Fanfare (Country Roads #2) - Chapter 37

Monday morning was our first day back after the holiday. Considering how the year had gone so far, I should have expected a curveball, but I guess the break had been so good that I’d put it out of my mind.

Kat was still pissed at me, but it had come down a few notches from how we’d left it on Sunday. I figured I had a few more days in the dog house until she forgave me for not kissing her. The cold shoulder had been expected, at least.

The actual surprise came when I walked through the front door of school and turned to head towards my class, and saw Mrs. Morgan, the school secretary, flagging me down. I walked through the glassed-in doors of the front office and stopped in front of the receptionist counter.

“Go sit by Mr. Keller’s office. He wants to talk to you before you go to class.”

I couldn’t imagine what I could have possibly already done to get called into the vice-principal's office. Nothing had happened the week before spring break, I hadn’t been here at all last week, and I’d only walked on school property thirty seconds before. I knew I had a knack for violating school policies, but this seemed like a record even for me.

I was still sitting on the hard plastic chair outside his office when the bell announcing first period rang. At least it was the first day back from break, which meant it was unlikely there’d be a quiz or something I’d be late to. Finally, Mr. Keller came walking into the office from wherever he’d been and waved for me to follow him in when he opened his office door.

“Sorry for the long wait,” he said, indicating I should sit.

I had already started to before he said anything, since these little meetings were becoming old hat by now.

“We were out all last week, Mr. Keller,” I said. “How am I in trouble already?”

I tried to not sound snotty, but I was getting sick of being the school’s punching bag.

“You’re not in trouble, Charlie. I just wanted to talk to you about a few changes happening next year.”

That sounded ominous, especially since he was only talking to me, as far as I was aware.

“First, I want to say that I know you’ve had a lot of challenges this year. I know it may seem like I’m always calling you in here to pile on you, and you’re right to feel like you’ve been treated badly by the administration here. I want to let you know that, while I have responsibilities that I have to meet, I’ve never once thought you were a problem kid or a detriment to Julian S. Carr High School. In fact, I think you’ve been a huge asset to the school and you’ve shown that you can excel when challenged. Your improvement in math has been nothing short of extraordinary, especially because of where you were forced to start from.”

“I hear a big ‘but’ coming.”

“No but. I mean every word of it.”

“Okay. Thanks, I guess, although there has to be a reason to call me in other than wanting to sing my praises.”

“There is. I wanted to let you know I’m leaving Carr at the end of the year to take over as principal at a school in Wake County.”

“Okay,” I said, unsure of what that had to do with me.

“I wouldn’t normally talk to a student about this kind of thing, but I’m afraid this might impact you next year and I wanted you to prepare for it. During the whole restraining order mess, there was a lot of pressure from both parents, some of whom carry a lot of weight in the community, and faculty to have you removed from the school completely or, failing that, kicked out of all school activities entirely. This included people who have no children in this school and shouldn’t have cared at all what happened with any single student.”

“Isn’t it the school’s job to protect students’ rights?”

“No. You’d think it would be, but the administration’s job is to protect the school district first and foremost. Next year there will be a new person in my seat and some of the people in the running for the position have made it clear they would have made very different calls than I did this year when it came to you. Now, I don’t want you to think this is because they have it out for you or are bad people. I knew I was leaving at the end of the year, so I had luxuries someone else might not have had.”

“So you’re saying next year is going to be a lot worse than this year,” I said.

Between teachers lying about me cheating and being threatened with expulsion for doing nothing more than defending myself, I couldn’t imagine it getting worse. I guess in hindsight, I could see that Mr. Keller maybe had my back a couple of times, but only after I got all the proof to defend myself.

“I’m not saying that. I just want you to be aware of the changes and consider what you can do to help yourself. The best thing you can do is to try and keep from doing anything that might get you into trouble. I know, you’re going to say you’re treated unfairly and you shouldn’t have to act differently to other students. I get it and I agree, but this is one of those moments when you have to deal with the hand you’re given. I just wanted to give you a heads up beforehand so you wouldn’t be surprised.”

“Thanks, I guess,” I said, sounding anything but thankful.

I actually regretted my tone as soon as it was out of my mouth. He didn’t have to give me any kind of warning and if he’d been more like Mr. Packer, things could have gone a lot worse.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean for it to sound like that. I appreciate the warning.”

“I know it seems like the world is stacked against you, and in your case, it does seem to be the case a little bit, but just remember you’ve only got two more years and you’ll be off to college and away from all this.”

“Okay,” I said.

He was right but that didn’t really help me for the next two years.

“Okay, I’m done preaching. Get a pass from Mrs. Morgan and head to class.”

That afternoon Kat and Hanna were both up in the stands while I practiced. Besides a few nasty looks, Harry stayed out of my way for the entire practice. I’d heard from David, who’d been inside getting stuff set out for me to carry to the field, that he’d had a ‘come to Jesus’ moment with Coach Dean about his attitude and how it was affecting both teams. Apparently, Coach Dean had just about had it with him and made it clear that if there were any more incidents that Harry would be off the team.

I couldn’t imagine how that would happen with Coach Bryant on his side, but maybe enough of the coaching staff had gotten tired of his shit that Bryant was overruled. Without Harry being a constant ass, practice was actually fun. I got to focus and really pay attention to what I was doing instead of constantly being distracted by the possibility of Harry doing something dumb that might somehow come back on me.

We finished up and I headed towards the gym until I noticed Kat and Hanna were still in the stands, talking to each other. Normally they headed off towards the gym when we did, intercepting me on the way, so whatever they were talking about must have been engrossing. I carried my load of stuff back inside and grabbed my backpack from my locker, and headed back out to find them still going.

Stopping at the fence in front of the stands I called out, “You two coming?”

“Yeah,” Hanna said, grabbing her stuff and coming down to the gate so we could cut across the field and go out to the parking lot.

“Hanna has some news,” Kat said, excited.

It must have been, because she’d apparently completely forgotten that she was still pissed at me.

“What’s up?”

“I called the admissions office at UNC right after school got out and asked about moving over from the business degree to the business management one; and that guy we’d met at the school, he apparently looked up my information and put a note into admissions that if I requested a transfer to their department, he would support it, or something. I’m not really clear on how that works, but apparently having a member of faculty support you moving, even if it’s just a professor and not a department person or whatever, cuts through a lot of the red tape.”

“I thought he said you had to actually accept the offer or whatever for the school before you could change your degree?”

“Yeah, they said that, too. I was just checking to see if it was possible and they said yes, that I had a note on my file approving it already. The lady said that was weird and asked if I’d had a meeting recently with someone from the department. I told her about bumping into Professor Cross, that’s his name, and she said that kind of thing sometimes happens. Anyway, they said once I enrolled all I needed to do was call back to admissions and they’d change it in the system, although she warned me there was a maximum they could take in a year and so I didn’t want to wait too long or the spots might be filled.”

“So you’re going to take it?” I asked.

“Yes, I just need to talk to Mom about it. My only big concern was she’ll ask why I want to move to that program and she didn’t sound super happy with my reasoning when we talked about it last time.”

“I thought you’d decided to do it regardless of what I ended up doing?”

“I did and I am, but I think I want to work with you and your band, like officially or whatever. I know a lot can change if you get signed by a label and it’s not just up to you, but if you’ll have me once I’m out of college I’d like to work with you guys. Even if you get big and famous before then, I’m okay finding whatever place I can with y’all. I’ve always believed in you, but after seeing you at the festival, the whole thing with Linda Chapman and how those other guys reacted to you at that bar, I think you’re going to make it big and I want to be there for it.”

“Well, I know the rest of the guys are okay with you, so that won’t be a problem. Especially Lyla.” I said the last part barely holding in a grin and she shot me a dirty look. “Seriously though, they’ve all said they’d love to have you if you want to do it. And I couldn’t think of anyone I’d trust more than you.”

“Okay. Like I said, it’s not a right away thing and I know you’ve already got this audition and everything and you might not be able to wait till I’m out of school, so don’t worry about me if you have to get one before I can join on. Do what you have to do and I’ll either find a place to work with you or I’ll start getting experience somewhere else until you do. When the time comes, I’ll be there.”

“Deal,” I said, sticking out my hand, which she shook.

Wednesday Kat had her first appointment with Dr. Rothstein as an official patient. They still hadn’t figured out how they were going to go after Kat’s father for financial support so right now, Mrs. Phillips was paying for it out of pocket. I imagined a psychologist of any type was pretty expensive, but Mrs. Leighton had a psychologist connected with their organization evaluate Kat before the trial, since everyone knew her condition was going to come up.

From what Hanna told me, he’d talked to her mom after the trial about how important it was to get Kat help, telling her that Kat had major issues that had resulted from the abuse by her father. It didn’t sound like he’d actually worked out a diagnosis and I didn’t get specifics since I was hearing it third hand, but whatever he’d told her was convincing, because they’d arranged for an appointment the day after the trial. Kat had told Hanna about Dr. Rothstein and convinced her that she wanted to go back to him, since he already knew about her condition and the appointment had been pushed back a week so we could go on our trip, but everyone had agreed the sooner they could get her in the better.

The only real snag was that Dr. Rothstein had asked that I come along to the appointment, too. I know he and Kat had had a brief phone call when they were setting everything up, so I had a good idea why I needed to be there, but Mrs. Phillips was in the dark. Kat hadn’t explained to her the whole deal between us and I didn’t want to be the one to spill the beans if she was avoiding telling Mrs. Phillips about it for some reason. Since it was the doctor asking, she went along, but the drive over was a little awkward as she kept asking questions trying to figure out why I needed to be there. Kat was staying extremely quiet, answering anything directed at her with just guttural sounds, so I continued dodging. I tried to say it was because I’d been involved when she’d seen Dr. Rothstein the first time, when it had been just as a favor for Chef, but I didn’t think she was buying it.

When we got there they had Kat go back and talk to him first while Mrs. Phillips and I sat out in the waiting room. Although she was pretending to read a magazine, every time I looked up I caught Mrs. Phillips staring at me. I hated keeping her in the dark, because Mrs. Phillips had always been really good to me and was one of my biggest supporters, but it still wasn’t my place to say.

After about thirty minutes into the hour-long session, Kat came out of the office, which was unexpected since she was only half-finished. Her eyes were puffy and she’d clearly been crying pretty hard.

“Are you okay?” I asked, which was a dumb question, but it was the only thing I could think to say.

“Yeah, just emotional. He wants you to go in and talk to him,” Kat said, sniffling.

She sat down next to Mrs. Phillips, who took Kat’s hand into hers and rubbed her back. She was in good hands so I went through the door Kat had just come out of.

I’d half expected to see one of those couches from the movies where the patient lays down and tells the doctor about their relationship with their mother or whatever, but instead there was just a pair of big comfy chairs facing each other. Dr. Rothstein sat in one of them with a yellow legal pad balanced on his crossed leg, his pen hovering above it. When he looked up and saw me, he indicated I should sit in the chair facing him, which I did.

“Hi, Charlie. How are you doing today?”

“I’m okay,” I said.

“Good. So I’ve been talking to Katherine about everything that’s been happening since the last time we spoke and she explained to me a little bit about the deal you two made.”

“I can explain,” I said, defensively.

I knew this was why I was here and I’d been working through what my response would be since Monday when they’d called Mrs. Phillips and asked her if she could bring me to the appointment with Kat. I’d probably done it a few too many times though and worked myself up a bit, which Dr. Rothstein clearly picked up on.

“I’m not here to judge either of you, Charlie. I just need to get all the information I can to figure out the best way to help Kat. She’s explained it to me from her point of view, but I’d really like to get as many sides of it as I can. Don’t feel like you need to present a defense for your decisions. Just walk me through what led you to your decision and how it came about.”

I had, in fact, been about to launch into my prepared defense and now felt partially off balance and a little called out. I had been the one who kept saying she needed to get professional help, though, so I couldn’t very well stonewall it now that we were here.

“Okay. So when we saw you last she was still dating Aaron, and he’d worked out how easy it was to talk her into doing stuff. I’d been concerned about her and tried to keep Aaron from getting her into some stuff, like when he’d tried to have her go with him and some of his buddies to the locker room at lunchtime, but I didn’t have any luck in getting her to just leave him.”

“So what changed that led to your agreement?”

“This might need a little backstory. So Aaron doesn’t like me and he knows I’m friends with Hanna and he doesn’t like Hanna because of something that happened between them last year. When Katherine Brooks, who also dislikes Hanna, talked him into trying to break up Hanna and her boyfriend, Aaron decided the best way to do it was to have Kat try and sleep with Hanna’s boyfriend. He sent her to dance with Marcus and kiss him when Hanna walked into the room. Hanna, of course, took it the worst way possible and it really destroyed her. I talked to Kat about it the next day and she was completely destroyed by it, too. She knew what Aaron was doing and she really didn’t want to do it, but she couldn’t say no, so she’d gone along with it. She was really beating herself up about it and was, honestly, the worst I’d ever seen her.”

“This is when you made your offer to her.”

“Yes. At the time, any kind of treatment for her seemed impossibly far away, because of her father, and I could see her tearing herself apart, since she didn’t want to be doing the things Aaron was forcing her to do and she couldn’t stop from doing them at the same time. I was worried for her, since I could see her starting to unravel and she was actively hurting other people who mean a lot to me. I had to do something, and I remembered what you said about how I needed to be careful to keep her from becoming too attached to me, because if I did she’d assign all of her decision-making to me and fall deeper into her condition. I understood the dangers of what could happen to her and reasoned that you were warning me because she would connect with me stronger than she did with Aaron, which meant I could use that connection to get her away from him. I know it was a bad idea and I know it’s going to make her treatment even harder, but I didn’t see another way out for her. Ultimately, I think it did some good, since we were able to find out about the abuse her father was inflicting and use that same connection to help her get out of it. Without it, I’m not sure she could have ever stood up in court and told people what he’d done to her. I know I was wrong, but I think the good outweighs the bad. Or at least I hope it does.”

“I see,” he said, jotting down some more notes. “I won’t lie to you; this is going to make her recovery harder. DPD is the kind of condition that, even if you know it’s happening, is very hard for the patient to do anything about. One of the main paths we normally take is using the negative experiences the patient has because of the condition to form a base to build on and learn skills to cope with the anxiety and fear around making her own decisions. If the experiences are good, it is harder for the patient to build coping mechanisms to effectively deal with the feelings they experience when confronted those anxieties and fears.”

“I know. Before we talked and decided that I was taking over her decision-making, I did a lot of research on the condition, to try and cause as little damage as possible while getting her out of the toxic relationships that were hurting her and others. It’s why, even though Kat has really pushed for it, I have flat out refused any kind of romantic connection between us.”

“You cannot ‘refuse’ a romantic connection. You can refuse to act on that connection, and Katherine has told me about your rebuffing her advances towards you, but that connection still remains and is still a problem. Worse, you’ve helped her out of a terrible situation, which means she’s stacked additional attachments on you as her savior. She’s built-up layers of connection to you that will make it harder for her to stand on her own, which is ultimately our goal.”

“Ohh,” I , my heart sinking.

“I know it sounds like I’m coming down hard on you and that isn’t my intention. In addition to Katherine, I’ve spoken to Mrs. Phillips and I know what you’ve done so far to help get Katherine out of the situation she was in, both with her father and the other people taking advantage of her. You should feel proud of yourself, because without that, there would have been no chance of recovery I just want you to understand how difficult this condition is to treat and the challenges we face. I’m saying we, because for this to work, I need you to be part of her team. You, Katherine, myself, and Mrs. Phillips together can help Katherine find a way to recover from her trauma, but we’re going to need to work together to make that happen. The first thing you and I are going to have to do is to unwind some of the controls you two put in place, so we can begin work on her mitigating and even her anxiety herself. What I need from you is to not make any other decisions on her behalf or any new forms of agreement without speaking to me, okay?”

“I can do that. So she’s going to be able to make her own decisions going forward?” I asked, a little confused.

My understanding was that it would take a long time to accomplish and it didn’t seem possible that she’d be able to do it on her own after one session.

“No, or at least, not entirely. Normally, this isn’t the kind of thing I’d be discussing with someone who isn’t her legal guardian, but you’ve put yourself in the middle of Katherine’s treatment plan, so I’m going to have to at least explain what going to be happening and what’s going to be expected from you for her treatment going forward.”

“Okay.”

“If we’d been able to follow the normal process of treating Katherine’s condition, which would involve her making small decisions at first and slowly increasing her comfort level with confrontation and decision making, using medication to help alleviate symptoms she might have from that. Of course, that has changed somewhat given your situation with her. We’re going to try and find a way to still do this, but it’s going to take assistance from you.”

“I’m willing to do whatever I need to do to help Kat get better.”

“Good, although I think you need to moderate what getting better means, and preferably not say things like that around her. This isn’t a broken bone or a physical condition that you can take medication for and have it go away. This is a combination of chemical imbalances and extreme trauma. We can correct for some of the chemical imbalances, but there isn’t a pill to erase trauma. What we can do is find a way to teach the patient methods of dealing with their responses to that trauma, healthy alternative outlets for releasing the pressures and emotions associated with that trauma, and hopefully find a balance where they can manage their condition and lead a healthy lifestyle. It’s not about curing; it’s about learning to not let the trauma control them.”

“Okay. I’ll try to be careful of that.”

“Good. She listens to you and if she thinks you want her completely fixed, she will start giving herself new trauma when she’s unable to meet the unrealistic expectations she thinks you want from her.”

“Understood. So what do I need to do?”

“We’re going to start with Katherine trying to make smaller decisions for herself. If you see her struggling, I don’t want you to step in and tell her what she should do. Let her struggle with it. If it gets too much, she knows she can ask you for help and at that point, it’s okay to step in and help her. This is going to be hardest when she’s outside of her safe spaces, meaning around strangers or people she finds intimidating instead of people she’s comfortable with. I’ve prescribed Katherine some anti-anxiety medications, which should help with that a little, but she’s still going to need your help as well. Since we have this arrangement, problematic as it may be, we’re going to use it. Katherine knows that, if she’s really not able to make the decision, for now, she can rely on you as a backstop. We’ll phase that out over time, especially since next year is her last year in school and you have one year after that, but for now, we’ll use it as a stopgap. The important thing I need from you is to make sure she’s not just looking to you right away. She has to be allowed to struggle with making these small decisions at first.”

“So I have to just watch her suffer?”

“It’s hard when you put it like that, I know, but the answer is 'yes.' If this were easy, she’d be able to transition into it herself. So yes, let her struggle for a while before you come to her aid, and the further we go, the longer you need to be willing to let her struggle. We’re not talking about large decisions. Little ones like wanting something to eat that’s different than others or what to do for entertainment. Ask her for her opinion on these and wait for her to answer. Better yet, have people further out of her comfort zone be the ones to ask her to make these decisions. Once we get past that, we can start going to harder decisions.”

“Okay. I’ll do my best.”

“Good. Katherine knows what she needs to be trying on her own, but if you’re going to be involved in the process, then we both felt you should know what’s expected of her so you know when to help and when not to. It’s going to be a process, so feel free to reach out to me if you see she’s having trouble with her treatment.”

“Will do. Thanks, Dr. Rothstein,” I said, getting up and shaking his hand.

That went better than I’d hoped. I’d half feared that he would tell her she needed to cut off all contact with me to undo the damage I caused with our agreement. Honestly, being made an active participant in her treatment was the best-case scenario I could think of.

It was better than having to just sit on the sidelines and watch without any way to affect the outcome.