Schrodinger's Butt - (Classic Tingler Revisited)

wow, this timeline is a difficult place right now. we have been trotting through rough places before but recently there is PROFOUND SADNESS that hangs in the air. it can be difficult to process.

lots of buds see chuck as beacon of positivity and that is great but also it is important to remember you do not need to be smilin all the time. it is HEALTHY AND NORMAL TO HAVE SAD DAYS. it is okay to be upset and feel helpless sometimes this is part of our experience on this timeline and it also honors those who are hurting (or honors our own hurt if the subject is us)

we can also fight back in our own ways. sometimes that means fighting back by just making sure we get a good breakfast in the morning and taking care of ourselves, sometimes it means buying GORG ABBOTTS website out from under him when he says terrible things about trans buckaroos. you can visit this site here. 

but long story short there is no right or wrong way to process the sadness of a chaotic world. this timeline is a complicated place and what works at one moment may change in the next, what works for one bud may change for the other. there is balance to it all and the one consistent is that LOVE IS REAL and ultimately we trot with love at our backs.

with this in mind wanted to revisit a tingler that has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT IS GOING ON IN THE WORLD because war and strife and hate are difficult and we ARE GOING TO FIGHT and we ARE GOING TO TROT WITH OUR HEADS UP WITH A FLAG OF LOVE but at the same time we are going to get the rest we need and take care of our minds and take care of ourselves. part of that can be a little trot into escapism with a book or a story and while tingleverse can be very political and can also be a place to just let your mind wander.

chuck wants to be very clear, i do not want to make light of tragedy in the world at the moment. that is not the buckaroo way. all chuck wants to give is reminder to say: TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF BUD and that includes the spark of joy in your mind. this fire may blaze bright or go down to a little flicker sometimes but you always gotta tend to the flame

please enjoy schrodinger's butt

A veteran scientific test subject, Chom Bullusk has managed to carve out a living for himself in the lab, but when he spots an offer for a five million dollar trial, Chom is not sure what to make of it. The danger typically mirrors the pay, but this money is good enough that Chom is willing to take his chances.

Soon enough, Chom is learning that he has the perfect median butthole, a complete anal average of all mankind, and is perfect for this high profile study. But when the mysterious and handsome scientist Doctor Arper Schrodinger puts Chom’s butt in a box, things take a turn for the strange.

Now Chom is traveling though a Tingleverse tesseract, pounded by every quantum superposition of his own past and future in an attempt to answer Schrodinger’s haunting question: Is the butt in the box gay, straight, or both at the same time?

This erotic tale is 4,300 words of sizzling human on physicist dinosaur action, including anal, blowjobs, rough sex, cream pies and infinitely repeating variable reality love.

(Originally released June 18th, 2016)

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SCHRODINGER’S BUTT

By Chuck Tingle

To be honest, making a living as a scientific test subject isn’t as terrible as it sounds. The first thing that people think of is a frightening lab full of beakers and vials, bubbling green liquid spilling through tubes as a mad scientist cackles wildly in the background and lighting illuminates the scene. This couldn’t be farther from the truth.

In my experience, labs are the cleanest, safest places you could possibly imagine, and although the experiments that I’ve been part of can be uncomfortable at times, they’re rarely all that dangerous. Besides, the pay is incredible.

My friends used to make fun of me, calling me The Guinea Pig or Rat Boy, but they stopped after I got myself a brand new Ferrari after a long-term vaccine trial. Now they’re all asking to borrow my ride.

Here’s the thing, the more treacherous the experiment, the better you’re going to get paid. In the early days, I was just participating enough to get by and pay my rent on time, nothing flashy, but as time wore on the entire process started to get addicting. It’s just so easy to make money this way.

Still, even I hesitate as I notice the utterly massive, million dollar figure displayed on my computer screen. I’ve logged on to my usual test subject online forums, just randomly checking for any new opportunities, and apparently discovered the trial of a lifetime.

I click on the link, and then read aloud as the following page appears on my screen. “Seeking one male subject for a highly classified trial regarding quantum entanglement of The Tingleverse. Study is incredibly dangerous, but compensation is five million dollars. If interested, please report to Rubble Labs by two thirty today.”

Immediately, my heart skips a beat. I look down at my watch and realize that I only have an hour to spare, and with traffic that’s cutting it very, very close. Still, I have to try.

I jump up from my chair and slam the laptop shut, heading for the door of my apartment and snatching my keys off of the counter as I go. There’s not a second to spare, and little time for my mind to even consider what it is about this experiment that makes it so dangerous. Sure, five million dollars is a lot of money, but a reward is only this large in proportion to the risk that awaits.

On the other hand, it’s possible the risk is something that will keep other potential hopefuls away, leaving me to easily claim this coveted test subject position on my own.

Unfortunately, when I arrive at Rubble Labs I quickly realize that this is not the case. The parking lot of the massive, nondescript science facility is absolutely packed with cars. I circle through once or twice without any luck finding a spot and then finally head back out and drive down the street a ways, where I finally find a tiny opening between two pickup trucks that I can just barely squeeze into. It looks like our whole city has seen the online add.

I quickly make my way up to the building, alternating between walking and jogging awkwardly until finally I give in to a full sprint. It’s a good thing that I do, because I make it to the front doors of the laboratory just as they’re being closed.

“Wait!” I shout out to the handsome young man who is pulling the doors shut.

“I’m sorry, we’re at capacity in here,” the lab coat wearing assistant explains.

I reach out and grab the door, stopping him in his tracks as only a sliver of opening remains. “Please,” I say, looking him directly in the eye.

The man hesitates and then finally opens the door just barely enough to let me in. He immediately closes it tight behind me.

Suddenly, I find myself in a circus of wild chatter, the din of this chaotic waiting room overwhelming my senses. I look around to see an assortment of men; every age, race and body type represented here in this gathering of scientific trial hopefuls. There is another lab assistant walking around the room with a clipboard, collecting names and then jotting down a few notes on the paper in front of him. I walk over to the man immediately.

“I’m here for the trial,” I state loudly.

“Looks like you’re just in time,” laughs the lab assistant, looking down at the clipboard and then back up to me with a smile. “What’s your name?”

“Chom Bullusk” I tell him.

The lab assistant jots this down quickly. “It’s your lucky day, Chom, you’re applicant number one hundred out of one hundred available slots.”

A wave of relief suddenly washes over me. I may have a long way to go, but at least I’ve still got a shot at this incredible opportunity.

The lab assistant looks up at the crowd and addresses the room loudly. “I’m sorry, but if I haven’t come around to collect your name yet then there’s not enough time to see you today. You’re going to have to go home.”

Half of the packed waiting room bursts into a wild applause while the rest mumble angrily, standing up and shuffling off towards the door.

“Alright, we are going to start calling names now,” announces the assistant. “Once your name has been called you can go ahead and make your way through the red door on the far side of the room. There we will make a few preliminary observations, and once we’ve seen everyone we will select one of you as our test subject.”

I raise my hand. “Are you going to be calling the names in any particular order?”

The assistant nods. “Yes, in the order that you signed up.”

I let out a long sigh and collapse into one of the waiting room chairs. Looks like I’m going to be here for a while.

When my name is finally called I almost miss it entirely, imagining that the words have simply floated past me in a beautiful, surreal dream. Moments later, the words come drifting through my consciousness yet again, only this time I notice how strange and out of place they seem.

I open my eyes and suddenly everything comes rushing back to me in a flash, immediately causing my entire body to sit up in a state of involuntary alarm.

“Last call for Chom Bullusk,” the disembodied voice comes cascading down from the loudspeaker above.

I look around the waiting room and realize that I am now the only one left; what was once a frantic festival of energy now eerily empty. Not wanting to waste any more time, I hop to my feet and head towards the nearby red door, pulling it open and stepping inside.

The second that I enter a group of three, muscular scientists look up from the papers before them. They are older guys but strikingly handsome, each and every one of them wearing a pair of sexy, thick rimmed glasses. Their hair is salt and peppered, and they sit three in a row behind a large white table.

The scientist in the middle of the group forces a smile and motions towards the center of the room, but I can tell the man is exhausted. He looks like someone who has slowly become more and more defeated with their candidates as the day goes on, which could mean that he’s a stern judge of whatever they’re looking for, but also hints that I might actually still have a chance after two hundred and ninety-nine other applicants.

“Hello there,” offers the scientist in the middle. “My name is Dr. Arper Schrodinger.”

“Nice to meet you, I’m Chom,” I tell him with a nod.

The doctor lets out a long sigh. “I will apologize for being short, but it’s been a long day. If you don’t mind, would you turn around and show us your butthole?”

I freeze, not exactly sure if I heard the man correctly. “What was that?” I question.

“Could you turn around and show us your butthole?” the doctor repeats.

I take in a deep breath, then let out a brief chuckle. “I’m sorry, but I could have sworn you just asked to see my butthole.”

“I did,” replies Arper flatly. “Now, if you’re going to take all day we can just call it off right now. There’s five million dollars on the table for you, but if you’re not interested in participating then you’re just not interested in participating.”

Realizing that it’s now or never, I quickly turn around and unfasten my belt buckle. I slip my pants and underwear down, trembling as the cool air of the laboratory hits my skin, and then bend forward so that the table of scientists can get a good look at my ass.

I hear an audible gasp.

“Is everything alright?” I call back over my shoulder, desperately trying to determine if this reaction is a good thing or bad.

“That butthole,” Arper stammers, “it’s… it’s… incredible. This is exactly what we’ve been looking for in an ass!”

I can hear the hard squeak of a chair being pushed across the vinyl floor and then footsteps as the scientist approaches. The man kneels down behind me, staring directly into my anal passageway.

“This is it,” Arper says. “By god, this is the one!”

The man stands up and takes me by the shoulders, bringing me to my feet as he spins me around. “Your butthole is the perfect butthole, not to large, not to small. It’s the textbook average in a sea of anal variables. You are the anal median; a true control.”

“I am?” I question.

The scientist nods, tears of joy flooding his eyes. “Please understand, this does not mean that your hole isn’t remarkable; it’s simply that what makes it so remarkable is just how perfectly average it is!”

I smile. For five million dollars, I’ll take it.

“Come, we need to get you out of those clothes and into the box,” explains Dr. Arper.

“The box?” I question.

“You’ll understand soon enough,” offers the scientist. “Do you accept your role as test subject?”
 “I do,” I tell him.

The second that I say this the entire room springs into action, jumping up from their chairs and calling in a few other lab technicians. Before I know it, I am being stripped out of my clothes, pulled this way and that as I’m hosed down and then lead from chamber to chamber, progressively deeper into this mysterious lab.

Eventually, we arrive at a small, white room with a box sitting at the dead center. There are various scientific instruments positioned everywhere; large cranelike arms that hover above and towers of humming machinery stacked in some haphazard order that I’ll probably never be brilliant enough to understand. The ceiling of the room is completely glass, and looking down as us is an assortment of observing scientists, handsome men in lab coats who look like they still put in plenty of time at the gym despite their loaded scientific schedules.

Being completely naked, my first instinct is to cover up with my hands, but I stop myself, realizing that the people surrounding me are utter professionals. I have no reason to be nervous, other than my lurking fears regarding the supposedly dangerous nature of the test itself.

“Welcome to The Box!” Arper exclaims proudly. “You are about to be the first man to ever enter this beautiful creation of mine!”

“What does it do?” I question, taking note of an assistant who enters our room with a small glowing green vial in his hands, heading towards the contraption at the center.

“Do you know what The Tingleverse is?” Arper asks me.

I nod. “It’s everything. It’s where we exist.”

“As?” the doctor continues prodding.

“Characters in a book,” I tell him. “Everyone knows that.”

Doctor Arper scoffs. “Not everyone, but that’s besides the point. Now, what kind of book is this?”

I suddenly find myself stumped. I’d never really thought about it.

“Erotica,” Arper finally tells me.

I scoff. “But nobody is fucking!” I exclaim.

“You sure about that?” the doctor questions. “The books only halfway finished.”

He has a point.

“Now, The Tingleverse has many layers, and depending on which layer this existence happens to be on, you could be either gay or straight,” the doctor explains. “Even though The Tingleverse itself is a very, very gay universe, on the upper levels you might be a side character, you might even be straight as an arrow.”

“You mean there is more than one of me?” I question.

“Yes,” replies the doctor. “In fact, you have an infinite amount of reverse twins in either direction, either up or down the layers of The Tingleverse.”

My head hurts trying to follow along, but I give it my best shot. “So what layer is this layer?” I ask.

Arper shrugs. “I don’t know, but that’s what we’re going to find out. You see, as characters in a Tingler, our sexuality isn’t assigned until the book is written. We only become gay when we’re observed as gay, does that make sense?”

I shake my head.

The doctor is disappointed, yet understanding of my ignorance. “Alright, maybe I should just tell you about this experiment so I’ll have an example to work with,” Arper suggests, leading me over to the box.

Now that I’m up close I can see that, surprisingly, nothing is inside other than the green glowing vial. Half of the box has been carved out enough to fit the lower half of my body, but other than that it’s construction appears to be quiet simple.

“What’s the vial?” I ask.

“We’ll get to that. For now, why don’t you get in the box, Chom?” suggests the doctor.

I climb down to the floor on my hands and knees and then carefully back up so that my lower half is inside of the box while my upper half remains out. Soon enough, I am snuggly fitted within this contraption, leaving no room for movement.

“Alright,” begins the doctor. “Right now, your butthole is safely within this box, correct?”

I nod.

“But where is it really?” questions the doctor.

“In the box,” I repeat back to him.

“How do you know?” Doctor Arper asks.

“Because I just put it there,” I tell him.

“Ah ha!” exclaims the doctor, clapping his hands together loudly, “but the author has not yet described your ass within the box has he? For all we know your ass could be anywhere. You see, as characters in The Tingleverse we only exist when we are written about. Therefore, if your ass is not described by the author, then we have no way of knowing which layer of The Tingleverse it is on. Your butthole could be gay, or straight, or both at the same time because right now it exists on all layers in quantum superposition!”

I look up at the glass observation window above to see that the scientists are already scribbling down notes as quickly as they can. I realize now that, unbeknownst to me, the test had already started.

“How do you feel?” questions Doctor Arper.

I shrug. “The same,” I admit. “I’m curious, though, you still haven’t told me what was in the green vial.”

A wicked grin slowly makes its way across Arper’s face. “Aw yes, the vial,” he says. “The vial is the key to all of this. You see, as characters we are always under the author’s control, but that vial puts the power back into our hands. Now the vial is in the box with your butt, and there has been absolutely no explanation.”

I stare blankly at the doctor, not quite sure what his point is.

“Don’t you see?”Arper shouts enthusiastically. “We’ve created a plot point! There is no way that the author can finish this story without something happening that involves that green vial, which happens to be inside the box with your butt! We are forcing the observation of a butt that is not gay, nor straight, or is it both at the same time?”

“Well, which is it?” I ask, suddenly a little concerned with the position that I’ve found myself in.

“We’re here to find that out!” cries Doctor Arper.

Suddenly, the laboratory begins to shake and rumble as if the ground is about to split in half right beneath our feet. I look back over my shoulder to see a brilliant green light emanating from the cracks in the box, and suddenly my butt is overwhelmed with sensation.

“Oh fuck,” I cry out, bracing myself against the waves of overwhelming pleasure that course through my asshole.

“What is it?” Doctor Arper yells to me, trying to shield his eyes form the blinding light. “Are you gay or straight? Gay or straight?”

I try to respond but before I can, the doctor, as well as the laboratory around him, fades into the distance, distorting and extending like some kind of strange coil that repeats forever and ever.

I’m floating now in what appears to be a large tube. When I look down I can see the lab repeating over and over again as far as I can see, and when I look up I can only observe the same thing.

“Hello?” I call out, my voice echoing on and on in an infinite feedback loop that ever so slowly fades into the distance.

“Hey buckaroo, looks like you’re lost,” I hear a strange, stilted voice in my head.

“Who is that?” I question.

“I’m man, name of Chuck,” replies the voice in my head. “I’m the author, I make books real for all who kiss. This is the way of all true bucks.”

“You wrote me?” I clarify.

“I’m writing all of this, goofball. Can’t you tell this is a book when you get in a box and get hard as rocks? Seems pretty obvious to me,” the author exclaims. “That was pretty tricky the way you put that green thing in there. Now I gotta explain the way that you learn you body in all layers of The Tingleverse!”

I let out a long sigh. “I don’t understand,” I admit.

“How ‘bout this, bud? How ‘bout you realize you want to get pounded by all quantum realities of your own butt and then I can write that story and you can go home?” offers Chuck.

“Pounded by what?” I cry out.

“It’s okay, it’s gonna be a cute way of buds,” explains Chuck. “See, you’re in all layers of The Tingleverse now, that’s why you shouldn’t go poking around in Schrodinger’s butt box.”

I suddenly realize that my cock is beginning to harden, stiffening to the point of a dull ache as I float here suspended between quantum Tingleverse realities.

“See,” observes the author’s voice in my head. “This is the way of true buckaroos. No point in trying to figure out if the universe is gay or straight, maybe just let the universe accept that it’s gonna be what it’s gonna be either way. Number one most important thing about getting hard is that it proves love is real. Doesn’t matter what kind of love, you’re just a hard buck and that’s that.”

I let out a long, satisfied groan, overwhelmed with arousal as I reach down the front of my abs and grab ahold of my own rock hard cock. The second that I do, however, I realize something very strange is going on. I look down and see my hand wrap around my aching dick over and over again, gripping tightly across my length in an infinite loop that changes ever so slightly over time.

“Oh fuck,” I groan, reeling from the bizarre sensation of a thousand different variations of my own hand.

Moments later I can feel a presence position himself behind me. I look back over my shoulder and gasp in surprise. There before me is another version of myself, his body extending out behind him like a strange, surreal wave. My quantum duplicate teases my rim for a moment, testing the edges of my anal tightness before thrusting forward and impaling me across the length of his thick rod.

Suddenly, I’m experiencing an infinite amount of anal penetrations across every timeline, the sexual variables extending out like tendrils. I am simultaneously gay and straight, bisexual and asexual, a looping reality that returns over and over again upon itself.

“Observe me!” I cry out, the sensation simply too much to bear. “I can’t exist on every timeline at once, it’s too much!”

“Are you sure?” asks the voice of the author in my head. “Not many characters can say that they’ve experienced every version of their own reality.”

“Observe me!” I yell. “Give me a place in this quantum anal tesseract!”

Suddenly, everything snaps back into itself, the extensions of reality collapsing down at lighting speed and creating a singular version of existence. When I look back over my shoulder I find that I am still being hammed up the ass from behind, but the pounder is no longer an existential replicate of my variable choices through time. Instead, I find the handsome Doctor Arper taking me with ruthless enthusiasm.

The only difference in Arper’s appearance, however, is that the Doctor is now a dinosaur.

“Oh fuuuuck!” I groan, more turned on than I have ever been in my entire life.

“You like this homoerotic layer of reality you dirty little quantum manwhore?” asks the prehistoric creature gruffly.

“Yes!” I tell him, and I absolutely do. While I had once been confused about my sexuality, on this timeline I am as gay as they come, savoring the incredible sight and sensation of Arper’s muscular T-Rex body.

Overwhelmed with erotic enthusiasm, the dinosaur doctor suddenly pulls out and slaps me playfully on the ass with a tiny claw. He helps me to my feet and spins me around, then pushes me back onto one of the nearby laboratory tables.

I follow the thunder lizard’s lead, leaning back on the cold metal and lifting my feet into the air. I open myself up to him, my hard cock shooting straight up from my body and revealing the reamed out asshole below it.

“More,” I beg. “Give me everything that you’ve got.”

The dinosaur, of course, doesn’t need to be told what to do when it comes to pleasuring me. He immediately gets into position, aligning his green reptilian dick at the tight entrance of my backdoor and thrusting forward. I let out a yelp of surprise, still adjusting to his incredible girth.

The dinosaur doctor begins to pump in and out of me slowly at first, impaling my torso across the length of his enormous shaft while I use my hands to tightly grip the edge of the table. With every thrust of Arper’s scaly hips against my backside the beast gains speed, until eventually he is slamming me with everything that he’s got. The table is rattling below us, barely able to maintain itself below the feverish pounding.

Soon enough, I can feel the beginnings of a powerful prostate orgasm start to blossom within me. I reach down and grab ahold of my bouncing cock, helping myself along as the sensation grows and grows, running down my arms and legs in pleasant waves. From this position on my back I can see that the lab assistants still exist within this version of reality, still scribbling away on their notepads as they watch my body being used but this magnificent creature.

Something about being observed and recorded like this turns me on even more, and the next thing I know I can feel the heat of a mighty orgasm erupt across my entire frame. I throw my head back and let out a frantic cry as jizz blasts hard from the head of my cock, splattering everywhere in a series of hot sticky ropes. Every muscle in my body is clenched tight, quaking hard as I struggle to accept these overwhelming sensations that flow through me.

Doctor Arper doesn’t let up for a second, hammering my asshole just as hard as ever until finally he’s about to cum along with me. The massive prehistoric creature pushes deep and then suddenly erupts hard within, the jizz spilling out into my rectum in a hot wave. It doesn’t take long for the space within my body to completely fill with cum, the rest of it squirting out from the rim of my packed butthole. Arper’s pearly spunk runs down the crack of my ass and onto the floor in long white streaks, a beautiful physical manifestation of our potent sexual chemistry.

I look up at the beautiful reptile before me, our eyes locking in a moment of intense mutual satisfaction. “That was amazing,” I tell him.

“The best I’ve ever had,” the dinosaur doctor says in return.

“I… I think I love you,” I confess, stammering slightly as the words fall out of my mouth.

“I love you, too!” the doctor exclaims, “Of course, I love you, we’re married!”

“What?” I question, suddenly confused. “What do you mean?”

The dinosaur doctor cracks a wry smile. “Ha! Don’t forget that we’ve been together for ten years, Chom. I can tell when you’re joking around.”

It suddenly occurs to me that, when I was deep within The Tingleverse tesseract, there were infinite versions of my life to choose from. Now there is only one version, but it’s not the path that I came in on. Who knows what else could have changed out there in this life of mine?

“Is everything alright?” the T-Rex above me asks.

Immediately, I start to wonder if there was any sort of five million dollar offer on this timeline, but as soon as the question arises within my mind I push it away. The love that I feel for Doctor Arper right now is so much more important, more fulfilling, than any monetary sum.

“Everything’s great,” I tell him. “There isn’t anywhere in the universe I’d rather be.”