Overthinking It 1 & 2

1

“You’re over thinking it.” Nicole said to Madison. Nicole pushed the hanger aside on the rack as it screeched across the metal. Madison felt her shoulders slump, her lips fell into a frown.

“No, Nicole. I’m serious! I can’t stop myself. I don’t know if it’s the hypnosis, the stress of this pandemic, or some suppressed childhood emotions. It’s crazy, but every minute I have alone, my brain instantly drops into little space. I feel like I’m two years old again, Nicole.  I can’t walk through the door without flipping on Hilda. I can’t walk around the house without a pacifier in. And I sure as hell can’t stop myself from taping on a diaper.” Madison said pleadingly to Nicole. Nicole rolled her eyes while she kept browsing through clothes.

“You’re making a bigger deal about this than it needs to be, Madison. You are in control of your own brain. Stop thinking about it when you’re at home, and you’ll be fine. It’s not like this is bleeding over into your regular life. You’re not acting like a two-year-old in the middle of this store. You obviously have control over yourself when you want to.” Nicole said, keeping her gaze locked on the clothing rack. Madison felt her cheeks flush red. Partially because she noticed a cute childish pink top that brought a wave of unwanted excitement. But also, her hands instinctively pressed up against the plush padding around her waist.

“Totally not a two-year-old in public…” Madison thought, checking to see how wet her diaper was. Three months ago she never would have worn a diaper in public. A few weeks ago, she was aware of every time she let go in public. Now though? It was difficult to pay attention to every single time she wet herself. It happened so frequently that it was becoming a common occurrence in her mind. You can’t remember every time you cough during the day. Let alone the fact she had a mountain of hypnosis in her brain telling her to simply let go and not pay attention. It was too easy to wet. And that’s why she wasn’t terribly surprised to find out her diaper was nearly full in the middle of this store after only wearing it for an hour.

Madison didn’t continue the conversation. She let it die while her friend became engrossed in her wardrobe shopping. Nicole didn’t seem upset when Madison said she was going to head home. Knowing that her mental tether to the adult world was dwindling, Madison reluctantly got back in her car with a squish and made her way home.

“Okay.” She said to herself, her sweaty hand gripping the front door. “I’m not going to be a baby. I’m not going to start babbling to myself. And I’m not going to think like a two-year-old. I’m an adult. I am adult Madison, and I am not a baby.” Madison said, before turning the knob.

She was right…. In one sense. She didn’t start babbling to herself the moment she walked into the room. Instead, Madison felt her mind grow quiet. All the troubling adult thoughts that had plagued her mind throughout her time with Nicole softened as they melted into the back of her mind. In a matter of seconds there was nothing in her mind. Her pupils dilated, and her breathing became faster. Then suddenly, Madison broke the silence.

“YAYY!!!” She squealed in delight, feeling her mind slot right back into baby time. She ran around her living room, feet stomping, while simultaneously trying to take off her boring adult clothes. She only got as far as her pants before her motor skills dissolved. In its place, happy bubbly baby bliss.

“Weee!” Madison said, jumping onto her bed. She felt a nuclear explosion of excitement erupt in her chest. Every second felt like the happiest moment of her life. She couldn’t help herself from pulling her legs back. Her little emotions were in full control.

“I getsa ta be in diappieeeeessss!!! Ahehehe!!” Madison laughed and giggled to herself. Her happiness and love for diapers was blinding. She couldn’t stop the widest smile of her life from growing. This was exactly what she wanted. Finally, Madison could be dumb and little again!

***

2

“And what do we say to adults?” The cartoon voices said in a gentle tone to Madison.

“I go pee pee, needa diapie change!!” Madison said back to her friends. This was her favorite show to watch for hours on end. It was a show she found on the internet designed to help “guide you into little space.” But a more apt description would be, “a show crammed with so much hypnosis and subliminal messaging that your brain will turn to mush.”

“Very good! Now why don’t you be a good little one, and go ask your Mommy or Daddy for a change? Your certainly need one!” The voice said. Madison, eager to please her TV friends, jumped onto her feet. The weight of her full diaper sagged between her hips. The episodes were only 20 minutes long, and Madison had just changed into a fresh diaper before the show. She was already desperately in need of a change.

“Momma! Needa….” Madison said, her eyes finally blinking away from the screen since she started the show. She felt strained, and her brain felt strange. It felt fuller than it usually did. Like someone was stuffing in boring filler. Madison blinked a couple more times as her eyes began to focus back into reality.

“Woah I just… how long have I… been under?” Madison thought, every thought in her head felt slowed down. Even in this brief moment of lucidity as her adults thoughts returned. It was incredibly difficult to remain grounded on one subject and not get distracted. She steadied her stance and put her hands to her head.

“Okay….M-maddy. You are. Adult. Think smart like… an Adult!” She said, giving herself a mental pep rally. She knew that her mind was on borrowed time. At any moment the switch in her mind could flip, and the infantile thoughts swirling around the edge of her mind would come back to the forefront. It would be days, or even longer, before her adult self would return again after that.

Her eyes caught a glimpse of the pile of used diapers in and around her kitchen garbage. She didn’t have the time, nor entire mental capacity to count them all out, but it was obvious that she’d gone through multiple packs.

“It must have…. Been…. Like….um…. th-three days?” She pondered, her mind performing all the computational power it could. “I needa…. Get outta… here…. Mind… No good.” Madison realized as she stared at the pile of diapers. She was right, if there was any way out of this mental spiral down, it was getting out of the house.

But, of course, she had just been listening and watching hypnosis for three days. Her potty training at this point was weak at best. She couldn’t just walk out of the house unprotected. Even then, she felt a bubble of fear pop inside her at that thought. Likely from her conditioning reminding her that it was unsafe to exist without protection. That was inviting an accident to happen in her unprotected pants.

“Big kid…. Clothes…” Madison thought as she clumsily walked into her bedroom. She didn’t want to wear diapers anymore. They made her head feel funny even when she was in public. Her legs felt weaker by the second, yet she persevered toward her closet. She could feel the infantile thoughts beginning to creep back into her brain. She did her best to push them out, but it was incredibly alluring to let the back of her mind think of fun stuff like diapers and how great it is to use them.

Madison slowly made the distance to the closet door. Her numbing hands grabbed the knob and twisted it open. Pulling the doors open, she saw the expected row of clothes lined up on hangers. “Yesh!” Madison thought, normally any given person in this situation would grab whatever clothes they had and get the hell out of there. Madison, feeling less stressed about the situation by the second, bent down and grabbed the two packaged of Goodnights laying on the closet floor. She couldn’t help that familiar giggly smile from growing on her face. She swiveled around and plopped herself down on the bed.

“Now when I’s needa be biwg kiwd, I gots puwll-ups to w-ear!” Madison thought happily, looking down at the packages. She was right. If she ever needed to go back outside and be a big kid for whatever reason, she had her big kid clothes! Feeling content with her precautionary plan, Madison tossed the packages lazily on the floor, and immediately forgot about them. Her object permanence evaporating from her mind.

“Now da… dum…. Diapie!” Madision realized, her baby brain reminding her of the task at hand. Her diaper was full, which meant she needed to get changed into another. Why was she playing pretend with pull-ups? She slipped down off the bed, landed on her hands and knees, and crawled out. Her brain had gotten warm and soft again while she was in her bedroom. Thoughts made less and less sense, until eventually, Madison didn’t have any anymore. She was ready to re-diaper, and learn all the fun lessons and thoughts her friends, and recordings, had to teach her!