Someone asked to see actual images of my old notebook, as mentioned in episode 306, so please enjoy these scans that make it look even more like I'm a fucking murderer:
2018-08-31 12:57:25 +0000 UTC
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Daddy needs new shoes and the only way he's going to get them is if you listen to this lil podcast o' mine.
Gav tried to trick people with meat? Whoa! Steve tells a sexy little story about Spider-man's nighttime num-nums? Hachi-machi! Joe leaves the room to welcome in a very special, very stinky guest? Who dat?
U GOTTA LISTEN BABY!
2018-08-30 14:57:57 +0000 UTC View Post
Well, I've managed to tear myself away from Chain Chomp fanfic to edit and post this weeks episode.
This week, Matt reprises an old feature that was lost in the great IGN "what the hell happened there" incident of some months ago, when computers mangled our voices into something so incomprehensible and unpleasant to listen to that we couldn't bring ourselves to put it out.
Which if you listen to this episode should give you some idea of how bad it was! Haha! No shut ...
2018-08-23 16:05:40 +0000 UTC View Post
Joe and Gav dig through old documentation, Steve gets blind drunk and goes to watch a musical, and Log brings the ship into port with journalists on the hunt for tea.
THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT, LOVES
HENCHMAN 1: It is boring here guarding the Bad Base.
HENCHMAN 2: I listen to podcasts to pass the time.
HENCHMAN 1: Oh, like what?
HENCHMAN 2: Like Regular Features of course! It is the podcast of choice for the discerning goon.
HENCHMAN 1: Wow, what's on it this week?
HENCHMAN 2: Well, Steve went to see a child's movie and was upset, Joe was nearly besmirched for a joke, and Gav tried to inculcate Steve into joining a WhatsApp group about his and his frien...
2018-08-10 14:03:12 +0000 UTC View Post
You Patreon people are our favourite in the whole world. Thanks for supporting us, we couldn't do this without you.
This week Log & Joe blow Gav's mind with a revelation about pedestrian crossings. I know that sounds shit but it genuinely isn't.
2018-08-02 14:05:35 +0000 UTC View Post
This week's podcast hears Log, Gav, and Matt slowly melt into the carpet in an especially nostalgia-ridden ramble of an episode. Gavin has a bicycle dilemma, Matt has been Journalism'd, and Log channels the powers of another podcast to hurl shit at three men who royally deserve it. Have a GOOD WEEK, we LIKE YOU
2018-07-26 19:25:49 +0000 UTC View Post- Pulled Pork
- Yanked Pork
- Fucked Pork
- Baconed Alaska
- Surf and TERF
- The Heart Attack
- The Early-Onset Dementia
- The Excised Cataract
- Tricky Dicky’s Sack of Crap
- Chapter 1, Verse 5, Saint Paul’s Letter to the Gherkins
- Bridge Over Troubled Warthog
- Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Potatoes
- Back, Sack ‘n’ Cracked Black Peppercorns
- My Neck, My Back, Lick My Pussy, Eat Some Guac
- Little Beefy Num...
2018-07-19 15:38:08 +0000 UTC View Post
In a coincidence we are describing as "nice", this show's full of ghosts, psychics and troublingly sexy robots. Oh boy, Gav, Log and Steve have got spookies coming out of their collective arses and they're going to pour them down your ears once you click play.
SPONSORSHIP FOR THIS EPISODE KINDLY PROVIDED BY HERBIS JON-BRANTHAM.
2018-07-19 11:23:27 +0000 UTC View Post
Dear Patreonales, this one is dedicated to YOU.
Hoik up your mother's britches and sidle on up to the latest episode of the good old audio business we call the Regular Features podcast, in which the following things occurred. Steve imagines what the film Skyscraper starring Johnson Rock might be like. Joe becomes infatuated mind-wise with a Plane Bae. And Log prepares for the episode 300 celebration that never was.
We hope you like this one.
Stay safe.
2018-07-12 22:26:23 +0000 UTC View Post
It's the latest sound sensation for the noise-eyes on the side of your head! And boy oh boy have we got a creamy dreamy punnet of skank for those bad chaps!
That's what I'd say if I had a single ounce of self-confidence. Instead, I'll just sit here and mewl, hoping that one of you will come over and pat me. Then I will bite you because your hand came in unexpectedly from too high, and I perceived you as a threat.
I hope at some point after this we will become firm friends, and sing the s...
2018-07-05 17:15:48 +0000 UTC View Post
Normally, we'd use this description to call you all a bunch of shites or something, but Gav met a man called Robin who's put us all on best behaviour.
Robin if you're reading we're so sorry please love us Robin
2018-06-28 12:09:11 +0000 UTC View Post
Hello there BEST readers. It's us, the Regular Features boys, with another hot hot episode of juice. x
Who wears jort jorts? We wear jort jorts, though our jort jorts have almost no bearing at all on the content of this episode of Regular Features, in which Log introduces the Toon Blast community to the squirtin' philosophy, and Matt takes us all on a whistlestop tour of Amsterdahamsterdams.
As always, we love you, and stay safe please. You're the only readers we've got.
2018-06-14 12:04:59 +0000 UTC View Post
Welcome to the live show sandwich. The bread is audience applause at the start and end, the ham is Log doing a sexy summer panto, the cheese is Gav making miners angry, the lettuce is Joe talking about a man he met in a hut, and Steve's dirty, mucky Westworld parody is that little stick with an olive. EAT IT, YOU DOGS.
2018-06-07 14:17:33 +0000 UTC View PostHave you seen the original Blade Runner? No? Oh, you're scuttered, pal, sorry.
Come watch us live at the Canal Cafe Theatre on June 4th! It's well cheap and we're fun guys to spend a maximum of one to one-and-a-half hours with: https://canalcafetheatre.com/event?EventId=33507
2018-05-31 18:02:47 +0000 UTC View Post
Come for the great features, stay for the top ladbants between Gav, Log and Steve, leave after it gets a bit awkward right at the end.
But COME BACK for our June 4th live show at the Canal Cafe Theatre in London London London: canalcafetheatre.com/event?EventId=33507
2018-05-24 16:32:58 +0000 UTC View Post
Heyup! Here's the latest episode, and over the course of the next few days I'll be posting some Patreon-only bonus overmatter. I originally wrote three bedtime stories, see - but ten minutes of going to sleep feature seemed enough in the end.
Have a great day, you fantastic jizz whippets
2018-05-17 16:35:48 +0000 UTC View PostHello. I’m the Journalism Horse, and the telling of my encounter with Nelson Mandela's wife, whatever her name is, in Episode 291 enraged every hair in my flowing investigative mane. In addition, I blew heavily from my nostrils and mouth at the missed opportunity to rhyme “Truth Paddock” with “Ruth Madoc”. I am a huge fan of Ruth, and will take any opportunity to boost her profile, whatever the context. Whenever I am in Nottingham, and someone says “Ayup, me duck”, I look around th...
2018-05-14 12:54:47 +0000 UTC View Post
We love you, Patreon people!
You are the best things in our lives because your support literally helps us live. If you ever stopped supporting us...well, it wouldn't be good...let's put it like that.
It's the bank holiday and Matt, Joe n Gav are three chilled out boys with something (features) on their mind.
Come see us live:
canalcafetheatre.com/eve...
Hang your chads down your dads if it ain't another episode of Regular Features!!
2018-05-03 21:04:12 +0000 UTC View Post
Steve, Matt and Log talk the Journalism Horse, Amelie's Fish-Babe, and much more besides. Mostly the latter.
2018-04-27 00:49:09 +0000 UTC View Post
On this week's show, can YOU tell the difference between Neil Morrissey and just plain old dickhead Morrissey? What kind of God of War are YOU? And do YOU want to hear all about Steve's summer outfit? We sure hope so...
We love YOU Patreon people. Thanks for all you support and for keeping us going xxx
2018-04-20 07:28:18 +0000 UTC View Post
SOMEONE forgot to put this on the Patreon last week but shhhhhh, it'll be our little secret xoxo
This week's show was recorded LIVE at the Canal Cafe Theatre.
Every month we get drunk and do some nonsense on stage and then meet up with YOU lovely people afterwards. It's a fun time.
Matt reads from The Bible, Steve takes us to the land of Peaky Blinders, Joe recalls a famous 1990s song, all while Log oversees from SPACE.
2018-04-06 15:38:00 +0000 UTC View Post
THESE GUYS MADE IT... a podcast that is! Hahaha, anyway, please come and watch us live on April 9th: canalcafetheatre.com/event?EventId=33507
2018-03-29 23:37:12 +0000 UTC View Post
Hey Patreon babes. It's us. The podcast.
In this episode, Steve questions whether the Queer Eye Fab 5 will ever escape their purgatory hellscape, Joe peruses a jaggedy raggedy jazz mag, and Log gets down to pranktown... old-school style.
Love you!
2018-03-22 23:10:16 +0000 UTC View Post
Hello, I am Kevin McCallister from the movie Home Alone. I grew up and am currently an unemployed surveyor. In my spare time I like to listen to podcasts about rats, Oakie Doke, the Tomb Raider's Monzo card and why Gav is a burglar in waiting. That is why I endorse Regular Features.
2018-03-15 19:22:43 +0000 UTC View Post
FUCKIN BEN KINGSLEY ON A CHEESE, LOOK AT THAT MAM. LOOK AT THE STATE OF THAT. MAGIC
2018-03-08 20:46:25 +0000 UTC View Post
The boys are trapped! The snow has absolutely done them in but we've got emergency tape broadcasts from all of them(except Joe, who is dead)
Support us on Patreon:
www.patreon.com/regularfeatures
Next Live Show April 9th:
canalcafetheatre.com/event?EventId=...
Here, Gav was very kind to put this episode of horrible Valentine's stories together, but he went and forgot to publish it on Patreon where it belongs. I hope you don't mind if we slip it in a little late, like a tardy little tooter.
It's episode 281, and it's filled to Asha's brim with your worst and saddest Valentine's stories. I read a few out (it's me Steve, hey), and it pained me to leave so many excellent stories behind. So here are all of the responses we didn't have a chance to read. I...
2018-02-28 11:00:12 +0000 UTC View Post