ชิ้นChîn: Chapter 18. And Wholly

Studio apartment, an infomercial plays on the TV at low volume. Charlie is asleep in his bed, his body and left shoulder covered by the blanket.

The alarm on his bedside table goes off with several loud beeps, 11:00 a.m.

He wakes suddenly with a snort. He reaches over with his right arm, pressing the off button on the clock.

He rubs his tired face, rolling over onto his back; his left arm is absent from the deltoid down, where a second black band marks.

He closes his eyes again and gives a tired sigh. A small black nose and whiskers brush up against his face, tickling him. Ember licks his nose, and Charlie opens his eyes again, smiling up at her. He sits up, petting her as she purrs.

Charlie, groggy: "Morning. Ember."

He pours a glass of water, grabbing a nearby medication bottle.

Charlie cooks a few sausages and eggs. He moves the food to a place with two pancakes.

Ember sits on the back of the couch, watching him and purring. Charlie pulls on a thick coat and steps over to Ember to pet her. He steps up to his apartment door, opens it, and walks through. A spectral hand rises from behind him and flicks off the light as he closes the door.

-

Charlie is sitting in a room on a couch, comfortable like a living room, with a desk in the corner. On the coffee table in front of him is a recorder. Across from him is an Abnormal humanoid with short deer antlers and ears, a notebook in their lap.

Therapist: "How have you been doing with your homework this week?"

Charlie: "Uh—mostly fine."

Therapist: "Explain."

Charlie, mild shame: "I listened to—most—of the recordings."

He perks up with weak pride.

Charlie: "But I'm actually able to get near the locations now. Maybe not linger—" his pride drops "especially the shop…"

Therapist: "That's great. Which recordings did you avoid?"

Charlie grimaces, hesitating to respond.

Charlie, voice cracks: "The uh… the recent one."

Therapist: "Breathe."

Charlie pauses, breathing deep and slow.

Therapist: "Do you think we can work on the one you avoided today?"

Charlie, hesitant: "I'll—try."

Therapist: "Just let me know if you need to stop. We go at your pace."

Charlie nods in understanding, and the therapist leans forward and turns on the recorder.

Therapist: "Close your eyes. Start at the beginning. What is happening?"

Charlie closes his eyes: "A lot of it is fuzzy—I was talking with him…"

Therapist: "Present tense, talking with whom?"

Charlie tenses and takes a deep breath.

Charlie: "I'm sitting on my couch, Anwir is talking, I taste something bitter…"

-

Charlie hunched over, his head in his hands, covering his eyes, his voice shaky.

Charlie: "I can't feel my body do it. I can't see it. I can't do anything, but I'm aware of it, like I'm in a really bad dream. I keep thinking that when—"

He swallows "—while they grab him. I—I think I hear him scream. And there's a weird… feeling. But I stop thinking about it. I just tell myself—It's just a nightmare."

-

Charlie is still hunched, but hands down.

Charlie: "I beg her to make it stop. I killed them, I hurt her… I hate myself for that."

He sniffs, taking another moment to breathe.

Charlie: "I look at the blade in her hand and I thought—I think—if they can't kill me, maybe that can."

-

Charlie, standing at the door and wipes his eyes. The therapist steps up to him and hands him a small drive.

Therapist: "Listen to it at least once if you can this week. If it gets too much, you can focus on the other ones. And next time you pass by one of the locations, try standing nearby, for just ten seconds."

Charlie takes the drive and pockets it.

Charlie: "I'll try…"

Therapist: "It's okay if you can't manage these goals. We can slow down if you need to."

Charlie: "Thanks…"

Therapist: "See you next week."

-

Charlie walks down the street, his hands in his hoodie pockets. He looks forward and grimaces as he nears the flower shop. He stops in front and looks up at it. His breath hitches. A for-sale sign is in the dark window.

Charlie: "One… two…"

He looks through the glass and into the darkness of the closed shop.

Charlie: "Three... Four..."

The memory of him and Anwir making bouquets flashes in his mind, then to Anwir being torn apart, then to the killer standing over him with the blade.

Charlie becoming panicked: " f- fi…"

He briskly walks away, breathing fast.

Further along the street, some people are planting some shrubs in the tree pits.

Charlie continues to walk with his head down. One of the people holding a shrub for planting turns around as Charlie nears. The shrub brushes against his face. Charlie reels and stumbles back. His bare feet take a few steps on the forested ground.

The person looks at him: "Sorry!"

Charlie rushes past, shaking.

He finds a bench and sits down. Still shaking, he pulls out his phone.

-Nora-

Yesterday

[Nora] Are you sure?

[Charlie] Yea, I want to try to do this on my own.

[Nora] Alright, but please contact me if you need anything. I'm here for you.

[Charlie] Thanks

Now

[Charlie] [Map ping]

[Nora] on my way!

Charlie puts his phone back in his pocket and pulls out a small candy. He unwraps it, crinkling the plastic wrapper in his fingers, as he pops the candy in his mouth.

Charlie mutters: "I'm Charlie. I'm safe. I'm on Main Street. I had an appointment with my psychologist. I was walking down the street and stopped by the flower shop. I made it to five seconds. Then—"

Running through the woods, Anwir grabs his left arm.

He opens them again and takes a couple of slow breaths.

Charlie: "Then someone was holding a bush—or something—I walked into it. Now I'm sitting on a bench, waiting for Nora. I'm Charlie, and I'm safe."

He sighs, his phone dings, and he pulls it out to the texts.

-Barbra-

[Barbra] [scrapcarproject.png]

[Barbra] We have a buyer!

[Barbra] And some new ones came. I think we have the parts you need for the other project now.

Charlie smiles.

[Charlie] Nice! I'll be there same time tomorrow to start it :wrench:

-

Charlie, still sitting on the bench, is now calmer. Nora's car pulls up, and she steps out, her arm in a sling. She steps over and sits beside Charlie.

Nora: "Hey, you alright?"

Charlie: "No—but I'm better now."

Nora: "Good. What do you want to do now?"

Charlie: "I still want to go."

Nora: "Want me to drive you there?"

Charlie nods. She smiles and stands, Charlie following.

-

Nora's car pulls up to a small convention center. In front of the building is a sign 'Trauma and substance dependency support group'

Charlie steps out of the car.

Nora: "Let me know if you need anything!"

Charlie looks back: "Thanks, Nora."

-

Charlie enters the building. Inside is a large table with several chairs around and a collection of people of all genders and adult ages, some old vets, some simple young women.

Basit sits in a chair further away from the table, an empty chair beside her. She looks up at Charlie and smiles. Charlie smiles back and sits beside her.

A woman stands: "Alright, it's time we start. Now, for any new members, welcome to the group. Trauma and substance dependency can affect anyone from any walk of life. So we try to stay an open-minded safe space for all. So, any atheists can breathe easy. We are not alcoholics anonymous."

A few in the group give a light-hearted chuckle.

Woman: "Though we are not a faith-based group, we do support everyone's faith, and we can help provide resources for anyone who wants to try faith-based recovery. Like I said, we want to make sure everyone feels welcome and safe here."

-

Charlie and Basit walk away from the convention entrance.

Basit: "Want me to walk you home?"

Charlie: "Uhm… I had one more place I wanted to go first."

Basit: "Want me to walk you there?"

Charlie, meek: "Sure. Thanks."

She follows him as he walks.

-

They walk down the sidewalk.

Basit: "How are you feeling?"

Charlie: "Fine."

Basit peers at him.

Basit: "Really?"

Charlie: "Yeah, I mean—Not great, but I'm doing better."

Basit: "Have you felt any… 'thing' since?"

Charlie: "Still, no. It's all me now."

Charlie, witty: "So phooey for you and Nora. Y'all are still stuck with The Lego Man."

Basit smirks: "Well, I think Lego Man is an alright dude, so be nicer to him."

Charlie grumbles, half-smiling: "Alright, but only because the 'Iron Maiden' said so."

-

They reach the park. Charlie stops at the entrance.

Charlie: "Thanks for walking with me. I got it from here."

Basit nods: Call me if you need."

Charlie: "Thanks."

He walks through the park, making his way to the courtyard. He sits down on the bench.

Charlie: "Hey, Daniel."

Charlie: "Ember's doing well. I think I may be feeding her too much, though. Therapy is rough, and I hate it. But I think it's helping."

Charlie: "I still hate myself. It's really hard to not feel like it's my fault. But I'm working on it."

Charlie: "I miss you, man. I hope you're still praying for me."

He sniffs, wipes his eyes, and takes a deep, sad breath.

"Hey."

Charlie looks over, his eyes still slightly puffy and wet. Kate stands nearby, dressed warm and smiling at him awkwardly.

Charlie: "Kate—Hey."

Kate awkwardly: "Sorry—I didn't mean to—"

Kate: "May I sit with you?"

Charlie shifts to make room for them. Kate sits beside him. A beam of warm afternoon sunlight pierces the clouds and shines on them. They both look at each other with a wistful, awkward smile.

Kate leans their head against Charlie's shoulder, Charlie putting an arm around them.

End.

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