Living With This Chapter 1

The following is the true story of my actual life. The only changes have been to the character’s and business’ names to protect their privacy. I’m writing this story for a number of reasons. Of course, I want you the reader to enjoy it, but I also hope by the end, you accept this part of yourself just a little more. If that happens, then I’ve accomplished more with this story than my entire body of AB/DL work.

***

“A Listzomania, think less but see it grow, like a-“

“Maggie?” A woman’s voice rang out from across the quiet waiting room. Her words reverberated off the light blue walls and paintings of places far away from there.

“Hm?” Maggie hummed, pulling her earbuds out. Music faintly played from the buds as they tumbled on top of Maggie’s lap. The woman’s eyes locked onto Maggie’s response.

“Maggie Stewart?” The woman said quizzically, now looking at Maggie.

“Oh, yes! That’s me.” Maggie said, she stuffed her earbuds into the pocket of her jeans. “Those will be a tangled mess later…” She thought, as her knees lifted her up. Her legs swung one by one as she walked toward the doorway. To a casual viewer, you wouldn’t notice anything about her walk. But if you studied her for a couple minutes, you’d notice the slightest hint of a widened gait.

“She’s the first door on your right.” The woman said before gesturing down a short hallway.

“Thank you.” Maggie said back politely. She walked past the threshold of the door and into the hallway. The air passing by her hands and arm pits reminded her that they were wet and clammy.

“There’s no going back now. Don’t look like a nervous wreck in front of her. She’ll think you need Xanax or something.” Maggie thought to herself, as her sweaty hands grabbed the brass doorknob. She expected her hands to turn on reflex but was surprised to find that didn’t happen.

“*Sigh*” Maggie let out, feeling her chest rise then deflate. “I got this. She can help me.” Maggie thought, trying her best to find the confidence to turn the knob. She steadied her mind and drew in another breath. Her hands gripped the knob a little tighter and twisted it open.

The first aspect of the room Maggie noticed was the deep blue wall behind the white couch. She didn’t know what a therapist’s room was supposed to look like, but her mind wasn’t expecting navy blue and white. The room itself wasn’t large. There was enough space for a white couch, an armchair, side tables, lamps glowing a soft copper glow, a bookcase, and space to walk in-between.

A thin woman sat in the armchair across the couch. Her blonde hair spilled down the sides of her shoulders. Her brown eyes looked welcoming coupled with her soft looking cheeks and warm smile. She stood up right after Maggie entered the room. Her pencil skirt flexed and swayed as she walked up to Maggie.

“Welcome Maggie, I’m Dr. Lisa Baker, but please just call me Lisa. It’s nice to meet you.” She said, extending a hand. Her nails were purple. Which struck Maggie as odd, another color she didn’t expect present in a therapist’s room. Still, on reflex, Maggie grasped the woman’s hand and began lightly shaking.

“Hello, Dr. Baker. Thank you for taking the time to see me.” Maggie said, letting her grip loosen from the handshake. Her hand fell back to her side.

“Of course, it’s truly my pleasure. And again, just call me Lisa. Please, take a seat wherever you’d like.” Dr. Baker said, motioning toward the furniture in the room. Maggie took the expected path and made her way toward the couch. She sat down on the soft memory foam.

“Damn… being a therapist pays…” Maggie thought, keeping her legs close together. Her hands were interlaced with one another and laying on her lap. Once Maggie was seated, Lisa chose the armchair across from Maggie. It wasn’t angled directly across from one another, but rather at a 45-degree angle. That way they didn’t have to talk face to face.

“Well.” Lisa said, letting her legs cross once she was settled in her chair. She picked up a leather-bound notebook off the side table next to the chair. “Welcome, Maggie. To officially the most nerve -wracking and painful part for someone starting therapy, the first 5-minutes of their first session.” Lisa said, maintain her bright demeanor. “I’ve read a lot books about the first 5-minutes of a therapy session. Techniques on how to welcome and calm a patient. But frankly, in my experience, a lot of those stuffy academics are, and pardon my verbosity, full of it.” Lisa said in jest. Maggie smiled at the joke.

“Heh, yeah it’s not easy if I’m being honest.” Maggie said, keeping her gaze toward the ground or above Lisa’s head.

“It’s not, and I completely understand that. I’m here for you. You can tell me anything and nothing.” Lisa said. Each word fell softly onto Maggie’s ears. Lisa sounded genuine, yet neutral at the same time. She was a stranger to Maggie. A stranger who wanted to listen. That was exactly what Maggie was looking for.

“So, how does this go? Where do you want me to start?” Maggie said curiously.

“We can start anywhere you’d like. Some of my patients prefer the beginning, some of them the end and work backwards. Or even in the middle if you’d like.” Lisa said, guiding Maggie along in her thought process.

“The beginning? Like from the very beginning? Or when I first put on a….” Maggie said, trailing off at the end. She didn’t want to say it to Lisa. Yes, she was a stranger, but that didn’t mean she hadn’t paid for multiple session in the future already. This was the most insecure piece of Maggie’s being. What if Lisa thought it was weird or creepy? She’d still have to see her in the future.

“Anywhere. And you can say anything you’d like to me, Maggie. Trust me, I’ve heard it all. I’ve even met people with similar stories as yourself.” Lisa said, Maggie looked up and into her eyes for the first time.

“Wait, you’ve seen people who…. Have problems with….” Maggie said, still not wanting to say the word. She half expected Lisa to finish it for her, but she remained silent. After a few agonizingly quiet seconds, Maggie felt herself finish the sentence.

“… Diapers?” Maggie said, it felt like she had to climb a mountain to get that word out. Lisa chuckled.

“Yes, you’d be surprised how many people grapple with emotional guilt toward their diapers.” Lisa said warmly and seriously.

“Their diapers…” Maggie thought, sinking back further into the couch. She let her legs widen, and her hands fell toward her side. She let those words process in her head. It was interesting knowing there were others out there in her community dealing with same emotions as her. Although she didn’t know them, she didn’t feel as alone in life knowing they existed silently around her.

“Well.” Maggie said, looking back into Lisa’s eyes. “I suppose, my story starts in 2010.”

***

“We’ll be back in a couple hours, Maggie.” Maggie’s mother June said. She snatched her purse from the kitchen counter-top. The sound of her keys scraped across the granite as she picked them up.

“Okay.” Maggie responded quietly, she was leaning up against the kitchen wall, her hands behind her back.

“Come on, June. We’re going to be late.” Linus, Maggie’s father, said to June in the doorway. June turned toward the door and slightly cocked her arm back. She tossed the keys across the room at Linus. He didn’t need to move his body, he snatched them out of the air with one hand.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m coming right now. Go start the car.” June said, quickly motioning her hands forward to indicate he could leave. Linus slipped through the doorway and out into the sunlight. Maggie gently pushed herself off the kitchen wall and looked toward her mother just as she was about to leave.

“Can I use the computer while you guys are gone?” Maggie said. The hands behind her gripped themselves tighter, praying in anticipation that June would say yes.

“What are you going to do on it?” June said in a short tone, barely looking at Maggie. She stopped walking and turned toward Maggie.

“Just to play games.” Maggie said, she was telling the truth. What else was she supposed to do on a summer day while her parents were gone? She wasn’t allowed to play outside when she was home alone. There’s only so many re-runs you can watch on TV before you melt from boredom. Miniclip.com was the only savior in breaking the warm humid monotony.

“Fine, but don’t go on any sites you’re not supposed to be on. That’s your father’s work computer.” June said, her feet clacking toward the doorway.

“I won’t!” Maggie piped trying to produce a tone that sounded grateful and responsible at the same time. June waved at Maggie while she started walking through the front door.

“Love you, we’ll be back in a bit.” June said, descending down the stone steps and out into the warm summer day.

“I love you too.” Maggie said, as the front door closed behind her. Maggie quickly moved to glue her eyes to the window. She watched as her parents climbed into the car, the doors closing with a ‘clunk.’ The sound of the engine starting, the car rolled down the driveway, and finally out in the street.

“Yes!” Maggie whispered to herself. She always confirmed her parents were actually gone before she hopped on the computer. She didn’t have ill intent, but she enjoyed her privacy. Her feet scuttled across the kitchen floor and out into the hallway. Maggie raced down the hall, before taking a hard-left turn into the computer room.

A bright sunbeam shined in through the window. The tan walls assisted in illuminating the room from the natural light source. The only furniture in the room was a black desk up against the wall. A rolling desk chair sat pushed into the desk.

The silver HP laptop laid folded on top of the desk. A wired mouse was plugged in and resting on a pad.

Maggie happily plopped herself down on the rolling chair. Her fingers slid across the front of the laptop to find the release. She clicked it and pulled the laptop open. The windows start menu came up on the screen. Orange, yellow, and green orbs spun around the Windows symbol, before colliding inward. A moment later, the login screen appeared.

An icon of the family appeared above “Linus Stewart.” Maggie clicked the icon which subsequently made the password bar appear. “Magg1e743!” She typed into the bar and hit enter.

“Alright, alright. Let’s get some Gutter ball going!” Maggie thought to herself, before clicking on the internet explorer icon. It took a nearly 20 seconds for the homepage to load. But before long, Google.com flashed to life on the screen. Maggie moved the cursor toward the URL. But this time, as her mouse passed by the search bar, she stopped unexpectedly. She let the cursor hover over the search bar as she felt an emotion forcibly bubble to the surface of her being.

It wasn’t a new emotion per say. It was a feeling that had been growing in her heart and mind for the past three months. As much as she had tried to ignore the feelings, they kept creeping into the back of her mind. Maggie felt conflicted about these emotions. Part of them made her feel immense joy and pleasure. It was fun to entertain them. She’d let them dance around her mind as she spun up fantasies. But on the other side of the coin, she had residual guilt. No one she knew had these feelings, and it certainly wasn’t discussed in everyday conversations with her friends.

No one was home. Privacy was when these feelings won the battle and pushed to the forefront of Maggie’s mind. Maggie drew in a deep breath, before running her hands through her long brown hair. She tried distracting herself by throwing her hair into a pony tail. That brief interruption only lasted for 30 seconds, before the waves of temptation crashed again.

Part of her wanted to see if there was anyone else. If there were others out there just like her. At least, that’s what she told herself. With shaky fingertips, Maggie started slowly pressing keys. “I just want to see if there’s anyone else.” Maggie thought, as she stared at the words forming on the search bar.

But a greater part of herself knew that was a lie.

“I like diapers.” She finished typing. Maggie felt the hair on the back of her neck stand up. She’d never seen her diaper thoughts physically manifest itself before. It felt electric to see it on the search bar. Maggie rolled closer to the laptop; her head drifted closer toward the screen. With eager hands, she pressed enter.

The first link stated: “Does anyone else like to wear diapers as an adult?” Maggie’s eyes widened with intrigue. She couldn’t help herself; Maggie shot the cursor toward the link and clicked. “Experienceproject.com” was the name of the site. It was a forum board filled with people discussing their “experiences” in life. One corner of the site had developed into a small haven for AB/DL users.

Maggie’s eyes couldn’t read the words fast enough. “I’ve enjoyed wearing and using diapers ever since I was a little kid…..”

“USING DIAPERS?!” Maggie thought, her brain lighting up with shock. She’d spent hours daydreaming about putting herself back into diapers, but oddly she never thought about using them. She just enjoyed the soft cushy protection they offered. The idea of wetting or messing a diaper sent a lightning bolt of pleasure through her body. Her eyes continued.

“…. I even wear them to bed. I’ll drink 4-5 glasses of water each night before I sleep, and usually I wake up wet without remembering getting up lol.”

Maggie subconsciously bit the bottom of her lip. Reading about someone purposefully bedwetting lit a fire in between her thighs. She didn’t know what was happening to her. She’d never felt this level of horny pleasure before. Diapers were always fun to think about. But this. Reading about someone else’s diaper experiences. It put her on another level of horny. She scrolled down toward the responses.

“24 year old female here. I wear diapers pretty much 24/7. I live with my grandma, but she has dementia and doesn’t even realize I wear them. I’m actually typing this right now with just a t-shirt and diaper on. I’m even wet too, and she doesn’t realize it lol. She’s in her own little world.”

Maggie felt herself crescendo into an even higher level of pleasure. She couldn’t stop her right hand from sneaking down between her waistline. She started rubbing to the diaper experiences of these random strangers. The emotional case that had housed her surpassed diapered emotions was cracked wide open now. She couldn’t stuff them back into her emotional box if she tried. And even then, she didn’t want to. Maggie was loving this. It felt good to let her diaper side ripple through her mind. Every 20 seconds another wave of pleasure would emanate from her groin and through her body.

“I started wetting my pants on purpose so my parents would put me back into diapers. I would even pretend to have bed wetting accidents too. They thought I was just sick or something. I didn’t do it for long, only two weeks then I went back into regular underwear. I miss it.”

Maggie started feeling jealously roll through her. These experiences were hot to read, but also taunting her at the same time. These people were living their diapered lives, unabated by any feelings of guilt or worries. They didn’t care about the social stigma around wearing diapers as your everyday underwear. It was too alluring for Maggie. She slowed her rate of masturbating. Before long, she transitioned into solely reading the diaper stories of people around the world.

For the most part, Maggie considered herself a normal woman. She had a few quirks about her, and she loved to play video games, but overall, she saw herself as an average person. And yet, the everyday person wouldn’t read through this form and feel immense envy. The more she read, the more Maggie realized she wanted to live these people’s lives. She wanted to be in diapers just like them. She knew this small radical part of her was crazy for thinking this, but she almost wanted to be like those who had debilitating accidents that landed them in diapers. It was crazy to think about, yet she couldn’t stop herself from reading on from one story to the next.

After an hour and a half of reading stories on Experience Project, she found an interesting link from a comment. “You should write that and put it on dailydiapers.com”

“Daily Diapers?” Maggie thought, her mouse shot up to the URL. Her adrenaline-fueled fingers quickly typed out the domain name. Her curious online diaper journey took it’s next step as she hit the enter key. The webpage took an additional 20 seconds to load. When it finally did, Maggie’s eyes grew wide for the second time that day. Her face moved to mere inches away from the screen.

“Welcome to Daily Diapers! The premiere community for Adult Babies, Diaper Lovers, Mommies, and Daddies!”

“Adult… Babies?” Maggie said, she’d never heard that phrase before. It sounded like an oxymoron the more she mouthed the words to herself. The page had an “Enter only if you’re 18 years or older” button on it. Maggie clicked the link.

“*GASP*” Maggie let out once she saw the images. Adult woman strapped into thick colorful adult diapers littered the screen. Some in dry diapers, others in wet ones, and even a few with a mix of both. Maggie felt the now familiar flare of diapered arousal reignite in her. Minutes ticked by in seconds. Maggie couldn’t pull herself away from the images. She’d never seen something that spoke so directly to her curious diaper feeling. She’d seen both hard and soft core porn before. None of that compared to looking at these women in diapers.

After nearly twenty minutes, Maggie finally found the ability to pull her eyes away from the images. She looked up at the top of the page, there were links to different parts of the site. “Home”, “About Us”, “Photos”, “Videos”, and “Stories.”

“Stories?” Maggie thought, thinking back to all the experiences she just read on the previous page. She’d just spent over an hour and a half reading that page, she could easily spend another hour and half doing the same thing. Reading about their stories was oddly more enticing than the visual stimuli. That’s not to say she didn’t like the pictures of women. It was the landscapes Maggie painted in her mind. She felt like she was in their shoes. It was more powerful than the images. Her hand moved the mouse over the Story link and clicked it.

Hundreds of story links lined the page. It was like drinking water from a firehose. There were so many to pick from. Maggie had only known about this side of the internet for less than two hours. She didn’t know what the title “Alison’s Regression” meant. This was too new for her.

“I guess, the only way to find out, is to read it.” Maggie thought, clicking on the link. The page morphed into pages of text. Maggie dove headfirst into the story. Each paragraph that furthered the plot only intensified the fiery feelings developing in her groin.

“Alison stared at the TV, the soft lullabies and swirls tugged her mind down to baby land. She didn’t even notice when a wet patch started growing from the crotch of her jeans.”

“Oh my god, she’s pissing herself and she doesn’t even realize it…. mhmm… That’s so….fricken hot.” Maggie whispered, feeling her hand dive back in between her thighs. She started playing with herself. Each line of the story was like crack to Maggie. She was utterly hooked.

“Umm… wike… was comes afta two? Is it da…. I tinkies….. iz da cowler orangie?”

“She’s dumb now…oohh….damn..” Maggie whined, feeling herself getting close to climax. Reading the girl devolve into babbling baby talk brought hot flashes of sex trickling down Maggie’s back. Her whole body started to feel high. Shortly, it was like Maggie was coming out of her own body. A lifetime of arousal was gushing out of her.

‘“Me… duh… tehehe… ahgo pee peeee!! Heheh!” Alison’s diaper started to sag as a fountain of pee came out of her. She couldn’t stop it, she simply didn’t know to anymore.’

“Ahh this is too hot!!” Maggie yelled, feeling herself tip over. The most intense orgasm of her life erupted out of Maggie. It was mind bendingly intense. The images of the girls in full diapers, all the experiences she read before, the story of Alison. All of it flashed through her mind in one final beautiful crescendo of sexual pleasure.

Maggie slumped back in the chair, her body aching from rubbing so hard. Her lungs inflated with deep breaths of air. She didn’t think or do anything at first. Her eyes simply stared at the screen. The wall of text stared back at her.

She wasn’t sure how long she stayed like that for. Her mind was too quiet to do anything, and her body was too weak to move. Slowly, she built the strength to move her hand back toward the mouse. Maggie dragged it to the top of the screen, clicking the settings tab in the top of the browser. She navigated the pointer to the history section. Everything in the past 2 hours. Erased from the laptop’s memory.

***

“Did you feel guilt?” Lisa asked genuinely. Maggie shrugged.

“I mean, yeah. I was raised Catholic. As a female, masturbating to women in diapers? I felt like I was going to hell. But if I’m being honest, a big part of me really enjoyed those first few months when it was all so new. I read so many stories, Lisa. Hundreds of pages each week. They meant a lot to me. Not only did I enjoy reading them for pleasure. At the time I didn’t realize it was my fetish. But I also felt like I was at home. That I was a part of something. I felt accepted. Even though I didn’t talk to anyone on the sites. It was a haven for my diaper thoughts and feelings to develop.” Maggie said, the words were spilling out of her. She looked up at the clock. It had been nearly an hour.

“For the record, it was completely natural for you to develop those sexual impulses. There’s nothing inherently wrong with having an attraction toward diapers. People are attracted to balloons the same way they are to a woman’s breast. The only people who have a problem with that are those who do not understand fetishes. It’s not something you chose. It’s a part of you.” Lisa said warmly but maintain a serious demeanor toward Maggie.

“You’re right, it’s just hard to deal accept that sometimes. Especially when it was almost engrained in me that my diaper feelings were wrong.” Maggie said.

“Was that from your parents?” Lisa said, cocking her head slightly to the side.

“No, Ali. My first girlfriend. Which, I still don’t understand. Diapers became a serious part of our sex life and… It’s complicated.” Maggie said despondently. She looked away from Lisa and out toward the window. The sun beam had crawled to the other side of the room.

“Why don’t we save that for our next session? We can unpack everything that happened with you and Ali next time.” Lisa said. She started writing in her leather bond notebook. After a few seconds, she placed it down on the table next to her and stood up. Maggie reciprocated with the same action.

“Thank you. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but this already helped a lot.” Maggie said, extending her hand for a departing shake. Lisa grasped her hand and returned the gesture.

“You’re a beautiful person, Maggie. Your sexual fetish toward diapers is part of that. Hopefully overtime you’ll learn to embrace that instead of it breeding guilt.” Lisa said. Maggie nodded and started walking toward the door. She flexed her thighs and felt a squish of warm padding.

“I think I’ll get there.” Maggie thought. She turned back toward Lisa and waved.

“Same time next week?” Maggie said, Lisa smiled and nodded her head. “Great, I’ll see you then!” Maggie said, before she walked out the door. As she walked down the hall, she felt the weight of her fetish was just a little lighter on her shoulders.