If It's Stupid But It Works... Then It's Still Stupid & It's a Miracle That It Worked - Chapter 6

"Alright, come down, we need to talk about what you've done." Ares said with a smirk. He seemed to have a natural growl of subtle anger, even when he's smiling or seemingly calm.

Guess that's just a part of being the God of War.

"Yes, sir!" I called out and jumped down with no problem. I placed my hand on the giant bronze baseball and focused on shrinking it back to it's normal size. Hmm, it seems like it needs a bit of a wiggle.

"Now, you just killed my guard for my Sacred Energy Drink, what do you think I would do now?" Ares said.

"Sacred Energy Drink?" I blinked at that. I mean, I know a lot of old things from myth are modernized but... well, I guess it kinda makes sense.

"Used to be a lake, but times changed. Anyways, you just drank my water without permission, and killed my son." Oh yeah, the Ismenian Dragon was also Ares' son. Ooops. At least as a monster he'll always come back, so it should be all good. "So, kid," he stressed the word. "What do you think I would do to you?"

"Reward me?" I blinked at that, and Ares did as well before raising an eyebrow. And the temperature a little. "At least that's why I thought you came, Lord Ares, but from your tone I feel that might not be the case."

"Uh-huh." Ares said, giving that feel of a god being in a smiting mood. "I'm in a good mood." Is he ever when there's no war? "Alright, numb nuts, walk me through it. Why you thought that?"

"Well," I tried one more time to shrink Le Bronze ball, then gave it a whack from the side with my fist. It instantly shrunk back to a baseball, thus with another press it became a marble and I pocketed it. Percussive maintenance, where would humanity be with out? "Drinking the water seemed like it would be okay, because it's left there for those who can manage to get it, but the price for that is fighting a fierce dragon."

"You didn't seem like you had much of a problem there." Ares commented casually, with almost a friendly air. Was he trying to appeal to my pride to entrap me?

"Regardless of those who fought it, a dragon is still a dragon." I said. "And well, you are the God of War. I figured any cool fight is one you'd like. And managing to beat a dragon would always be something worthwhile to see and reward should you wish to."

"...Hmm." Ares grunted thoughtfully, even scratching his chin. "That's dumb. Surprisingly I can see you trail of logic, but it's still dumb. The dragon is there to guard it, because I didn't want people randomly drinking from it. That's like you going to the Garden of the Hesperides, somehow managing to beat Ladon, and excepting to be rewarded with a Golden Apple."

"Wait, really?" I cried out. As in, tears were almost filling my eyes. That was literally my main plan if I ever end up Hesperides Garden and need to deal with the Hundred-Headed Dragon for one reason or another. "Aww, man." I looked down, trying and failing not to be bummed out. Like, how many of my other expectations are wrong.

"...You know what?" I looked up and Ares was suddenly grinning at me. "I'm so silly, my mind was elsewhere. That was the wrong example, it's completely correct that you get a Golden Apple if you beat Ladon. I mixed it up with something else, don't worry about it."

"Really? Awesome!" He's probably bullshiting me, but that means I can use him as a scapegoat.

Ares started laughing to himself and shaking his head. The heat of his aura wasn't as anger inducing as before, but more energizing to make one want to move a lot.

Then again, I don't think he used his aura on me, the same way he did with Percy in canon. He had no reason to try and make him be antagonistic against him after all.

"Right, where was I?" Ares spoke again. "Yeah, you killing my guard, replacing him till he reforms will be a pain, and no you don't get a reward for it."

"Aww." I thought killing monster and impressing the gods was the main way anyone gets anything in this world, be it money, prizes, weapons or blessings.

Or am I confusing things with DanMachi?

"Buuut, you are right that you put on a good show." I lit up with a happy grin. "Heh, I swear this is why I love dealing with Koalemos' kids." He muttered to himself. "So I need you to do this little task for me, and I'll reward you when you finish it. See, there's been a bit of a spider infestation in the area around here. Follow my guide here," a woodpecker magically appeared. As in Ares just made one out of thin air. "Go find their nest, and take them out. Heck, I won't even tell you to go in guns blazing. Birdy here will help you get the jump on them. Good?"

I let out a wince before I could stop myself. Nests. Plural. How long would that take?

"Oh?" Ares' grin lowered, as he looked down at me from behind his glasses, showing me the burning fireballs that were his eyes. "Something you don't like? You're given a quest by a god. Do you have any complaints?" He stressed each word with condescension and fire, hinting at his anger slowly boiling up again.

"No, no, of course not, Lord Ares." I sighed, running a hand through my hair as I looked away. "I'm just kinda in a hurry in the quest I'm already on. Kinda wish I could fight all those nests a once, especially since finishing a part of that quest is so close now." It would be what, five streets over outside this park, and I'll reach the Castellan home?

So close, yet so far by time consuming side quests.

"I could just drop you in the middle of all those spiders in one place, so you can 'save time' if you want?" Ares said with a dry tone, and a hint of warning in his voice. He wasn't bluffing.

The subtly of his threat however was lost on me.

"Wait! Really? You would do that, Lord Ares? That would be so awesome, I'd be really grateful for you being so understanding." I grinned. Yes, finally! I can get on with this quest today.

After all, no matter how many giant spiders, or arachnites as they're called, they are always a finite number. Just creepy but all are defeatable.

The threatening aura around Ares vanished, as he blinked at me for a moment. He looked actually thrown off, before grinning.

"I like you, kid." Ares said. "Most gods would be pissed off that you're asking them to do a menial job just to make your quest easier, but I like your moxie." He pointed at his summoned bird. "Follow the woodpecker, let's see you willing walk into an arena filled to the brim with giant spiders, actively anticipating you. Of course, if you chicken out, you'll see what I'm like when I'm not in a good mood."

"You got it!" I gave him a thumbs up.

Ares snorted and teleported away.

I followed the woodpecker, glad that I'm finishing up a lot of stuff all at once more.

I was moving closer to the Castellan residence, only two streets over till I get there.

The woodpecker lead me to an alleyway that, at first, I should was dark, or burned up. It was completely black.

Except no. The alleyway wasn't black. It was covered in arachnites. From as small as the size of a dog, to as big as a truck.

All looking at me.

"Oh boy." I took out Le Bronze Ball and La Baseball Bat for this. "This looks like a two hand job!" I paused at what I said. Even the arachnite stilled at my declaration, their hostility paused as well. "No. Wait, that sounded wrong. A ball and stick job? No, that don't sound better."

The arachnites got tired of my rambling and attacked.

"HEEEEY!" I shouted in panic.

I threw Le Bronze Ball in the air and readied La Baseball Bat.

"Get ready! A baseball only shows its true power, when combined with a baseball bat!" I shouted as my battle cry.

Okay, that line may have sounded cool in some anime, but it was cringe to say out loud in real life.

The battle would last for hours till the sun fell and came up again.

===x===

May Castellan Home

"Oh dearie you look parched. Here's your water." May Castellan said with a wide smile, as she added another glass of water to the dining table in front of Thalia and Annabeth.

Thalia and Annabeth looked between each other, as once more they were served another glass of water. There were already two dozen water glasses or bottle on the table.

"Thanks, Ms. Castellan." Thalia said through gritted teeth and a fake smile once more. Annabeth wished Luke would hurry up with his talk.

In the other room, Luke and his father, Hermes faced each other. A tense silence between them. A confrontation that's been coming for a long time now.

The first meeting Luke could remember with his father.

"Why?" Luke said quietly, his voice raw and desperate. "Why show yourself now? All these years I've been calling for you. Praying for you to show up and nothing. You left me with her!" There was pain and memory in Luke's voice, as he pointed at his mom in the kitchen, as thought he couldn't bare to look at her.

"Do not dishonor her, Luke." Hermes rebuked. "She did the best she could. As for me, I could not interfere in your own path. The children of the gods must find their own way."

"So it was for my own good. Growing up on the streets. Fending for myself and fighting monsters." Luke said with a cold fury burning in him.

"You are my son." Hermes tried to connect to him. How much he wanted to help. How much he tried but couldn't. "I knew you had the ability. When I—"

Whatever Hermes was about to say, to try and inspire Luke, that would fail and lead to more bitterness was halted. And whatever anger that was shaping to take form in Luke Castellan's heart and craft life to that of a Fallen Hero.

All those path halted.

BAM! BAM! BAM!

Because someone was at the door.

The knocking was loud in the way, someone banged on a door with their open palm.

The three demigods, daughter of Zeus, daughter of Athena and son of Hermes tense and reached for their weapons as they have been conditioned from their life on the streets, fighting and evading mythical monsters.

"He made it? And right at this point in time?" Hermes blinked in surprise, at the unexpected fortune.

"Who made it?" Luke asked with none-so-little suspicion, narrowed eyes at the smile on his father's face.

"Aid that I didn't think the Fates would allow you to have just yet." Hermes smiled back.

"Who is it?" Luke demanded, while keeping an eye on the door.

Ding-dong.

Whatever talk or decision Luke and his friends had to make was taken out of their hands, as May Castellan moved to answer the door bell.

"Oh dearie, he's going to be so parched." May said as he moved towards the door.

"Mom, wait!" Luke called out, and moved towards her.

Ms. Castellan opened the door, and thus the demigods could only react.

Luke and Thalia moved in front of May putting her behind them, while Annabeth stayed behind with her celestial bronze knife ready.

Luke and Thalia had their weapons ready and aimed at whoever or whatever was behind the door, completely forgetting that no monster would be able to come near the house with a god present.

They saw the visit was a red haired boy bend over, with his hands on his knees panting very loudly.

"Is there..." He asked followed by loud gasps of air. "A Luke..." Pant. "Cas... Cas..." He forgot the last name from how exhausted he was.

"Castellan, yes that's me. And who are you?" Luke said pointedly, his eyes going to the celestial bronze... was that a baseball bat?

Yep. It was a celestial bronze baseball bat, left leaning upright against stairs guard rails leading up to the house's porch.

"Castellan here—Oh thank the gods." The boy stood up, showing his full face. Human, so thankfully not a monster. Probably. His use of the phrase 'gods' showed he was part of their world which... didn't relax the demigods just yet. His next words did those. "Oh hey, Lord Hermes!" He said with a wave.

"Hello Eiron, you're timing is surprising." Hermes said with a slight smile.

"You're a demigod? From Camp Half-Blood?" Annabeth asked, having deduced that.

"No, but I am going to get you there." Eiron gave her a finger gun.

"How did you find us?" Luke asked only slightly relaxing at know this wasn't another enemy. Probably.

"I," Eiron began before panting again. "I'm sorry, before anything can I please have some water—"

No sooner had he begun to ask the question, May was there with a filled water pitcher.

"Oh dearie you look parched. Here's your water." May said.

"Thank you!" Eiron took the pitcher and just drank straight from it. He entered the house and closed the door behind him.

Luke blinked in confusion, as he opened the door, got the celestial bronze baseball bat, then closed it.

The trio of demigods looked unsure of this Eiron. He looked roughed up and didn't seem to have anything on him.

Was he the son of some sports related god? Luke wondered, holding the bat.

"I sent Eiron on a quest to aid you get to Camp Half-Blood. I didn't think you'd meet him till you got to Long Island." Hermes explained.

"Why?" Luke asked.

"Because I just got the quest less than a week ago." Eiron said, much to the surprise of the demigods having emptied the pitcher. "I hightailed it here as fast as I could. Rode a plane, then took a boat, then when I came here, I had to keep going from address to address to find the right Castellan house."

"Oh dearie you look parched. Here's your water." May said, giving him another filled water pitcher.

"Thank you!" Eiron said gratefully and began gulping that one too.

"How did you avoid the monsters?" Thalia asked, as Eiron while looking roughed up, didn't seem to have any injuries. Just clothes wet from sweat.

"Didn't." Eiron said half way done with the pitcher.

"Why did you take a boat when you were already on a plane?" Annabeth asked before Thalia could interrogate Eiron further.

"I kinda forgot to make a sacrifice and ask permission from your dad." He said pointing to Thalia. "So after doing those, he gave me a quest to help you too get to Camp, then downed the plane."

"What do you mean 'downed' the plane?" Thalia asked wide eyed.

"Blew up the engines with lightning and forced it to land in a lake." Eiron said, eyes the glasses of water on the dining table. "Sorry, I know this is rude but—" Eiron began to say, pointing at the dining table.

"Have all the damn water! Just what do you mean Zeus gave you a quest when you're already on one?" Luke said.

"Oh thank you!" Eiron's sincere gratitude threw Luke off. The older boy marched into the house proper, and just began downing water cups, like someone downing shots. "Gods can give you quests whether you want to or not, or even if you're on one. Only way to avoid it, is if someone higher up the ladder interfered. That probably doesn't happen, so you'll just have to work harder to finish everything." Eiron explained between drinks.

"Did my mom ask you about me?" Annabeth said.

"Who's your mom?" Eiron asked.

"Her mother is the Goddess of Wisdom." Thalia answered.

"Oh... probably but I wouldn't know for sure." Eiron paused for a moment.

"Why?" Luke asked.

"Well, I spent who knows how many hours dealing with some giant spiders two blocks away, but it was Ares that send me to deal with them." Eiron explained.

"Ares?" Hermes spoke up, a bit heated and annoyed. "Why was he asking you for anything?"

"I lost my backpack with all my supplies and money when I got here. Then I went to all addressed owned by a Castellan before finding this one. Literally this was the last one on the list."

"What god gave you the list?" Thalia asked, a perpetual frown on her face. She was wondering why her dad bothered to ask this guy to help her.

"Phonebook."

"Ah, that makes sense." Annabeth said, a frown also on her face. Something about the teenage redhead annoyed her, and she wasn't sure what. The simple solution to finding Luke's house made sense, but also annoyed her for some reason.

"So, while tired and thirsty and broke, I found this drinking fountain. Water felt like I took a hundred energy drinks, and a dragon then appeared. Turns out it was the Sacred Spring, or Energy Drink Fountain of Ares."

"Wait, the Drakon Ismenios is around?" Annabeth said alarmed.

"The what?" Luke asked, tense and ready for a fight. He looked to his dad expecting him to bail as all gods do when there are monsters threatening their kids, but was surprised to find him still around.

"A serpent, born of Ares that guard his Sacred Spring. It's teeth when sown into the ground can sprout skeleton warriors." Hermes explained. "It doesn't seem to be around though."

"Yeah, I took it out. Then Ares arrived and said I had to do a chore for him, due to killing his fountain guard. Had me follow a woodpecker to a nest of spiders and I've been fighting them since yesterday." Eiron said, he was breathing easier now, and nearly all of the water glasses were now drank by him.

The demigod trio were silent now. Thalia was reevaluating Eiron, Annabeth was just quiet, and Luke has raging conflicting feelings. Eiron seemed strong and was sent by his father to help them, but where was this help before? Especially when Eiron himself said, he came as fast as he could the moment he was told to come aid them.

"And now here we are. I have an acquaintance of mine, a satyr named Thorny, with his boat docked at Bluff Point, ready to take us to Long Island. We can get to Camp Half-Blood in two to three days."

"How will we get to Camp Half-Blood, when you don't know the way there?" Annabeth asked.

"Well, I figured Thorny can hook us up with one of his buddies that knows the way." Eiron said back.

"You don't needed to worry about that. I'll have Chiron send—" Hermes began.

"My son!" Only for May Castellan to interrupt, her eyes glowing and her voice filled with haunting power and dread of future yet to be. "Danger. Terrible fate!"

Thalia and Annabeth flinched at the May's spasm and shout of prophetic calls. Luke's flinched was less pronounced as he was used to his mother's episodes. His fist clenched at this reminder of his unbearable childhood.

He wanted to leave. It pained him to see his mother like that, but he wanted to leave so as not to hurt her. To not be hurt by her words or watch her hurt herself. He remembered why he couldn't take living with her anymore. And suddenly the old anger at his dad, the gods, and whatever this 'terrible fate' storied for him was that—

"Is she possessed?" Eiron's calm but surprised voice cut through Luke's thoughts.

"In a manner of speaking." Hermes answered sorrowfully, as he went and hugged Luke's mother.

"Huh... Say do you guys know which Greek God is the equivalent of Jesus?" Eiron asked.

"...What?" Luke blinked at that, thrown off by the non-sequiter.

"That's not a thing." Annabeth said with a look of utter annoyance.

"What the hades do you mean?" Thalia asked.

"You know, a god that represents light, purity and salvation in one sense or another?" Eiron elaborated.

"I'm with Annabeth, that's not a thing. I mean there's Apollo, but he doesn't represent salvation in the Jesus way of thing." Luke said, trying to vaguely explain what he means.

"Hestia, maybe?" Thalia tried.

"Oh!" Eiron spanned his fingers at her. "That makes sense." He set the last water glass down, having drank them all, and marched up to May Castellan. Her eyes where still glowing as he spoke prophecies of doom, yet seemed to stand still. "Excuse me, Lord Hermes, I assume you can't help for one reason or another due to the Ancient Laws, but may I try?"

"...Sure?" Hermes said with a raised eyebrow. He wasn't going to let this child hurt his once mortal lover, but... he couldn't help the spark of hope that entered his heart.

"Try what? What do you want to do to my mom?" Luke said, as he stood up, almost ready to pounce on Eiron.

Without saying a word, Eiron placed his palm gently over May's face.

"THE POWER OF HESTIA COMPELS YOU! BEGONE SPIRIT!"

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY—" A bright light erupted from May Castellan that pushed even Hermes back. "WHAT THE FUCK!?"

Thalia and Annabeth jumped to their feet, while shielding their eyes, as a wave of warmth and safety enveloped them. Even Luke felt all his anger vanish.

"Luke," As the light died down, Luke stilled as he heard his mother's voice. Lucid. Her voice was more lucid than he had ever heard it before in his life. Better than her best days. "Is that you?"

"Mom?" Luke blinked in confusion as he saw May walk toward him. Slow, trembling, but surer steps than ever before.

She slowly, almost afraid he would break like glass, held his face in her hands.

"You're so big now." She whispered. "How many years did I lose?"

"Mom, you... you're... you now. You're really... you. You're here." Luke's eyes began to water, as something he never even dreamed about was in front of him. His mom, sane in mind at last.

"Yes, I'm..." May looked back at the stunned Hermes. "I can't hear it anymore. I can't see it visions." She turned back to her son, tears in her eyes. "I just see you now. I'm here."

"Mom!" Luke hugged her, and May hugged him back, a warm strength in her arm, with none of the hysteria and malice that as once in them.

May felt a hand on her shoulder, and looked to see Hermes look at her, crying as well.

May pulled the crying god into the hug, and for once, for one moment Luke felt what it was like to be safe in his parent's arms.

"This is all very lovely," a warm but strict voice cut through the celebration. A voice that felt it wasn't always used to sound tense or displeased, but had to due to this unexpected situation they found themselves in. "But could someone please explain where I am and how did I get here?"

The group, mortal, god and demigods looked to the new speaker.

To the Goddess of the Home and Hearth that found herself, suddenly summoned and dropped into a mortal home without any warning.

"Who here is responsible for kidnapping me?" Hestia asked with her arms crossed and a disciplinarian's frown.