Baby Cuck Feels

I wrote this when I was still with my ex. He and his new girlfriend had a whirlwind sexual connection. We played with that jealousy a little, me asking what it was like when they fucked, him teasing me with details.

“Okay, tell me,” I whispered, my eyes wide. He took a breath in, the words on the tip of his tongue, I lost my nerve, I flinched and shouted “Wait no don’t tell me!” I covered my eyes, he smiled and held me close. “Poor conflicted girl.” His condescending tone made everything worse.

The seconds dragged on like hours, thinking about him with other girls usually made my eyes sting with tears, but playing like this, him poking and prodding just a little, made my cunt needy and wet. Made my heart race.

He watched my face as I wrestled with my jealousy and my desire. I wanted to know, but I was afraid to know, afraid it would be too much.

I resented myself for these masochistic tendencies, which made scary things so exciting. Somehow when I asked him to hit me it was simpler than this. This pain was complex. This pain was more in my head than on my flesh. This pain was harder to ignore.

But I wanted to know. And he knew that. He planted it like a little seed the last time I saw him. He threatened to show me something the new girl does that he really likes. My face burned when he said it. I thought he was joking at first, but he wasn’t. I masturbated to that thought for a whole week, afraid to admit the seed was growing, afraid to know but needing to know. Training myself that it was okay.

But now in his bed with his hands on me I wasn’t so sure. I was afraid it would rip me open, afraid it would infect me and I’d never be able to get it out of my mind. How was I so hung up on this one little phrase? How did it undo me like this?

He stroked my face, his tender eyes soothing me. There was a flicker, wicked and sadistic. His voice came sweet like honey “I think you’re ready baby. Open your mouth, I’ll teach you how to do it just like she does.”

The tags speak for themselves. I like difficult things. This was hot because it was hard and it hurt. But he was careful with this line, he knew how vulnerable I was. The “thing she did” was suck on his tongue! Which was silly and fun and we both giggled a lot. I was relieved he chose something lightweight. He used his serious voice and made me try it, gave me pointers to mimic her technique. I’d never kissed a tongue sucker before, it made me wonder if this is a common thing?

I was a good girl and followed his lesson. I found it kinda icky, maybe because of the feelings attached, but I didn’t find it very sensual... anyway I kissed someone recently who put their tongue in my mouth, limp and expectant. I assumed they wanted their tongue sucked but my connotations with this act are so silly and oddly sore. I kinda skirted around it, opted out. It’s funny to be an “up for anything” kind of girl but find an unexpected limit. Muscle memory and my body’s history. It brought the whole thing back. I could feel the vibration of this moment, lost in all of the other feelings from those last days between us.

(Tell me though friends: Are you a tongue sucker? Do you like having your tongue sucked? Have you ever had anyone do this? Am I out of the loop on this move? Reply in the comments or DM me 💕)