"Lumen Travels: Muses In Wonderland"

Hours leading up to this event, driving from Boston MA to Rochester NY, I dreaded every mile.

My heart was heavy and I felt beyond crushed.

Only days before the event, I had learned of a deep-cutting betrayal

I was faced with the decision to attend and face the knife that stabbed me in the back.... or pull out of the event in complete avoidance.

As much as I wanted to avoid the strife, hiding from my problems was never my style.

So I continued to drive... feeling the heartache intensify as I drew nearer and nearer to my destination.

I replayed the conversations.

Trying to pin-point where I missed the deciet and how I was so stupidly oblvious.

Or just so painfully naive.

The news hit me like a ton of bricks...and then repeatedly.

I had learned that one of my closest friends, someone I assisted in building her career, had a love affair with the man I had been in a committed relationship with for nine months.

It broke me.

To finally understand I had been played on such an unnecessary level of cruelty.

(I'll spare this book from details but will share them in the book "The Heat".)

My shock was unbareable.

So I entered the event with the idea that I'd keep my head down and avoid her existence... at an event I had helped her get into.

However, as I entered, I came to realize many already knew her version of the story: "Lumen and I had a falling out and I'm worried that she's going to cause problems for me."

When I was told this, my heart wrenched... not only had the man I loved left me, I had also lost a friend that wasn't a friend at all.

So I decided to stand on the facts:

tell the truth but only if confronted.

And to my surprise, the support from the majority of models and photographers was incredible.

Yes, I did have a few breakdowns.

Naturally, my nervuos system could only manage so much brutal conflict.

But the love from the creators within the event was a huge step in my healing and recovery process.

I want to give a special appreciation to the new and magical friendships that were beautifully begun over the mourning of letting go of my hardships.... both Juliet and Krystal were my last minute roommates. They covered me in genuine care.

And of course, no other than Alice Antoinette, the event runner.

Alice took the time to discuss the matter with me and make sure I felt supported.

Its hard to put this euphoric experience into words.

It was a moment in time that I felt truly alive... I could still feel my pain but I could also feel my joy trying to relight itself.

I feel insanely lucky that this is the life I've been gifted <3

And forever grateful for the Muses event and the humans within it.

Muses brought healing to my heart and I walked away a little less broken after having to face the situation head on. <3

@autoxtl2 , Boston MA

Location -Muses in Wonderland 2023