The Wheels On The Bus Chapter X

X.

Belphegor feels panicked, Jack notes as he hears the demon’s thoughts reaching out to him. He latches onto the wavelength of it as quickly as he can. 

I have a plan, Belphegor says, I have a crazy plan and it might just work, but first, I need your help.

What is it? Jack asks. He finishes the salt line he’s doing on these set of windows and moves onto the next one to his left. 

We’re not going to get through this night with all those fucking ghosts out there, Belphegor says. We have to get rid of all of them.

I can close the rift, Jack offers, I - 

No, you are fucking not, Belphegor shoots back before he even finishes the thought. The demon seems to pause. There’s another pulse of panic, the feeling of searching for something, and then mild relief. Nothing’s changed. You’re still on the bench as our last and only trump card. I’m going to do this.

What are you going to do? Jack pauses in his salting, confused, and then continues as he remembers they’re on a time crunch. Adam and Michael have already moved on to other hallways to salt the doorways. He’s still got a shit ton of window sills to work on. 

He pours out the salt a little faster, immediately moving onto the other windows. 

I need you to take me back there, I need to talk to you - no, wait, just come here. It’ll be easier. You won’t have to redo the salt lines, he says. There’s this crook thing, a shofar-looking motherfucker, really, that can command all of what’s crawled out of hell to obey it. It was Lilith’s failsafe, back in the day. A contingency plan in case some demons thought to stage a revolution. You know how it is. Once you’ve started one revolution, you’re always gonna wanna start another and a ton of the guys back then already did one in heaven, so.

Bel, you’re rambling. 

Fuck. Right. If we can get that crook, we can stop this attack, Belphegor says. Hell, we can stop everything ghost- and demon-related that’s happening on Earth right now.

If Jack wasn’t already paying attention before, he was now. A shofar?

It’s called Lilith’s Crook, Belphegor says. I’ve done rounds around hell, I was a disposable promoted-demoted cannon fodder sort of employee. I know where her Chamber is. She’s keeping the crook there.

Jack forces himself to salt the windows faster. Okay. Okay, I’ll be quick here, and I’m gonna - He gets an idea. Hang on.

He reaches his grace out, carefully, searching for Michael’s own and Adam’s soul. There’s a pulse of surprise from both of them when he reaches them. 

What is it? Michael asks. Is Belphegor dead?

I thought I told him not to be, Adam says. Can he even die? It’s just ghosts.

I am right here, you shitbags, Belphegor says. 

He’s got a plan, Jack says. He’s blessedly reached the end of this hallway’s windows, so he takes the turn and starts another line. 

There’s a shofar in Hell that can control ghosts and demons. Belphegor says. It’s called Lilith’s Crook. It was a contingency plan in case anyone wanted to mutiny. 

Weren’t there multiple mutinies since Apocalypse Classic Flavor? Adam asks.

Yes, but that’s only because the damn room it’s in has been closed since she died, Belphegor says. Not to mention it’s in a very, very secluded part of hell and it’s only because I was useless enough that I even got to clean the hallway where it was. But Chuck’s thrown all of Hell’s gates open, which means, theoretically - 

This room could be open, Michael says. 

Exactly, Belphegor says. Lilith’s Chamber could be open.

Anybody could have looted the place, then, Adam says.

No, that thing’s in a lockbox, Belphegor says. It’s protected by a spell, and it’s in Enochian. Nobody in Hell can speak or read it, except for her.

You need someone who can read and speak it, then, if your plan is to use it.

Yes. If you can get Cas to help me, somehow, that would be great. Michael’s got more juice than he does, so if something goes awry here, then he’ll be better suited to hold the fort down, Belphegor says.

I can try to convince him, Jack says. If we don’t have any other choice then - I think he’ll do it. 

Thank fuck, please do, Belphegor says. Also, you’re gonna have to help me get out of here in the first place, because this plan involved a lot of salt.

We’ll finish up here, Jack says. I’ve done a lot of the windows already. Adam and Michael can help me if they’re done with the hallways -

There’s a sharp cut in the connection, harsh enough that Jack actually physically gets tugged to the floor and crashes onto it, sending salt spilling all over the floor. After a second, he tries to push himself up, vision bright for a moment before it returns to normal. He sits up.

There’s a spike of distress in their connection. 

Michael?! 

Then, there’s just pure, unadulterated panic from Belphegor’s end.

Michael, what the fuck!

-

Belphegor is currently hiding in the janitor’s closet, pinned to the wall with Michael’s forearm pressed to his throat, dangerously close to crushing it. 

He thrashes for a moment, instinct taking over logic, hands clawing at the arm, before he remembers he doesn’t need to breathe and that he’s fine if Michael cuts off his air circulation. He looks up, trying to search for what’s wrong - did Chuck find out what they were planning and disapproved of their meddling, or something? Is Michael not in control right now? Did something go wrong?

But no - Michael’s eyes are bright, but they’re bright with grace and fury. His expression is cold, shut off, a lot like when they’d first met and he looked like he was willing to tolerate the Winchesters and his nephew, but he was not about to tolerate an actual demon.

“Michael - “

Michael’s arm presses down so his next words get choked.

Belphegor claws at his arm again, trying to get it to ease up a bit. “Michael, what the actual fuck!”

“Lilith’s Crook, huh,” Michael says. Thankfully, he does lighten the pressure so Belphegor can talk. 

“Yes, Lilith’s Crook!” Belphegor says. “What the fuck about it doesn’t make sense? It was a contingency plan because the first demon thought if angels could rebel against God, then demons could rebel against a human-turned-demon. She was paranoid. What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

“Surprising that you never mentioned this before, when you seemed to know about it,” Michael says. 

“I forgot.”

Shit. He’d expected things to go south, but not this quickly, and not over this.

“Don’t lie to me, Belphegor, I can tell.”

When the angel threatens to crush his windpipe again, he grabs his arm to stop him from doing so. “Okayokayokay.” 

Right. Okay. He’s gonna have to talk.

“I didn’t forget,” he says. He never did, it was just something he stopped thinking about so it was never on the table of things he’d have to give up. “But...hear me out.”

“Michael!” 

From the corner of his nonexistent eyes, Belphegor spots Adam and Jack, who look like they’ve abandoned their post just to find them. Thank fuck.

“Help me,  he’s gone fucking crazy,” Belphegor says. 

Adam’s expression falls for a moment, distraught. “Chuck?”

“No,” Michael says. “I think the demon’s suspicious.”

“Of course he’s suspicious, he’s Belphegor, it’s what he does,” Adam says, a bit of ease creeping into his voice as he steps forward, putting a hand on Michael’s arm that’s got Belphegor on the wall right now. “Michael.”

“He could be betraying us,” Michael says. “A crook that would have been useful days ago that never came up on any of our discussions about throwing off Chuck’s plan? And never came up when we were trying to find a way to stop everything crawling out of hell that doesn’t involve waving Jack around like a bright neon sign? And now he tells us about it?”

Adam falters. Shit.

“The room it’s in is supposed to be sealed,” Michael says. “But he knows exactly what the condition of the Crook is. If he had been a high ranking demon close to Lilith, I would have let it be.” Michael’s glare turns just a bit more colder.  “But you’re not a high-ranking demon - or so you say, anyway.”

Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

“Why have you never healed your eyes, Belphegor?”

If he’d been a little more blase about the situation, he would have thrown a joke. Who wants to see this shitshow? But the only reason Michael hasn’t killed him right now is because Adam’s holding him back and Jack looks like he’s a deer in the headlights, frozen right as an oncoming truck of realization is heading towards him.

Belphegor takes in a breath, even when he doesn’t need to. It’s a comfort thing, he thinks. He lets it out. Another inhale, another exhale. One-two, one-two.

“I am a low-ranking demon,” he says. When Michael looks angry at the answer, he quickly says, “I swear it on my wings, Michael.”

The archangel pauses. 

He drops him. 

“Fuck,” Belphegor says, rubbing his throat. It still hurts, even when he can technically function without it. Meatsacks are incredibly inconvenient.

He looks up, wary. Michael has not stepped back to give him any space. 

“You said to hear you out,” Michael says. “Talk.”

He’d forgotten how much of a hardass the prince of the heavenly host was. Adam’s softened him up a bit too much that it had been misleading. 

It’s fine. The others already know he’d lied about the whole human thing in the beginning, anyway. They know he knows something about heaven. They’ll take his explanations a little less harshly, if he plays his cards right.

Belphegor stands up. To the side, Jack still hasn’t moved from where he is, instead staring at the scene with wide eyes. He looks almost scared of Belphegor. 

“Right,” Belphegor says, “Yes, I withheld information about the crook.”

An expression of hurt flits across Adam’s and Jack’s faces.

Ah.

Well.

Michael remains impassive. 

“I did that because I didn’t plan on joining Team Apocalypse. Obviously,” Belphegor says. “All I was gonna do was pop out of hell, that’s it. And the nearest empty body really was this, that really was a coincidence.” He motions to his - Jack’s former body. “All I wanted to do was to book it.”

“Why didn’t you?” Adam asks. 

“Because, surprise surprise, what I thought was a Winchester-caused world-ending accident turned out to be the big man himself throwing the off switch,” Belphegor says. “And in case you didn’t notice? I live in this universe. No fucking demon in their right mind would think, oh, the world is ending because the mouth in the sky said so and traipses around like it’s a picnic. If Chuck himself says it’s over, it’s not just humanity dead. It’s everything. I understood that when the Winchesters told me he said it was The End. Give me some fucking credit, I’m not that stupid.”

Michael raises an eyebrow.

Belphegor makes a so-and-so gesture. “Whatever. But yeah, I decided to help because guess what, I don’t wanna fuckin’ die, geniuses.”

“And the crook?” Michael asks. 

“It’s a siphon,” Belphegor says. “It doesn’t just...control demons - or souls, or whatever. In the event that Lilith somehow needed more power, then it was going to be a way to get an emergency reserve. It can suck in every ghost and demon in the plane of existence it’s in and turns it into energy instead. Demonic energy. Doesn’t work for angels.”

“And you know all this because?”

“‘Cause I made it,” Belphegor says. “I made the crook.”

The silence that follows feels a lot quieter than the usual silences the four of them sit in, even with the sounds of fighting outside. 

“And you’re still a low ranking demon?” Jack asks..

He nods. ‘Lilith kicked me down the hierarchy because duh, I was a guy who knew a lot of spells. I can create weapons. I put things together. I’m the demon of discovery, after all.”

“Power struggle,” Michael says.

Belphegor throws a finger gun at him, like he usually does when someone follows his train of thought, but Michael’s glare returns so he lowers his hand quickly.

“Wait, what about not telling us about the crook?” Adam asks. “Why didn’t you? You were unwilling to sacrifice Jack.”

“Because I wanted to use that thing for myself,” Belphegor says, and holy fuck does honesty taste vile. Still, Michael’s not smiting him. That’s a win. “I’ve been stuck mopping up messes my whole existence. I used to be an angel, sure. But I wasn’t anyone important, just the guy you got to fix things or find ways to fix things and everyone gave that a wide berth until there was something to fix. I was cannon fodder in heaven, and I’m still cannon fodder in hell.”

“Oh god, you’re the resident nerd.”

Belphegor punches Adam’s arm, gently, and then retracts his hand at Michael’s look. Right. The kid’s celestial boyfriend’s still pissed off and everything.

He shifts, uneasy, as the others continue to look at him. There’s another awkward, strained pause.

“If you did use the crook,” Michael says. “Let’s say, after this, what then?”

“Well, I wanted to rule hell,” Belphegor says.

“That’s it?”

“I mean,” Belphegor says, the sudden blank his brain comes up with taking even him by surprise. Then again, it was a plan he thought of on the fly the second he figured out all the gates of Hell were open. He scrapes together whatever thoughts he can. “What else is there? All that crook does is absorb demonic energy.”

Michael crosses his arms and fucking sighs. “Take me to the crook,” he says. 

He blinks. “You? I just told you, everyone might need you - “

“They’ll need me more to smite you if you turn out to be a rat,” Michael says.

Belphegor quiets. 

“Adam, Jack, finish the salting,” Michael says. “We’re going to get the crook. Tell me what you need me to do.”

“For real?” Belphegor asks. 

“For real,” Michael says. “But you’re on thin fucking ice.”