Canon-Side Story: Kizashi and Ino and the DDPF Protocol

Another week at $70 or higher, another side story.

This week's was voted on after a difficult 11 second decision by my $10 patrons.
You could get in on that too if you materialized an extra $5.

Enjoy the piece. 

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“So the first thing you need to know is that my daughter is dumb.” Kizashi’s the kind of man that makes you a sandwich when you visit his house. He has to make a sandwich, sometimes two, then he checks if you’ve drank your water, if you’re getting enough sleep, have you taken a shower- basically, he’s got a shut in and once you’re in the habit it’s hard to lose it.

Which means Ino is munching on a sandwich, while Kizashi makes her another one. She didn’t ask for another one, she didn’t ask for the first one, but she has it. He even cut it in half, and he stole the crust. Ino kind of likes the crust, but one does not get crust in the Haruno household, because when Sakura was like five she asked for no crust, and now crust is nowhere to be found.

“That’s not true, she’s a genius,” Ino points out, at least Sakura’s okay with a good tomato on her sandwich, Ino enjoys the nice juicy crunch, “but you don’t mean actual dumb, do you?”

“Nope, I mean dumb in the way that matters to people like us.” Kizashi says, actively cutting off her poor crust from the second sandwich. Does she say anything? No, she’d never say anything. Just like Sakura would never say anything about Inoichi and his awkwardly smothery hugs. You just accept your friends’ parents are gonna be weird and doting sometimes. “She can figure out advanced calculations that terrify me, and I know there’s always something strange going on behind those eyes. Sakura’s never failed to make me proud, but, well, she’s an onion.”

“She’s a what?” Ino’s blink catches her off guard, that’s just, not a normal thing to say.

“She’s an onion. An onion is used in many advanced dishes, and it has tons of layers. It’s a complicated culinary tool that goes well in almost everything after the beginner level comforts. I could fit an onion pretty much anywhere in a restaurant menu, and I’ve never heard anyone complain about a little onion juices mixed in with the meat at dinner. Minced onion goes great in pasta, and you should absolutely throw onion into anything you’re slow cooking. But… well, sometimes you’re making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and the onion is very confused, and it’s there but it probably shouldn’t be, and it never learned how to fit into peanut butter, and now you have to make an entire sauce just so the onion feels included when really you’d rather it just figure out how to be peanut butter.”

“... I uh, think you lost me somewhere.” Ino admits, accepting the second sandwich and looking into it. It’s a Peanut Butter and Jelly, with, freaking, Onion. “Well uh…” She bites into it, accepting the crunch for what it is. Oh well, Sakura’s father’s insane.

“That doesn’t work, except you kinda wish it did,” he explains, “you don’t have to eat that.”

Ino gives him a little bit of a defiant glare, taking a second bite with a squint that gently twists her sunkissed features.

“I call it the dumb daughter problems first protocol,” Kizashi explains, “Sakura’s fine when she has time and a difficult problem to figure out, but the moment I need her to stop being an onion, she’s gonna figure out how to make an onion work instead. Which means I need to prioritize her, or there’ll be a huge problem. Sometimes that means helping her figure that out by providing some melted butter and a nice knife, and sometimes that means telling her she’s being dumb and standing firm when she’s trying to replace the jelly with more onion.”

“Okay but like, when do I support her and when do I stand firm?” Ino asks between stubborn bites, she’s not sure what point she’s making but she’s sure making it, “at what point am I providing too much help and not enough firmness, or stifling her instead of being supportive?”

“You don’t,” Kizashi nods to himself sagely, “you will have absolutely no idea.”

“Isn’t that kind of an issue?” Ino asks, “I mean, that’s important right?”

“It’s more of a feeling, just, you know, try to stay consistent or she’ll get confused and then you have to deal with the under the bed monster.” He starts on a third sandwich, he’s so insistent…

“I hate the under the bed monster, she’s so pinchy.” Ino wriggles her nose at the thought.