I never thought...
Added 2024-01-29 16:00:09 +0000 UTCI'll be honest, I never thought I was going to get this fat. I really meant it and believed it (maybe naively) when I told myself I could be part of the gainer community without gaining any weight.
And then, probably less than even a month later, when I told myself 'okay, you can gain, but just a tiny bit of weight. like 10lbs tops', I believed that too. It's ridiculous that I believed it. But I think I believed it because I wanted to. Because believing it would put me on this path, denial keeping me docile while my waistbands grow tighter and my arousal grows more insatiable. I think I wanted this, but I was too afraid to choose to go all in, so I took my hands off the wheel and created the circumstances for it to happen to me.
I still can't believe it some days. I look at these photos while I'm uploading them and it's hard to accept that that's me - even with my arms straining around my belly to type these very words. My denial turned to concern then turned to the thrill of doing something I shouldn't then turned to desperate eating, eating, eating.
And now my double chin makes it hard to look down. My stomach rests in my lap. And that was always the plan. I just didn't know it at the time.
