all the remasters I've been working on

since my last post I've been very busy with remastering but I haven't posted about it because I didn't feel like it. also if there's an album of mine you would like a deep dive post about, comment and i'll be happy to talk in great detail about the music
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"Left alone... 'Einsam und Verloren"

this is the second left alone album made in april 2015. most of it is in german. the title means "alone and lost". I used to title things in german a lot because I'm in love with the german language, especially back then I was. I never released this album digitally but if you want to listen to it it's going to be on spotify/streaming services soon (or you can try finding the original masters somewhere on the internet, but it doesn't sound that good).

track 1: Alleine Im Schmerz (alone in the pain)
created : Wednesday, April 1, 2015 at 10:49 AM
finished: Saturday, April 4, 2015 at 11:47 PM

I'm pretty sure I made the instrumental in a day, and a few days later I was finally able to record the vocals (I wanted to be alone in the house to scream)

"The empty fields

Swingsets, grey, alone

Just like me…

Einsam und Verloren

Die Traurigkeit meines Lebens

Die Umarmung der Tränen

Ich schreie, und falle

Und leise ist es so, wie es so Weh tut…

I stand here all alone

and memories fall like leaves

The leaves fall grey

and I want to scream

I want this suffering to color me her name

Please help me…"

if you speak fluent german you might think my german is bad. i don't really care though. there's something magical about the language that I really wanted to use in my music. there's a very specific imagery in this album I wanted to capture. you look up the cover you might see what I mean. I wanted to capture this certain feminine adolescence. I really don't know how to describe it other than the words, the album art, and the font I used for the title, and the sounds. I was very very lonely throughout my whole life, and these times were no different. my music always reflected that. that's what this song is about. a certain bittersweet feeling of being alone in 2015 spring, absolutely saturated with the colors of those numbers and being 17 y/o me. I remember I started making this song because someone confronted me about making a big dsbm split. I started making this song and he didn't like it (wasn't depressing enough). so I just used it for my own projects.

track 2: abendfarben (evening colors)
I tralked in depth about this song already when I talked about the Demo '11 version. https://www.patreon.com/posts/sadness-51226161 

track 3: trostlosigkeit... (desolation? I suppose)

created: Wednesday, April 1, 2015 at 11:23 AM

this song has no lyrics, it's just music directly about my feelings. I can't say I remember exactly what I put into it emotionally, but it was most likely just unconcious music that I decided to make with no literal concept besides the inherent one that comes from naturally making music out of some emotional intention

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Born an abomination - 2013 https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_luuUbv77UTZ2Y9fSTLL6YHYzMynb24saY
this is a compilation of songs like the 2012 one but, you guessed it, from 2013. except I messed up and I realized too late that the first track was actually from 2012.... oh well. if you're unaware, born an abomination is the band I had with my friend tony in 2012-2013 wherein we played a weird mashup of different genres.. things like dsbm, doom metal, symphonic metal, emo, folk metal, etc... I've talked more about it in the other BAA post.

track one: traumatization by my mind's creation

created: Friday, October 19, 2012 at 4:22 PM
vocals added Wednesday, October 24, 2012

this song was made for a split album we did. another dsbm band called lemuria abysal or something like that. except this track is hardly dsbm. i mean it is? at first at least.. and then at some point I start shredding a powermetal guitar solo. I had no organization for different genre influences. but it's fine because it's really strange in a weird way. name one other band that sounds like born an aboination in all it's weirdness. I can't tell you what the song is about because I just made random music, and the one who had any lyrical concept would be tony, you can ask him but I doubt he still has these lyrics (actually I think these were improvised lyrics, in which case he was screaming about his feelings or something). this is probably a song that I made one day and the another day after school tony came to my house and recoreded the vocals while lsitening to the song for the dfirst time (this is how we made basically all our songs)

track 2: track two "Shores
created: probably May 3, 2013. we didn't record this at my house so I don't have the original session. this was in tony's basement. we literally just recorded a black metal jam track. this is completely unplanned. all recorded in one take. I played guitar and he played drums + sang. can't say much else about it, I don't remember what I was thinking about at the time so this is just stream of conciousness music.

track 3: Weeping meadows
created: Saturday, March 2, 2013 at 5:47 PM

finished Saturday, March 2, 2013 at 6:19 PM

this is just a pretty random piece of classical inspired music I made one day. at the time I was definitely listening to a lot of funeral doom metal and I was really interested in classical composition. can't say much about it cause it's really just music I decided to make one day. I don't think I had a specific concept in mind.

track 4: depression...

created: Friday, January 11, 2013 at 6:29 PM
this is one of the few songs that instead of tony coming to my house and recording his parts he did them at his house. so when I remastered the track I had to take  my original instrumental session, and mix the version with the vocals on top. this meant that it had all the isntruments in it but i used EQ to try and isolate just the vocal frequencies. again, this is tony's concept so I have nothing to say about what this song is about. I just made music one day.

track 5: memories
Thursday, June 13, 2013 at 11:57 AM
vocals added Saturday, June 15, 2013 at 11:18 PM

this one is just like depression in the sense that I had to mix the original track with the vocals on the insturmental session to remaster it. tony did come to my house to record but for some reason I lost his vocal tracks. tony told me once that this song was about imagining a spirit carrying him throughout all his precious memories (especially childhood). you can ask him for more details though I suppose. as far as my input, I just made a cool song.

track 6: untitled

created june 15 2013.
again, I just made a cool song. I don't even know what tony is singing about. he gave me lyrics to sing at the end though. there's a picture of me recording the singing vocals at the end, but I don't want to link it because I cringe everytime I see all those BAA [hotos

track 7: lumière suicidaire..
this track is just like shores in that it was literally just a big improv we recorded at tony's house. this time in his room. he gave a drum loop and his acoustic guitar and i Just made sounds for like 20 minutes. pretty sure this was Mar 19, 2013

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a nightlit poesy - hwaiting: ttps://anightlitpoesy.bandcamp.com/album/waiting
if you thought my singing was bad now you must listen to this. 15 y/0 damian literally could not sing . at all. how i could listening to myself record this and not think it was the worst sinign in the world is beyond me. I probably just didn't care, but I probably also didn't have the ears to truly hear how bad something sounded (this is very aparent with how bad my production sounded back then too.) for the remaster I pitch corrected all the singing (even deleted some because it was unsalvageable) and really had to clean up some of the production. there are so many things that made my production back then terrible (terrible volume levels, peaking frequencies, clipping everywhere, zero vocal compression, etc etc etc etc etc). I really had no idea how to mix music ( but I had to start soewhere I suppose). you can notice a progression in the way my music sounds and it's purely trial and error, and maturing ears. so the remaster doesn't sound that bad but please, do not listen to the original mixes. seriously the worst singing ever. of course this album is really old and I didn't give it a super polished remaster because that's way too tedious and also I like to preserve some of the ametuer essence in the sound. reall not worth chaning the entire sonic flavor. so it still sounds bad but at least it's somewhat listenable.

track 1: live for
Thursday, May 2, 2013 at 5:03 PM


I saw her
I saw her face
I saw the field how it used to tuck me into celluloid
as if, I never knew outside of my nest
I knew how to fly

I know why they'd scribe with a feather

II imagine a man born amongst the whales, oh his wet feathers
why his wings would weep with his arms and sway with his body over the obituary
not a flower in his hand

I dream of a girl, who knows the night
who's heard those souls cry
who knows the breaths without hope
who wears the veil
in my dreams I hear her voice
to her a flawed tremble
to me, the impecable tune of grief and life

porque no se desafina una sirena

I see a man with a bow in hand
and the courage to tame his violin, with ecstacy and innocense
a note on his arm reads a life of sorrow
with a face, which has dragged through lightless mornings
a wrinkle at a time
I listen to his smile
and I wonder, should my last page sharp a, seeing if
or should I wait to end with what could be"

honestly this is one of the worst things I've read in my life. probably my least favorite lyrics I've ever written. but I suppose at the time I thought they were cool. I don't even really know what most of this is about, but I know that at the time i was a very nostalgic person and I felt like the zest of life lived in my memories and I wanted desperately to return to this state of purity from before. that could be part of it, but there are other things in there that I really don't know what I'm talking about (mostly the metaphorical things). the first part is projecting a perfeect encounter I wish I could experience through someone I knew, (not necesarily that I imagined that person, but that this person waas what existed in my presence to inspire this burning desire now that I'm that much closer to it). also you can probably tell that not all of the lyrics are included in the song. the song was probably never truly finished. also I deleted some of the vocal tracks because they were honestly, so , so fucking bad.

track 2: agiáne
created Monday, May 6, 2013 at 5:04 PM
looking at the page in my notebook where I wrote the lyrics I actually had spelled the title "Agaíane"
don't ask me wtf that means. it was probably a more interesting and subconious way to say the word "again", in a way that removes it from familiarity and can exist more purely in my own personal heartspace.

"live awoken by a somber friend, who speaks to me of poetry and desire, who tells me of the triste in trees and the haunt in clarity
where the mist in despair, and the rain in gloom
how the wind cries and the birds sing
indeed, the melody scribed on canvas

what call do you wait for? he asks... I see the girl in you,
will I be heard by in your solitude? I've heard you cry, but if you remember that place that called you... it was me
and that was retaining

I can give you what I didn't take of you
find the place
find the sanctuary
and breathe"

I really don't know what any of this means. I'm pretty sure I'm talking about (like I mentioned in the previous song) wanting desperately to return to a forgotten state of being, and I could truly hold that in my hands if I found a certain place

track three: waiting

created Saturday, October 27, 2012 at 10:21 PM

this is actually my longest song ever. there are no lyrics or anything and no concious concept, again, I was just making music. whatever concept or theme this song has is subconcious projection from my meditative trance whenever I make music. I can vividly remember the spaces I felt when recording this. its' hard to describe, but very specific to late 2012 damian. the things I was feeling and the places I would go to in my head were very interesting and this song pretty much sounds just like it. this was going to be a born an abomination song but tony said fuck that

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ser - eria

this album is really interesting to me. a whole lot of ambient and experimental music. this is how the project "ser" was born. it was originally a side project from born an abomination. the very first song I made for this project was eria. I guess my intention at first was to make noisy experimental ambient abstract themed music. the album cover was originally something else until I realized it was already an album cover

track one: nadie
created Saturday, February 16, 2013

this song was titled "home" back then. I was listening to a lot of silent whale becomes a dream. this song "and track 2" were inspired by my loneliness and identifying with a character from full metal alchemist. I think it was full metal alcehmist. it wasn't the brotherhood, but whatever the anime was where there's this feral boy with really long hair that doesn't know how to integrate with normal humans. I felt so identified. the lack of social skills and absolute obliviousness when it comes to how to interect with others, extremely sensitive emotions and delicate triggers, and deep, deep feeling of being lost/far from home. not to mention the really long hair (that was my big obsession back then). I suppose the "home" was refering to how in some way, I never felt truly at home. in the way a feral child might not truly feel at home

track 2: el deseo
created Saturday, February 17

I made this song in conjunction with the first track. the original file name was "long", and this is definitely in refernece to my constantly longing.

track 3: eria
Wednesday, May 29, 2013 at 5:50 PM

"Have you seen that flower closely?

It shed past itself

It shed us"

i imagined a flower, and looking at this flower you would fall into this trance and start crying, crying voicelessly but sounding like the sreams in the song, the screams have the colors of the walls in this dreamspace I imagined. I imagined that the flower would shed it's petals and this would trigger something extremely intense. the space I imagined was very similar to a space from my elementary school. "eria" is what I called the flower

track 4: cada día (every day)
Sunday, June 16, 2013 at 10:07 PM

i can't seem to find the lyrics. oh well. I was basically whining and crying about my constant emotional suffering. I felt so stronlgly that there was something deeply missing in me. a lot of things. one of them was definitely my gf at the time who was long distance. I was probably crying about that too


track 5: cold sound

I lost the original session so I don't know when I made this, but it was definitely in august. I know this because the song was inspired by a cold sound. cold sound doesn't refer to the audio, the "sound" is a body of water. when I was a kid I lived in westport connecticut, and that august in 2013 I happened to visit. I remember there was one day I was walking outside in the middle of the night and i went down to the local beach, which is right on the long island sound (the body of water between long island NY and the coast of CT). the water was cold and I would dip my hands into it, looking towards the midnight horizon. it made me feel something very partiucular. I wanted to capture this lonely feeling, and that's where the song comes from. it's not just the cold water, but also the general way I was feeling, saturated further by my solitude and aimless wanderings in the night


track 6: somewhere along the path
I lost the original session so I don't know when I made this. definitely either july or august, probably august
I don't remember if I actually used these lyrics, but I was probably thinking about this thing I Had written sometime earlier that year

"look at her
there layed in the street
what elegance, to stroke her feathers
it may not be easy to grace a bird until it's dead
perhaps I will earn their trust. as one of them
And I will soon fly"

I remember one day thinking about how (unless you have experience with birds) the most likely you'll be able to touch one is if it's dead. I probably didn't at these lyrics to the final song, but I know that the final song was definitely isnpired by the words "somewhere along the path". I don't really remember what I meant by that

track 7: we

I found this within the files for this album. it's probably part of the really long ambient song on this album but i wasn't about to listen to see if it was or if it was something else. so I just assumed it was something else. april 23 2013. this wasn't actually on the original bandcamp release but I found it when i was remastering the audio, so now it's a track on the album

track 8: ...somewhere on the path
Monday, July 15, 2013 at 6:14 PM
finished: Monday, July 15, 2013 at 7:56 PM
this song is absolutely insane to me because I do not remember making this at all. this is strange because I normally remember making absolutely everything ever, all the thousands of things I've recorded, but this? blew my mind when I found this in my files. this obviously wasn't originally on the album but I included it now because well it makes sense. I wont know why I didn't include it before. some of the guitar parts are things i composed when i was 11 actually. there's a lot speaking, and idk what I was saying. I was just randomly saying whatever was coming into my head. this song is so mysterious to me. when I found it I Was absolutely fascinated.

track 9: con el alma de la noche... (with the soul of the night)
Friday, April 26, 2013 at 11:28 PM
not sure what I can say about this. I just made ambient sounds for about 40 minutes. at first the file was named wanderlust but I think both that and "night" were inspiring me. I don't really remember what the meditative trance I was in was like. I made this using only my voice and the piano at my house ( I think). at least I remember making this on my piano. for a period of time my computer where I made music was on top of my piano, so every time I made music I would be at my piano too. and when i made this song i remmeber playing with the piano and making sounds with my voice

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ser - ebnele https://sermusic.bandcamp.com/album/ebnele

this is the worst produce album I've ever made. truly, this is so bad. remastering this was such a chore. in the end it still doesn't sound that great but you couldn't pay me to try and fix that terrible recording. one of the biggest problems was that in september/october 2013 I used literally, the worst microphone you could ever use. before I used to always use USB microphones that came with rok band on the Wii. but for some reason I didn't have one anymore, or maybe I did and I thought it would be a good idea to use the worst microphone in the universe. literally I grabbed the microphones from my parent's karaoke machine. and for whatever reason thes emicrphones constantly produced a booming 20herz spike that was completely inaudible but absolutely destroyeed the entire mix because it would take up all the headroom and clip and create all these unecessary problems. also the microphones were always extremely quiet. idk why this happened because you'd think these microphones worked fine on a karaoke machine. but for some reason on the computer it sounded terrible. not only that, but I did not have an ear for music production so I definitely didn't hear anything wrong with anything. and even if I could, either i mixed on the internal speakers on my Imac or I used the worst headphones of all time (beats my dr dre LMAO they were my brothers). the point is in the original recording there is so much going wrong. at the same time I Had absolutely no idea how to mix anything. things were either way too loud or too quiet, no frequiency control.. just a huge mess. it's a shame because this otherwise would've been a cool album if I made it now for example. also I was a terrible vocalist.. but anyway. oh and the title is basically "elende" backwards which is  misery in german

track 1: principium
october 13? I think. 2013
principum because it begins the album. the original file name was "two trees" which is what I called the poem

"Two trees enbranch as rain fell to bid farewell to their departure. For every soft euphrasic lent of the flowers the world holds an erian glimpse of mortal love, and earthly sorrow... Her tears wept away to the fog, in mistful hideous agony and abending laughter, slowly all fluttering cheer falls to the light in a desolate scape, which illuminates those crest falling flakes unto a blanket of winter's end.  

To all a wander's perfection, so much of a sky even to fall with the weight of; Still dressed by an ebony flower, and bridled down a fickle trail."

track two: abandoned
october 14 2013? I think

the file was called oeunosenin, which is the word "one" in three different languages mixed together. don't remember what significance that had. "abandoned" because I was abandoned. I felt very broken.

"Swallow-less pearls, why... For thus is in midst of yearning swan song , bewildered of trust and embrace in begging surface your eyes...so loved, and of silent prayer basked in trees, such a rapturous tear queens forgotten."

track three: a most
october 23 2013? I think
"a most heartfelt beg" is actually what I called parts of trhä - dôlh when I recorded them in 2013. this song is about being heartbroken and begging on my knees.

"It hurts beyond such shivered snow to have no one to share these fallen birds As though all deserted laments wail for a love so far And should these mournings bring rise to autumn I would dance alone and cry...  I wonder how you sleep How you gaze and laugh ... if you've become so lost to my heart than myself...

a most heartfelt beg
please
love me..."

track four: one for the purely somber

november 10 2013? ( I don't know when I made these songs because the "created" information is lost on the file, I'm just going off what it says for "finished")

melancholy.

track five: they're so beautiful
I don't know. don't trust any of these "created" dates because like I said, that's whtn the song was finished. but this says november 11 2013. this song is about my ex gf's scars. in fact the original song was "your scars" but I changed the name for some reason

track six: alone
october 21 2013?
surprise surprise, this song is about being alone. I have been very lonely throughout my life but I was never as truly alone as august 2013-march 2014 (during this time I had zero contact with anyone) I didnt even use social media, all of it was deleted. I spent every moment of every day all by myself making music or walking aboutside or something alone. didn't even intereact with my family and didin't talk to a single person at school. but yeah I was pretty lonely. the song reprises a melody I've repeated a couple of times from this song https://damianantonojeda.bandcamp.com/track/ensom-liten-jente-iii-july-19-2012-2. the remaster is actually missing some viola tracks because they got deleted somehow (and no, in absolutely no way is the original mix salvavgeable lmao)

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ser - elope and forgotten https://sermusic.bandcamp.com/album/elope-and-forgotten

there is no, zero way I'm going to talk about what any of these songs mean or their lyrics. this (and in fade of memories) are the most deeply personal albums I've ever made. they were actually made in conjunction, and specific succession where in fade of memories would be the 7th ser album, and elope and forgotten would be the 7 1/2th album. this makes sense considering the plans i had for the album which never ended up really happening...... .
all of these songs were from 2014. I released the album in 2018 because I decided to finally just release it and in fade of memories. in fade of memories was never truly finished but I wanted to release it anyway, and I couldn't release this one first. (in fade of memories was incomplete because I never truly finished a couple of tracks, but theyre on there now)

scars - july 14 2014
imperfect - unknown, but definitely july 2014
a home from nowhere - unknown, but likely summer 2014, if not november 2014

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left alone... - home find me

this album is about wanting to go home. wanting to find home. feeling so alone and misplaced, saturated by warm late-spring nights

track one - left alone: Friday, May 29, 2015 at 6:00 PM

"Desolate… alone… cold…
Cries of pain and emptiness and somber loneliness
Screaming into the serenity of a desolate forest
As desolate as me…
Where no one can hear me
No one has ever heard my pain
My sorrow
Falling into the blue serenity, I’m so cold…
Mourning trees hang
Branches cry…
The rain caresses my face, as tears fall, and my voice quivers
it hurts…. So much…."

this song has an unintential dark-jazz feel. pretty cool

track two - einsam (lonely): Monday, May 11, 2015 at 9:46 PM

I vividly remember writing these ylrics outside in  my backyard on the playgrdoun staring into the nightsky

"Cold under moonlight
the sounds of my ever lingering pain
the pain and despair never goes away….
I crawl through these days
so empty and cold and alone"

track 3: so cold...
I don't know when I made this because I can't find the original file (had to remaster the mp3 bounce) but it was definitely may 2015.


"So mourn the trees above me
The somber aria falls so cold… here in the veil of a blue dusk
In beyond the branches the funeral in solitude
alone crying with the rain that falls
Beautiful nature in the somber aching of a crying heart
and tears fall so bitterly sad

Faded veils of lonely branches
Against the sorrow of a widowed grave
clasped by the night its morose and wistful remembrance of painful moments
and I stand here… so cold….so alone……"

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left alone... - demo.
this album doesn't exist digitally but it's gonna be on spotify soon. it's weird for me to upload these so openly on spotify. I always intended this kind of music to be a mysterious artigavt that only exists on tape. a forgotten demo. but whatever. the original recording was extremely quiet anyway

this is how left alone started. why I decided to make a new project aside from sadness? I don't remember. probably because the music was darker, had a more fitting name, but I'm not sure

I won't share the lyrirs because they are extremely personal

both songs created january 28 2015

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a nightlit poesy - brittle structure https://anightlitpoesy.bandcamp.com/album/brittle-structure-2

this was probablyy the hardest album for me to remaster. why? because there's os much singing.  2013 me was so bad at singing. and i mean turly terrible. my pitch was so bad. I had to pitch correct sooooo many vocal tracks on this album (doesn't help that I always layer vocals) so there were so many voal layers and all of them were badly performed. truly unlistenable. not to mention it sounded terrible anyway because I didn't know how to produce music at the time. I definitely spent a few days remastering this one.

track one: unknown (Thursday, May 30, 2013 at 3:56 PM)

"it screeches into my ears, the echos, that bounce off the silence. and i could stare into the headlights of the passing cars that seem to be going somewhere. and it wont blind me, because i couldnt even see anything, even if theres bright piercing lights surrounding, i could still hear the echos so vividly, as if i were dreaming

if the broken pieces of the mirror were so fragile, it coulndt have been so much for the jagged edges to be able to scratch thought the ground, it couldnt be read, still as the river flows though the town at night, as all the night time stars look down upon us all, it hurts to think who looks up, instead of the letters hidden somewhere, and those pieces couldnt be back together.

these are two seperate things I wrote on november 7 2010 that I decided to use for this song. I like the song, but it doesn't really do the original sentiment honesty since damian in november 2010 was very different from damian in june 2013. the words are stream of conciousness, abstract heartwords from some inner part of my being that doesn't filter through my thought patterns

track two: shattered
created Thursday, June 6, 2013 at 8:07 AM
finished Thursday, June 6, 2013 at 6:28 PM

I made this song immedeately after receiving disappointing news. I felt so shattered that I made a whole song about how i was feeling. at the end I wrote "It feels like winter. the breaking of the glass". I don't really remember what that meant

track 3: Seering, willing clouds
creatd Friday, July 5, 2013 at 12:06 PM
finished Friday, July 5, 2013 at 9:33 PM

I made this song the day after 4th of july when I went to the sears tower in chicago and watched the firewords from the top of the building. there was something beautiful about the colors in the skyline and I guess I made a song about it. "seering" and "willing" because the tower was once called the sears tower and then it was called the willis tower. lmao.

"Glancing by for an hour at end, as the eye collapses an ariditive frost, fsharp sky, minorly the cloud of gracing man and empty light, at a low vox to those seeming hands, slowly biding farewell to me as I watch from a bird's eye. No blue mountains"

track 4: for now... (Monday, August 5, 2013 at 12:16 PM)
this song is about a personal event in my personal life. I won't go into detail. (super dense story, I'd love to tell, but I don't overshare such information)

"if not the most beautiful face one can dream of
to touch you with a soul that which I've beared in poetry and desire, to kiss with the beautiful scent of your lips, and touch the skin, connecting fingers that played and danced through youth and shed tears and pain... the most profound beating of my heart, and I lay into your chest, rest my head to sleep in love, the trees and the wind call our name and the falling sun holds for the moment, my enamored, starlike stare in the chilly autumn rain, how I gaze into your infinite dreamworld, stardust and vastness, a deep ocean I sink and feel my heart at home, embraced by her mother, and loved by his bride.. as the doors close and the train leaves my sorrow weeps.. I cry and tear and sob because I never wanted to leave, I need you here, I cry and cry as I live into the night, my fragile heart can't tame for words... I need to hear your voice singing the power of love, and your face, as I cry, cry... for now the solitude will haunt me.. through cold brisk seasons, for now.. please don't let go"

track 5: the blue side of the sun
created Wednesday, August 7, 2013 at 2:18 PM
finished Wednesday, August 7, 2013 at 7:37 PM

this song is aboutthe tone of blue in the sky when the sun is only beginning to set. I didn't write any lyrics so everything I'm saying was improvised

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born an abomination - seasonal depression https://bornanabomination.bandcamp.com/album/seasonal-depression

I kind of hate this album. I don't hate the songs I just hate the way they sound. these are just songs we had already made demos of but we recorded them in a studio. and by studio I mean an independent audio engineer who was still only just starting out. you probably already know that I truly love ameteur recordings, I love raw recordings whose sound reflects how primitve and young the music is. the problem is that nowadays that essence isn't really captured in a beautiful way. if this album had been as ameteurly recorded as the tools to do so, it would have been great. but making music is so easy and the tools to do so are basically professional and ready. what i mean is that any ametuer can make their music with professional sounding amp sims, professioinal sounding drum samples, but in my opinion when high end tools are used to make an ameture product it just doesn't sound good. if the quality of the recording reflected our level of expereince it would have been a really nice record, but instead the mismatch of sounds andn the way they were put together really doesn't sound right to me. at least for "I can't live like this anymore" the producer used cubase but I think the rest was reaper. I think that if you're going to go into a studio it might as well sound really really professional but there are things on this record that are definitely not professional, and it can't be masked by low wuality recording tools (demo quality tape reels, low quality mics, low quality mixboard/interface etc) because it literally just sounds like professional sounding instruments badly recorded and mixed. whatever the point is I don't like it. I'm still uplading it because I made it a point to upload my entire discography and also some people really like these songs so I applaud them for finding something enjoyable out of the music. oh lmao and the last song has the worst singing. that song "snowfall" was originally sung by this girl melissa that tony and I knew in school. one day she came over and sang the demo version with such a beatutiful voice.. when it came time to record in the studio we had to find a replacement and she just.. wasn't as good. also I didn't remaster this because obviouslyt I don't have the original sessions (even if the producer had them you couldn't pay me to sit and tediously work on this garbage album, plus the track list is too long) I'm just going to forget about this album

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Ser - Lánima - https://sermusic.bandcamp.com/album/l-nima

"lánima" is a word I made up to describe an aspect of the soul that sounds like this music. probably the most disquiet thing I've recorded. of course the original recordings were absolutely terrible. I actually remastered this album like 4 times over the years. the original recordings were unlistenable. zero volume control, and then the loud parts would be a million times too loud and would just force you to have to raise and lwer the volume dramatically. for this remaster I didn't bother cleaning up a lot of the harsh frequencies because that's kind of the sound of the aesthetic. it fits, and also this isn't a very accesible album and never will be. most likely won't be liked.

track one: where (october 12? 2013)

the lyrics were something I Had written in my school notebook a long time before, not sure when.

"I've always shaken to question Where will she come from. will she drag through a path or roll off my tongue... like sand.. she fell through what I thought were fingers, unchaste. rough with dry, otherself human love. did she give me. I ask myself where, where did I let her fall.. where is she... where in me...

I wonder.. who is in this space with me... if anyone..."

track two: her ghost by the piano (october 16? 2013)

i imagined literally what the lyrics are describing "A lonely widowed woman, by dust and shrouded fog weeps alone in her decrepit chair, clothed by her sheek white maidful drapery, cindered like a beaten shrew, reflecting in her cold, brittle room where she slept, and where she read at her desk with a flickering lamp. In her solitary despair , after her last frozen tear falls she bleeds into the cold, frigid bath. Her arms weak and fragile, she rests her head and all ends in cold, gritted stone.  As her ghost sulks by day to the sound of laughter, children play in the woods, every night she haunts in the room, where sick and desperate love once was, where all was once stood... If not a beautiful young girl, much like her, to present into the dark few notes, a lullaby for the dearly hauntful."

track 3: Strapicce (I have no idea, probably october, maybe november)

"In the shrill of her writhing nocturne by the brisk of herb and dusk, the evening trees, such cold brittle feathers cry of endless lone and bitter saturnine. She laughs and scars, tears edges of butterfly wings and mals of gritted canvas; the window lit floor parses and aches for winds through unnerving heartache. She lightly sings a melody and pulls her arms of trembled branches, loves and longs in helpless denial, and she quivered a name...  Brought to bear and petrichor of blood and sparrows' tears to fly amongst forlorn rain. A helpless, afflicted precessional towards amore and leaves, uttering few sonnets along death to moon. Lash of her arm up to ever oak ash, she yells.... "Luciana!!!! DieVehr a lovet... I lucidly vain..." She whispers her sanity a blood rose clover of seven memories... and cries.... Oh love her autumn, said love and as the soles of Lucy cut a rite on her heel she sculpts swallowed touch and embraces. She watches her ache and despair, her evoked pallor, a captive chant to beg a lust, for just one moment....  Where were you... for three, drei, lone eclipses...."

I can't truly talk about this without getting demasiado personal. the word "Strapicce" I invented to describe this certain feeling that the song captures. this song (and the rest of the album really) is a psychotic desperation, unconciously dragging and throwing my body towards an invisible intention. something so profoundly missing in my heart.

track four: dress up for no one (probably november)
this is extremely personal, without oversharing it's basically about being so utterly alone. the girl crying is something I found on youtube and actually used many times in my music. but this is probably the best application of it

overall this is probably my most intense album of all time.

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born an abomination - winter depression https://bornanabomination.bandcamp.com/album/winter-depression-demo

songs about winter. made in winter. I don't have any lyrics or anything because that's tony. as far as me, I was very sinpired by winter and cold. the cold sound of the guitars wasn't even a concious effort, this just happened. subconciously the tone of my music seemed to reflect the seasons, because the guitars sounded much different in the music I was making during that autumn and summer.

melankoliska vinter
Friday, November 9, 2012 at 9:49 AM
Friday, November 9, 2012 at 2:05 PM

it's odd that some of these songs say I made them on a school day during school hours.. but actually I think I remmeber that I skipped school that day and just made music. tony came over and we finished the song (I know early november isn't winter)

winter depression (Friday, November 2, 2012 at 6:16 PM)

okay I'm surprised this says november... hmmm. well I do rememebr working on this song in winter too, tony dfefinitely added vocals on december 7th