Midnight Pals: Charts and Graphs

Clive Barker: hey guys you hear that Imane Khelif won the gold medal at the Paris Olympics
Poe: ah very cool
Barker: so where's joanne
Barker: is she here tonight
Barker: ha ha
Poe: clive
Barker: cuz i just want to haha talk
Poe: clive don't be an instigator

Barker: hey joanne ha ha so did you hear the news
Barker: imane khelif won
JK Rowling: what?? how can thisss be??
Rowling: how can they allow this over the objectionsss of the worldssss richessst ssself-taught authority on gender???
Rowling: truly the sssysstem really iss broken

Rowling: you know, i never ssaid khelif wass transs
Rowling: i merely ssaid khelif wass a man ssecretly possing as a woman to win a ssporting competition in the vein of a raunchy 1980s PG-13 comedy ssex romp like "Just One of the Guys" (1985) or "Just One of the Girls" (1993)

Rowling: in fact, i never accussed anyone of being transs
Rowling: i merely believe that every living human being iss ssecretly the oppossite gender of the one that they purport to be
Rowling: except for me
Rowling: I am legend!

Rowling: thosse of you who claim to be men are obvioussly women
Rowling: thosse of you who claim to be women are obvioussly men
Rowling: except for those of you who claim to be transs, you actually ARE your birth gender
Rowling: i mean, your purported birth gender

Rowling: i've prepared a series of chartsss and graphsss to explain the new theory of gender
Rowling: itss become more involved ssince i decided vaginass aren't destiny
King: they're not?
Rowling: well they were but then it turned out sssome people i didn't like alssso had them

Barker: hey i got a question
Rowling: is it about my new gender heurissstic
Barker: yes
Rowling: proceed
Barker: why do UK bookstores all have The Gruffalo instead of harry potter now?
Rowling: SSSS
Rowling: THAT'SSS NOT A GENDER QUESTION!!!
Rowling: YOU TRICKED ME!!

Rowling: i should have expected that from you, barker!!
Rowling: jussst like a man!!
Rowling: or rather
Rowling: [consulting phrenology chart] you have the sloping brow and narrow cranium of a secret woman!!!

Barker: sure joanne whatever you say
Rowling: he admits to being a woman!!!
Rowling: which means he's actually a man!
Poe: joanne calm down
Rowling: DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN EDGAR!
Rowling: or should i ssay
Rowling: edgarina??!?!?
Poe: that's not even a real name