May the Oysters Grieve, ep 13

MAY THE OYSTERS GRIEVE - episode 13

Written by Julie Hoverson

STEAM WHISTLE OF A BOAT

SOUND OF WAVES AND SEAGULLS

ANNOUNCER                Set sail for Excitement
Set sail for intrigue
Adventure is on the Horizon!

ANNOUNCER                May the Oysters Grieve, episode 13

SHIP’S BELL RINGS FOUR TIMES – DING-DING DING-DING

ANNOUNCER                The night of terror has passed, and dawn is breaking above the benighted Schumacher mansion.  Paul and Beatrice have been restrained for their parts in the mayhem and murder of the night, and Tony is ready to take whatever’s coming to him.  The family have come together with hopeful plans for the future – once the dangerous nitroglycerin hidden deep in the basement tunnels can be handled.

MUSIC SWELLS

SCENE 1.          BALLROOM

SOUND                          SHUTTERS BEING OPENED

MAC                              Let’s get some light in here!

ROSE                             Doesn’t it feel great, seeing the dawn come through the palms like that, Mac?

MAC                              It’s a big change.

DUKE                             What would feel great t’me is a ranch-style breakfast and a full night’s sleep.  Eh, Bertie?

BERTIE                          Well, Duke – I, for one, couldn’t sleep until we made sure we’d wrapped up a few more loose ends.  Certainly would not be able to lay my head in any room of this house with the danger lurking in the basement.

BETHANY                      What can we do about that?  I don’t really understand it all, but I get the feeling you fellows might be able to help us get some assistance?

MAC                              Well, we don’t have a lot of contacts here in Honolulu, Mrs. Akamai, but I can think of one fellow who might know who to ask.  We’ll talk to him as soon as we get back to town.

LULU                             What should we do in the meantime?

BERTIE                          I daresay this would be a jolly time for the whole family to spend a week or so in one of the posh resorts here – it sounds like cost should be no object – while the, uh “hazard” in the basement is handled by professionals.

MAC                              Excellent idea, Bertie.  Maybe Bethany could also look into finding Beatrice a nice place to recuperate, so that once she’s “gathered herself” you can present her with that contract.

ROSE                             [a little snarky]  Maybe a place with a handsome doctor or two.

DUKE                             Hold on, don’t they need to get all that will hoopla settled before they can jump in and spend any of the money?

AMAYA                         Beatrice has this.

SOUND                          BAG TOSSED TO FLOOR, UNLATCHED

BEATRICE                      [resentful]  That is mine!

ROSE                             Amaya!  That’s a ton of cash!

DUKE                             I fancy Gramps’ case might well have some cash in it too, now that you mention it.  What else would they be trying to run off with?

BERTIE                          Oh!  The pearl! 

BEATRICE                      [evasive]  What pearl?  I never saw a pearl.

AMAYA                         Want I search her?

ZORION                        Pearl is here.

SOUND                          HE STEPS IN AND SETS IT DOWN

BERTIE                          Zorion?

ZORION                        [shrug]  She dropped in fight.  I found.

LULU                             Zowie!  I see what you mean by “enormous”, Bertie.

BETHANY                      It’s lovely, but I don’t think any of us really need it.  While we’re at the hotel in town, we can store it safely in the bank.  Agreed?

LULU                             Sounds good.

TIM                               Of course.

TONY                            Whatever you think is best.

HAKU                            Works for me.  I can stay and supervise while you go to hotel, dear. 

BETHANY                      [firm, almost sounding like Beatrice]  No.  You and Lahela are part of this family – you are both MY family.  If the hotel won’t have us together, we’ll find another one. 

BERTIE                          [quiet]  Suddenly I see some resemblance to her more forceful sister.  I fancy this family’s future is in good hands.

ROSE                             [quiet]  I think you’re right.

SLIGHTLY LONGER MUSIC – TIME PASSES

SCENE 2.          LATER THAT AFTERNOON, NEAR THE DOCKS

AMB                              DAYTIME, DISTANT TRAFFIC, WAVES

SOUND                          THE GUYS’ FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL

DUKE                             I can’t say I’m disappointed with how things turned out.

BERTIE                          You don’t mind that Beatrice won’t be charged?

MAC                              Bethany insisted.  Her injury was fairly slight, so she’s inclined to be generous.  I suspect she’s going to drive a hard bargain when it comes to her sister signing away her claim to the family coffers.

DUKE                             Who’d’a thunk a soft-spoken lady like that could throw orders around like a drill sergeant?

SOUND                          THEY’RE GETTING CLOSER TO THE WATER AND DOCKS

BERTIE                          Still waters run deep, they say, and she’s spent well over two decades effectively leading a double life, right under her family’s collective nose.

DUKE                             Well, good for her.  At least someone in the place wasn’t miserable.

BERTIE                          Look, someone’s got to bring it up.

SOUND                          BERTIE STOPS WALKING, THE OTHERS A SECOND LATER

BERTIE                          I know we agreed not to speak in front of anyone else, but what do you fellows think happened down there at the pit?

DUKE                             You mean with Paul and the… uh… teeth?  Yeah, Mac, why were you so set on none of us bringing it up in front of the others?

MAC                              Looking at it logically, the only explanation is that someone pulled a trick on Paul, scaring him so much that he collapsed and Duke was able to capture him easily.

DUKE                             And what if you look at it un-logically?  Am I the only one who puts together two plus two and comes up with maybe Zorion and Amaya aren’t just odd foreigners?

MAC                              Even if it could be true, it could also be some kind of act – a very convincing one, especially in the dark, and under such heightened emotional tension. 

BERTIE                          Are you making excuses, Mac, or really exploring the possibilities?

MAC                              Look, none of us is in a good position to make sweeping judgments.  But the facts are, whether man or beast, something jumped in at the perfect time to stop Paul from shooting any of us—

BERTIE                          I say—

MAC                              [trampling over Bertie’s interjection]  AND – in some ways more importantly, this interloper subdued Paul without actually doing him any serious harm. 

DUKE                             You gotta point there.  He wasn’t even as much roughed up as I mighta left him.

BERTIE                          Merely terrorized!

MAC                              [sighs]  I’ll try and find a convenient time to ask, but honestly I think that – wolf or man – Zorion’s no danger to any of us.  That’s more important to keep in mind than nailing him down on a definition. 

MUSIC

SCENE 3.          RAMPART PICTURES, OSCAR’S OFFICE TRAILER

ROSE                             So Antoine has been apprehended, and will be--

OSCAR                          [growl]  Prosecuted to the limit of the law, I hope.

ROSE                             Hmm.  He is willing to take his medicine for the accidental killing of Joanette, and will not contest whatever sentence the judge hands down, if you are willing to leave it at that.

OSCAR                          [over-acting]  Never!  Joanette was the love of my life!

ROSE                             Oh, nonsense.  Everyone knows that was all about publicity.  Now Antoine’s family is in a position to help with any little funding issues--

OSCAR                          Blood money!

ROSE                             I already said – Antoine is going to jail.  He intends to plead guilty.  He won’t even sue over your stealing his screenplay, which he could apparently do--

OSCAR                          [quieter, considering]  Oh, that….

ROSE                             Take what you can get, Oscar.

OSCAR                          You drive a hard bargain.  [grumpy]  He better stay locked up for a good few years.

MUSIC

SCENE 4.          THE DOCKS

AMB                              DAYTIME, DISTANT TRAFFIC, WAVES

SOUND                          THE GUYS’ FOOTSTEPS ON WOOD

MAC                              Ah!  There’s his vessel.  The Pisanec.

DUKE                             Nice boat!  When he said he ran a tourist boat, I never pictured something so fancy.

MAC                              [amused]  Can’t take anyone for granted these days. 

BERTIE                          I say, Mac!  Do you see someone familiar over there, on the dock?

MAC                              Where?  Oh.  That fellow Rasmussen, who worked for the cruise line?  Hmm. 

DUKE                             If I don’t miss my guess, he mighta just come from the same place we’re a-heading to.  Doesn’t that put yer hackles up?

MAC                              I hope there’s nothing wrong.  We’ll see what Garvey has to say about it.

MUSIC

SCENE 5.          HOTEL [from ww]

SOUND                          ROSE WALKS INTO LOBBY

ROSE                             [to herself]  I know it’s been only one night, but it feels like I was away from this place for simply ages.  I can’t wait to get back to my room!  [sigh]  I need a shower—

SHERMAN                     Rose!

ROSE                             [to herself]  Oh, no.  [louder]  Sherman.  I hope you’re feeling better?

SHERMAN                     Oh, yeah.  I was a little … under the weather…

ROSE                             Nearly drowned, Mac said.  In booze.

SHERMAN                     [sheepish]  Yeah, I should apologize for that.  To him.  And you.  [sighs]  I – uh – you weren’t around the hotel during the storm.

ROSE                             I suppose you checked?

SHERMAN                     Well, no.  I spent most of the night simply… bilious.

ROSE                             We were stuck elsewhere.  The storm caught us.

SHERMAN                     Well, I’m glad you’re all right.  [change of topic]  I think your brother needed to talk to me about something?  I’m not real sure, but I do recall them hurling questions at me while I was awfully spifflicated.

ROSE                             I’ll check with him, when he gets back. 

SHERMAN                     I want to apologize for being a bit of a masher these last few days.  I can’t help that I think you’re a swell gal, and really would like a chance to get to know you better.

ROSE                             I’m not in the market for any kind of romance right now, Sherman.

SHERMAN                     But you’re a girl.  All girls want romance!

ROSE                             Not girls recovering from a bad one. 

SHERMAN                     Oh?  [brightening up]  So that’s why.  It’s not just that you hate me.  So there’s hope!

ROSE                             [heavy sigh] 

MUSIC

SCENE 6.          PISANEC DOCK

SOUND                          GUYS’ FEET ON WOODEN DOCK

MAC                              [calling, loud]  Permission to come aboard?

SOUND                          HAROLD STEPS OUT ON DECK

HAROLD                        [slightly hostile]  What do you want?

DUKE                             What bee got inta yer bonnet, pal?

MAC                              Hush, Duke.  I think I have an idea.  Remember who we spotted on the way in here.  [to Harold]  We’re not with him.

HAROLD                        [suspicious]  Him, who?

MAC                              He told us his name was Rasmussen, but considering the line of work I suspect he’s in, that might not be what he told you.

HAROLD                        [relaxing a bit]  Why don’t you c’mon inside?

SOUND                          THEY ALL CLIMB ABOARD AND WALK AS THEY TALK

DUKE                             This is as nice a lil boat as I think I’ve ever been on, mister Garvey.  You must do a lot of good business.

HAROLD                        [proud]  I do.  Under all this paint and paneling, she’s a solid 65 foot crash boat - retired navy, like her captain.

MAC                              Impressive.  You’ve done wonders with the surface, but I bet her navy toughness comes in handy under all that.

HAROLD                        [smiling]  I guess you know the way to a sailor’s heart is to compliment his lady.  Come on into the mess – I use it as my office between charters.  Then maybe you can tell me what you know about this Rasmussen guy.

MUSIC

FAKE COMMERCIAL

ANNOUNCER                We've all had one of those trips: driving carelessly through luscious countryside, enjoying the fresh air and sunshine, far away from the madding crowd... and run out of gas.

SOUND                          MUSIC TURNS DARK

ANNOUNCER                And what do you do if there's no help to be found for miles in any direction?  When the last sign of civilization you passed was hours ago, and was a shiny metallic pylon with no sign of a door or purpose?

SOUND                          MUSIC BRIGHTENS

ANNOUNCER                If you planned ahead, you might have a full gas can, and wouldn’t spend more than a hiccup of inconvenience.  Farwest Aid Society for Travelers F-A-S-T  FAST! [fast effect]  Is the best friend a traveler in the Pacific has.  FAST [fast effect] won't buy you gas, but it is the backup plan for everything else.  We’re there for you when your tank runs dry.

SCENE 7.          MESS ON THE PISANEC

HAROLD                        So, tell me about this Rasmussen?

MAC                              He told us he’s some kind of agent.  I thought he worked for the cruise line, but he was able to make an official arrest.

HAROLD                        He mentioned your name, as if that was going to mean something to me.

MAC                              [matter of fact]  We helped him capture an international jewel thief on the Lorelai.  But beyond that, I don’t know much about him.  Maybe if you tell us what he wanted from you, we can help.

HAROLD                        He said he works for U.S. Intelligence, and wants to use my boat for some kind of “event”.  I told him he could take a long walk off a short pier.  [joking]  That’s sailor talk.

DUKE                             We say things like that on the ranch too.  [chuckles]  That feller’s too sneaky by half.

BERTIE                          I have some experience with international intelligence.  Perhaps I could try and reach a contact or two, and look into his antecedents.

MAC                              Hmm.  That sounds like a good idea. 

HAROLD                        You think he might be on the level?

MAC                              I’ll wait to make any judgment until Bertie finishes poking around.

BERTIE                          I may not be able to guarantee anything, but I should be able to get enough of a feel for him that I can offer some reassurance.

MAC                              Did he say anything else about this “event” he needs your boat for?

HAROLD                        He was playing his cards real close to his chest, but let slip that there was some sort of exchange that needed to be made, out in international waters, and since I have all the right equipment and permits to make the trip in relative comfort--

DUKE                             He figured he could finagle the parties in question to hire you, which would set him up to oversee the whole shebang?

HAROLD                        Basically.  Of course he didn’t come out and SAY any of this, just implied it.

MAC                              Do you have any other jobs that might take you away from dock in the next day or so?

HAROLD                        Nothing on the books right now.

MAC                              Give us 24 hours to see what we can come up with.  Sound reasonable?

HAROLD                        More than I expected. 

MAC                              And if this turns out to be legit, you realize we plan to be part of whatever goes down? 

DUKE                             Wild horses couldn’t stop us.  That’s cowboy talk.

MUSIC

SCENE 8.          HOTEL RESTAURANT

SOUND                          DINING, NOT A BUSY TIME

[conversation to one side]

EMINA                          [rich exotic older woman, very “ZsaZsa’]  Dahling, must you really eat so much?  Ve only just got you zhat new vardrobe, I vould hate for you to outgrow all zhose lovely clothes.

NED                               It’s fine, darling.  I’ll have a swim this afternoon and work it all off again.

EMINA                          You voodn’t vant to go from being a Veismuller to being a vise guy, Vood you?

[CLOSER, AT A TABLE]

WAITER                         Here you are, ladies.  Menus.

SOUND                          CHAIRS MOVE, MENUS LAID DOWN

ROSE                             [to waiter]  Thanks.  [to Persia]  I’m so glad you could make it, Persia.  Wasn’t sure what port you’d be in.

PERSIA                          The storm made us drop anchor and detour back to Honolulu.  Don’t worry – I wouldn’t dare leave the islands without saying goodbye.

MUSIC

SCENE 9.          DOCK, LEAVING

AMB                              WAVES, BIRDS, DISTANT TRAFFIC

SOUND                          THE THREE WALKING AWAY ON WOOD DOCKS

DUKE                             Funny I ain’t thought about it before seeing Harold again, but with all the all kinds of people we’ve been seeing around Honolulu, there ain’t a lot of black folks.  Plenty from the far east, though.

MAC                              I guess that’s due to Hawaii’s proximity to countries like China and Japan. 

BERTIE                          Garvey called his vessel a retired “crash boat”.  I’m unfamiliar with the term – do you know what it means?

MAC                              I believe they were small boats deployed to pick up airmen when planes went down over the water.  They could maneuver quickly and reach survivors without being big targets for enemy fire.

DUKE                             I think I read a story about that in one of my adventure mags.  I guess our pal here got rid of the anti-aircraft guns when he made it all purty.

MAC                              They were probably decommissioned before he bought it.

BERTIE                          If you don’t mind, I think I shall make my way to the hotel and place a few trunk calls, before it gets too late. 

DUKE                             Won’t that cost a pretty penny?

BERTIE                          I’ll make sure and keep the receipts.  We can put it on the expense account if Rasmussen hires us. 

MAC                              We’ve got plenty of cash handy.

BERTIE                          Always get reimbursed – otherwise they start thinking you’re a soft touch.  I’m off.

SOUND                          HE WALKS OFF

DUKE                             Got anything in mind for me to run off and do, Mac?

MAC                              Stay.  I have a feeling we’ve got something incoming.

RASMUSSEN                 [flat greeting]  Mr. MacDougall.

MAC                              Mac.  And what do I call you, this time?

RASMUSSEN                 [laughs easily]  Why don’t I buy you gentlemen something cool to drink and we can chat?

DUKE                             Ooh, I wonder if we can get some of that there shaved ice!

MAC                              [chuckles]  I guess that means we’re taking you up on your offer.

MUSIC

SCENE 10.        HOTEL RESTAURANT

SOUND                          DINING, NOT A BUSY TIME

ROSE                             [finishing a story]  …And then they all came out here.  Mac’s supposed to be finding them someone to clear out the house--

PERSIA                          [Shudders]  Goodness, such a night!

ROSE                             I know! 

PERSIA                          You said the name on the journal was Ciabattini?

ROSE                             That’s what they all said.  I had my hands a bit too full to get much of a look.

PERSIA                          [chuckles]  That’s funny.

ROSE                             Is it?  I love a good joke.

PERSIA                          The Schumacher family traces back to a Ciabattini.

ROSE                             And?

PENUMBRA                  [out of nowhere, but nearby]  Both names are words for “shoe maker”, one in Italian, and the other in German.

ROSE                             [gasp]

PERSIA                          [not quite as surprised]  Mmm?

SOUND                          HIS CHAIR TURNS NEARBY

PENUMBRA                  My apologies, ladies, but I could not help overhearing.  Just that final bit – I was only seated a moment ago.

ROSE                             Well.  Mister Penumbra, is it?

PENUMBRA                  I am honored that you recall my name, Miss MacDougall.

ROSE                             How’s your vacation going?

PENUMBRA                  I am here on business, but I have had a quiet couple of days waiting for a meeting to be arranged.  Quiet, apart from the storm last night, of course.

MUSIC

SCENE 11.        THE JOB

SOUND                          OUTSIDE, SITTING ON A PARK BENCH

RASMUSSEN                 We believe the exchange will be made on a short day-cruise.  There are some …advantages to being far enough from land to be in international waters.

MAC                              How do you plan to get everyone onto Garvey’s boat?

RASMUSSEN                 [little smile]  Mm.  I have some contacts in play who can steer them in the right direction.  I was lucky the storm came up and kept them land-locked for an extra day or two.

DUKE                             So you know there’s this information trading hands, and where they’ll be doing it, but not who’s a-gonna be buying or selling?

RASMUSSEN                 They’ve set it up like an auction, with several potential buyers and other people on hand as a screen.  We got our hands on the main guest list, but have no idea which one might be in which role.

MAC                              I’ll talk to Garvey for you.  With us on board as his crew, he might be willing to let you co-opt his boat for this trip—

RASMUSSEN                 It’s just a one day outing.  But we may need to keep everyone away from land longer, if we can’t figure out who’s got the microdot.

DUKE                             I suppose you already got a plan for that? 

RASMUSSEN                 We’re working on it.

MAC                              I’m pretty sure we’re up for it, but Garvey’s got the veto, since it is his boat.  Eh, Duke?

DUKE                             Oh you betcha.  I love a good afternoon tour.  Not to mention, a chance to punch traitors!

MUSIC TO CLOSING

ANNOUNCER                Adventure takes many forms and happens in many places!  From the dark passages under the Schumacher mansion to the hopefully placid surface of the Pacific ocean, Mac, Duke, Bertie, and Rose will have no more than a day or two to relax before setting sail for a watery trip over the horizon!  Join us soon for the next thrilling serial in 13 action-packed episodes – “TREACHEROUS BAIT”. 

ANNOUNCER                Adventure is on the Horizon!

END