Daily Update: Although My Knees Hurt

Before I detail the expected, inching progress toward the new list video and the repeated motions of my everyday life, I’d like to compose for you an interlude:

Today I ran.

At 12:00pm, I wrapped my feet in the expensive white tennis shoes that had once been meant for lab classes and tiled hospital floors, and I jogged one lap around the block. I let my hair flop around on top of my head and fall down into my eyes, I let the sweat drip down my face, I fell into a heaving power walk, then resumed, then walked, then resumed. I was an ordinary human being.

Your first impression isn’t wrong. This shouldn’t sound worthy of mentioning here. It should sound like a weird thing to spend any significant amount of time on. You should absolutely be wondering why I went into such detail about the simple act of going for a run.

To me, all of these things are signs of normality. Signs of healing.

My life history is for another post, or another platform altogether. Suffice to say, one way or another, I’ve acquired a vast assortment of social anxieties. Many of these lie in my self-image. Seeing a picture of myself is often the slope into a dysphoric spiral, and imagining myself attempting to perform activities that people do competently and “normally” is usually just as good. One of these has always been running or jogging.

Today, if the world noticed me, I was not aware.

So now I’m writing about it on Patreon, and it’s not a weird choice at all, because it’s these unexciting everyday victories that will allow me to embrace my role as a showrunner. I’d like to be more involved and open. I’d like to express things in the way that humans express them. But always, I get in my own way.

This little victory beside how well I feel I did socially at this last weekend’s convention is leading me to believe I might make something that looks like a full recovery with time. Who knows?

Long interlude. Let’s return to the regularly scheduled program, shall we?

Today I found pretty much all the songs we’ll be using for this video, and Chloe pushed through to about the halfway mark of the audio. We also made the lovely realization that, due to our theme scheduling changes, we’ll have to re-record a bit of audio. Particularly the bit where we spoil which series is coming next. So that’ll be good fun.

At any rate, thanks for reading about my complexes and what have you. Hopefully this was enlightening, or relatable, or on some level entertaining. I just kinda… vomit these things out sometimes.

—Benji