Weren’t You Only Using Me As A Stand-in? [109]

The moment Kitahara Takeru said, “Senpai, at the Tokyo Cat & Dog Expo… I was there,” Kasumigaoka Utaha’s face went ghostly pale—as if all the color had drained from her blood.

Of course she knew what he meant.

He was telling her: Everything you said to Machida Sonoko… I heard it all.

What do I do?

That was the first thought that surfaced from the chaos in Utaha’s spinning mind.

Kitahara wore a faint, hollow smile.

“Senpai, your plan was to neatly cut ties with me after today’s date, right?”

“That’s not true, Takeru!”

Utaha’s voice rose suddenly, sharp and piercing.

For the first time—

This was the first time Kitahara had ever seen this woman lose control.

In his mind, Kasumigaoka Utaha had always been the picture of composure: dignified, elegant, perfectly measured.

Like a jade Buddha perched high above the mundane world, observing everything with a cold detachment—unmoved, unshaken.

Kitahara had always known she wasn’t emotionless.

She just never saw him as someone worthy of stirring her emotions.

She would never be like this over Aki Tomoya.

“Not true? Then what—are you trying to say you’re in love with me now? What about Aki Tomoya?”

His gaze locked onto hers, sharp and narrow like a blade.

“…”

Just one sentence.

That was all it took to silence Kasumigaoka Utaha again.

She didn’t want Kitahara to leave her. That much was clear.
But was it love she felt? Or just a habit she couldn’t shake?

Did she love him more than she loved Aki Tomoya?

She didn’t know anymore.

Kitahara seemed to expect her silence. As he looked into those wine-red eyes—so beautiful, like aged vintage—he smiled.

“Senpai, the moment you hesitated… your answer was already clear.”

From those mesmerizing eyes, he saw it.

Hesitation. Doubt.

And that was answer enough.

Utaha looked down, biting her lip hard. “…"

Kitahara’s gaze dimmed, sorrow flickering in his eyes like a man who'd fallen for someone he could never reach.

“In the end… the one who smiles when they see you will never beat the one you smile at when you see them.”

Sure, he held a place in her heart.

But when it came down to it—if he were to compare himself to Aki Tomoya… not even he believed he was enough.

He didn’t believe she could fall for him so quickly.

And even if she did fall someday, it wouldn’t be the kind of love that’s pure and untainted.

“Senpai, people fall for things simply. They only start weighing pros and cons when they don’t like something.”

“It’s like strawberries. If you like them, you’ll buy them without hesitation. But if you’re indifferent to bananas, you might still buy them—because you know they help with digestion.”

“But what if you only had enough money to buy one? Wouldn’t you pick strawberries without a second thought?”

“Senpai.”

Kitahara’s voice turned hoarse as he stared into her eyes.

“If the one asking you this today were Aki Tomoya… Would you still hesitate? Still need time to think?”

If it were Aki Tomoya…

Utaha thought about it—and slumped at the realization.

No, she wouldn’t.

If Aki Tomoya had asked whether she loved him, she would’ve smiled. She would’ve lit up with joy.

She would not have hesitated.

Because Aki was the kind of person who made her smile just by existing.

Someone she loved—instinctively, impulsively, no logic needed.

Whereas Kitahara was someone she had to convince herself to accept.

There was no comparison.

“Senpai, you don’t have to remind me you don’t love me. I know. I’ve always known.”

His voice trembled, catching on the edges of a buried sob.

“I could pretend I didn’t know. I’ve been trying to pretend I didn’t know.”

“But why—why did you let me hear what you said to Machida-san?”

“I’d finally pieced myself back together. I was ready to pretend, just for today, that everything was fine. To spend one good day with you.”

“But why did you have to give me something Aki Tomoya didn’t want?”

“Why do you always hurt me so carelessly, senpai?”

“Kasumigaoka Utaha… do you really have no heart?”

Utaha’s chest clenched violently.

She opened her mouth—but nothing came out.

What could she say?

What was there to say?

The truth was… she had directed all her worst moods, her sharpest edges, her cruelest words at Kitahara Takeru.

“This is the end, Kasumigaoka Utaha.”

“I’m done playing the part of your lovesick junior.”

Kitahara rose from his chair, ready to leave—when something tugged at his clothes.

He turned to look, worried it had snagged on something.

But no.

It wasn’t a snag.

Utaha was holding onto the hem of his shirt—just barely, fingers trembling.

“Takeru… don’t go.”

Her face was so close. So heartbreakingly beautiful. And now, for once… pleading.

Something deep in her told her that if she didn’t act now, she would lose him. For good.

She’d never begged anyone before.

She didn’t even know how to make someone stay.

All she could do was cling to the most childish, most honest thing she could say:

“Don’t go.”

Kitahara went quiet.

A long silence followed.

And then, in a voice like it had been sanded down by grief, he whispered:

“Kasumigaoka Utaha… please. I’m begging you. Just let me go.”

Utaha’s pupils contracted sharply. She stared at him in disbelief.

She couldn’t believe it.

That one day, Kitahara Takeru would be the one asking her to let him go.

Her hand lost all strength. The hem of his shirt slipped from her fingers.

“Nice to meet you, Kasumigaoka-senpai. I’m Kitahara Takeru.”

That memory surfaced—when she first met him.

He was like a little sun. Smiling brightly, so warm, so eager to introduce himself.

But the memory shattered, replaced by the present.

Now, his eyes were dull—no warmth, no light. His face carried no smile. His voice was tired.

“Kasumigaoka Utaha… please. I’m begging you. Let me go.”

And in that moment, she realized:

Kitahara Takeru’s smile had long since gone numb.

His eyes no longer sparkled the way they did when they first met.

Now, he looked like a salaryman—burned out, drained of color, soulless after years of clock-punching labor.

Same hair.

Same clothes.

Same face.

But she had spent all this time molding him into someone else.

Into Aki Tomoya.

And she’d succeeded.

So thoroughly that… the real Kitahara Takeru was gone.

She’d erased him.

And now, he’d finally left her behind.

At that moment, Kasumigaoka Utaha missed him terribly.

That boy who once smiled so radiantly beneath a winter sun.

She sat there, silent and still.

From golden afternoon to deepening dusk.

The sky gradually darkened.

It wasn’t until the café owner came over to tell her they were closing that she finally stirred.

By then, Kitahara Takeru was long gone.

She looked at the empty seat beside her.

The boy who—no matter how late it was—always made sure to walk her home before returning to Tokyo…

This time, he’d chosen to leave first.

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T/N: oof, he said the words that the girl in his previous life said to him

This is a fan translation of 不是说只拿我当替身的吗？by 雪碧加冰. All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!