After-hours 31 p4 up, what's next?
Added 2020-10-24 02:17:34 +0000 UTCleave your ideas below, give a like to those you're ok with.
Comments
yeah lol, that slipped my mind. I think the original dialogue might be hard to fit into a page as it is.
MizaruSketch
2020-10-25 22:25:39 +0000 UTCSorry, wasn't paying attention to who was in the panels
Thestooge
2020-10-25 15:43:44 +0000 UTCOh, thought she might be still in her underwear when she gets to them. My bad xD
Thestooge
2020-10-25 15:43:01 +0000 UTCBagheera is fully clothed now :v and clothes or not, it would be very shoehorned-in if she suddenly pulled out her jumpsit just to scratch her asscheeks for no apparent reason. Its just not the type of cartoony writting we’re doing here :/
Kenno Arkkan
2020-10-25 15:36:26 +0000 UTCYour dialogue is even longer than my previous suggestion tho xd its not much of a trim, is it?
Kenno Arkkan
2020-10-25 15:34:25 +0000 UTCSeeing that Bagheera just woke up I think she might be itchy in places, like scratching her tummy, and booty! And while she scratches it pulls down her panties showing of more of that panther booty!
Thestooge
2020-10-25 14:22:57 +0000 UTCAnd about the dialogue, it can be done! :p lately i try to write the characters as if the viewer hasnt read the canon comics (as so many don’t) so i want to convey the relationships between them here and there. How alex distrusts bagheera and the council as an authority. How everyone just adores bonnie buns, that sort of thing. But it can be cut off i guess 😔
Kenno Arkkan
2020-10-25 02:45:53 +0000 UTCAbout the tracking device, i think they can discuss how it works once deniz is already on the vents. And the body heat camera sounds good! We definitely dont have the beeping noise element to give tension like in a movie xd either way, i dont wanna explain it too much. Just enough so the viewer understands what they’re looking at.
Kenno Arkkan
2020-10-25 02:38:53 +0000 UTCIn the movie they use a motion tracker but I think a body heat sensor would be more interesting here. The logic being that Mugger would put off a more distinct bodyheat due to her new "equipment". That or they only have flashlights with nearly dead batteries. That way they'd be mostly wandering in the dark and sparingly using the flashlight to save the battery power.
MizaruSketch
2020-10-24 10:59:21 +0000 UTCMy only suggestion is to trim out the dialogue that's just restating what the reader just saw. The page could start with a small time skip where Bagheera has already had the situation explained to her, then it picks up at the "Alright, horsecock or not, whatever she... "grew" all of a sudden, sounds like a serious medical condition. Our priority should be taking Mugger up with Monica to the clinic."
MizaruSketch
2020-10-24 10:37:45 +0000 UTCSo how about next page starts with bagheera catching up with the situation. Bagheera's first line would be "--Mugger grew a horsecock?? please... Is this some kind of sick joke to you? Everyone upstairs got work to do tomorrow and are trying to sleep..." the rest would be like "It's true!!" "I saw it with my own eyes" Bonnie would be like "We all saw it! It was the size of my arm!!" Bagheera would say "Hmm, you engies are all sorts of shifty, but Bonnie I trust." to what alex and soph would just roll their eyes. "Alright, horsecock or not, whatever she... "grew" all of a sudden, sounds like a serious medical condition. Our priority should be taking Mugger up with Monica to the clinic." "Duh, of course, but how are we gonna do that? Muggs got... violent... almost feral, and ran into the vents..." Soph says. "Her eyes were... blank. --More than usual! She looked... out of control, unhinged...." Deniz would say, with a 100 yard stare. Alex, wanting to take control of the situation (and to get her precious big dick lab rat back) says: "Well, first we gotta go into the vents and locate her. We can think on how to take her upstairs after that. She acted feral... so perhaps our best chance at getting close to her is if somebody she instinctively trusts approaches her first, like her boyfriend." as the shot zooms into Deniz, who is getting his shit together. "I'll do it." He says. The page can either end there, or begin with deniz walking into the vents (with a torch? sounds unnecesary xD So i'd say just a big hand light) hinting at the next page.
Kenno Arkkan
2020-10-24 02:32:09 +0000 UTC
