May the Oysters Grieve, ep 12

MAY THE OYSTERS GRIEVE - episode 12

Written by Julie Hoverson

STEAM WHISTLE OF A BOAT

SOUND OF WAVES AND SEAGULLS

ANNOUNCER                Set sail for Excitement
Set sail for intrigue
Adventure is on the Horizon!

ANNOUNCER                May the Oysters Grieve, episode 12

SHIP’S BELL RINGS FOUR TIMES – DING-DING DING-DING

ANNOUNCER                Zorion escaped Aunt Beatrice’s kidnapping attempt, but where has he got to?  Where has she?  The actors, along with the moviemaking triplets; Aunt Bethany and her secret husband Haku Akamai; Rose, Kalea, and photographer Drew Carson; are safe – or are they? – in the ballroom.  Not so safe are Mac, Duke, Bertie and Amaya, standing over a pit of nitroglycerine under the watchful eye of wicked Uncle Paul and more importantly, his gun.

MUSIC SWELLS

SCENE 1.          TUNNEL NEAR PIT

SOUND                          GUN COCKS

MAC                              No need for that, Mr. Schumacher.  We can hardly pose much of a threat, on the other side of this five foot wide trench.

BERTIE                          And blinded by your flashlight, no less.

PAUL                             No threat at the moment, but you pose an ongoing threat to my plans for revenge!  Move back from the edge, there.

DUKE                             I don’t think so, feller.  You shoot any of us where we stand and we might just fall in.  And you know what happens next… boom!

MAC                              You are well within the blast radius.

PAUL                             You’d all die as well!

BERTIE                          From what you’ve said, sir, you intend to kill every one of us.  This way, at least we save all of those in the ballroom.

DUKE                             Not to mention taking you with us, feller.

MUSIC

SCENE 2.          HALLWAY

SOUND                          WALKING – BEATRICE’S SLIPPERS

BEATRICE                      [to herself]  I’ll wager they’re together, laughing at me.  That little wench, stealing my man!  I’ll show her.  He’ll see what happens when he doesn’t give me my rightful due as his object of affection.  They’ve probably gone down into the hallways under the house …together.

SOUND                          SHE GOES THROUGH A DOOR

BEATRICE                      What if they’re after father’s vault?  He thinks I don’t know about it and the money there, but I’ve been pilfering from him for decades.  It’s my money too, darn him!  Yes!  That’s where they must be headed!  They want to strip me of love and fortune, all in one fell swoop!  I’ll show them!  Once I get back to the kitchen, I’ll slip in through the door there… and then I can’t help but find them!

MUSIC

SCENE 3.          TUNNEL NEAR PIT

PAUL                             Where’s the woman?  There was a woman with you!

DUKE                             [casual]  Oh, she’s just back behind us in the dark somewheres.

MAC                              You probably scared her off.  Waving a gun tends to do that.

BERTIE                          Mac?  Amaya hardly seems—

MAC                              Sst.  [“shush” noise, then loudly, trying to hint]  You can’t hold it against her that she wanted to find somewhere safer, Bertie.

BERTIE                          [not sure, but taking the cue]  I… see.

PAUL                             If you’re expecting her to come around and sneak up behind me, you’re sadly deluded.  I’ll hear her coming.  She will just become my hostage!

DUKE                             Say, I got an idea, feller – whyn’t you let me take the chance to jump acrost here and face you, man to man?  I’ll still give you one hand tied behind my back!

PAUL                             One move, and I’ll take my chances with shooting you!

MUSIC

SCENE 4.          VAULT

SOUND                          VAULT DOOR CLOSES, DIAL SPINS

BEATRICE                      I should have thought of this in the first place.  Now I can afford to wait until I get a proper price for the pearl, rather than have to take what I can get right away.  [gasp]  What’s that?

SOUND                          QUIET DISTANT FOOTSTEPS

BEATRICE                      Oh-ho-ho!  Could that be the interloper I’m after?  That wench!  I should hide and grab her when she goes by.  Yes!  [getting quiet as she ducks behind something]  She won’t even see me coming.  Good thing I still have the knife.

MUSIC

SCENE 5.          UNDERGROUND CORRIDOR

SOUND                          QUIET FOOTSTEPS

AMAYA                         If I find way up, I can get to kitchen and come back down from door there. 

SOUND                          SHE STOPS

AMAYA                         [musing]  That way is cells.  What is this way?  [considering]  Some light far over.  But direction is not right.  Perhaps is way to go up. 

SOUND                          SHE BEGINS WALKING AGAIN

AMAYA                         [sighs]  Rose will be much not happy if brother is hurt.  I must go quickly, now have better light.

SOUND                          SHE SPEEDS UP

MUSIC

SCENE 6.          TUNNEL NEAR PIT

BERTIE                          I say, uncle Paul, what is your end game here?  Do you have a plan?

PAUL                             I’m working on it.

MAC                              Right now, we’re at a classic standoff.  You may have the gun, but if you shoot any one of us, the others will jump the gap and take you down.

DUKE                             Unless of course one of us falls in – shot or not – and everything goes boom.

MAC                              We can’t stand here all night.  Something’s got to give.

BERTIE                          From the looks of it, there’s enough nitroglycerin loose in the bottom of that pit to do a good deal of damage.  Might not bring down the proverbial house, but will certainly pulverize anyone this close to ground zero.

PAUL                             Will you just shut your mouth?  I’m thinking.

MAC                              [sudden realization]  That pipe!

DUKE                             What?

MAC                              [quiet]  That pipe, there.  The one with the holes in it that we’ve seen running through so many of the tunnels!

BERTIE                          [quiet]  What about it?

MAC                              [quiet]  The fuse – it must run through the house inside that pipe. 

BERTIE                          [quiet]  Thus the holes.  I see!  Without air, a flame would burn itself out before getting this far.   Ciabattini thought of everything!

PAUL                             What are you idiots muttering about?

MAC                              Mr. Schumacher, see this pipe coming down the wall here?  I’m convinced that it contains the fuse to set off this dynamite.  It may be old enough that it’s unable to get this far… but it may not.

DUKE                             [taunting]  So that nitro might just go up, whether any of us wants it to or not.

MAC                              I’d like to take a look, just so we’re not surprised in the middle of any negotiations.  May I?

PAUL                             Check if you like, but if you make a move to come across here or reach for a weapon, I won’t hesitate to shoot...  [pointing at Duke]  That one.

DUKE                             So I’m the hostage.  Go ahead, Mac.  Check the pipe.

MUSIC

SCENE 7.          BALLROOM

SOUND                          FIREPLACE

LULU                             Rose, can we borrow you for a moment?

ROSE                             Sure, Lulu.  What do you need?

SOUND                          THEY WALK TO BETHANY

LULU                             We’ve been discussing what to do after this, for the family.  Aunt Bethany and her family—

ROSE                             Mr. – uh-

LULU                             [amused]  Just Haku.  He’s apparently my uncle, so it’s ok to call him by his first name. 

HAKU                            Uh, yeah.  Strange to be able to talk about it.  After so long.

BETHANY                      If anyone can understand wanting to go your own way, it’s Lulu.

LULU                             [smiling]  Yeah.  I’m just happy that it’s all out in the open now.  I can’t believe you’ve kept it hidden for … well, about as long I’ve been alive. 

BETHANY                      There were a few times I thought Beatrice might catch us, but we were very careful.

HAKU                            [warm]  You outsmarted them all.

MUSIC

SCENE 8.          TUNNEL NEAR PIT

SOUND                          SQUEAK ON METAL

PAUL                             What are you doing there?

MAC                              Trying to get my finger into this hole in the pipe to feel if the fuse is still in there.  Would be a lot easier if it wasn’t pitch black.

DUKE                             Maybe you could toss us the flashlight, old pal.

PAUL                             You’re joking.

MAC                              He is.

PAUL                             How do you three remain so calm, in the face of certain death?

MAC                              Nothing’s ever certain. 

DUKE                             Not til the cowboy rides off into the sunset, leastways.

BERTIE                          We’re rather used to being put in dangerous situations.

MAC                              I don’t feel any fuse.  I think we’re lucky in that respect.

DUKE                             Makes this standoff a bit more even-sided, eh?

PAUL                             Don’t move.  If I shoot you while you’re moving away, there’s less chance of an unfortunate …accident.

DUKE                             What’s that behind you?

SOUND                          [behind Paul]  GROWLING OF A WOLF

PAUL                             Don’t try such a childish—

SOUND                          SOMETHING ATTACKS PAUL, SCUFFLE, GROWLS

PAUL                             No!  Ah!   Let go!  Where did this beast come from?!

SOUND                          FLASHLIGHT DROPS, ROLLS, STOPS

BERTIE                          What the devil?  Sounds like a dog or a wolf!

MAC                              I can’t make out anything - The light’s pointing the wrong way!

SOUND                          PAUL FALLS TO FLOOR, IS DRAGGED AWAY

PAUL                             Nooooooo! 

SOUND                          GUN FALLS AWAY, KNOCKS OFF WALL, SLIDES

DUKE                             Dagnabbit!  The gun!  It’s sliding towards the pit! 

SOUND                          DUKE’S RUNNING FEET

DUKE                             [yelling as he runs]  I got it!  Yaaaaah!  [jumping noise]

MUSIC

FAKE COMMERCIAL

ANNOUNCER                We've all had one of those trips: driving carelessly through luscious countryside, enjoying the fresh air and sunshine, far away from the madding crowd... and run out of gas.

SOUND                          MUSIC TURNS DARK

ANNOUNCER                And what do you do if there's no help to be found for miles in any direction?  When the last sign of civilization you passed was hours ago, and was a pair of mighty gates with iron bars, and no sign of what lay beyond?

SOUND                          MUSIC BRIGHTENS

ANNOUNCER                If you planned ahead, you might have a full gas can, and wouldn’t spend more than a sliver of inconvenience.  Farwest Aid Society for Travelers F-A-S-T  FAST! [fast effect]  Is the best friend a traveler in the Pacific has.  FAST [fast effect] won't buy you gas, but it is the backup plan for everything else.  We’re there for you when your tank runs dry.

SCENE 9.          BALLROOM

SOUND                          FIREPLACE

LULU                             What we wanted to consult you on, Rose, is this idea we three had – Tim and Tony and I – that the boys will both sign away their claim to the inheritance in favor of Bethany, if she is willing to administer the estate to help us set up a real studio here so we can make our own films.

BETHANY                      I’m pleased that you’d trust me.

LULU                             You’ve always been the kindest family we have.  But a lot will depend on what happens to Beatrice.  Since she attacked Bethany, she might be amenable to a reasonable settlement and a promise that we won’t turn her in to the police, if she also agrees to forfeit.

ROSE                             You’d just let her go?

BETHANY                      We’re inclined to call a number of things “temporary insanity” and move on.  We can also make sure Tony gets the best legal representation available.

HAKU                            I know a Mister Chu in Honolulu.  Excellent defense attorney.  Rotary brother.

ROSE                             Maybe he could also have a contract written up for this.  Just so you can all be clear on the terms of your agreement.

LULU                             Good plan.

MUSIC

SCENE 10.        EDGE OF PIT

MAC                              Dammit Duke!  You fool!  Jumping blindly in the dark like that!

SOUND                          THUMP AS DUKE LANDS, SCRABBLE OF HANDS ON DIRT

BERTIE                          [lets out a breath]  Well, we haven’t exploded yet.

DUKE                             [straining]  Dagnabbit, I halfway made it!  Ung!  [sound as he clutches the edge and bats the gun away]

SOUND                          HE HITS GUN, IT SKIDS AWAY

DUKE                             At least I knocked the durn gun back.  [straining noise]  But I’m hanging on by a thread here!

MAC                              What do you mean, Duke?  We can’t see anything!

DUKE                             I need my breath for pulling myself up, jest now, Mac.  [strains again]  Almost…. 

BERTIE                          [quiet]  Duke!  You can do it!

DUKE                             One, two, three, Heave! 

SOUND                          SCRABBLING NOISE

MAC                              Of course he can.  [quieter, worried]  As long as whatever got Paul stays clear.

MUSIC

SCENE 11.        HIDDEN PASSAGE

SOUND                          AMAYA’S QUIET STEPS

AMAYA                         [to herself, but not too quietly]  I heard howl.  Must be he.

BEATRICE                      [noise of effort as she swings something heavy]  Uwaaah!

SOUND                          WHOOSH, BUT NO IMPACT, SOMETHING HITS A WALL, SHATTERS

AMAYA                         Who is?

BEATRICE                      [exasperated squeal, then]  You stole my man!   Yaagh!

SOUND                          GRABS AMAYA BY THE HAIR

AMAYA                         My hair!

SOUND                          SLAPPING NOISES, BEATRICE SLAMMED AGAINST WALL

BEATRICE                      Ungh!

AMAYA                         I have [ungh!] things of import to [yah!]  Do!

BEATRICE                      [breathing heavily]  If I have to kill you to win his love, I will!

AMAYA                         You speak nonsense, woman!  I am no one’s love.

MUSIC

SCENE 12.        EDGE OF PIT

SOUND                          QUIET

BERTIE                          I say—

MAC                              Shh.  [quiet]  Listen.

[a moment of silence]

DUKE                             [yelling]  You fellers all right, back there? 

[startled noises from Mac and Bertie]

DUKE                             I got myself up on solid land again.  And not a moment too soon.  Found this, too—

SOUND                          CLICK, FLASHLIGHT ON

DUKE                             Whew!  I do like a lil bit o’ light.

MAC                              Oh, Duke, you really have to stop worrying us like that!

BERTIE                          Before we begin the celebration, where did Uncle Paul get to?

DUKE                             Back around here somewheres.  I can go look, but I don’t want to leave you’all in the dark.

MAC                              There has to be a switch somewhere up around the corner – that’s how he turned the lights off.  Take a look and maybe you won’t have to worry about us.

DUKE                             Just a second.

SOUND                          HE WALKS AWAY

BERTIE                          [calling] I say, watch out for whatever was doing all that growling!

[a moment of quiet]

DUKE                             [slightly muffled]  This looks like just the thing.

SOUND                          CLICK, LIGHTS ON

MAC                              Much better!

BERTIE                          [shuddery]  Uh…  No matter how aware I am that the pit is several feet away - in the dark, I felt I might shift my foot and fall in at any moment.

DUKE                             [up around a corner, ominous]  Mac?  This is… um….

MAC                              What?  Duke?  What?

DUKE                             It ain’t good.

MUSIC

SCENE 13.        HIDDEN PASSAGE

[note:  both are exerting and breathing hard]

SOUND                          FIGHT!  IMPACT OF BODY, SOMETHING WOOD CRUSHES

BEATRICE                      Unhg!  No!  

SOUND                          SHE SCRABBLES UP

AMAYA                         I want not kill.  You leave!

BEATRICE                      Ah…. Heh-heh-heh…  But I forgot something!

SOUND                          KNIFE DRAWN

BEATRICE                      My knife!  Now who’s gonna kill!

SOUND                          SWOOSH OF HER SWING

SOUND                          AMAYA JUMPS BACK

AMAYA                         You are stupid, think to kill for such of no matter!

BEATRICE                      No matter?  Love is the only thing that does matter!

AMAYA                         Such pointless fight!  Aaaaa!  [she charges, but runs past and leaves]

SOUND                          AMAYA’S STEPS, LEAVING FAST

BEATRICE                      Where are you--?  No!

SOUND                          BEATRICE CHASES AFTER

MUSIC

SCENE 14.        DUKE’S SIDE OF THE PIT (around the corner)

SOUND                          DUKE WALKS SLOWLY

PAUL                             [whimpering and muttering]  The claws!  What was it!  No fair!

MAC                              [voice coming from far behind]  Duke?  Do you need us to join you?

DUKE                             [yelling back, but kind of hesitant]  No, no.  I don’t think I need any help… 

SOUND                          DUKE TAKES ANOTHER STEP

DUKE                             [quieter]  Uncle Paul?  You doing all right?

PAUL                             I – I give up.  Just get me away from this horrible place!

DUKE                             What just happened?  Who done this?

PAUL                             I don’t know, I just saw teeth, and fur, and – [cries and babbles]  Oh my lord!

DUKE                             I’m gonna tie your hands behind you, feller, but I promise to make sure whatever it was ain’t gonna come near you again, okay?

PAUL                             Just get me out of this darkness!

DUKE                             [yelling back to the guys]  I’ve got Uncle Paul.  Why don’t you fellers see if you can find a way back out on that side, and I’ll see if I can’t get him up to kitchen this-a-way.

MAC                              Alright!  Be careful Duke.  And good luck!

MUSIC

SCENE 15.        BALLROOM

SOUND                          FIRE IN BG

BETHANY                      I’m sure there’s plenty in the accounts to supply all of us with anything we need.  All of us.

HAKU                            You three, and my wife and daughter.

LULU                             [delighted]  That’s right!  Lahela must be our cousin!  Oh, but I’m not really included any more.  I took that shot and am happy with my choices.  I can just work at our studio.

BETHANY                      I see no reason to leave you out, Lulu.  We both flew in the face of tradition to get what we wanted, and we should stand together.

LULU                             [sniffles a bit, deeply touched]  Yes.  I mean, thanks!

ROSE                             [touched]  Awww!

HAKU                            Storm’s clearing!

BETHANY                      We must have just been brushed by the edge.

ROSE                             Clearing?  How can you tell?

HAKU                            Smell.  Air. 

ROSE                             Even inside? 

HAKU                            It’s still air. 

MUSIC

SCENE 16.        MAC’S SIDE OF THE PIT

SOUND                          DISTANT MOVEMENT

BERTIE                          What should we do, Mac?

MAC                              I say we follow Duke’s suggestion and find our own way out.

BERTIE                          We came down here by way of a sliding floor, as you may recall, so we cannot precisely retrace our steps.

MAC                              There has to be some other way out.  We also have to make sure that we can find this place again, and bring down some munitions removal professionals who know how to handle old materials like we have down there.

BERTIE                          I expect they’re going to have to seal it in, rather than try to take it out.

MAC                              We also need to find Amaya and make sure she’s—

SOUND                          AMAYA RUNS IN, AND STOPS

AMAYA                         [breathing heavily]  Mad woman wants kill.  Catch her!

BEATRICE                      [off somewhere nearby]  I’ll get you!

BERTIE                          What the Dickens?

MUSIC

SCENE 17.        BALLROOM

SOUND                          WINDOW SHUTTER BEING CRANKED OPEN

ROSE                             Wow, you’re right – Dawn is breaking, and that sky looks perfectly clear!

BETHANY                      [fond and proud]  He always knows when the weather’s changing.

TONY                            [rueful]  I guess it’s about time to call in the police.

TIM                               I don’t see why was can’t all have breakfast first.

CECILE                          Um... maybe because the cook is… you know… dead?

TIM                               Oh, yeah.  Well—

SOUND                          DOOR OPENS, IN WALK DUKE AND PAUL

DUKE                             Hey y’all!  I got Uncle Paul here under tight wraps, and he’s ready to get took off to jail. 

ROSE                             You caught him!  Great!

DUKE                             Hold yer applause til the end, cuz I think I heard Mac and Bertie headed this way, too.

SOUND                          ANOTHER DOOR OPENS, IN THEY WALK

MAC                              You beat us by a minute or two, Duke, and we’ve got a captive of our own.  Isn’t that right, Beatrice?

BEATRICE                      [defeated]  I hate you all.  You hit a lady.

MAC                              I just stopped you.  You would know it, if I hit you.

BERTIE                          All that’s left is to find Zorion.

ZORION                        [on the other side of the room]  I am already here.

MUSIC TO CLOSING

ANNOUNCER                The sky is clear, the living are all in one place, and the night has been chased away by the dawn.  There are plans to be made, and police to be called, but, for the moment, an aura of calm suffuses the ballroom.  But can it last?  It never does, so tune in again next week for the final episode of May the Oysters Grieve!

END