regularfeatures

335: I Begum Your Pardon??

Joe wants to jump headlong with his long old head into the world of podcast-TV adaptation. Steve has something extremely erudite to say about the Shamima Begum affair. Log's thinking about shagging again.

334: Bumbrella Fitzgerald's Pikachu Dick

Log's watched a TV show, Joe's examined a trailer, and Steve's seen a film, and they're ALL drinking whiskey out of a little glass submarine. That's right, it's time for another craaaaazy episode of Film 2019 with us, The Claudia Winklemens.

333: Fist World Problems

Guess what Patreons, it's us again with another episode of the ReguFeach podaroo. 

Log introduces us to the strange and wonderful land of Fist World. Steve introduces us to the new political party of Westminster. And Joe introduces his ears to the incredible sounds of the London underground. 

332: The Slutty Chessmaster's Zombie News

Thanks so much for supporting this naughty filth and making sure that Regular Features keeps going no matter what. You are the best. 

This week Gav brings you the news as per usual and Steve remembers an old cheat code which caused an old man to get his nips out.

RF xoxo

331: Celery Business

Howdy there Patrons <3

Nothing in this world is certain except Dale Winton coming at you with some celery, demanding you feed it to him, and then slapping it out of your hand and turning away coquettishly when you try to. And taxes.

In this episode you get both. Matt shares his Brexmageddon bunker shopping list. Log dreams about business. Steve offers encouraging commentary.

330: Microfeatures - The Return

Somehow, despite being down to fewer members than normal, we wrote twice as many the number of average features? Somebody get onto Einstein because this is some bad math!! Anyway Joe and Steve were here and Log helped loads from far away. 

329: Duke of Slime Towels

Hey there proud patrons. In this episode, Steve tells the true story of Prince Philip's big nasty car flip, Matt steals a towel and Joe has problems with slime towns. Yes, the audio quality is garbageholes, but we had to make do. We made so much do, that it went everywhere. Sorry. 

328: Scorpion's Fart Secrets

 Hi, I'm J0n0th0n, the Regular Features webmaster. This week, Steve, Joe and Log compared farts, became Mortal Kombat characters and were graced with the return of a shy friend. Don't forget that I'm always here too, the webmaster, making sure the http has an S on the end and setting up the email Daemon. Don't you want to know what I did this week? Of course you don't. Pity poor J0n0th0n. 

327: Hungry Like the Drone

Everyone's banging on about that Bandersnatch so we've got TWO Choose Your Own Adventures this week that are much better cause they're not about games because we're cool dudes not nerds.

Thanks so much for all your support on Patreon. You guys are the best and we don't care what everyone else says about you <3 

Here's a picture of the spriggan from the Parkland Walk

I said it's half-ghost, half-man. Of course I meant half-GOAT, half-ghost, half-man.

326: A Very Furry Ramble

Hello you beautiful Patreon people! 

Who likes accompanying good boys on strolls? I hope the answer is you because that is exactly what this podcast is.

Thanks so much for your continuing support, I know we say it a LOT but if wasn't for you then this podcast couldn't exist. 

You are all lovely. 

325: Forgot a Crimble Tingle

Hello Patronellas, it's us, the Regular Features people, and we've got another episode of the podcast what we done for you out of our mouth holes. Log has got a series of reasons why he's not done a feature, Matt finally snaps and goes mad racist, and Steve channels the ghost of crambles past.

Happy new year all of you. We genuinely love you.

324: Some Lad Wrote a Scripto

Log found a Christmas script in his pub and wouldn't you know it we decided to perform the whole thing. It's insane that we're not making this up. 

Thanks, as usual, to you sweet Patreon people. We honestly couldn't infringe copyright without you.

323: Brassica? I Hardly Knew Her!

This week's podcast may or not be getting beamed into your drug addled brain from the future.
It features Steve, Matt and Joe.
What more do you want?

Thanks for your continued support, you beautiful people. <3 

322: My Dead Granny's an Anime Sex Doll

Hello there beautiful Patreon people! 

Here's this week's episode which would never exist if it wasn't for all you amazing girls n guys. Thanks for all your continued support <3 

321: Space Cat's Angry Pasta Adventure

Thanks lovely Patreon people for continuing to support what we do and making sure all these shenanigans keep going. 

In this week's podcast, Matt and Steve take you on a journey to space and back to Italy. How can just two men seamlessly transition from one to the other? Well, you'll just have to listen to this mother, won't you?

320: Copyrighted Music for Gas Clouds

WHOA THERE GIRLY GIRL, where do you think you're going dressed like that? To the 19th Century salon to listen to discourse from the most active minds of our time? Well yes, I did forget that this podcast description is a period piece. Anyway, who will be in attendance, and what will the be discussing?

- Matt's depressed, but it's OK because he got some drugs that make his bits stop working.
- Joe's accidentally stolen music and makes amends while still peddling a get-rich-quick scheme.
-...

Patreon Exclusive Feature

Is this the first one of these we've ever done?! Pretty sure it is. 

If you could please tweet stuff like "OH WOW, that Regular Features Patreon Exclusive Feature is the best and filthiest thing they've ever done. I sure am glad that I am a Patron of theirs and have therefore heard it" that would be lovely. 

Enjoy xxx 

319: Kojima's Space Song feat. Regular Features

We've got a bit of a Frankenstein podcast this week as Joe n Gav send in bits of a podcast to add on to Steve and Log lovely chat.

Thanks so much for continuing to support our nonsense. <3 

318: Spooky Tales From The Big Tit Room

Hello Patreon people! I know it goes without saying but we're unbelievably grateful for all your support. We couldn't do this show without you. 

On this week's podcast which YOU helped make: 

Steve & Gav go to TWO different video games studios (not in the same night, we're not CRAZEEEEE) and Log is here to predict the outcome of the mid-term elections which have already happened.

317: One Last Spooky

Howdy Patreons. Get this.

All hallows we'en may have already passed, but that means it's technically behind us now, which is the spookiest place something can be. So permit us one last spooky feature, performed by Steve, and one last spooky error, performed by Matt when he deleted half the episode. Sorry about that.

It's Regular Features baby. Got it?

316: Blind Fieri's Food Riddle

 *CLANK CLANK CLANK* That's the sound of the ol' Feature machine cranking into life. *GONK GONK GONK* Look! It's producing features at a rate of knots! *FART* It's Steve's food riddles! *FART* Log's gone deaf and thinks he's a superboy! *FART* Joe feels sorry for a chef! *FRRRRRRK* Oh Christ, another zero-hour contractor fell in the workings. *GAAAAAAAAAA* oh my gOD RUN YOU IDIOTS RUN 

315: Halloween in Hungary

Hey there Patreon friends.

In this prematurely spooktastic episode of the Regular Features podcast, Steve does a double haunting ghostwise, and Joe and Gav realise they have finally made it... *record scratch*... in HUNGARY?

314: Matt's Modjo Moon

Look, we're just going to cop to it. We can't control Matt, but we also won't pretend that we haven't enabled him in the past. We're sorry for what happened. Just know that you're safe now, because he's behind strong Canadian bars.

Anyway, now that's out of the way, Joe's got some YouTube comments he can't believe, and Steve's been doing some pretty thorough research about the ACTUAL MOON. Gav has his phone on.

313: Barry Manilow's Safari Brews

On this week's podcast, Steve brings us a a report from the frontline of a Barry Manilow gig and we're happy to tell you that the ol' Mandy lover's still got it.  

We've also got Log smuggling in a bit of advertorial as a feature like two Muppets running into a grot film. 

Gav is also on the podcast. 

We really enjoyed making this podcast and thank you for supporting us as we would've jacked it all in a LONG time ago were it not for you gals n guys xx 

312: Probe My Hamster Baby

Hey there, you glorious shower of Patreonistas.

In THIS one... Matt probes his way around the galaxy. Log shares his tips on how to utterly thrill a baby. And Steve draws back the curtain on the secret life of the Supervet. It's an episode Regular Features, your honour, and our legal counsel has advised us to say no more on the matter.

311: Eat My Personal Squash

Hey there patrons, paychorinos, paperboys, p-dawgs, how is it going? We done another pod for you, and you made it happen with your help.

Wrap your earholes around this one, if you like. If you don't, just leave it on the table and I'm sure somebody else will want it. In this episode Joe lets you live out the squash career you never had. Steve reviews a restaurant that never was. And Log offers you the love you never deserved. 

310: The Amazing Spiders-Men

Howdy there you glorious little patreon you. You good grape. You fantastic egg. You joy of joys. Here's the new episode.

In a podcast first, Steve's got a Spider-Man feature, and Log's got a Spider-Man feature, but thank Matt for his insulating layer of non-Spider-Man related whimsy about the videogames industry's darkest secrets to prevent a Regular Features implosion. 

You Are Spider-Man...

Hello, it's me, your friendly neighbourhood Steve. In episode 308 of the podcast I presented my regular feature, entitled "You Are Spider-Man. Can You Eat The Moth That Has Become Trapped Inside Your Lampshade?"

As a special bonus treat, here is that feature in full, so that you can see how YOU would fare if you were Spider-Man, and wanted to eat the thing. There are even bits in here that I didn't read out in the episode, so it's a Genuine Patreon Exclusive. Just For YOU.

And now it's t...

309: Reserve 301 Cockneys For One Dollar

It can only be episode 309 of Regular Features, and you know what that means: more tip-top audio content from the boys what love ya.

Joe has been properly researching how to show someone a good time without spending any money, except on spaghetti and string. Steve had a argument with a lady so fierce that a pizza shop burned down, and Log introduces a Cockney-off that promises to completely gentrify Mile End. Cram your buds in your lugs and bang your knees together in unfettered glee!