Fear Not The Elf Who Knows 10,000 Spells - Chapter 29

"Being polite is normal." I said stiffly as I sat next to the Orange Woman.

The annoying thing was, I couldn't help but want to relax in her presence. Like I had to intentionally try to be rigid and annoyed.

"True, but not at the expense at torturing yourself." She replied in a casual playful tone.

"What are you talking about?" I said back, almost flinching at her words.

"I've seen you around carrying logs and rock for the orphanage or making deliveries. You sure you're okay?" She asked, tilting her head.

Wait, did she think?

"I'm fine." I said reflexively. "I mean, I'm strong and I'm a mage, so those jobs are nothing to me." I clarified in a calmer tone.

"Oh? A mage?" Her eyes shined in interest. "What's your favorite spell?"

"Huh?"

"Your favorite spell. Come on now, surely you can think of one." She teased.

"...Jilwer." I said letting out a sigh, the anxiety knot in my chest loosening somewhat. "A spell to move and travel quickly." I unconsciously smiled. I was surprised at finding someone to talk magic with. "Although I'm aiming for another spell in the future."

"Oh? What is it?" Interest colored her tone.

"Reelseiden. I know it's probably considered an ordinary cutting spell, but technically it's a spell that can cut almost anything." I looked forward, almost in daydream at something I currently can't believe to be real. "But one day I'll turn it into a spell that can cut anything."

"How inspiring," The Orange Woman laughed. Not in mocking or teasing, but in that odd encouraging way an adult listens to a child's dream, and thinks it might be possible for them, and that realization unexpectedly brings them joy or hope about the future. "So why don't you do so?"

"Huh?" I stared back at her, blinking in confusion.

"I've seen you around, but I've hardly seen you practice or use magic. Not even just to play around and have fun with it." She said, not judgingly, but observing a fact.

"I..." I look away, down towards the ground. "A lot of the kids at the orphanage are survivors of what happened in Schwanz. Many of them suffer from mana hypersensitivity. It would cause them pain or for their skin to break out into hives at the slightest interaction with foreign mana."

"Hmm, I see." She said, nodding. "Then why not just use mana under the threshold of their sensitivity?"

"Huh?" I blinked at her confused.

"Like this."

And then with such casual ease, the Orange Woman conjured a golf-sized fireball in her palm.

She did it so naturally, like one picking up a pebble from the ground.

More than the spellcasting done wordlessly, more than the ease she exuded in using magic, it was the fact that I couldn't sense the spell right in front of me.

"..." My mouth opened and closed a few times. "How?" I said with narrowed eyes. I even extended a hand near the flames, and yeah, there was heat.

I focused and cast a spell that gathers moisture in the air to make water. I made a drop and let it fall on the fireball.

The water drop evaporated with a hiss. I could hear it and feel the steam for how little it lasted.

"...No way." I said, leaning back down in my seat. "How are you doing that? You're not suppressing your mana, I would have been able to tell."

"There is a lot to the art of restricting your mana. Show me how you do it." She replied.

I closed down on my mana to the limit, showing zero emission.

"Wow, that's pretty impressive." The Orange Woman nodded with approval in her eyes and smile. "However while that is an excellent show of control, it's a complete brute force of the technique."

"What do you mean? That's how you suppress mana. The ultimate goal is for no modicum of mana to be visible." I said back.

"For an assassin or if you need to hide, yes." She nodded, a laughed held back. "But for a mage and to interact with other in day to day life, or to trick enemy mages, you need to make them think you're normal or below their level." She began to explain. "Showing no mana at all, while other mages can see you is foolish, because it would be obvious you're hiding it. Thus making you more suspicious. It's why it's best to only show ten percent of your overall mana and keep that consistent with your growth."

"O...kay. I'm following so far." I said with a slow nod.

"Now the more important part, the reason why your mana affects those kids when you use magic, is because it's your mana." She said.

"..." I narrowed my eyes at her, lips pursed. My thoughts running a mile a minute trying to get the implication.

For some reason I just couldn't quite get it. Like when you know something you can't remember, and you know you can't remember it, so its on the tip of your tongue.

"Tell me," the Orange Woman smiled with elderly patience. "Why would the kids mana sensitivity trigger form magic being preformed, and not by anything else? Everything has mana after all, every living being does, including the kids themselves."

My eyes widened. Why didn't I think of this before? There was a fog in my mind. A fog from tiredness, but I still should have thought of this.

"It doesn't trigger either when my mana is at rest so..." I began to say.

"It stands to reason that it's them brushing off against foreign mana, as well against mana moving faster than theirs that causes the hypersensitivity reaction." Orange Woman finished for me.

"So then, if I could copy the mana of nature, like the surroundings..." I held my chin, thinking on how this could get done.

"Like how a chameleon changes colors, or how a butterfly disappears when standing still in a field of flowers." The Orange Woman said approvingly.

"I need to match the frequency of my mana to that of the environment." My eyes widened before looking at the Orange Woman. She tilted her head at my expression. "Like, make it the same harmony of music naturally playing in the background."

Her eyes lit up as did her smile.

"Correct. Good job." She nodded.

"I'd need to practice..." I paused grimaced at the fact that I'm back to the same problem.

"Hmm? Something the matter?"

"I... can't practice." The words felt hollow on my tongue. "I have... a lot of work in the orphanage. The kids are there. The ones with mana hypersensitivity. They... like hanging out with me for some reason and I can't just... I don't have time." The excuses felt like swallowing ash. I hated the words and hated myself for saying them.

For a long while there was silence. I almost thought the Orange Woman left from how quiet things got.

Yet I could still sense her next to me. I wasn't sure if that made me happy or dread some condemnation or disappointment that was to come from her. I don't even know why her opinion should matter when I literally just met her.

...Right, because she's the first person in what felt like forever that I could talk with, about magic.

"Huh, so that's the weight your carrying." She said first, making me blink. It felt like I imagined those words. "Tell me something, boy. Do you love magic?" She gently asked.

"Hmm?" I blinked and glanced at her with one eye, not full turning my head to face her.

"Well?" She asked. The question hurried, yet her tone patient.

I looked back down.

"...It doesn't feel like it these days."

"Do you know that time isn't real?" She said out of the blue.

"Huh?!" I snapped out of my thoughts, sitting up straight as I fully turned my head to look at her.

I mean she's not wrong, but that's not a concept people get.

But also, huh?!

"What does that have to do with anything?" I asked at the non-sequitur.

"Oh! So you're familiar with it." She nodded to herself.

"K-Kinda?" I said, tilting my head. Unconsciously I half turned to face her, one leg placed on the stone fence. "It's a something we made to make sense of," I waved my hand at nothing. "Events, the order of them happening."

"Correct." She nodded, smiling. "Simply put, our view of the world, or life, is limited, so we made time to make sense of it." She said looking to the sky. "If that's the case, then whether we think we have a lot or not enough time, is entirely in our head."

I looked aside. I got what she was saying.

If I cared enough, I'd make the time somehow.

"It's not that simple." The excuse came rushing out. An old filthy habit reasserting itself. "I'm... busy these days." My eyes narrowed at nothing. A flash of anger beating in my chest that I pushed down. Another old habit returning. "I'm always busy."

It's like I'm back in my old life.

"You look angry." She lightly commented.

"I'm not!" I said quickly, before shaking my head. "I'm not. I can manage. It's just everyone is busy with the orphanage being remade, all the kids that need to be looked after from the Coalition's battle. Everyone needs to do their part." I tried to sound as neutral as possible saying that.

"And you feel like you're forced to do more than everyone?" She said.

I looked up, facing the Orange Woman. She looked back with a raised eyebrow. A curious look that held no condemnation.

I looked away.

"Come on," she chuckled. "We're just two strangers. It's not like we're gonna meet again. I'm heading out to that town those Coalition guys or whatever they're called, attacked to check it out. Think of me as just someone to vent at and forget."

"I..." I stopped. My mind went blank.

Fuck it.

"I could have been there earlier." I finally said, half admitting my sin and half growling in frustration. "With Jilwer, I could have... I could have visit Schwanz earlier. I could have been there before the attack happened. I could have stopped it, or did something, anything." The heat in my chest spread at my words. I felt heated, yet lightened. "I told the matron that. The words just came out. Since then... the matron hates me. She does everything to take my time away from me. I can't use magic at all because of her. Because of everyone I'm responsible for. It's just... it's not my fault! I couldn't have known!" I held back from shout. Only by just a bit.

I found myself breathing heavily even though I didn't shout.

I took deeper breaths to calm down. Throughout it all the Orange Lady didn't say anything. I glanced at her, and her eyes didn't change. Didn't hold any pity or condemnation.

Just quiet acceptance.

"You're right, you couldn't have." She finally said.

My breathing hitched. It felt... like a relief that she said that. Yet there was guilt behind that relief. Like I shouldn't have had someone acknowledge my pain. Like that would enable me to act like some victim that never taken accountability of my actions.

"Of course, if she is acting based on that misplaced anger then she's not much of an adult, and you shouldn't bother with her anymore." She continued. I listened calmly, trying not to feel down that she's coming around to defend the matron. It was the logical, right thing after all. I'm just a kid, obviously, maybe I got it wrong. "But I have seen that Calm Orphanage place while walking around." She said with a smile.

That was a surprise to learn. I don't think I've seen her around. I would have remembered she's pretty distinct.

When would you have had the time? I thought to myself with a frown.

"Everyone always looks so busy. The older kids are carrying lumber and wood around, working with other people, like builders and carpenters. Seen them expanding the side of the building, making room or working that small farm you guys have."

I looked down. Guilty starting to set in. Right, that was happening, wasn't it. I mean, I did see Lässig and other so busy.

I'm up in my own head again. Being a selfish little shit.

"That old matron seems to be on top of things. Bit too noisy though. Should let the professionals just do their jobs rather than be a mother hen on them. Or rather be a mother hen on those who need it." The Orange Woman said, and I couldn't help a little snort of agreement that came out of me. "Besides, if you're capable enough, you can just leave whenever you want, right?"

I small smile settled on my lips that I didn't want to drop or be ashamed of.

"Yeah..." I didn't know what else to say. "But... don't I have a responsibility to everyone there? They'd be... disappointed. Sad or angry if I just disappeared." The argument sounded rehearsed. "It's selfish to just care about your own life."

"...You know," the Orange Woman continued, getting my attention again. "The way you're acting, the stress you're under, it's like you've dealt with it before but became free of it, and now because it is back it became so agonizing to handle."

I blinked at that. Hearing her words... it's as if something so obvious only became apparent to me, because someone else put it into words.

I...

"Welp, I have to get going soon." She said, standing up and dusting her robes.

"I see," I said neutrally, managing the tone this time. This was expected after all. I shouldn't be disappointed. Even if I wanted to spend more time with her.

"But you know," she added with a knowing smile I didn't understand. "I think you do love magic. So time will appear for your to practice again."

I blinked, taken aback by how sure she was of her assertion.

"How do you know that?" I asked.

"Tell me, where does knowledge come from?" She asked, once more, another question out of the blue.

"Books?" I said. Her expression said that wasn't the right answer. "Studying? Just experimenting and finding things out?" I shrugged. "Observing the world?" I said, as that seemed like the most 'out there' answer, that sounded posh and philosophical enough.

"Love." She finally answer.

"Say what now?" I said, incredulous.

"Love begets curiosity. Curiosity begets passion. Passion begets observation and effort. And that begets knowledge." Her words... they felt warm. Seeming to settle in my chest like candlelight coming home. "And when it comes to magic," she smiled like she was telling me a secret that should be obvious. "To love magic is to love the world, and come to know it."

"'It'... being magic or the world?" I asked. She smiled and winked at me. Her way of telling me to figure it out. Or that it's both. I'm not sure. "But," I sighed. "I just told you why I can't practice or have time." I shook my head. "Even if I wanted to, I can't even use mana detection to start to start learning what I need to do, since even that bings the damn hypersensitivity."

The Orange Lady blinked at me in surprise. The first time she showed that expression.

"Why'd mana detection trigger their sensitivity?" Almost as soon as she asked the question, she seemed to get the answer. "Do you..." She snorted, trying not to smile. "Boy, do you use mana in order to detect mana? Like a bat's sonar?"

"Yeah? That seems basic. The body releases mana and that let me see and interact with the world's mana."

She laughed. Full belly, wholehearted laugh.

"Ha ha ha, hilarious. I'm very funny I know." I deadpanned, grumbling. "What am I missing? What's so funny?"

"Boy," she began once her breath was back under her control. "How do your ears work? Do they let out sound that comes back for you to hear?"

I froze. The simple words slapping all my presumptions in my face.

"Why would you need a technique to detect mana? Just let it be, feel it, accept it and through that sense it." She said purely, simply. "The mana of the world is the world, so let the world in."

I stopped listening. That feeling, that instinct when something just clicked in my head and I wanted to try it more than anything ignited.

I closed my eyes. I shut everything out. All thoughts left.

Some like responsibility, guilt or anxiety tried to hold on. I focused on this feeling more, as I delved into my own body, my own mana.

That's right. I never needed a technique to sense my own mana, I just could. So why would the world's mana be different?

Yes, I used the idea of 'fish can't sense the water it swims in' before. But now that I got a sense of the world mana, now that I felt it and know the different between it and my own, like knowing the feeling of my own skin and the clothes I wore, why would I need a technique to sense both.

Just focus and... it's there.

Once more the world opened up in my mind, letting me see it, hear it, tastes, touch it. Like having used full sight mana detection but... it's like having driven a car with the hand break on this whole time. Why did I make things harder on myself?

I felt the town, I felt the movement of the people. Not in the same way as when I used my own, I guess I'd call it 'active mana detection'.

Focusing now I noticed, before the body naturally produced mana, bits break off that are so small they might as well be considered fumes. These fumes exist in till a certain range before they break down, dissolve into the environment. That was how my mana detection worked before. My range was just how long and how strong those mana particles can exist outside my body.

I think that's how instinctively all mages learn mana detection.

But this way, the way the Orange Lady showed me (I really need to ask her name), there wasn't a need to do it like that.

It's like being in the center of a domed football stadium. It large sure and has a lot of space, but then you go outside and you can see the vast sky, the earth and building stretching as far as the eye can see.

The world was so vast I almost got lost in it, I could focus, feeling something pulling at my attention. So far away beyond the town, land, forests, valleys, there was another town, a massive wall of black, purple colored mana—

Something sharped pricked my mind.

"Woah," I flinched, feeling like a shock went through my nervous system. Like when suddenly you feel like you're going to fall in a dream. The fuck was that?

"Careful." The Orange Lady's hand was on my shoulder, steadying me. "It's like looking down from the top of a large building, don't let the call of gravity make you fall." She stepped back.

"Right," I took a deep breath. "Thanks."

"But if you can keep your sense of self through that, like seeing at the horizon, you'll start to find your limit." She continued. "Well, it was nice meeting you, boy. I better get going."

"Yeah," I said with a quieter voice.

"Heh, I'm sure I'll see you around," she chuckled and rubbed my hair, at seeing my reaction. I pouted and looked away, but didn't stop her. She turned to leave before stopping after a few steps. "Although, I don't think you should worry if or when you'll be able to practice magic and be a mage."

"How so?" I said back.

"Because," she turned her head and smile. "Love pulls you to what you want. If it's true and strong enough, it can become your destiny. And you, boy, I can tell." She gave a enchanting grin. "You love magic, don't you?"

Wind passed by our forms, whistling as it travelled this area. A warmth entered my heart, I hadn't felt in so long. Seemed like it was forever ago.

My mind cycled through my memories. Snapshots of wonder and curiosity of when I first learned that I could do magic.

From the day I was born I could sense it.

My mana surged within me. Like an electrical current wanting to burst outward once again.

With how violent my mana was moving, it would hurt Rein and the other kids. With a breath let out, I calmed it down, putting it back under control.

No. I tried to match my mana to my surrounding. Let it move at that same pace, at the same feel. Like making dye match the color of the water it was in.

"Not bad," the words were whispered, barely heard by me.

I looked up to see the Orange Lady further away, having walked while I was in my thoughts and mana.

"Hey!" I called out, making her pause. There's still so many questions I wanted to ask, so many things I wanted to say, but I settled on: "You didn't say what your favorite spell is!"

I saw her grin and open her mouth,

"It makes a field of flowers." She spoke.

And suddenly something that was at the back of my mind, at the tip of my tongue, came to the forefront.

Orange hair. Large braid. Toga. Flower field spell.

I drew air, about to shout her name.

"Trenn!" Rein's voice called out to me. I looked back to see her running at me with a large cheerful smile as she usually does when meeting me. "Where were you? Come on, let's play!" She said grabbing my hand.

"Right, it's just..." I looked back only to see the lady was gone.

"Where you talking to someone?" Rein asked.

"Y... Yeah." I said, letting out a half-laugh like a made man.

I think I was talking to the ghost of fucking Flamme! I thought in complete disbelief as I walked with Rein hand in hand.

"Trenn?" Rein spoke.

"Yeah?" I tilted my head at her.

"Tonight I'm sleeping in your bed." She said, Rein would use the excuse nightmares to sleep next to me. It was cute and everything, but it also felt like another time slot to practice magic in secret taken from me. "After everyone's asleep, I'll stay so you can practice magic without it making rashes appear. That way the Ms. Gu-ten can't complain about you using magic!" Rein said in a whispered tone, like sharing a secret.

I blinked in surprised, taken aback by Rein's offer.

"Why?"

"I noticed you were sad a lot lately from not using magic. So I wanna help." Rein said in a low tone.

My shoulders relaxed. I found my breathing coming easier, as a smile came to me.

"Thank, Rein." I used my other hand to headpat her.

Rein raised her head, smiling adorably and proudly.

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AN: If my calculations are right, we're leaving the dream after the next chapter.