INTEMPERANCE X - Chapter 16, What It Means to be a Man
Added 2025-09-19 06:45:03 +0000 UTCHere's is the latest chapter. Another one I had a lot of fun writing. It's a little longer than most because I just had a lot to say that couldn't wait until the next chapter, but I trust no one will mind. Let me know your thoughts. And I have an illustration of Laura during one of the scenes. Don't download it if you don't want to see it. And, by downloading it, you forfeit all rights to bitch about how it doesn't look like what you imagine her to look like. And the picture will not spoil the story either.
Comments
I just read a really interesting article on a top independent band that has its own label (and I've been a fan for quite a few years. Thought you might enjoy reading it for the thoughts. https://daily.bandcamp.com/features/king-gizzard-and-the-lizzard-wizard-interview
Whicked
2025-09-23 23:29:09 +0000 UTCMakes me wonder if Long Cock's role will be extended, as it seems more than a passing interest.
Larry Martel
2025-09-21 02:40:12 +0000 UTC"Word clock or blackburst" – Digital or Analog. Nice touch.
Dan Schlangen
2025-09-20 16:51:46 +0000 UTCNobody is even going to ask me how I know what the inside of a gay bar looks like? What a rip.
Al Steiner
2025-09-20 00:11:08 +0000 UTCOwen has a lot of knowledge of computers, computer networking, and general telecommunications shit. He would make a really good addition for a biker gang looking to modernize operations. And he would actually get to melee too. Do I sense a future spinoff here? Perhaps.
Al Steiner
2025-09-20 00:05:38 +0000 UTCYou're welcome.
Al Steiner
2025-09-19 23:58:23 +0000 UTCThis chapter was so nice I'm going to read it twice. Thanks Al.
A J Kidd
2025-09-19 22:25:07 +0000 UTCProbably. I'll fix it in edit if so.
Al Steiner
2025-09-19 20:36:05 +0000 UTCI do that in the editing process when I put in a scene or dialogue that wasn't in the original draft. Sorry.
Al Steiner
2025-09-19 20:35:15 +0000 UTCDo think maybe you spend too much time worrying about the circumference of cocks? Enough that you spoiled what would have otherwise been a good joke? I will change it to something else in the edit and lose the entire fifty-cent piece joke. I actually have not seen a fifty cent piece in more than twenty years at least so I was just writing off inaccurate memory apparently, probably thinking of a silver dollar.
Al Steiner
2025-09-19 20:33:44 +0000 UTCNeed a little more context than that.
Al Steiner
2025-09-19 20:30:45 +0000 UTCOne question. The Internet tells me that the circumference of a US half dollar coin is 3.8 inches. This is actually smaller than the average girth of an erect male penis — reported as 4.6 inches. So Owen would appear under average in girth. Is this just Tif being Tif? She would seem to know her way around a cock, though.
Eric
2025-09-19 19:43:56 +0000 UTCGreat chapter, as always! Needs one small fix: “The car rolled smoothly to a stop in front of the entryway, polished black paint gleaming under the porch lights. Their ride had arrived. The car rolled to a stop in front of the entryway, polished black paint gleaming under the porch lights.” No need to say “polished black paint” twice.
TexanInParis
2025-09-19 19:35:01 +0000 UTCI love the Owen plot line. I hope he is patched by the timeline of the Living in Sin universe.
Surf
2025-09-19 18:26:51 +0000 UTCWow, I never thought of that, but you're absolutely right.
A J Kidd
2025-09-19 17:25:21 +0000 UTCNot related to this chapter, but out of nowhere, I had this picture of Ron the Pilot's head exploding when he saw the Celia/Jake/Laura news revealed.
HamBarca22
2025-09-19 16:43:26 +0000 UTC“That was all she wrote.” I didn’t understand this. Is it me did I miss something? Got to the end, have been in hysterics through most of the chapter. An exemplary section of the book. Thank you
Rex EW
2025-09-19 15:54:31 +0000 UTCAn amazing, amazing chapter. Loved the bikers partying at the Campus, and loved the Bojangles scene. You make these characters so real, Al. Fantastic.
Eric
2025-09-19 13:18:32 +0000 UTCI just had to take a break by making this post. I was laughing and crying so much at the “Big enough to fill me up but not big enough to go slamming into my syntax.” i couldn't carry on without this break. Fantastic. I'll carry on reading now.
Rex EW
2025-09-19 12:52:59 +0000 UTCTremendous work. I really look forward to your chapters in both stories. Should the penultimate sentence in this chapter say ‘..she looked up at her’ rather than ‘him’ given that Celia posed the question?
Strider
2025-09-19 12:50:27 +0000 UTCI watched Live Aid live. I was 17 years old. I looked forward to the Led Zep reunion and saw how much it sucked. It is this experience that showed me the importance of rehearsal and repetition. I have incorporated that into the story.
Al Steiner
2025-09-19 11:25:24 +0000 UTCAnother brilliant chapter, Al. The banter between Jake and Laura when she asked Jake to sing "Teach Me" was hilarious. I chuckled loudly on my own. I can't help it. Great writing. So was the hot, passionate Jake-Laura-Celia threesome. On the musicians' taking their work and practising seriously, this is great realism from you. I am not sure if you are old enough (you can Google it) to know about the infamous Led Zeppelin 'reunion' at Live Aid live concert in 1985. Zeppelin's drummer John Bonham had died suddenly in 1980. The band drifted/disbanded, with no replacement. Then, Sir Bob Geldof persuaded Robert Plant to get Zeppelin to perform. Plant convinced Phil Collins to stand in as the drummer. Collins flew from England to the USA, but found Zeppelin had hired another unknown drummer as well, and Jimmy Paige was not thrilled at Phil Collins playing with them. To summarise, they had little practice, Paige probably was in his drug addiction phase, played poorly with Plant's voice sounding shot, and the show was not great. Phil Collins felt like walking out due to the poor performance and how unprofessional they were, but stayed so as not to create negative publicity, as Collins was the bigger star than Zeppelin at the time. Zeppelin themselves were ashamed at that performance and refused to be included in a Live Aid album. Your realism on this matter is something the top musicians take seriously. Well done, Al! Keep it up.
Azri Ahmad
2025-09-19 09:59:28 +0000 UTCI do not mind at all!
Bob Holden
2025-09-19 07:27:15 +0000 UTC
