Three Ghosts of Holiday Spirit

Here is an all-in-one post of this year (okay maybe last year)'s Holiday sequence. Figured I’ll add all of the vignettes here too to combine everything under one post for posterity.

Looking back, there wasn’t any real reason to use the Christmas Carol device of Ghosts of Past, Present, & Future, beyond just showing the stages of our subject here gaining, & coming to be at peace with that. How she started, roundabouts where she is, & where she’ll go. Or grow rather.

Sorry it’s a bit delayed, but the important part is that I still followed through & finished it. And after this, I’m going to go back & start finishing up some other promised work. Thanks for your patience everybody!

|||

Ghost of Christmas Past

Fresh out of college, & moving into that first apartment of your very own?

So young. So full of promise.

You were so excited to throw a big holiday bash. You used to love the holidays so much! And even though most of your bimonthly paycheck was tied up between your rent & your student loans, you still know just how to make do.

Like that skirt!

Remember the glee you experienced, finding that tucked away at that thrift store? Hell, that right there was just about 75% percent of the inspiration to even put on a party in the first place, wasn’t it? Only $12? Fitting like a glove? Quite the find.

Boy, & the very thought of how you planned to dawn it every Christmas after that?

Wow. What wishful thinking…

But the money you saved on that little number meant more could go towards having a nice, festive, holiday spread. And you went all-out, didn’t you? Cookies, brownies, candy, pretzels, a nice charcuterie tray? And let’s not forget the booze.

Yet there was a wee bit of a miscalculation, wasn’t there?

Because that was way, way too much for the dozen or so people that actually showed up. In fact, despite what was in the invitation texts, more guests felt obligated or inclined to bring even more, didn’t they? To the point you ran out of room at the table. Oh well, you told yourself in the moment. Better to air on the side of plenty you thought, as any good hostess might. That was something to concern yourself with after the fact.

And while the party might’ve gone off without any major hitches, ultimately? No one did take home their fair share of the food with them, did they?

Or booze.

There was a metric shit ton of stuff left. Damn, a literal smorgasbord, with only you left to contend with it all. On your lonesome. On top of all the holiday indulgence you were already slated to experience going home to visit your family.

Hell, you certainly made a valiant attempt. When it came to not letting everything go to waste, a solid dent was made. Sugar cookies with breakfast, lunch, & dinner. Some of the leftover candy before bed?

You had tried convincing yourself that your metabolism could handle it. You were a rail, after all.

But that was all cope.

You weren’t a rail for very long, were you?

In fact, that was where that all started to change, wasn’t it?

Relegating that poor, tiny little skirt to a one-time use, back-of-the-closet fixture.

Oh well. At least it looked good that one Christmas…

Ghost of Christmas Present

What started that first Christmas you were out on your own?

Slowly evolved into something of tradition now amongst all of your friends. Your annual holiday bash become a fixture. THE event of the winter season.

To each of them? Low key? You are almost synonymous with Christmas itself. And while you always hold it just before Christmas itself, you pride yourself in being able to provide a sense of family & togetherness to people you know who don't really have families with warm receptions to go home to. And the running gag.

The joke about how Melinda is never not a lightweight? How there is never enough chairs? But always way, way too much food?

Oh boy, that last one...

The in-jokes are nice.

And sure. Ugly Christmas sweater parties are a tired concept at this point. Admittedly. That horse long clobbered to death.

But your friends sure still seem to love it. If even ironically, on top of the existing onion skin of irony. And on some level? You still pat yourself on the back for transitioning to that format when you did, during the pandemic. Sure things were all blurry webcams over Zoof. But bulky sweaters did wonders to hide some of those lockdown pounds.

The problem is those stubborn pounds never quite did go away.

In fact, they steadily seemed to multiply.

Gone is the scrawny little figure that squeezed into that amazing thrift store find. It currently gathers more dust than glances. And there's no chance in hell of you squeezing into that any more. Hell, you probably couldn't fit it around either one of your sturdy thighs at this point. Singularly.

And now? All the "more to love" style platitudes & euphemisms you drop, pretending to accept it are still not enough to quiet that nagging self-consciousness in the back of your head. Even the bulky sweaters you seek out each year seem to leave less & less to the imagination each time now.

But that's going to change. First thing, with the new year! And you mean it, for real this time!

Even if you had said that for the past six or seven years consecutively.

Anyway, it's that time of year again! Time to party hard-y.

And you want to be stoked. Really.

But...

Okay, look... 

It's not that you've shed any of that holiday cheer per se. You're not going around goin' "bah humbug" or anything. The holiday itself? You love that all the same!

It's just that...

Well...

Who needs the hassle of planning a party? Really. And each time trying to up things over the last? It's just left you... somewhat jaded.

It's all just a great deal of time & effort.

Over time as a result, the invite list has gotten smaller, more intimate. Less "blow out" & more a tighter & tighter-knit gathering amongst your closest friends. You're looking to keep it all just a hell of a lot simpler.

You've liked the idea of scaling back. It's led to a much more fun experience for you, as the one throwing the whole shindig.

Which is why you feel a little uneasy about Sadie from work's completely unannounced plus one. She kept threatening to set you up with someone. And you halfheartedly kept telling her maybe. But now, as someone you were already on the cusp of inviting, she seems to have followed through on that threat.

What's worse? Her friend is admittedly kind of hot. And without much else frame of reference, seems to have passed the uggo sweater assignment with flying colors, wearing what looks like a T-Rex with a Rudolph nose bursting forth from their chest. Uniquely hideous & gauche in all the best ways.

But tonight? Of all nights?

When you are actively going for what could be your frumpiest fit of all time? In an itchy, one time wear sweater that arrived yesterday a size too small, hugging your rolls & making you feel like a stuffed sausage? Now? Now is the time Sadie from works decides to take it upon herself & introduce you to what could be a potential soul mate?

Wait, why is her friend blushing? What is with their bashful look?

Ghost of Christmas Future

At a certain point, the hassle of trying to throw any sort of celebration starts to weigh on you. Heavily.

Even just the very thought of all that planning, preparation?

Ech. Exhausting. None of it seems worth all the effort any more.

No.

Enough’s enough.

Why put yourself through any of that stress, when you can simply just enjoy a nice holiday with that special someone you love? Deeply.

Besides, this is around the anniversary of when you two first met after all. The “plus one” you were so skeptical of at that holiday party some years back?

You muster up the energy to reach out to everyone via group text. You announce to your usual group of friends that for the first time in nearly a decade & a half there wasn't going to be a party. It seems weird to say, even after the pandemic couldn’t snuff out a zoom party, as lame as it was. Still, it’s not with some sadness on your part. And the responses seem a tad disappointed, but then again? No one seemed all that particularly shocked by the decision either. Almost as if they were perhaps expecting this.

"End of an era," you receive at first, flanked by heart emojis.

“Bummer! But we were thinking of going out of town anyhow” responds another. 

“We should meet up for drinks soon some other time then! Happy Holidays!”

This is perfect!

None of your friends seem let down by this. You don’t have to exert yourself. And well, let’s face it, no awkward conversations. No concerned looks or beating around the bush from folks you haven’t seen in a while wondering just what’s become of you. Not only is it a relief, you can now simply focus on your loving partner. Making them as happy as you possibly can.

And when they come home, they badger you into exchanging just one of your gifts early.

A Christmas purist, you remain reticent. Christmas gifts are for Christmas Day. Or Eve at the very earliest. But eventually, you cave.

You point them to the set of earbuds they had asked for, wrapped with perfection & set in the gift pile that’s been staring at you both the past few days.

They seem very pleased with them, but still slightly more eager for you to open the present they hand you. And they continue to stare, waiting with bated breath.

Resting the box on your belly, your chubby fingers start to peel through the wrapping. Once clear, you lift the lid.

It seems like a reproduction of THE skirt. The one from your first Christmas party. Only sized up a bit. Oh right. The friend they have. The one that’s a theatrical costume maker. Did they have her… remake it?

Hell, it may even just be a little nicer than the original. The fringe just a bit softer. Wispier. The top portion a nice, rich velvet. It’s just… proportionately? Feels a bit off. Like it seems wide enough for you now, ok maybe JUST- but there’s no way the skirt extends far enough.

How did they realistically think this was ever going to fit? Even at a much larger size, you still, somehow, are much too big for it.

Was that maybe… the point? 

Either way, their face is almost as red as the skirt itself now. It starts to seem like more of a genuine mistake. That they estimated on your measurements & goofed, royally.

But you make a point of NEVER being critical of a gift.

It takes a bit of struggling, lifting your heavy arms in the air over your head, but you wrestle your T-shirt off, & try slipping it on. As suspected, the skirt does little to conceal your soft orb of belly. More tube top than skirt. You must look pretty ridiculous.

Yet oddly? You are suddenly reminded of that confidence you once had, wearing the original. So young, so full of potential.

Boy, did your life ever take a strange path.

And while you imagine that scrawny lil stringbean in the original Santa skirt would probably scream & pass out if she saw you now, You, the you you’ve grown into being, wouldn’t have it any other way.

You feel peckish. Well let’s face it, you’re always peckish these days, but right now a little moreso than usual. And you know all the right buttons to turn your partner on, especially now, with their face racked in guilt over this surprise not fitting as intended.

And then you wonder… if you do bust right out of the seams of this thing, will they come back & try giving you an even bigger one next year?

Is this going to be your new holiday tradition?