a good deal. Some of the East Blue alcohol was offloaded at a good price, and in turn she bought a few crates of perfumes in glass bottles that had powdered stella crystal mixed in; it made them literally sparkle in the sunlight, a feat of product design that she could respect. They were a large investment, but she was confident that she could turn it into an even larger payoff. 

“Oh, I should warn you, by the way:” The merchant said after the transaction was finalized and her subordinates were carrying it back to the ship, a mask of calm on his face. “There’s a bit of an export tax on those. The Dockmaster will impound your ship if you load it without paying.”

“How big is this tax?” Tanya asked idly. He quoted a price per crate that was twice as large as the amount she paid for them. “...I’m not paying that.” She said, shrugging it off. “There’s funding your navy with reasonable tariffs, extracting government budgets from as close to the ones who benefit as possible, and then there’s… that.” Protectionism? Desperately grabbing as much money as possible due to the revolution? 

The merchant shrugged. “Yeah, it used to be a tenth of that,” Which is entirely reasonable and a tariff she’d pay without a fuss. “But the guy the World Government plopped on the Orichalcum throne upped most of the taxes a few months ago, it’s really bad for business.” Yeah, even if she could just charge more, the degree of tariff means that she’d have to accept a margin low enough that she might as well not bother with such a fragile, high-risk item. 

“...Was that what caused the situation in Jewel to erupt as it did?” Tanya asked, matching it to the date of the event she read about in the paper. 

“More or less.” The businessman groused, “The real kick in the pants is that World Government affiliated trading companies and others officially sanctioned aren’t subject to the tax, so the prices in the outside world have only gone up like fifty percent.” He paused for a moment before clarifying: “I have a cousin in Alabasta who I used to work with, even he can’t afford to buy from me anymore.”

“I’m affiliated with the World Government, so that’s good enough.” Tanya mused. “I better go clear up the situation at the dock before Ace sets something on fire.”

“Aw, and here I thought we could chat.” Said a familiar voice. 

Ah, perfect. “Lucy!” Tanya said happily, giving the older girl a welcoming pat on the back. “Come on, walk and talk, and put your hood back on. I really do need to have a chat with the Dockmaster.”

The girl that Tanya knew back in school had grown quite a bit in the time since Tanya had last seen her: Not so much physically, although she did enough that Tanya doubted she could fit in most of her old clothes given her penchant for tightly fitting ones. No, the majority of her growth was in her strength and presence, apparent even to an ordinary observer once she lowered her travel cloak’s hood. “So what are you doing in this part of the world?” Lucy asked idly as they walked. 

“On vacation, mostly.” Tanya said, “Father thought it would do well for me to experience a traditional Paradise journey, and I’ve taken the opportunity to play merchant, see how much money I can make.”

“Keyiyiyiyiyiyiyi!” Lucy laughed. “Only you, Tanya.” She mused, “But seriously, that’s it? There’s not something you want to do before you have to go back to full time Princess-ing?”

“Well, I do have… one quest.” Tanya said, suddenly nervous. “I plan on following up on a particular lead from Columbia, and while I don’t know if my route crosses that island, I have a good map so I’ll just make a detour if I need to.”

Lucy nodded knowingly. “Yeah, that’s one of the Army’s early successes, I’ve heard stories but...” She took a moment to think. “...I don’t think anyone from there is around here, so I’ll have to ask around.”

“That would be appreciated.” Tanya said, “My questions are related to the events that destabilized the kingdom before the Revolutionaries openly stepped in, if they ask.”

“Tanya, I’ve told you that the Revolutionaries don’t destabilize the Kingdoms, more than enough do that on their own than we can handle.” Lucy complained, poking Tanya in the shoulder. 

“It really doesn’t matter.” Tanya said instead of contesting the assertion. “Even if I go over there, odds are I won’t be able to learn anything secret about the events, so just the knowledge of someone who was there at the time should be enough that I won’t need to detour. Them being the sorts who likely had their fingers on the pulse of the news when it happened can only help.”

Lucy huffed. “You have a real talent for making things sound nefarious, you know. Smuggling suits you.”

Tanya chuckled. “Well, if I can get the ear of your local procurement department, I’m sure we can cut a deal.” She paused for a moment, pretending to think. “Or is your operation well-supplied for once?”

Lucy laughed at Tanya’s joke. 

-------------------------

Clearing things up with the Dockmaster didn’t take long; she did, in fact, have official documentation indicating that she was a direct representative of one of the Seven Warlords of the Sea, and thus was not only World Government affiliated, but her ship was to be given privileges equivalent to the personal vessel of a Marine Vice-Admiral, which would make her immune to inspections and tariffs anyway. She would have preferred to pay her way, but she had limits. The fact that she was invoking the carve out in their own laws rather than her blanket immunity did make her feel better about the whole thing. 

“Ace, this is my friend Lucy.” She explained, “She’s going to be directing us to her friends so I can cut a deal with them. If you wish, you can go ashore after the goods are loaded, and have leave to do… whatever. Deuce is somewhere in the port.” Kuina had returned to do some smithing, and Tanya could sense her presence on the ship. 

“Sweet.” Ace said, looking over the city with a mischievous gleam in his eye. “I’m gonna go exploring.”

“You have my vivre card?” Tanya asked, and he patted his hat, where the piece of paper stayed inside the band around it before hopping off the ship onto his little rocket-boat, which he called Striker. Hrm. She didn’t say he could leave yet… Ah, it wasn’t that important. “That reminds me, do you know someone who can make vivre paper?” She asked Lucy. 

“Yeah, I do.” The blonde girl confirmed. “Knowing you, there’s a collection of nail clippings and hair in your desk or something, isn’t there?” 

“Actually, I kept it in the infirmary.” Tanya corrected, “Also I had Deuce do the actual collecting.” Traditionally, the ship’s doctor was also the ship’s barber, and one of the more mundane tasks that Crocus insisted on teaching him was inspecting fingernails and toenails for parasites, which was also a good chance to keep them trimmed. 

“Knew it.” Lucy said, laughing again as she sat on one of the cannon turrets. “So, anything left before we go?” She asked, kicking idly. 

“No, let’s go meet your superiors.” Tanya said, clapping her hands to get the humandrill’s attention and issuing orders to get the ship moving. 

-------------------------

[Portgas D. Ace]

His cousin was a weird little girl. 

Oh, he’ll be the first to admit that he was far from well-traveled, he doesn’t know a whole lot of girls to compare, but Tanya was still pretty weird. Most of the time, she was a total tomboy, practically acting like one of the guys, and that made things so much easier. 

But then something comes up and she suddenly turns into the perfect imperious Princess, acting completely differently. It reminded Ace of the nobles at Goa, and that pissed him off. 

He definitely wouldn’t be sticking around, that’s for sure. But… he never would have thought to ask some random lighthouse keeper for stories about Gol D. Roger. It was the first time he got word of the man from someone who actually liked the crazy bastard. 

…Ace always thought that he’d hate the man if he ever met him… but now? He was pretty sure he’d still deck the sick bastard, but both of them would be smiling while he did it. That was just the kind of crazy asshole his father was. 

He still wanted to outshine the man, of course. But… perhaps…

Hm? 

Ace had quickly tried to find a different island in the archipelago, trusting in the vivre card to allow him to find his way back. If he didn’t? Well… maybe they’d all be better off without him. He’d be able to go become his own pirate, and Tanya would be able to do her own law-abiding thing without him getting in the way. Everyone’s happy. 

Anyway, he had found another island and put Striker aside (fun thing about devil fruit trips, you didn’t really fear people stealing it). On that island, he quickly ascended to the top of a large-ish hill, and was now overlooking… a battlefield. 

It looked like the fight was over, and one small girl was dragging bodies into organized piles. Well, it didn’t sit right with him that she was left alone to the grisly task, so he took a big flame-boosted leap and landed behind her, about twenty meters away. “Yo!” He shouted, startling the focused child.

She looked about… twelve? Somewhere around there. She had long blue hair and was glaring at him. “What?” She shouted back, surprisingly loudly. 

“I saw you doing all this by yourself, giving them a proper send-off, and figured I’d help.” He said, before turning his fingers into fire. “I could at least burn them for you.”

The girl looked at him dourly, annoyed at his very existence. She visibly gathered her manners and smoothed out her expression (which he sympathized with) before bowing in thanks. “I would appreciate your assistance, Mister.” She said calmly, “I’m ten.” She added.

Ace grinned. “I’m seventeen, the name’s Ace.” The girl’s expression turned incandescent and she burst forward to smack him in the head. He forgot to discorporate and took what felt like a Fist of Love to the head. “Ow!” He shouted, “What’s the deal?”

“My NAME is Ten.” Ten corrected, “I’m nineteen, just so you know.”

“...Really?” Ace asked. Ten raised her Fist again. “Okay, I believe you!” He stammered. Wait, there was something off about her… he couldn’t put his finger on it. “How long have you been working on this?” He asked. 

Ten looked at the sun. “About… thirteen hours.” She said casually. “Come on, these guys aren’t heavy but there’s a LOT of them.”

“Impressive.” Ace said as he followed her to where the next unsorted body was. 

Ten shrugged. “I don’t get tired.” She said in a matter-of-fact way, “I’ll get sleepy eventually, but it’ll take more than this to wear me out.” She did seem a bit on the strong side, according to Ace’s Observation. He could definitely beat her in a fight… but she was the strongest person he’s ever sensed since learning that trick besides Tanya, so he knew that he’d be in for a tough battle if he tried. 

He liked her already. As he was a lot bigger than her, she loaded him up like a pack mule with five bodies, while she lifted another and led him back to the funerary site. With this new speed, they managed to lay everyone in neat rows in about an hour, collected some kind of identity token each of them carried, and Ace then set the whole lot ablaze, feeding the flames with his haki to ensure they burned quickly without growing into an out of control brushfire. 

It was when he was watching her in the presence of the smoke that he noticed what was wrong. She breathed weirdly. Most people would cough in the presence of this much smoke; the only reason he didn’t was because he was fire. Instead, the smoke just kept going into her mouth and nose… and kept going in. She never exhaled it. “So what’s the story behind these guys?” He asked.

Ten looked him over, and decided something. “Come on, I used to live over there, but I have a campsite a few miles that way. I’ll cook you dinner.” She started running in that direction, and Ace easily kept up. 

The girl lived in what appeared to be a rocky hill that had a massive chunk blown out of it, the overhanging stone providing good cover and the elevation making rain not much of a concern. “I’ve already eaten.” Ace offered, seeing how little she had. “But I could go for a small snack if you’re having something.”

Ten huffed, but bade him to start up her cookfire nonetheless, taking out what appeared to be a surprisingly complete kitchenware collection and getting water from… somewhere, she was turned away when she got it out, starting the water to boil before bringing out what appeared to be flour and eggs, and she quickly started working to turn it into dough. “While I’m working on this, I should probably answer your question.” She said.

“If it won’t distract you too much.” Ace offered. In his experience, being able to have a conversation while cooking was a sign of a really good cook… or a ticket to disaster. 

“This is nothing.” She said casually, folding the eggs into the flour with practiced ease. “It’s just pasta.”

“Then I’d love to hear it.” Ace said, settling in for a good story. 

“It all began nine years ago, when Emperor Zeref finally kicked it…”