May Update

Good day, still alive and kicking here, wanna update with what I'm making right now and do bit of sharing. I don't want to pretend that everything is fine even though you won't see it through my videos.

Life and WoWS has been...demotivating at best. My workplace been struggling with lack of new clients and jobs in general, which apparently is a phenomenon in the industry right now (creative and editing works), so measures were taken and I got no paycheck as of last month. Terrible, but it drives me to make more videos in April to make up for it...

...which doesn't make more than what I wanted because of copyright claims and/or doesn't pass the 10 minutes threshold necessary for good Adsense income. Should see this coming, but I did it for the sake of "creativity", though I can't do anything for the copyright part (Fuck them and fuck YouTube, but what can you do?)

I've been burned out playing WoWS for too long my spirit has become ember. I play with a blank face expecting nothing, I don't care about winning or losing, I don't care if I play the wrong ship. I just want contents, but that thing is hard to come by according to my standards, which is again, strictly dictated by my "creative vision", where good gameplay might not made the cut but a chat banter will.

In the end I end up playing too much games without a single recording. That's how high my standards were. This is not working, this is hoping for a good drop.

Take How-Tos, I'm constantly relying on RNG to give me SPECIFIC clips (torpbeat clips). When making script, I don't like recalling what I said on previous videos, I don't like having to use the same clip twice, I must find proper music for it, and I don't want to make filler contents to get past 10 minutes, because those are the standards I've set.

I hate that this is what I'm doing,
I hate that this is what I do best,
I hate that this is what defines me,
I hate that this is what I'm stuck with.

Creative vision is my strength and weakness.

I'm in a perpetual state of questioning myself if I should continue doing what I'm doing, questioning if creativity is worth pursuing with all these roadblocks I literally cannot fight, but must be dealt with.

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Felt better after putting those off my chest, keeps my sanity in check. Probably gonna blow over when I finish a video and everything returns to normal. Anyway sharing session ends, May progress time:

• How to Minnesota

Honestly this ship is so often talked about I can't help but to make a video of it. Its a struggle at first but at the end I did find a niche for it. It will be different to California, so stay tuned for that.

• Moskva Anime OP - the 9th delay

I lost track how many time I put this on backburner, lost most of the interest after last year Russo-Ukraine war because that'll be a bad time to release it. But considering that right now, the war has gotten (pardon) long in the tooth, I'm gonna continue making it after Minnesota vid (and if other potential contents don't intervene).

That's the update for this month. Don't be too concerned about my wellbeing, I'm just a bit pissed off with how things turned out yet no solution against them but to keep going. The ride never ends after all.