Dear People Pleasers, NEVER Feel Bad For Saying NO And Putting Yourself First

Sometimes, our people pleasing patterns are so strong that we have no idea of who we really are beneath our selfless personality.

We forget our dreams. 

We ignore our intuition. 

We lose touch with our needs, feelings, and emotions.

People-pleasers are known for doing whatever it takes to make other people happy. While being kind and helpful is generally a good thing, going too far to please others can leave you feeling emotionally depleted, stressed, and anxious.

Signs You Might Be a People-Pleaser

There are a number of characteristics that people-pleasers tend to share. Here are some signs that you might be a people-pleaser:

• You have a difficult time saying "no."

• You are preoccupied with what other people might think.

• You feel guilty when you do tell people "no."

• You fear that turning people down will make them think you are rude or selfish.

• You agree to things you don’t like or do things you don’t want to do. (we've all been there)

• You struggle with feelings of low-self esteem.

• You want people to like you and feel that doing things for them will earn their approval.

• You’re always telling people you’re sorry.

• You take the blame even when something isn’t your fault.

• You never have any free time because you are always doing things for other people.

• You neglect your own needs in order to do things for others.

• You pretend to agree with people even though you feel differently.

While people might describe you as a giver or generous person, when you're a people pleaser, all of this work to keep others happy will leave you feeling drained and stressed.

When someone asks for a favour, tell them you need some time to think about it. 

Saying "yes" staright away can leave you feeling obligated and overcommitted and if youre someone like me, I ALWAYS make sure i follow through with something I said I will do. 

I have made the mistake of saying yes straight away to things I didn't want to do too many times in the past and I don't believe in going back on my word. In the end it just left me annoyed, frustrated, drained, tired etc....

Now when people ask me for a favour, I just say "I'll see what I can do".

This allows me to give it some thought.

By taking your time to respond to a request, it can give you the time to evaluate it and decide if it's something you really want to do. 

Before you make a decision, ask yourself:

• How much time will this take?

• Is this something I really want to do?

• Do I have time to do it?

• How stressed am I going to be if I say "yes?"

Some people want to take advantage of your generosity.

Do you know how many people get angry at me when I tell them I can't help them with their personal 1-1 life issues for free? 

They are aware that I have a big heart and provide daily information which can help them with their life, so they come to me expecting me to give them a 3 hour personal lecture on what they need to from A-Z to overcome that particular life issue. 

How would that make me look if I'm giving away a paid service that others are paying for, to someone else...for free. fuck that.

So when I tell them NO, they turn into monsters and call me all kinds of names because I don't want to give a premium service away for free.....Entitled Pricks lol

You have to look for signs that other people are trying to take advantage of your generosity. 

Are there people who always seem to want something from you but are suddenly unavailable if you need them to return the favour? 

Do some people seem to be aware of your generous nature and ask because they know that you won't say "no?"

If it feels like you're being manipulated into doing things, make sure to take some time to assess the situation and decide how you want to handle the request. 

For people who keep insisting that you should help, be firm and clear.

You have every right to prioritise your well-being, even if people will call you selfish.

You have every right to follow your intuition, even when people don’t understand the steps you’re taking. Don't expect to be understood if you're on a path not many have travelled.

You have every right to honor your emotional, physical, and spiritual needs.

You have every right to stop being the person who pleases everyone and says yes to everything.

You have every right to change your opinions, feelings, beliefs, values, and priorities.

You have every right to say no  and you have every right to say it without over-explaining yourself.

You have every right to become your own person and create a different life for yourself.

You have every right to let go of friends and family that no longer serve you (and that perhaps never did).

You have every right to separate yourself from people who don’t support your growth.

You have every right to set boundaries and speak your limits.

You have every right to choose your healing over the comfort of others.

You have every right to make mistakes and be imperfect.

You have every right to unlearn the unhealthy patterns you’ve inherited and build healthier patterns that truly align with you.

You have every right to do what’s right for you.

It doesn’t matter what your friends think.

 It doesn’t matter what your family wants. 

It doesn’t matter what society expects from you.

What matters is what you want. What you need. What you desire.

Live the life you want to live, not the one you THINK you should.

This isn't to promote you to give up being a kind hearted individual. Those are desirable qualities that can contribute to strong, lasting relationships. 

But as we all know, it's usually the nice kind hearted people who get done the worst. 

So the key is to examine your motivations and intentions. Don’t do things only because you fear rejection or want the approval of others.

Keep doing good things, but on your own terms. Kindness doesn’t demand attention or rewards, it simply requires a desire to make things better for another person.

- Till next time