Office Perks, Chapters 1 & 2

Tatianna sighed, drumming her fingers against the steering wheel as she stared down the morning’s traffic. This was the absolute worst she’s ever dealt with, and as she stretched her neck forward she saw a sea of red brake lights for miles. Great. She thought, the bleariness of sleep still dissipating from her mind.  Is it going to be like this every morning? While the young professional was no stranger to the morning rush, a coveted promotion at work had landed her a new title and a relocation to the company headquarters downtown, hence the standstill traffic. This meant waking up an hour earlier just to arrive at work at the exact same time. She sighed again, then yawned. 

Tatianna hadn’t slept well the night before, more out of excitement than nerves, and she was worried the bags under her eyes and constant yawning would give her away. She’d been working for Teleremidus Inc. for nearly three years and basically ate, breathed, and slept work. Advancing her career was all she’d really cared about, and she’d lost friends, given up her hobbies, and dedicated all her free time to climbing the corporate ladder. All that work, all that stress, and all those nights spent sleeping on her office floor had finally paid off, and her reward was more than her new six figure salary and VP title. She was going to get to be the type of high powered executive she’d always imagined. She had her own office in the newly renovated company headquarters with all the perks she could dream of. She had her own assistant for God’s sake, an honest to god assistant, just for her. All the late nights studying for exams in university and the years of working in her dilapidated former office would be worth it, well worth it. 

The first time she toured the headquarters during her interviews she’d been shocked. All the amenities anyone could ask for, spas, saunas, gyms, pools, even a bowling alley. And the food. The mouth watering smells floating from the hallway the tour group was approaching indicated they were about to enter a cafeteria, but when the ceiling height double doors swung open Tatianna didn’t believe what she saw. Row after row after row of steaming buffet tables laden with more food than she’d ever seen in her life created tidy aisles throughout the center of the enormous, circular room. A ring of tables and booths encircled the buffet tables, and on the outer circle, built directly into the walls like a mall food court, was at least a dozen restaurants Tatianna had never heard of with names like ‘Cook for it!’ and ‘Too Tasty’. The tour guide had proudly informed them that world class gourmet chefs staffed each restaurant in the building, and employees could order whatever they wanted whenever they wanted. 

“Just another perk!” the tour guide had chimed. And the edible perks didn’t end there. Tatianna’s office was stocked with a midsized mini fridge crammed full of sodas, juices, assorted chocolates, and honey roasted nuts, every floor was dotted with complimentary ID badge operated vending machines, and the building’s lobby had the cutest little coffee shop with pastries and sandwiches. 

She was finally getting the treatment she deserved. Tatianna shivered at the thought of one more tepid swallow of the instant coffee she had been forced to drink at the old office. Teleremidus Inc. had plenty of regional offices, and from what she heard each one was worse than the last. Her last office was located in the heart of the warehouse district known for low cost real estate and the nearest convenience store was over 10 miles away, so she could forget about a close restaurant or coffee place. The building had been freezing cold in the winter, boiling hot in the summer, and the only ‘perk’ ever provided was the occasional company T-shirt. Even if that location had provided free food she wouldn’t have eaten it, the area had a huge rat problem and any food employees stored would disappear overnight. 

Tatianna had spent every waking hour in that office, working late into the night and surviving off sink made instant coffee and Luna energy bars, worrying her friends and family to death about how pale and thin she was getting, just for this moment. She was going from a workplace where she couldn’t eat for fear of rats to one where she can get a 5 course meal for free. Apparently the company’s executives preferred to spend their real estate budget on their own offices.

Tatiannas heart quickened through the drive as she approached her exit, and all the anxieties she’d been too busy to experience came bubbling to the surface. What if she couldn’t keep up with her new workload? What if she didn’t fit in with the professional crowd? She shifted in her seat, shimmying her shoulders to try and situate her top better. She knows she can’t lie, her mothers recent complaints of her recent emaciation weren’t exaggerated. She was wearing the very same white button up shirt that she’d worn for her first interview with Teleremidus Inc. over three years ago, but now she’s positively swimming in it. Her single minded focus on work in a rat infested office that didn’t even have a microwave meant food was the last thing on her mind, and in the last few years she’d gotten thinner and thinner. 

Tatianna frowned lightly as she flicked her blinker to exit, thinking of the last conversation she’d had with her mother about her weight. Her mom was so worried about her, concern that Tatianna knew was completely unfounded. It’s not as if she doesn’t want to eat, she just didn’t have time. She’d had a goal, she had a promotion to achieve. She was finally going to be able to take better care of herself like she’d promised. Her mother hadn’t let her leave that conversation without at least promising to start eating breakfast, but with a new hour-long commute and meetings starting as early as 8am, she much preferred the taste of a few extra minutes of sleep. 

Tatianna finished the last few minutes of her commute with her stomach in knots. She was so nervous she almost felt silly, recognizing how absurd it was for a grown woman to feel the giddy nerves of a first day at a new school. She pulled into a close spot in the nearly empty parking lot, unsurprised she was among the first people there. She had purposely arrived much earlier that morning, partially to leave a buffer just in case she’d gotten lost, but mostly to stand out as one of the very first executives to arrive. Just because she’d gotten the promotion she dreamed of didn’t mean her corporate ambitions were quelled, and she had a plan to be on the senior VP track in just under 5 quarters. This meant being impressive, it meant long hours, and most of all it meant being in the office. Teleremidus Inc. viewed presence as commitment, and the number of hours an employee logs checked into their office building is taken into account when the topics of promotions arise. In fact, her most recent promotion had been awarded in part because of her many nights spent on the scratchy, lint piled carpet of the regional office (nights that she perhaps could’ve gone home, but still). She was willing to do whatever it took to get to senior VP, and at least at headquarters the carpets are plush.

After taking a moment to steel herself, Tatianna grabbed her slim briefcase and opened the door. She stood up, smoothed down her skirt, adjusted her nearly billowing shirt so it sat more squarely on her shoulders, and began to make her way to the door, her short heels clacking rhythmically beneath her. She looked down at her watch. It was only 7:37, her abundance of caution had made her even earlier than she’d intended. 

She scans her badge and pulls open the front door, only to immediately have her badge rescanned by an intimidatingly tall security guard who gives her a warm smile. She gave him a tight one in return, the nerves rising back up in her throat. 

“Last name Cosinger?” he asked. She nodded quickly and he grinned in return, almost as if he knew how silly she felt for being so nervous. “I see you’re new,” he continued, still grinning. “How?” Tatianna blurted too quickly. “Is it on my badge, my badge says that?” “No, no nothing like that, nothing to worry about. No, it’s just cause you’re here, nobody that actually has an office here gets in anywhere before 10.” Tatiannas eyes widened. 10am? By 10am she’s usually completed hours of work, by 10am….”Go ahead and put your briefcase and jacket here and walk through there,” the guard said, interrupting her thoughts as he gestured her through the sleek metal detectors. “Empty your pockets,” he reminded. Tatianna did what she was told then turned back toward the guard to grab her things. 

“People really don’t come till 10?” she asked him incredulously. “At the earliest,” he replied with a shrug. “Good luck on your first day.” She flashed him a quick, distracted smile and hurried on, trying to process what she’d just learned. How could it be possible that executives at Teleremidus arrive that late? How can they get work done, how do their morning meetings not bleed into their afternoon ones? For as long as she’d been working for Teleremidus she’d received a daily agenda absolutely packed with tasks, and the more responsibility she got the more tasks she was expected to accomplish. While working at the operations manager level she often worked 13 hour days, and since being a VP was a step up she assumed that meant longer days with more complex problems. How were the other executives getting that done with a 10am start time? 

In her distraction she doesn’t notice that she’s nearly to the elevators and, stifling another yawn, decides to take a detour to the lobby’s coffee shop for a pick me up. Caffeine was her only vice, but what Tatianna lacked in diversity she made up for in quantity, usually drinking 6+ cups a day. Tatianna always drank her coffee black, her old office had no fridge and keeping sugar around would’ve attracted bugs. This is what she worked for, these are the perks, and she’s gonna take full advantage. 

Chapter 2

“Hi there,” said the barista exuberantly as Tatianna approached, flashing a beaming smile so wide all her teeth were visible.  “You’re new!” she said brightly when Tatianna reached the counter. 

“Oh,” said Tatianna, taken aback. “No. Well I mean yea. I am new, but I’m not early,” she said hurriedly. “I mean I am early but it’s not cause I’m new.” The barista tilted her head in confusion. “But I am new,” Tatianna continued, her face reddening. The barista continued to stare, still smiling. “I’m just saying I’ll always be here at this time, is all. I’m not here now just cause I’m new, I’ll be here every morning. I just like coffee and my old building…” she trailed off, realizing she was rambling. 

“Ok!” replied the barista, unfazed by Tatianna’s awkwardness. “What can I get you?”

Tatianna froze, realizing she should’ve gone over the menu before walking up to the counter to place her order. She had no idea what to get, no idea how people even go about ordering fancy coffee, and she began to panic as time filled with silence. 

“What’s your favorite?” she blurted out with just a bit too much urgency. She winced internally. 

“Ummm,” hummed the barista, seemingly oblivious to Tatianna’s social blunders. “Ummm,” she repeated, drawing out the sound. “Honestly everything is sooo good.” She squinted as if deep in thought, then finally declared, “Okay my favorite favorite favorite is the Creamy Caramel Cloud latte. Like if I could literally only have one drink it would have to be that it’s like literally everything.”

Tatianna relaxed a bit as the girl spoke, giggling internally about how much the young barista sounded like her younger cousin, a freshman in college. The younger people and their obsession with the word like had always tickled her for some reason, and she teased her cousin whenever she got the chance. 

“That sounds good, I’ll do that," said Tatianna. 

“Great,” the girl chirped. “I’ll have it ready soon!”

Unused to not paying, Tatianna drifted awkwardly away from the counter as the girl began to prepare her drink. She decided to take the time to actually see what she’d ordered, looking up to read the large print menu hanging above the counter. Her eyes scanned the bubble letter text for the creamy caramel cloud latte then flicked to the right, reading the description. ‘Sweetened condensed milk, heavy whipping cream, 2 shots of espresso, and burnt brown butter salted caramel syrup combine to create this heavenly caffeinated concoction’ it informed her. 

She shrugged. She had no idea how that would taste (the best coffee she’d gotten in the last three years had been from a 7/11) but at least it seemed expensive. She was here to get what she deserved, she needs her money's worth. 

She looks over to the pick up counter where she sees the barista has been waving her down. Ready! She says cheerily, I didn’t wanna yell. She hands Tatianna an enormous iced latte drenched in caramel, towering with whipped cream, and covered in caramel candy shavings. Tatianna was marveling at the size of the drink, mentally trying to calculate exactly how much it would cost from a Caribou or JavaSpot, when she noticed the barista was also pushing a thick paper bag already darkening with grease toward her. “What’s this?” Tatianna asked.

“Oh, all our drinks come with a corresponding pastry. You gottaaa eat them together it’s literally like 20 bagillion times better. The creamy caramel comes with two, it’s a caramel crumble muffin and a caramel crumble cake. Oh, and I totally threw in a croissant for you since you’re new. Or wait, like kinda new?” She corrected quickly, remembering Tatianna’s earlier reaction. “Like, you’ve just never been here before,” she finished decisively after thinking. “So I gave you the croissant, everybody is like literally obsessed with it.”

“Thank you,” said Tatianna. “Really, thanks.” The girl's cadence had disarmed her and she tucked her briefcase under her arm so she could carry her coffee and the overfilled paper bag. 

“I’m just nervous," she admitted. 

“It’s ok!” The girl responded, smiling wider. “I’m Claire, you’re for sure gonna meet like everybody but I always do mornings” 

“Yea. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

Tatianna walked out of the coffee shop and back towards the elevators, adjusting her grip on the XL latte. She wasn’t expecting a cold drink, and it looked more like a desert than a coffee. She pressed the up button, reflecting on how she’s gotten more from ten minutes in the new office than she’d ever gotten from three years in the old one. The button dings, and she steps in and presses 9. In five quarters I’ll be pressing 10, she thinks. Just a little over a year and I’m senior VP. 

The elevator doors slide open to reveal a gorgeously decorated floor more abandoned than the parking lot. The whole floor is simultaneously ornate and hypermodern, with sleek, oddly shaped chairs seated squarely in front of each assistant cubicle. The walls and fixtures were stark white and seemed to glow in the emptiness, and private offices with floor to ceiling windows line the wall. Tatianna heads towards hers, taking no time to soak in the moment. She had a daily agenda to complete. She opens her office door and sets down her briefcase, latte, and bag of pastries. The bag has darkened further, the butter laden treats leaving slick stains on the brown paper. 

She sits, boots up her computer, and checks her email. Zero unread messages. She reloads. Zero unread messages. She’s always received her agenda by now. She pulls out her work phone, first testing her wifi connection and then checking her email through the app. Still nothing. Is this why the executives get in late? When do they get their agendas? She looks around, unsure what to do next. I guess I’ll have to ask someone she decides, leaning back to test the capabilities of her new office chair. Her entire office is a dream; a top of the line adjustable desk with optional standing mode, an ergonomic, chiropractor designed chair with built in temperate control, posture optimization features, and adjustable armrests, her own mini fridge, and more storage space than she could possibly use. It made her old wooden desk covered in instant coffee stains look like a back alley. 

Remembering her coffee, she unwrapped her straw, stuck it in, and took a sip. Her eyes flew open wide. She couldn’t believe it. Another sip, and another. She had never had anything so good in her entire life. She wasn’t even sure she knew a taste that good was possible, the rich, creamy, sugary sweet caramel with the light crunch and saltiness of the candied pieces, the fluffed airiness of the whipped cream and the thick, rich sludge of the latte itself was like drinking a diner milkshake. The light crunch of the blended ice was gritty with sugar and every sip spread languidly across her tongue, the syrupy drink moving through the straw like warm molasses. 

Tatianna felt nearly in shock. She’d spent so long denying herself any worldly pleasure so she could focus singularly on her goal, and now the decadent near milkshake was almost too much for her to handle. She was guzzling it now, only pausing between sips long enough to take a breath. Her stomach began to feel tight from all the liquid but she kept drinking, completely powerless to stop herself. She stopped only once the straws rattling noises made it clear the cup had been sucked dry. She took a few deep breaths, collecting herself. She wasn’t sure what had just come over her, she was just so surprised at how good the drink tasted it was like she went into a trance. She rubbed her stomach. That’s what I get for never prioritizing food for the last three years. The first thing I eat that’s actually good makes my stomach hurt. She continued to rub her stomach and checked the time. 8:03. She’d barely been here for 20 mins and she apparently still had two hours to wait. 

She sighed, refreshed her email, then sighed again.

With nothing else to do, she reached for the greasy bag, resolving to taste all three treats so she could know which one she wanted to get tomorrow. At least it would pass the time. She pulls out the muffin first and takes a bite, her eyes widening again as the flavors enveloped her. She immediately takes another bite, and another. Unbelievable. She had never seen a muffin that big and her three bites did no damage to its hulking size, so she took a fourth and a fifth. The muffin tasted like the caramel cloud latte made solid; light, fluffy, and delicate with sugary swirls of caramel throughout and a thick layer of dense, sweet chunks of crumble coating the top. 

She reached back into the bag for the cake, and then the croissant, alternating between bites of all three massive pastries at a rapidly accelerating pace. The perfectly golden, layered croissant was practically melting in her mouth, and she began shoving bites of it and bites of the massive hunk of cake into her mouth at the same time, savoring the intermingling of flavor between the moist, rich sweetness and the buttery flakiness. She wasn’t sure what took over her, if it was the years of deprivation, the nerves, or just the mind blowing taste, but she ate like a woman possessed, her head completely devoid of any thought that wasn’t about the dessert she was forcing into her mouth faster and faster. She took another huge bite of the muffin and let out an unexpected burp, a blush rising in her swollen cheeks while her hand sprang up to cover her mouth. She rubbed her taut stomach as she chewed, and then took another double bite of cake and croissant, nearly letting out a moan as she chewed for a second before shoving in another bite. She’d never acted like this before and she almost couldn’t believe herself, but she also couldn’t stop. 

She burped again then once more, wishing she had another latte to wash everything down as she shoved the last bite of croissant into her mouth. She then turned her full focus to the cake and muffin, alternating bites till nothing but crumbs covered her face and clothes. She looked around as if waking up from a daze. The office was still entirely empty, and after feeling suddenly self conscious she was suddenly glad no one was there to see her little indulgence. She was so full she felt dizzy, and she couldn’t believe she’d really finished everything. She groaned, resting a hand on her drum tight, protruding stomach. Now she was glad for the oversized shirt and the way it hid how bloated she truly was. She rubbed her stomach slowly in an attempt to ease her pain. She was just nervous, and bored, and unaccustomed to nice things. Her little indulgence was a one time thing. 

She checked her watch once more, flabbergasted to find it was only 8:34. There was nothing for her to do, nothing to organize, no one to email, no reports to write. She picked up a pen, spun it cumbersomely through her fingers, then set it down again. She sighed then sighed again. 

She tapped the edge of the desk, doing her best not to eye the empty latte cup still smeared with traces of caramel. She was so full. But also, more than that, she was still tired. It makes sense, she rationalized mentally. I mean, I barely slept last night, I had to wake up extra early, and I’ve usually had two cups of coffee by now. And that drink probably has way less caffeine than my regular black coffee. And I really can’t be tired when I meet the other executives. Despite the fullness in her stomach, she swears her mouth almost waters when she thinks about another latte. It’s the smart thing to do, she decides. It just makes sense, I need the energy. 

She pushed herself up with concentrated effort, careful not to jostle her pastry and cream filled stomach, and made her way to the elevator as fast as her enormous breakfast would allow. 

After securing another creamy caramel cloud and its adjoining pastries (plus a raspberry scone) Tatianna found herself back in her office sucking down her latte. She tucked the second greasy bag, even heavier this time, into her bottom drawer to eat later. She’d simply taken the pastries to be nice, but she had no intention of eating anymore for the rest of the week, much less today. She was far too full, all she really needed was more caffeine. She burped loudly as she sucked down the last of her second cream latte, then pulled the top of the empty cup to lick the remaining caramel from the top. She burped again, this time covering her mouth afterwards, and leaned back in her chair. She shouldn’t have downed the second drink so fast. She put both pressed hands onto her stomach which made her moan aloud. She felt even fuller now. Quite honestly, she felt more tired. She burped twice in a row, then let out another low moan. Maybe she wouldn’t get the caramel cloud anymore. Maybe black coffee would be better. She languors lazily in her chair as she digests, occasionally spinning herself in half circles and refreshing her email sporadically. 

By 9:40 there still wasn’t a soul on the entire floor, and a creeping combination of curiosity and boredom led her to maneuver her way to her feet for a second time. She didn’t understand how she was still so full. A walk would help, she reasoned. Walk it off. 

She left her office and examined the floor more closely. Each private office was decorated differently, and each had a wall of windows as its back wall and a large window panel directly next to the door, allowing her to see each room's uniqueness. The offices were dark but Tatianna made out the shapes of large leather chairs, artwork on the wall, she even swore she saw a bar cart. It’s the perks she told herself as she slowly perused the floor. 

Each assistant's desk was identical, with a free flow ergonomic work chair that allowed the user to sit in multiple positions tucked neatly into the wide, egg-shaped space carved out in the table. The user sat in the seat, adjusted their position, then slid the chair into the divet of the desk, thus leaving them with an ample workspace whether they chose to sit facing forward, facing to the left, or facing to the right. These desks were designed to increase efficiency for administrative work by allowing for more table space and (theoretically) more organization, but Tatianna wasn’t sure she believed that a desk could have any real impact on how fast you work. Wouldn't it feel claustrophobic to be surrounded on both sides like that? she thought. It’s a lot of space but it just somehow feels…confining. She dropped into the assistant chair in front of her own office, scooting herself in and swiveling around as if she had work on all three sides. 

She scooted the chair out and replaced it, admiring the design. 

She began to rub her overly full stomach again as she wandered around the rest of the floor, taking in conference rooms with wall sized screens, ID badge vending machines in each corner, and fresh flowers which sat on symmetrically situated decorative tables. There weren’t even any flowers growing in a 5 mile radius of my old office, much less fresh ones trimmed and brought in daily to sit in crystalline vases. Noticing the door for the women’s room, Tatianna grabbed the handle and went in, half expecting to open the door to the glow of gold plated toilets. The room was huge, with floor to ceiling mirrors on each wall and a huge row of brightly illuminated mirrors over a line of gleaming white sinks. Each khaki colored stall door was flush with the stalls door frame, and she bent down to double check that she was truly alone in there, wincing as the motion put pressure on her still tight stomach. 

Satisfied she was without an audience, Tatianna turned towards the mirror in front of her. She gave herself a once over, her hands instinctively reaching up to smooth the sprigs of dark hair that had willfully freed themselves from her sleek low bun. Her hair was too thick and too curly, truly just unprofessional in her mind, and she hadn’t had a haircut in more than three years. When would she have had the time? As her hair crept further and further past her shoulders it was more difficult to properly contain in its daily bun, and frizz abounded. It didn’t help that she’d been in such a rush to leave this morning, hence the ill fitting shirt. She adjusted it again, frowning in the mirror at how the fabric billowed around her arms and torso. Her legs looked spindly poking out from the bottom of her knee length pencil skirt, and the tights she wore were so loose they bunched lightly at the ankles. All her clothes fit like this nowadays, and she just couldn’t make time to get new ones. At least she could still wear them. Her gray pencil skirt had been gaping around her waist that morning, and two safety pins were serving as her makeshift belt. She was still achingly full, but the swell of her bloat was concealing entirely by the sagging folds of the oversized top. Despite her 5’5 frame she looked almost like a child playing dress up in her mothers clothes. 

This is unprofessional. She decides. I need to go shopping for things that actually fit. She takes out her cellphone, writes herself a reminder, and then stares back into the mirror. At least she didn’t look tired anymore. The bruise-purple bags under her eyes had completely disappeared, and the light makeup she’d slapped on in her mad dash to the car had been more skillfully applied than she thought. Her small eyes were framed with a veritable sea of jet black lashes, giving her a slight cat eye effect that was as enticing as it was simple. Her sallow cheeks were bright from a combination of blush and over fullness, and she wiped the side of her mouth, realizing a leftover cake crumb had lingered. She looked fine. Everything was going to be fine.

She checked her watch. 9:55, she better head back. She walked through the still empty floor to her office and sat down, nerves beginning to overtake her again. She drummed her fingers against her armrests quickly, eyes locked onto the elevator. 2 minutes passed. Then 5. Then 10. Tatianna felt frozen in place, the combination of her nerves and anticipation had rendered her absolutely motionless. Finally, finally she heard a ding and the numbers above the elevator began to rise. She sat up a little straighter and, to her horror, let out another tiny burp. The elevator passed the 6th floor then the 7th, then the 8th arriving at the 9th with a pleasant ding. Someone was here. It was go time.