crosses

inspired by: ethel cain — family tree and ethel cain — family tree intro

overall, it's small concept of what morty was going through when he got worse and spent a lot of time in hospital (he has terrible heart condition, issues with kidneys, joints, bones and blood circulating system)

hans started to treat him even worse, and no one really was there to support him — even his friends

morty was cold towards caden too, and asked for distance 

not only because he felt unbearably bad, he barely can tell if something is real or not, his kidneys and heart are in worst condition, he broke his ankle when he fell, he hallucinates a lot too

also not just because he wanted to shield caden from seeing him like that and creating associations between mortimer's worst days that might possibly become his last ones

and not because he wanted caden to live every second he has, because morty being sick has nothing to do with caden's life (he thought like that back then, and still wants to keep it like that, because sacrifice of caden's life to nurse morty would be the worst case scenario in mortimer's understanding)

he kinda took it like a battle

he wanted to battle alone

and that was a night he felt suddenly good; well, decent is a better word

he still felt hot from inflammation and his meds, but he finally felt something apart from numbness — tiny wind on his sweaty skin; his nurse is very forgetful young woman, morty can't blame her (she felt asleep on coach next to him and was sleeping so tight he decided not to wake her up tonight) 

nevertheless, that sudden change in his condition made him come to one and only conclusion —

it's just a sweet relief before death

and that calmness and acceptance of his own fate made him finally breathe easier — he felt how his ribs finally stopped flexing

he even managed to get up

and he walked to chapel in hospital (hospital looked strangely empty; morty thought someone made that all happen)

and just stared at the cross all night

like

he was looking at god, not understanding what made him change his decision to take morty that night

somehow, he really became better

but that night is still his never-ending fever dream

it was something about that air, about that wind, about that night with stars that looked like they're moving slower than earth, like morty's on carousel