Mansion of Madness! - Chapter 4

In any other set of circumstances, Weiss Schnee might have found some satisfaction in the Mansion’s kitchen. One of the greatest joys of her childhood had been slipping out of bed in the middle of the night and sneaking down to the kitchen of her family’s own mansion to pilfer a midnight snack or two from the cupboards. But this… this…

Well, it barely even counted as a kitchen! You couldn’t cook a feast in here, let alone a banquet! Also, it was probably full of traps, or something.

“How exactly is this meant to help us?” she asked.

“Yeah, I’m not exactly seeing an exit,” said Nicole, squinting at the walls. With only Freiren’s magic for light, it was hard to see everything, but certain details were clear enough: there wasn’t even a window, to start, let alone an exit. Maybe the entire Mansion was underground. Or maybe Mahou was a vampire.

“At least we can gather supplies before we continue?” said Emilia, ever the optimist.

Weiss snorted. “Do you really trust the food on offer here?” 

As the rest of them discussed the kitchen, Samus took up a spot by the door, keeping watch in case any guards turned up. So far, there didn’t seem to be any–they were free to explore at their leisure. But for all they knew, that could change at any second.

“We’ll take a quick look, just in case,” said Erza. “There must be something we can use here…” 

“Like what?” asked Gura. 

“Well, what do you normally find in a kitchen?” 

“Food?” said Gura.

“Orphans!” said Baka.

“Knives,” said Erza, grinning like a demon.

“Well, I don’t see any knife racks,” said Weiss, rolling her eyes. “So unless you want to risk opening the drawers…” 

Erza’s smile fell. She thought about this for a second. “Baka, come here,” she said at last. “I have a job for you…” 

“What’s dat, nya? Just open the drawer? Okay, I can do da–NNNYAAAAAH!”

*

As Erza used Baka as a minesweeper, the rest of them fanned out, carefully studying the kitchen’s endless cupboards and drawers. There had to be something they could use here, surely? If not an exit or supplies, then at least something they could use as a weapon. Even if it was only a ladle.

Ilulu found herself drawn to the table in the center of the room and the strange device screwed to the top of it. Studying it from all angles, she squinted at it suspiciously. It looked like a tiny metal dragon, complete with a metal funnel for a mouth and a pipe for a tail. But what was the handle for? And what was it meant to eat? “What even is this…?” 

<SKILL CHECK: FREIREN - WISDOM …PASS!>

Soft footsteps on the tiles behind her. She turned to see Freiren the Elf approaching, with the pink-haired Nicole in tow. “It’s a meat-grinder,” she explained.

Ilulu’s stomach rumbled. “A meat grinder?” she asked, turning back to it. “How does it work?” 

<SKILL CHECK: NICOLE - WISDOM …PASS!>

“Well, you put meat in the top,” said Nicole, pointing to the small hopper on the top of the machine. “And when you turn the handle, mincemeat comes out the other end.” She pointed to the nozzle on the side. 

“Though this one looks much larger than the other examples I’ve seen,” said Freiren, frowning. “I don’t even want to think about what kinds of meat you’d put into it.” 

Ilulu, sadly, had tuned out at the mention of meat. All she could think about at the moment was how long it had been since she’d eaten. “So, all you have to do is turn the handle and meat comes out?” 

“You’ve got to put meat in first,” said Nicole.

Ilulu looked around, but there was no sign of any meat about. “Has anyone found any meat?” she shouted.

A chorus of no’s and shaken heads from everyone save Baka, who raised her hand, thought about it for a second, and finally lowered it. 

Ilulu groaned. “What else can we put through it?” If she couldn’t make something to eat, maybe she could at least destroy something. That would be fun. 

“I don’t know, cheese?” said Nicole. “You don’t really put other things through a meat grinder.” 

“Whatever,” said Ilulu. “Baka! Baka, come over here!” 

The catgirl bounced over, body jiggling. “That’s me, nya!” 

“Would you survive being put through a meat grinder?” said Ilulu, all casually, as if this were a regular everyday question.

“Sure!” said Baka, all happily. Just as suddenly, her expression fell. “I mean, nyo! Nyo way! That’d definitely kill me!” 

“Really?” said Ilulu, disappointed. 

Baka frowned. “Well,” she said, pressing her fingertips together, “maybe it wouldn’t kill me, nya, but it would be kinda uncomfortable and I don’t really wanna do it, so–” 

“So you would survive?” 

“I-I–” Baka bit her lip, looking torn. “M-maybe?” 

Ilulu turned to Freiren and Nicole. “I’m going to put Baka through the meat grinder,” she said. 

“Please don’t,” said Nicole.

“I would really not recommend it,” said Freiren.

Ilulu snorted. “What’s the matter? You’ve seen how tough she is. You can take it, can’t you, Baka?” 

Baka trembled. “I…”

“Think of it this way,” said Ilulu, patting her on the shoulder. “If we put something through the meat grinder, then we’ll have something to eat, won’t we? Just think of all that yummy meat, Baka.” 

Baka’s stomach rumbled. She thought about this for a second. “I guess dat makes sense, nya.” 

“That doesn’t make sense at all!” cried Nicole. 

Unfortunately, Baka was already clambering up onto the table. “So how do I…?” 

“Just stick something in,” said Ilulu, grabbing the handle. “It doesn’t matter to you, doesn’t it?” 

“Just, like, put my hand in?” 

“Yeah!” 

Baka stuck her thumb in the grinder’s output.

“Wrong hole,” said Ilulu, flatly. 

Baka pulled her thumb out, looking horrified. “Sorry,” she said, seemingly to the grinder. “I’ll ask permission nyext time.” 

“Stick your hand in the hopper at the top,” said Ilulu, as Freiren and Nicole exchanged a worried look. 

“This one?” said Baka, hand hovering over the gears. 

“Urgh! Do I have to put your hand in there for you?” With a groan of despair, Ilulu clambered up onto the table with her, grabbed Baka’s hand, and aimed it at the hopper. “This one! …This is the right hole, right?” 

Nicole nodded. 

“Okay, now, you just stick your hand in these gears, and I’ll turn the handle till you come out the other end. Does that sound good to you, Baka?” 

Baka, sweating all over, shook her head.

Ilulu sighed. “Look, you don’t have to go through the meat grinder if you don’t want to…” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah,” said Ilulu, slumping in defeat. “I suppose…” Maybe Gura would let her grind her instead.

With a great sigh of relief, Baka pulled her hand away. 

As the catgirl jumped from the table, landing on all fours like a squirrel or something, Ilulu turned to hop down herself–

–and came to a sudden stop, like a dog who’d reached the end of her leash. Frowning, she looked back. It felt as if her tail were stuck on something, but what–?

The grinder’s teeth glinted where they bit into her tail. Staring at them, she blinked in shock, unable to understand what she was looking at. “I–? But–? How did…?!” 

Nicole and Freiren had turned to leave with Baka, but now, hearing the panic in her voice, they spun back. “What happened?!” cried Nicole. “How did you get your tail stuck?!” 

“I don’t know!” cried Ilulu. “Just help me get it out!” 

Hearing her, several of the others turned to look. 

Freiren and Nicole rushed over and grabbed her hands to tug her out, but it made no difference–she was stuck fast. 

“Turn the handle in reverse,” said Freiren. 

“W-which way is that?” asked Ilulu. She gave the handle a little twist clockwise, but all it did was pull her tail in a little farther. 

“Not that way!” cried Nicole 

“Are you serious?!” cried Weiss, arriving with Samus and Erza. “How could you possibly–?!” 

“I don’t know! Just help me!” 

The grinder rattled on its stand like a living thing, glimmering with dark runes, and to their collective horror, the handle started to turn itself. Ilulu squealed as another inch of her tail slipped into the gears. “H-help me!” 

They all grabbed her and tugged now, but it made no difference: her tail was jammed. The only thing that moved was the table. 

Finally, with a panicked squeal, Ilulu snatched her hands out of their grip and made to grab at her tail herself. “Nn~!” 

“W-wait, Ilulu!” cried Nicole. Don’t put your hands–!” 

<SKILL CHECK: ILULU - WISDOM …FAIL!>

The instant Ilulu grabbed her tail, the grinder flashed with red runes, blazing with bloody fire, and the handle spun into motion like the wheel of a racecar. Ilulu squealed as the gears sucked her tail between them, her tail and the hands holding onto it, followed shortly by her arms. There was no pain as they squished them into mush, only a strange kind of tingling, like pins and needles but a hundred times more intense. She squealed again, still fighting to pull away, but it was futile: with every second, another inch of her arms slipped inside, crushed like clay, bringing her face to face with the gears as they chewed her like a monster’s teeth– “Help me! Help me! Help–Mmmphf!” Her head slipped inside between them, and everything went dark. 

She wasn’t dead, fortunately, but it wasn’t much of a consolation. “Mmmphf!” Even as the gears smushed her head into an unrecognizable mess, she continued to squeal and scream, fighting desperately to pull herself out. Sadly, with her head and her arms and her tail trapped, she didn’t have many options left. All she could do was kick like a petulant child. 

Someone’s hands grabbed her ankles and tugged, and for a second her progress seemed to slow. Not an instant later, the grinder roared like an irate animal and worked itself even harder, leaving Ilulu to squeal in muffled terror as her flame sacs slipped between the gears as well. Flattened, crushed, smushed and rubbed together, making her want to whine in lust. Nnnn~! She’d never realized it could feel so good. 

For another minute or more, Ilulu struggled to keep fighting as inch after inch of her body slipped into the grinder. The pleasure was so great, she could barely think, but she couldn’t give up, she couldn’t let it end like this! It wasn’t fair! She was a mighty dragon, not some hunk of meat to be ground up into mince. Nnnn~! Make it stop! Let me… Nnn~! Let me…! 

Finally, her lower half entered the gears, and as they ground her hips and her buttcheeks and her vagina into paste, Ilulu’s mind went with them, flattened into a thin film of pleasure, barely sentient. 

*

Weiss stood back, her eyes wide in horror, as the last of Ilulu’s legs disappeared into the grinder, her panicked kicking sending one of her shoes flying across the table. An instant later, she was gone, though the device continued to rumble away, grinding on, its handle turning and turning, on and endlessly on, until–

Finally, just as she started to think it might never happen, something slid like a snake from the other end of the grinder. Lump by lump, it emerged, pouring out of the hole and down to the table, a train of strange carriages emerging from a tunnel, each clump a mix of colors, mainly flesh and red, with bands of black and white. There were maybe thirty or so in total, all coiled in a neat spiral.

One final clump struck the table with a thump, and with that, the grinder’s handle ceased to turn. 

Weiss stared at the thing on the table with an expression of utter horror. Gura gaped. Erza swore. Nicole turned away, shielding her eyes. 

<ITEM ACQUIRED: DRAGONMEAT SAUSAGES>

<EAT THIS NYUMMY DELICACY TO FULLY RESTORE NYOUR HEALTH, NYA!>

Emilia ran to the sink and retched. 

The rest of them simply stood there staring, stunned to silence. In the end, it was Gura who spoke first. “I-is… is she…?” 

The sausages twitched ever so slightly. Somehow, this made things a thousand times worse. 

“She’s still alive?!” cried Weiss. 

Carefully, Samus approached and picked her up, allowing Ilulu’s new form to dangle from her fingers like a string of wet TP. “It would seem so,” she said, when the sausages start to wiggle. 

“Wh-what do we do now?!” cried Nicole. 

“We have to find a way to turn her back, obviously!” said Weiss.

“I-is that even possible?” asked Gura. 

Erza grit her teeth. “We have to try,” she said. “Even if it means finding Mahou and beating the answer out of her.” She slammed her fist into her palm to punctuate her point.

No one responded.

“In the meantime, let’s get moving,” said Erza. “There’s nothing else for us here.” She turned and made her way to the door, leaving the rest of them to follow her.

“...Should I bring the ladle?” asked Baka.

*

Leaving the kitchen behind them, the… eight? nine? members of their party set back out into the mansion, Ilulu wrapped around Nicole’s arm. Heading around the corner, they marched down the corridor past the bedrooms, where another turn brought them to a third door, identical to the kitchen’s. Once again, Baka went to open it, and Freiren sent her little light floating inside, to reveal–

“I suppose that makes sense,” said Weiss, somewhat bitterly.

–a smaller room, filled with clothing. A row of washing machines and tumble dryers stood by one wall, and over them, a shelf bearing a plethora of bottles in different colors, presumably cleaning products. Baskets of clothing, some larger and some small, filled the floor–other garments hung from clothing racks, one of which happened to bear the most blush-inducingly skimpy set of lingerie any of them had ever seen.

“Well, this looks like another dud,” said Weiss, folding her arms. “Unless anyone wants a change of clothes, anyway.” 

Erza took a step forward. 

“Of course,” said Weiss. 

“We don’t have much choice,” said Samus. “There are no other doors left.” 

Weiss grit her teeth in frustration; Samus was right. What option did they have but to examine it? It was that or backtrack and check one of the other rooms again.

“M-maybe there’s a secret door in the washing machine?” said Emilia.

“By all means, stick your head in it,” said Weiss, gesturing for her to go ahead. “The stage is yours.” 

Emilia swallowed and stayed put.

As they looked about, a thin chuckle licked their ears and made them shiver: “Fufufufufu… That’s right… Keep searching, little mice. You’re getting closer…”

Vote to decide who should act and what they should do! Depending on the combination, this might go really well for them! …Or it might not. More than one option may be enacted. 

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