BB's dirty thoughts - Aug 7

So let's talk about something juicy, especially since, thanks to VEGAS and Covid, the end of July just... disappeared-! And I've got some juice to make up for.

This one is fairly intimate for me; something I might not even discuss outside the purview of extant lovers, because... there are risks when discussing really submissive kinks with new partners, knowing that some dudes are into these kinks for less than mutually pleasuring, charitable reasons.

(It's like choking. Choking can be a grand old time, or simply an exercise in breath control to build up an orgasm... aaaaaand then there are the fucking assholes who fantasize about killing their female partners after sex. I Do Not advise looking this up; it's perhaps not prevalent, but it's easier to find than you would think. But we're not here to discuss the horrors of humanity and how anonymity empowers some to show their truly terrifying insides, we're here to talk kinky shit! I KNOW I don't gotta tell my subscribers: all things with enthusiastic consent. <3 )

I am really, really into having my head shoved further into the pillow. Or, a hand between the shoulder blades, pressing me into a further submissive position when my lover is behind me... or maybe just having the hands scooped up and under my chest and shoulders as they lie atop me when I'm prone on my stomach.

For me, it hits the same button as the fishhook (holding back her cheek with a finger and exposing her panting mouth) or being held by the wrists or forearms- it's not Really the humiliation, it's the primal sexuality. It's that (wildly consenting) line of "my male partner is in a lusting frenzy and is pressing me into a position best for mating me". I'd say it was "difficult to explain", but I don't really believe in the phrase- much like complexity in women, or love, or wine, there is Certainly such a thing as "complex", but no such thing as "complicated", because complicated implies "unknowable"- and this is certainly very knowable, just... lots of moving pieces, a lot of them shadows within the psyche.

I don't think it would surprise Anyone to hear that Plenty of women have a "suddenly being ravished" fantasy; dozens of studies have been done on the topic. Do we want that hot man across the way from the pool to actually pick us up and shove his cock in us raw? Of COURSE fucking not; we don't know that guy, we have No Idea what his situation is, what his relationship life is like, whether or not he's a good person, whether or not he's HIV negative, a thousand factors. But within the safeties of our own minds, Anything is possible, and the Fantasy of being picked up and ravished whilst we're in heat is a delicious fantasy.

https://inews.co.uk/opinion/why-some-women-fantasise-about-forceful-sex-and-why-thats-nothing-to-be-ashamed-of-212098

"I have never thought that ‘rape’ is an appropriate description of this type of fantasy. Rape by its very definition is non-consensual, while a sexual fantasy, no matter how violent it may be, is always under the direction and control of the person having it. Rape is a deeply traumatic, often life-threatening, profound violation of a person’s being. It is a terrifying experience precisely because it is not consented to and the victim is disempowered. But, a fantasy is always a safe place, always under your own control and always being consented to. No matter how extensive your cast list may be, how dramatic the set, or how bizarre the plot, it is impossible not to consent to your own fantasy."

And this is why negotiation exists; I can tell my mate I'm wearing a 95% dead bra just waiting to be chucked into the bin, and to bring his knives. I can say, when I'm in the heat of things, in the mood, what I want him to do with his hand while he's fucking me, if we're both in that place and mood.

But let's pick at that one; the pressing of the face into the bed, the holding her down by the shoulders as the pressure of orgasm nears. There's something primal there, certainly- making sure your mate is in the optimal position to receive your seed. But there's something more to it than that- there's the Inescapability that's coded into human sexual desire. The cat penis is barbed to make sure the phallus stays inserted properly during it's peak- and while of course I would not enjoy being stabbed by kitty peen (lol), there's something to that- perhaps my hips in the claws of my love, held in place while rapture happens. It's Raw, it's Emotional, it's Breeding in the most literal sense. More than once have I found myself in fits of rapture when I'm pinned in place.

It is perhaps not the kinkiest of kinks, but it's one of those ones that has pieces that could go VERY wrong, and thusly, needs to be approached with attentiveness and sincerity. It's one of those ones that reminds us that our understanding of sexuality NEEDS to shift to an active participation, not passive participation module, in the realm of women. This is to say, perceive silence as "no"- ANYTHING that isn't "Oh my god fuck yes" as "no". I KNOW I don't need to tell anyone here that passive tolerance Does Not equal yes. We're looking for that eye contact, that touch that wants you to touch back, sighs of pleasure (or maybe fastidious, hungry, selfish begging you to get them off then and there!), and, if you're good, an Entire patch of drool on the pillow.

Sex is psychological; the Last place we feel it, is physically. I'd never divorce the physical component, of course; biology has it's realities... but it's the erotic terror of my breeding stud forcing me into a position best able to take every inch that sets of some Wild firecracker that causes repeated orgasm. It's the emotional, in-my-brain element that drives that carnality.

Sex-negative people think of this breeding as belligerent, short-sighted, nothing more than "stupid breeders". I say this is deeply hypocritical when enjoying sexual pleasure (alone or with others) and speaks to a bigger societal problem we have with being able to empathize with other humans. WE'RE human, and all of Those people are the "Other". I've never drawn qualms with asexuals; I Do raise a tired, dubious eyebrow at those do go out of their way to bash sexuality as "stupid" or "base". (You know, the whole "When I have sex it's about intimacy, when they have sex they're just thirsty sluts". Personal exceptionalism is as predictable as it is OBNOXIOUS.)

Because within base things, there is so much we can learn about ourselves! Examining our shadows, or desires that don't often come to the surface until we meet the right person, we understand humanity, sexuality, our own emotions, and others'.

And there is a deeply embedded, red-velvet centre of me that has a keyhole shaped like a claw-wound, and only when my lover sheds things like civility and gentleness can the beast inside be unbound, free to romp like the rutting animals we are, reveling in Dionysian bliss that can only be named sweet madness. "Please" and "thank you" have their place- so do "hold your legs open for me" and "pin me and come in me".