Midnight Pals: Yellow Hill

CS Humble: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the massacre at yellow hill
Humble: it's about a black vampire hunter
Barker: is it Blade?
Humble: no
Humble: not every black vampire hunter is blade for your information

Humble: this black vampire hunter and his adopted son are riding across the lonesome prairies of texas in search of vampires
Robert E Howard: don't mess with texas!
Humble: but also having philosophical discussions about the problem of evil
Howard: [louder] Don't mess with texas!

Howard: hold on thar pardna are ya sayin' there's vampires in MY texas?
Humble: right
Howard: i ain't gonna stand for that!
Howard: any 2 bit varmit tries to suck mah blood is gettin' a taste of my pea shooter!
Howard: DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS!

Humble: this black vampire hunter finds he has to contend not just with the undead but also with the evil in men's hearts
Humble: because the real vampire was racism the whole time!
Howard: DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS!
Humble: alright alright we get it we won't mess with texas

Humble: it turns out they're not dealing with just any old vampire
Humble: not just some mundane nosferatu or some work-a-day dracula
Humble: or even a boring old Lestat
Humble: no he's dealing with some top shelf blood suckers
Humble: they got an evil book and everything

Humble: and these vampires are gonna bring about the apocalypse and the arrival of their evil vampire god
Humble: who's so big like you can't even see him
Humble: except for his giant crab claw
Guy N Smith: i knew it!
Smith: i knew he'd be back!!

Humble: so this black vampire hunter is hunting vampires
Lovecraft: oh jeez this story is too scary!
Howard: don't worry pardna, ain't no vampires that can stand up to my pea shooter!
Lovecraft: the vampires aren't the scary part

Humble: but in this texas town, where vampires run wild, there's a family, a widow and her kids
Humble: and kids you know they just can't get enough of that old timey candy!
Humble: salt water taffy
Humble: bit o' honey
Humble: ribbon candy
Humble: aspic

Humble: licorice dandies
Humble: sugared marrow
Humble: cornmush bricks
Humble: rootmush bricks
Humble: saracen's delight
Humble: horehound jerky
Humble: and mary janes
King: oh gross mary janes
Howard: DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS!