♦ Big Guy and Little Dove ♦

Sorry ya'll, I'm currently in the middle of editing book 2 of the Kostrov Traces which is the book where these two fight just way too much (for valid reasons which makes it worse) so you'll have to accept my offering of them when they're actually sweet to each other T.T I love these sad old men too much man

✦•····•✦•···•✦

I talked a lot about their relationship online and the easiest term I've always found to describe them was queerplatonic partners.

It's something I deeply connect with when it comes to Rick, since he was asexual, and a part of the story I hold really dear to my heart, even though it doesn't exactly play a huge role besides just constructing how his relationships work in nature. He wasn't necessarily aromantic, in fact, he was quite obsessed with the idea of "love" in a purely emotional way and found it fascinating (even more so since he grew up in such a toxic home where love was never offered to him without manipulation).

For him, this meant he never really viewed people as merely esthetic beings. He didn't necessarily love people for their bodies, that often didn't even phase him if he even noticed it. He viewed bodies as vessels of the mind but only connected emotionally, and only really understood love as a purely intellectual concept. He cared incredibly deeply, however, and both Loretta and FJ never had doubt in how loyal and loving he really was.

He also felt a lot, and he felt everything very strongly, which hasn't always served him well. Rick wasn't exactly well known for his objectivity when his emotions spike up, and quite often, he felt it was his personal mission to make sure things are okay, just so he would prove that he was not repeating the same mistakes his own caretakers did when he was a child in need of protection. Often times, this meant he showered people he cared about with love. He was, in many ways, an incredibly safe and kind person to have as a partner. He was thoughtful, incredibly loving, and did whatever he could to provide his family with comfort and a loving home.

Unfortunately, he often forgot he had to care for himself if he wanted them to be happy as well. It's where his relationship with FJ really suffered during some of the darkest time in Rick's life. He was often prone to shower him with affection, only to turn around and show himself nothing but hatred, something FJ couldn't really understand. He didn't know Rick's entire story for a long time and couldn't understand how he could ever think he was anything but a wonderful man, so much so that Rick's emotional instability seemed unpredictable and alien. He was used to his stability and love, not the internal battles Rick was going through quite often.

It's what eventually drove them apart for a while, a moment where FJ, too, had to recognize that his love can never entirely fix the hole Rick had in his heart. He could never love him enough to help him heal if Rick didn't believe he could be healed at all.