US Tour Diary 1

We've barely had an afternoon at home after Cork, and we're off to the airport. Now that everything is packed, goodbyes are done and all the paperwork is ready and in place, the excitement and giddiness starts. Just the feeling of being on a plane going anywhere is enough right now. I'm trying to get Hog giddy. The key is, if I can set him off, then he'll be messing for hours. I get him to review the cheese in the airport as the snob, and that's a start. Duck, our "Tour Dad" is stressed. Airports and bags are not his friend. The day we decided we wanted to do the baggage handlers sketch on certain stops, he nearly fainted. .

Checking the buggy in at the desk in the US, has always been fun... First they pick up the stroller, then they pause and look around for the baby. Instead they see four lads in their 30s. And no baby. 

"where's the baby sir"

-oh, you know, just out back

"okay sir... do you realise this stroller has only three wheels?"

 - "yeah, been meaning to get her a new one for her birthday"

I sleep most of the way, but when I don't, I watch Ghostbusters, the original that is, which I have never seen before, I know, I KNOW! anyway, as I can't help looking at the screens around and in front of me, it occurs to me, that there really is something for everyone! You get used to hanging around a certain type of person in your life, with similar tastes or backgrounds that sometimes you forget other people like different stuff... Perhaps this isn't a watershed moment for you guys...

When we land in Toronto, we get the proper Canadian politeness stereotype almost straight away. Duck gets hauled aside by the border guards, for reasons yet unknown.. It transpires that he shares the name of some criminal from Canada, but instead of saying that he's a robber or murderer, they say "this guy James White, he did some pretty bad things". 

Toronto is pretty spectacular, impressive. It's covered in a blanket of fog, meaning the skyscrapers disappear into the distance as they go up, or their lights are diffused as to create multi coloured clouds. The result is a spooky, sci fi vibe, which we're enjoying.  We get some beers and dinner in a beer hall - We've started teasing each other, before someone says with a smile "lads, this is going to be a very long tour..."

The best way, I think, to experience a city, especially if you have a few hours, is to pick a direction, and walk. I find a small cafe/bar, and order their specialty. What arrives is the weirdest combination... poached eggs, with salmon, sugared waffles and maple syrup. The initial effect is horrifying. The combination of sweet and savoury  on the same plate is like a child at an all you can eat buffet. However, after a few bites it grows on me. 8/10

The gig in Canada is sold out, but the theater promoters are freaking out. They have to check everyone's covid pass, (1000 people) and they only bought two scanners... It's now 8.05 and most of the audience are outside on the street. The promoters want us to start the show with only half the audience there, because they are afraid of running over. There is NO way we are doing that. There is undeniably some tension here... but sometimes you just have to stick to your guns. We've been doing live shows for over a decade, and if you have to start a show with 500 people entering in twos and threes for 20 minutes, it tends to ruin the show for everyone.  It looks like there won't be time for a meet and greet now. Disappointed that we wont get to see everyone afterwards, we head outside to the queue to surprise everyone. The show itself is really fun, and the Toronto crowd are very appreciative. You'll see me write similar things about other crowds, and it will also be true then - we are very lucky indeed! We are back to the hotel and asleep by midnight, after some decent late night burgers.

Philly is our next stop, and it really has charm. Hog claims it has a colour scheme of browns, and I agree, but I'd like to throw in a few greens too. We have some free time here, a day before our show, and again, we can do some quality exploring. It has it all. Artsy neigbourhoods, great cafes, nice people, fancy streets - there's a lot to like about Philly. We hit the vintage clothing stores and Foil exclaims that Duck is his good luck charm, both lads come away with excellent bargains. I do some solo exploring, and decide on a relaxing massage for myself. The guy who gives the massage is very good... too good. I'm in agony. Honestly I'm sure it was good for me, but I felt afterwards like I'd been pushed down the stairs. Philly's theatre is VERY fancy, (there's opera going on at the same time) - there are some empty seats from Covid, which has been a bit of a pattern this past while - we usually just move people down, feels very Edinburgh 2009 - 12 where we used to seat the audience ourselves - choosing our front rows based on who looked like 'fun'. The only issue with the theatre is the orchestra pit, or the laughter moate right in front of the stage, which is usually a bit of a disconnect between us and the crowd - it doesn't seem to matter in this case as Philly is very much up for it!! We get some quality audience members, especially Lee, an elderly gentleman who can't stop laughing and has a jacket like a 70s detective.

Back home St Patricks day is the 17th March. In Boston it's the 17-20th of March a three day bender. Honestly, the place is wild for the saint. There is an air of mischief about the places, you can get it from the people on the street, who are shouting at each other just that bit too loud...Bars are full at Midday, it must be like the last days of Rome by closing. Now, I've had the full Boston experience already mind you, within minutes of landing in the airport. At baggage claim, some guy kicks my bag.. to which I respond "what the?" 

"What the f*ck is it doing in the middle of the hallway?!!" he says

(it was maybe a foot away from me...)

He walks away and shouts asshole, I shout asshole back and I fully expected someone from the Boston tourist board to come up to me and charge me 20 dollars for the experience.

The crowd here are every bit as wild as you would expect. The theatre is old school, but beautiful. Those old theatres have such amazing acoustics! I thought it was one of the most fun shows ever on the road until we hit DC which was on a par.

We don't get to do much exploring in DC though, its straight in, hotel, quick lunch, quick white house view, and off to the theatre. We'll have to go back and give it a closer look next time. Because it definitely does feel like there will be a next time. It's been too fun. The audiences have been too good.  I said to the lads in the airport "This could be our only USA tour, you never know how things will go, so let's enjoy it". It was as much advice for myself as others.

Pittsburgh is the first city that feels different to the others. It's not as big for starters, and isn't used to as many tourists either you suspect. It nevertheless has considerable charm. Coming from the airport, it all seems incredibly rural. You have skeletal trees either side ascending to hill tops, shorn of their leaves and almost deathly, like some post apocalyptic landscape. It must be spectacular in summer and autumn. There's no sign of a city either until you emerge from a long tunnel and it presents itself to you. The effect is quite breathtaking. A former steel town, you can still see the large old building, former factories and the like converted to cafes, galleries and restaurants. It seems like a city on the up. We have some time here too, and so we relax with some virtual golf (for Duck), beers (for the rest of us) and fuzzball (for hog). Duck is decent at golf, but beside us constantly trolling him, we drag him down to our level. 

The show is in Oakmont is about a  half an hour outside the city, in a cinema. It's been a long time since we've done a venue like this, and it's not without it's challenges. But the best part about doing comedy, is you can adapt it to your surroundings, make a virtue of it. After all, comedy isn't supposed to be grandiose. There's also a delicious smell of popcorn throughout. We smash a prop about 10 seconds before needing it, and there's no time to explain or change it, so we just have to improvise... it somehow works! There's a cool moment after the show were we meet two high school students - and I'm a bit stunned by it, how could some high school students this far away be interested in our comedy? It still amazes me. 

The next few shows look a little different. We haven't sold as well in Cleveland or Detroit, but that doesn't mean they won't be fun shows. Our favourite show from the UK tour in 2019 was a trip to Bournemouth, where 200 people showed up in a theatre that held 1500. Sometimes it just brings out the best in you! 

Arms