Done Adulting Vol. 1 Ch. 42

The three of them opted to stay in all day instead of going out. They were content just to be in each other’s company. While Jamie was curious what Amanda and Becky had said to Marsha, as they were about what he had said to her, by silent agreement they didn’t ask or volunteer. Marsha had been a mirror, and their obvious relief and happiness and renewed affection in the wake of reflecting on each other was enough to tell each of them that it had been a good day.

When the three of them weren’t together, Jamie wandered between them, seeing what Amanda was doing and then what Mom was doing. Each time Jamie used that word, it made Becky feel a good kind of heartache, and it made him a little giddy. Jamie hadn’t ever called someone Mombefore.

Amanda behaved as though she’d been starved for affection in the few hours when Jamie wasn’t constantly by her side between her revelation the prior evening and Marsha’s departure. Whenever he drew close, she picked him up or roughhoused with him. When it came time for his afternoon nap, she gave him the purest expression of her physical affection for him, holding him on her chest for nearly an hour and half as he slept against her.

Jamie still didn’t know what to think about Amanda’s revelation. He was done feeling upset with her, but he still didn’t know how to go about deciding whether to continue to go along with being diapered or not. His instinct was not to. But the intimate alone time he spent with Amanda, and with Mom, were important to him; he wasn’t sure if those times could be replicated. He never felt more vulnerable than in those moments; he was more open during those times because of it, and they in turn met his vulnerability with tenderness. It deepened the trust he had in them and gave Becky and Amanda the warmhearted satisfaction of caring of him.

Trust, Jamie thought. Trust is what everyone has been saying to me for over half a year. This took trust, so much of it, and now to continue would require more. And it wasn’t just trust he was unsure of. If he trusted Amanda was right and his staying in diapers was best for all of them, he gave up independence, comfort, and yes, some dignity. And it wouldn’t just be given up to them, but to all the bigs in whose care he would be placed, and soon.

As much as he tried to linger in the moment of the day, he couldn’t help but feel a sunset of sorts. He recollected the end of summer in his youth; it wasn’t real until after a few weeks of being back in school. It would come to him of an evening in September with the first chill air hinting at the fall. In a breeze or in the scent of the wind, it augured autumn, and with the fading summer evening light, weaker by the day, it marked a transition from one time to another.

The descent of curtain that falls between the seasons is hardly noticeable until it’s closes the present off from the past, just as the curtain dividing the events and stages of a life are rarely noticeable until one looks back. Where Jamie came from was already behind a curtain. He’d lost track of the time. He had only a vague sense of how long he’d been in his new world. He rarely saw the sun rise or set; he didn’t have or need a calendar or a watch. He lived his own rhythm.

But now he sensed another curtain falling, but when its fringe would reach the stage and demarcate his past and present, he wasn’t sure. It wasn’t that Jamie feared daycare. He feared change. He liked so much where he was right now. He liked so much how he spent his days. He liked so much who he was with. Spending part of his day elsewhere, doing something else with someone else – it wasn’t just that he feared he wouldn’t like those things. He feared that those would change what he had. Would the autumn bring with it the end of this happy second-chance summer of his life?

He tried not to think about it, to stop looking for the curtain and enjoy the light he had right now.

Jamie (née Eric) continues to adjust to his new home and family. Being unregressed has created challenges for Jamie in how others relate to him and in how he relates to others, often in anger. However, Rebecca and Amanda continue to work with him to work through these negative emotions and report he is making progress.

The emotional challenges Jamie’s first caseworker observed are still present. They appear to be dormant at the moment, likely due to the distractions of his new surroundings. I and his guardians believe these will resurface once Jamie’s routine becomes normalized. Rebecca is searching for a therapist for Jamie.

Overall, the new Webb family has formed strong attachments to one another. Becky and Amanda both report and exhibit love for Jamie. Amanda is especially close to Jamie, as is he to her. The two of them, as Jamie’s previous caseworker observed when first meeting Amanda, do “belong together.” Jamie told me he loved them both “very much.”

Cheryl read the same few lines of the report over and over. The rest was not important. All that mattered was that Jamie, for the time being, was happy and loved and loved in turn. No guilt. Maybe regret. Longing, definitely. She could live with that until her visit. She opened her calendar to reserve the time off.