Midnight Pals: Ramble On

Stephen King: hey remember when led zeppelin did that song about Gollum stealing bilbo's girlfriend?
JRR Tolkien: what
King: yeah you know
King: ramble on
Tolkien: WHAT

King: [singing] "ramble on"
King: "And now's the time, the time is now
King: "To sing my song"
King: "I'm goin' 'round the world, I got to find my girl"
King: "On my way"
King: [performing air guitar]
Tolkien:
Tolkien: i hate this

King: it's all about how Gollum and the evil one stole his girlfriend away
Tolkien:
King: the evil one is Sauron
Tolkien: I KNOW WHO THE EVIL ONE IS

Tolkien: Bilbo doesn't have a girlfriend!
Tolkien: he's a life-long bachelor!
Barker: haah yeah
Barker: "bachelor"
Barker: we all know what that means
Koontz: what? what does it mean?
Barker: it means he's gay

Bram Stoker: i don't think that's what it means
Stoker: count Dracula was also a life long bachelor
Barker: i rest my case
Stoker: what the
Stoker: how dare you
Stoker: why you
Stoker: [indignant blustering]

Barker: Dracula is hard gay
Stoker: you can't just say that!
Barker: yeah i can
Barker: death of the author
Stoker: oooooo why you--
Stoker: always one step ahead!!!

Stoker: fine if that's the way you want to play
Stoker: i'm going to say that pinhead is straight
Barker: what? you can't do that
Stoker: not so much fun now is it, clive????

Mary Shelley: sup fuckers
Shelley: what's up
Poe: everyone was arguing about whether bilbo baggins had a girlfriend
Poe: because of the led zeppelin song
Shelley:

Poe: what do you think, mary?
Poe: this seems like the sort of thing you'd have an opinion on
Shelley: this is nerd shit for dads
King: nerd shit? mary, i'll have you know that led zeppelin is actually pretty cool
Shelley: i said what i said

Tolkien: this song doesn't even make any sense!
Tolkien: why would Gollum and Sauron team up to steal bilbo's girlfriend?
Barker: why wouldn't they?
Barker: damn think about it
Barker: they're probably doing spitroast and everything
Tolkien: they couldn't do that!
Tolkien: Sauron's just a giant eyeball!

Barker: wait is he literally a giant eye?
Barker: i thought that was metaphorical
Tolkien: no!
Tolkien: it's literal!
Tolkien: i don't do metaphor!
Tolkien: i'm not some CS Lewis-esque hack!

Tolkien: my words! spoiled by some new fangled rock and or roll band!
Tolkien: this is worse than when those blasted beatles tried to make a movie about me!
King: the beatles? now THERE'S a rock band!
Tolkien: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

King: Hey JRR since you know you so much about Lord of the Rings
Tolkien: I WROTE IT!
King: yeah well since you know so much about it
King: maybe you can explain what's the battle of evermore about?
Tolkien:
Tolkien:
Tolkien: uhhhhhh