Heart

Something worth celebrating...

Added 2020-07-31 18:42:42 +0000 UTC

I posted this last weekend on Twitter when I got home from our coven hang at Eden’s place, but I wanted to share here too.

What felt so good to me is that I wasn’t even fighting my triggers or actively trying to work through my trauma. It was just okay. I was just turned on and in the moment and wanting her. It wasn’t until afterwards that I realized how remarkable it was that I could stay present and didn’t get triggered or disassociate.

In the past the fact that the bad behaviour of a bunch of assholes was still ruining my experiences would make me fucking angry. I hated that their bullshit was still with me, that the damage still held power. I hated that these assholes were still fucking with me, still taking things away from me. The triggers sucked, but it was these thoughts and this hot rage that would make me cry.

There were no tears this time. To cringing, no freezing, no disappearing into my head and going limp. No panic. It was proof that my body trusts her, that I trust her. For a girl who has been struggling with trust and her instincts, this felt like a really huge win. Like evidence I needed to see. Evidence of growth that has been slow and cautious, but growth nonetheless.

And the moment itself was the best prize, giggling and wet and rolling around on a bouncy castle in the dark, kissing her while she pressed her fingers deep inside of me, watching the stars while she held me close, shaking from the orgasm. Being there with her instead of my mind dragging me somewhere far away. Not just tolerating the moment, living in the moment. Being. Comet or not.