ROYAL REWARD: Supervillainy 2: The Bigger They Are, The Harder They Fall (Giantess, Destruction)

“Dr. Paperclip! Your reign of–hic!–terror is at an end!” Stumbling forward, her ears ringing and her vision blurry, Puncherella raised her fist and gave it what she hoped was an intimidating shake, though it actually looked like she was trying to milk a cow. “Surrender, or I’ll–” 

Someone coughed behind her. “That is a statue of Lenin,” said Dr. Paperclip. 

Puncherella spun, and sure enough, Dr. Paperclip was behind her. She risked a glance over her shoulder. Jeez, talk about beer goggles. “Ugh, why couldn’t you do this when I was sober?” 

“I’m not the one who made you drink at 9am,” said Paperclip, somewhat testily. “Now, if you’d allow me to return to my regularly-scheduled monologue...” 

Puncherella hiccuped. “Sure, go ahead…” 

“Excellent.” Paperclip coughed. “Ahahahahahahaha! Finally, Puncherella, our final battle is at hand! With the aid of my latest invention, defeating you shall be as trivial as giving candy to a baby–” 

“Taking.” 

“Pardon?” 

“It’s taking candy from a baby.” 

Paperclip blinked, looking horrified. “You mean I made all those lollipops for nothing? …Never mind! Behold!” She raised her latest raygun (she had a real fetish for rayguns) and took aim at the nearest fire hydrant. With a zap and a screech, it shrank to a tenth of its former size. “Behold!” 

“A shrink ray?!” said Puncherella. 

“Something like that,” said Paperclip, stroking her imaginary mustache smugly. “But fire hydrants aren’t the only thing it can shrink!” And before Puncherella could react, the mad doctor took aim and–

Zap! Puncherella squealed as the world around her grew to gigantic size. 

Looming over her, Paperclip burst into a fresh round of maniacal laughter. “Ahahahahaha! Look at how small and weak and tiny you are, Puncherella! Now who’s going to get to give who a swirly, huh–?” 

Ka-Pow! Paperclip flew back, trailing teeth, and landed with a crash on the other side of the street. 

Puncherella lowered her fist. “You may have taken my–hic!–size, Doctor! But nothing can take away my superstrength!” 

Paperclip sat up with a groan. “Really? Ugh, superpowers are such bullshit.” Leaping back to her feet, she brushed herself down. “Well, no matter! Fortunately, my new invention can do far more than shrink things!” 

“E-eh?” said Tiny Puncherella, hating how squeaky her voice sounded. “I thought it was a–hic!–shrink ray?” 

“Oh no no no no no~.” With a grin, Paperclip pinched the raygun’s dial and casually snapped it from ‘Suck’ to ‘Blow’. “Take this, you obstinate obstacle!” She squeezed the trigger. 

With an extra-dramatic bbbbbzzzzrrt!, like the bolt had gone to theater school, the raygun zapped her. Puncherella squealed, already envisioning some terrible ‘Fantastic Voyage’-style plot where she had to fight off a bunch of germs, but to her surprise, it wasn’t her but the world that started shrinking. “Paperclip! You pinky-promised me you wouldn’t shrink any more planets!” 

Paperclip chuckled, though it was a little hard for Puncherella to hear her now. “Oh, don’t worry, my dear. I didn’t cross my fingers this time.” 

As the world around her grew smaller and smaller, Puncherella stumbled, struggling to stay on her feet. She felt like she was on one of those rides at the themepark. You know the ones, where you get in the little chair thing with the bar on it, and it goes up and up and up and– 

“Oh, man,” said Puncherella, clutching her head. “When I get back to normal, I’m going straight to AA.” 

In a desperate attempt to keep herself on her feet, she reached out and grabbed the stone wall beside her. Unfortunately, it turned out to be the headquarters of KittenLove! a charity devoted to helping cat orphans all over the world, and when she leaned on it, it crumbled like rotten wood. Fortunately, as her hand crashed through one floor of the building after another, she managed to reduce their overhead significantly. By the time she reached the ground, they had waaaaay more money to spend on charity, though there probably wasn’t anyone left who knew that.

Striking the ground with a crash that broke every window and set off every car alarm in five square miles, Puncherella struggled back to her feet, an act made much more difficult by the fact the road was crumbling beneath her. When she finally succeeded, she managed only a single step before she lost her foot and toppled headfirst into the University of Supercity’s campus:

“Congratulations,” said the Dean, struggling to read the teleprompter over the cheers of the sea of fresh graduates frothing and peaking in the plaza. “I’m sure you’ll all go on to live long lives full of immense success and probably not immediate–” 

As he turned to ask his assistant what the next word was, he heard a tremendous splatting sound, like the kind you hear when you step on a fat tomato. 

Back in Giantsville, Puncherella2 finally managed to push herself off the ground again. But no sooner was she back on her feet than she stumbled again, flailing her arms and knocking airplanes out of the sky in the process. In the end, she grabbed the Supercity Tower, wrapping her hand around the ring-shaped restaurant and, tightening her grip, making it more of a jam donut than a plain one.  

For a second or two, the Tower actually managed to support her. Then its steel beams gave as if they’d been struck by a plane, and with a tremendous crash, the entire thing crumpled under her weight. When Puncherella’s face hit the deck, the shockwave demolished every building in the city center. By the time she managed to sit up, the sound of sirens and screams was deafening. 

“I really need to stop drinking,” she said, staring out across the wasteland. 

“Hah!” From far below her came a bout of booming laughter. Looking down and squinting, Puncherella found Dr. Paperclip chuckling into a megaphone. “Ahahahahaha! Look at you, stumbling around like a big, dumb giant! How are you going to defeat me like this, Puncherella? Step on me?” 

With a frown, Puncherella stepped on her.

“T-touché. Ow.”